


Right By Your Side

by mezziedemo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Blurring of Professional Lines, Damaged Louis, M/M, Panic Attacks, Rimming, Therapist/Patient relationship, therapist harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 16:15:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 154,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3388160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mezziedemo/pseuds/mezziedemo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marine Biologist Harry Styles works at SeaWorld Australia and conducts dolphin therapy sessions for people suffering trauma or fear of water.  He loves his job and his life in Australia, but it all gets turned upside down when a beautiful blue eyed boy from the UK is sent down under for therapy after a near drowning incident.<br/>Louis Tomlinson dived into the river to save his sister without a second thought to his own safety.  When he almost drowned trying to save her, the after effects are severe.  After a particularly bad panic attack, he is referred to a program in Australia, where he finds himself in the care of the prettiest boy he's ever seen.<br/>Can they maintain the professional boundaries required to get Louis well again, or will their desire for each other be too hard to fight?<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Changes

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! The idea for this story was sent to me by the beautiful Sassy_Boo_Bear, who very kindly agreed to be my Beta, so all credit to her for being the inspiration for this fic and the loveliest Beta ever and so much fun to chat to! Thank you lovely lady :)
> 
> Warning: This fic contains a relationship between therapist and patient and although we have endeavoured to handle it sensitively, there is no getting around the fact that it happens - so please be warned if that is a sensitive issue for you!
> 
> Disclaimer: I am aware that Dolphin Therapy in Australia is mostly used for the Autistic and Mentally Disabled, but we have used it differently for this story. I am not familiar with, nor do I claim any knowledge of, the therapy or how it is conducted - this is fiction, so just go with it!! I have tried to make it as realistic as possible. In addition, all the usual disclaimers apply - don't steal this or reproduce it anywhere without my express permission. Any pictures featured here are not owned by me and I give full credit to the owners(s).
> 
> Thank you & Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

_“Cause this is the day that everything changes_

_And the world stops turning…”_

_Missy Higgins_

 

 

Louis stood back and looked at the slightly lopsided tent to survey their handiwork. He had just finished helping Stan and Zayn erect the tent and it looked pretty good, if a little uneven.

Actually, “helped” might be too strong a word to describe his contribution to the process, truth be told. He was more like a foreman – the one who orders the others around and oversees the actual work, but contributes very little of the physical effort.

“Not bad lads – looks sturdy enough to contain us” he grinned.

“Yeah, only it seems to get smaller every year” Zayn frowned, tilting his head to the side and wondering how they were all going to squeeze into it. “Are we even going to fit this year?”

Stan laughed. “Don’t worry Z – you and I may have grown, but Lou here is still pocket sized, so I think it’ll do us one more year, yeah?” He let out an “oomph” as he hit the ground, Louis tackling him hard.

“I may be compact” Louis told him smugly “but I can still kick your arse Lucas!”

“Owwww” Stan groaned. “I think you broke my spine!”

Louis just chuckled, standing over him after he’d got to his feet and Stan still lay on the ground, pointing a finger and saying “think twice before you call me pocket sized again you twat!” Then he held out a hand and pulled Stan to his feet, both of them smiling.

The three of them shared this same tent every year – even as they grew bigger and the tent seemed to shrink around them. This camping trip was an annual event for their families, who had been friends since the boys were little, and they all looked forward to it each year – continuing to come despite being in their early twenties. Twenty three to be exact, which horrified Louis, because, _when did that happen_? All three of them were very close to their families and loved this chance to spend some quality time together.

The spot they now camped was one they’d stumbled upon by accident years ago while searching for a different camping ground altogether. When they’d pulled up next to the pretty clearing, with soft green grass and a flowing river, they’d immediately fallen in love with it and had claimed it, returning every year in the summer for five blissful days.

The tents were all set in a semicircle around the campfire pit on the riverbank – except for the one that was currently lying on the ground in a heap. Louis shook his head, smiling fondly as he walked over to where Lottie and Fizzy were arguing over the logistics of putting their tent up. Jay was calling out directions as she blew up mattresses for her, Dan, Daisy and Phoebe, who were in the next tent along – a slightly bigger one than the others. Trish and her girls were the next tent along and Bev and Rod Lucas were on the far end.

“Need any help girls?” Louis teased as he cocked an eyebrow at the current mess of ropes and canvas lying on the ground. When they both started talking at once, arguing commencing again, he just laughed and called out to Stan and Zayn to help him get the tent up. They took over and had it up in no time.

“Thanks lads” Lottie smiled.

“Yeah thanks” added Fizzy.

“No problem monsters!” Louis grinned, pulling Fizzy into a soft headlock as she screamed and struggled. He let her go and poked her in the side. “You’re on your own with blowing up the air mattresses though!” he called over his shoulder as he and the boys headed over to the clearing to play football.

The game expanded as the girls all joined in one by one – it also became less physical, much to Louis’ disappointment.

“Why couldn’t any of us have had brothers? We are ridiculously outnumbered by females!” he complained.

Despite his bellyaching, he loved every minute of the game, teasing his sisters with his ball skills and letting Phoebe and Daisy get past him to score on purpose, just to see their grins. They even got a bit cocky and started teasing him, which he found beyond adorable and he just threw back his head and laughed. All in all, it was an afternoon well spent before they started to feel the chill of the evening air and all slipped into track pants and hoodies and set out some chairs around the fire pit, ready to make their evening fire.

When Louis emerged from their tent, slipping on an old green hoodie that had seen too many camping trips to mention, he wandered toward the group of people currently discussing how to set the logs for a fire.

“Step aside people!” Louis bellowed as he barged through to the centre of the group. “No need to stress about this, I’ve got it sorted – like always, we’ll do it the Tommo way!”

Zayn rolled his eyes and Stan laughed. “The Tommo way usually ends in disaster mate!”

Louis gave them a mock lock of indignation. “How very rude! And I’ll have you know that setting Zayn’s jacket on fire was an accident – _and_ I still maintain he was to blame and really, that was years ago, so let’s move on and get over it, shall we?” There was a collective groan as Louis, once again, denied responsibility for setting Zayn on fire, when it was very much his fault.

He looked down at the haphazard pile of logs and frowned. “Well, we have a problem here already – or a start, you kids only have large logs here. We need smaller logs and some sticks for kindling. Better go for a walk and collect some smaller stuff or we’ll never get a fire started.”

“Can we come too?” asked Daisy.

Louis reached out and ruffled her hair, smiling fondly. “Of course bug. Let’s go!”

He took Daisy’s hand in his and Phoebe grabbed his other one. As they wandered around, collecting up small sticks for kindling, he chatted to his youngest siblings, asking them questions about anything and everything and simply relishing the chance to connect with them. His life was incredibly busy these days, being his first year out of Uni and teaching Drama to high school students. It was nice to have some quiet time to really chat with these two rascals in a way he rarely had time for at home with its loud chaos and busy schedules. It was one of the things he loved most about this camping trip each year.

Phoebe was the more boisterous of the two, talking almost non-stop and never being still – she reminded him of himself. Daisy was quieter, more reserved and the one he felt closest to – the one who brought out his protective instincts, as she had always seemed more vulnerable. She gravitated to Louis as well, always hanging around, looking for his attention, but not demanding it. They shared a special affection, although he loved all his sisters very much.

“Why did you become a teacher Lou?” asked Phoebe out of the blue.

“Well” he answered thoughtfully “because teaching kids makes me happy. I enjoy it.”

“Mrs Robertson is our teacher” Daisy told him, frown between her little blue eyes “but she doesn’t seem very happy to me. I don’t think she enjoys it at all.”

Louis chuckled. “Well, I guess it’s not for everyone” he answered.

“I think you’d be a good teacher” Daisy smiled softly up at him, two front teeth currently missing, and Louis felt his heart swell.

“Thank you darling” he grinned down at her.

“I wish you were our teacher!” added Phoebe. “Then we would never have to do our homework!”

“Hey!” Louis protested “what makes you think you’d get away with that?”

Phoebe giggled. “Because, Lou, you can never stay mad at us for long! And besides, when do we _ever_ do what you tell us?” she grinned at him.

“Cheeky monkey!” Louis laughed. “I’m glad I’m not your teacher then, you terrors! I’d have to give you detention every day – and your report cards? Atrocious!”

They giggled delightedly and Louis basked in the sound, letting it wash over him. He loved more than anything to hear that sound, to know they are happy. His family was so special to him.

When they’d gathered enough small sticks, they made their way back to the fire pit and Louis, Stan and Zayn proceeded to build a fire stack, putting paper in the middle, then smaller kindling and finally, larger logs. Jay, Dan, Trish, Bev and Rod were watching as they chatted and prepared the BBQ dinner.

After dinner they all sat around the fire and Stan pulled out his guitar, while Louis sang silly songs to entertain the kids, as well as some favourite requests. They toasted marshmallows on the end of long sticks and ate till they were stuffed. When the younger ones went off to bed, Louis, Stan and Zayn grabbed some beers and sat around the dying fire talking nonsense and reminiscing about previous camping trips. When the fire finally died out, they dragged themselves off to bed, squeezing into the tiny space of their tent and curling around each other, laughing at the absurd lack of room.

As they drifted off to sleep, Louis thought happily how much he loved camping.

 

***

 

He hated camping.

He was lying inside his sleeping bag, toasty warm and trying to ignore the fact that his bladder was going to burst, because he really _, really_ wasn’t going outside for a piss when it was barely sunrise. He was also studiously ignoring the fact that Zayn’s hair kept tickling his nose and Stan had a knee in his back. The fact that his airbed had softened to a semi-inflated tragedy during the night was best left unacknowledged also.

Going back to sleep, however, became a complete impossibility when a bird started squawking, just outside their tent, like it was taunting them. Louis could just picture that smug son of a bitch sitting up in a branch above them, singing its little heart out and just laughing to itself.

He wanted to kill that bird.

“Th’fuck is that fucking noise?” slurred Zayn from beside him as he stirred. “What the fuck kind of demon bird makes a sound like that?”

“Apparently the one just outside our tent” Louis whined. “The one I’m going to put out of its misery if it doesn’t shut up!” he added.

“I’ll put you out of your misery if you don’t shut up Lou” grouched Stan.

Zayn let out a low groan. “Great! Now I’m awake! And you lads know how much I hate waking up! I fucking hate camping!”

“You love camping” Louis replied blandly.

Zayn sighed. “Not at...” he looked at his phone and moaned “five in the fucking morning I don’t!”

“Just go back to sleep!” Stan whined.

“I can’t now!” Louis replied, groaning. “I have to bloody pee, don’t I?”

So that was how the three of them found themselves sitting down at the riverbank drinking steaming mugs of tea and watching the sun rise at the arse crack of dawn.

 

The day was warm and perfect for swimming. There was very little current and the water was still as they swung off the rope swing into the water, floating around and laughing.

Zayn wasn’t a great swimmer, but liked to paddle in the shallows. As he watched Zayn wade around, chatting to Daisy and Phoebe at the water’s edge, Louis, not for the first time, took a moment to appreciate how beautiful Zayn was. He really was a masterpiece of aesthetic perfection.

Louis often wondered why he hadn’t fallen in love with Zayn. He loved him, of course – they were best mates. But he’d never felt sexually attracted to him, despite the fact that he could _absolutely_ appreciate how beautiful he was. They were both gay, got on better than most couples, and knew each other inside out. You’d think they’d be perfect for each other, but apparently it wasn’t in the stars for them. He’d asked Zayn about it once, and Zayn had told him that it didn’t matter how good he was in bed, it would still always feel like he was shagging his brother and that would be too weird.

 _What a shame_ , thought Louis. _He’d be a way better boyfriend than any of the douchebags I’ve dated recently._

Dan and Rod threw a fishing line in off the weir a bit further down and Trish, Jay and Bev sat in camping chairs, watching the kids swim. It was peaceful and idyllic and Louis loved the feel of the cool, refreshing water surrounding him. Afterward, they lay on the bank, soaking in the sun’s warmth and letting it seep into their bones. Louis couldn’t have asked for a more delightful day.

 

***  

 

“Harry, watch this!” Niall called out as Harry was emptying some fresh fish into a bucket in the Sea Lion enclosure. He looked over and watched as Niall lay on his back and put his arms and legs in the air. Almost immediately, Bart, the oldest resident sea lion and Niall’s constant companion, lay down and put his tail and flipper in the air, mimicking Niall’s movements.

Harry grinned as Niall cackled with glee, jumping up and throwing Bart a fish, which he caught with a grunt. Niall then stripped off his SeaWorld Shirt, leaving only his wetsuit, and jumped into the water, Bart following close behind and Harry just shook his head fondly. Those two were so cute – and Harry would swear that Bart was a human trapped in a sea lion’s body sometimes, the way they interacted.

When Niall hopped out, he wandered over to Harry, big grin on his face. “Taught him that just this morning!” he chuckled, grabbing the bucket of fish. “Thanks for bringing this over, saves me hauling it from the feed rooms.”

Bart came waddling over, the smell of fish drawing him.

“Oh no, you greedy thing!” Niall told him, waving him off. “You just had some fish – don’t be a guts!” Bart let out a disgruntled huff, nosing against Niall and pushing him off balance. “I said no Bart, now go and have a swim – or better yet, go play with the ladies” he pointed to the two smaller female sea lions lazing on the rock on the other side of the enclosure “I’m telling you mate, Nala’s up for it – and she’s looking pretty hot today!”

Bart snorted at him and waddled away, diving back into the water.

“It’s a bit scary that he seems to understand what you’re saying to him” Harry told Niall.

Niall shrugged. “We’re mates” he answered, like that made any sense at all.

“I was on my way to stock up at the Dolphin Pools” Harry pointed to the collection of pools behind them. “I’d better keep moving – Candy gets stroppy if she doesn’t get her morning cuddle and a bit of fish!” He bid Niall farewell and wandered down to the pools, bucket in each hand.

He was walking along the boardwalk beside the pool, when Candy swam up and sped past him, sticking out a fin and spraying him with water.

He grinned. “You cheeky shit, Candy! No fish for you, then” he teased.

Candy came up beside him as he emptied the fish into the cooler beside the pool and squeaked out a greeting.

He felt the familiar thrill rush through his veins that he always got when she interacted with him. He had been at SeaWorld for the last four years and had grown to love these animals so much. He had moved to Australia and started as an intern at eighteen, around the same time as Niall, while he was studying Marine Biology at Queensland University and had worked under the head trainer, Ian, for most of that time. Niall had come over from Ireland to study the same course and had started at SeaWorld roughly the same time as Harry. They bonded instantly, forming a strong friendship that Harry knows will be for life. They moved into a share house with Liam, another British boy, who was working as a manager at the Hotel Versace, a very exclusive Gold Coast Hotel. Liam was one of the youngest Hotel Managers in the region and deservedly so, in Harry’s opinion. They’d met through a mutual friend and all hit it off straight away. Liam was the friend Harry talked to about everything and went to for advice. Niall was always fun, immensely caring and completely loveable, but Liam gave the best advice and a more sensible perspective.

Harry now worked with the Dolphins full time and had even started helping Ian run the Dolphin Therapy Sessions. He worked with kids and Ian worked with the adults and Harry loved it. He’d taken extra classes for the last two years so he could become qualified after watching Ian and falling in love with the idea of helping people – especially kids. It was his favourite part of the job by far.

He sat on the edge of the pool and dangled his legs in the water, Candy swimming past and nudging his legs as he smiled and tossed her fish pieces. Eventually he stood and quickly pulling on his wetsuit, dived into the water alongside her. When he came up for air, she swam up and he grabbed her fin, making a hand gesture and holding on as she flew around the pool, taking Harry for a ride. When he let go, laughing, she sped past again, nudging him as she went.

“Harry!” called a small voice and Harry grinned as he turned to see his favourite therapy patient, Lux, standing and waiting for him, pudgy little hand waving in the air. He waved back wildly, swimming over to the edge and hopping out to greet her with a hug and speaking with her Mum, Lou.

She’d had an incredible fear of water when her parents started her on the program, but she’d come such a long way and now let Harry hold her in the water so she could pat Candy. Harry was so proud of her.

Lou went to take a seat while Harry helped Lux into her life vest, chatting easily as she bounced excitedly.

“Can I pat Candy today?” she asked, vibrating with anticipation.

“You sure can” Harry replied with a grin “she’s been waiting to see you!”

Lux clapped her little hands and Harry chuckled, taking her hand and walking over to the shallow end of the pool. While it was chest deep for Harry, it was still too deep for kids to stand. There was a step just off the edge that connected to a shallow platform, so it didn’t drop straight into deep water, and Lux sat herself on the step, the water to her waist, and placed her feet on the platform, just as she’d learned to do. Harry blew his small whistle and Candy appeared at his side. He fed her a fish and told her to roll over, patting her tummy. Lux squealed delightedly.

“Can I do that Harry? Please?” she asked.

“Of Course!” Harry replied, walking over to the platform’s edge, which was about his waist height. “Now stand up from the step and walk to me here” he commanded. It was only about a metre and Harry wanted her to walk it by herself. She stood up tentatively and let out a small whimper as she looked at the space between them. Harry held out his arms, smiling at her and murmuring encouragement.

“You can do it baby” he said softly as she walked slowly over to him, throwing herself into his arms when she got closer. He held her tightly, so she felt secure, praising her bravery. She wound her arms around his neck and he walked backward in the water, signalling Candy to present herself for a pat, which she did.

As they stroked her belly, Lux giggled and Harry’s heart flip flopped. He would never tire of these little joy filled moments.

When Candy rolled over and sped off, Harry asked Lux “while we’re here, how about we walk around a bit in the deeper water – you can hold on to me really tight and I’ll just go a tiny bit deeper. Candy can swim beside us. What do you say, shall we show her how brave you are?”

Lux squeezed Harry tighter and her face clouded over, but she didn’t object, so he slowly waded a little deeper, just a few inches, so the water lapped around her waist. He kept signalling Candy to swim beside them, keeping Lux distracted. Once they were wading in the deeper water, Harry praised Lux in a soothing voice and felt the tension start to drain from her body.

“Look at you big girl!” he cooed. “You’re wading about in the water, just like Candy. Are you sure you’re not a mermaid?”

Lux giggled. “No Harry! Silly! I’m just a girl!”

Harry grinned. “So you are, and you are doing so great baby girl!”

When he placed her back on the platform, he kept hold of her waist.

“Would you like Candy to play a game with us?” he asked.

Lux nodded excitedly, so Harry signalled for Candy to come over.

“Now” he said slowly and carefully. “Candy is gonna splash us and we’re gonna splash her back. We may get our hair a little wet, but it’s a fun game. Would you like to play?”

Harry knew Lux still didn’t like getting her face or hair wet, but he wanted to start pushing her a little more. He watched her face as she waged the war between wanting so badly to play, but being afraid of getting her face or hair wet. He let her have the space to think it over, petting Candy and feeding her small pieces of fish. He didn’t want to pressure her, but he was tense, hoping for a yes.

When she said in a small voice “I want to play Harry”, he thought he’d burst. He grinned at her and she smiled tentatively back at him, throwing her arms around his neck once more. He sat up on the edge of the platform and sat her on his lap, then signalled Candy to swim past and splash them.

As Candy sped past them and flicked up her fin, a spray of water flicked up to soak them, head, hair, faces and all. As the water hit, Harry held Lux securely, assuring her she was safe, and let out a chuckle. He felt her sharp intake of breath as the water soaked her, and felt her pulse quicken, but she didn’t cry, just gasped and took several gulping breaths as she adjusted to the feeling.

“Well done sweetie!” Harry cooed. “Now it’s our turn to splash Candy – are you ready?”

This seemed to distract her enough to look up at him and nod, a small smile curving her lips. Harry signalled for Candy to come and present in front of them. She squeaked out a noise at them as she bobbed in the water just a metre or so away. Harry grabbed Lux’s hand and helped her run it through the water.

“Here we go!” he exclaimed as they threw a small amount of water at Candy, and then he signalled her to retreat, so she sped away.

Lux squealed and clapped her hands, her wet hair and face forgotten and Harry laughed as he placed a kiss on her hair, feeling like a proud parent.

When they were out of the water, Lou walked over and hugged Harry, a tear in her eye as she whispered “she got her face wet!”

Harry nodded, a lump forming in his throat. He turned to Lux, taking off her life vest and holding her hand as they walked over to the staff hut, going to the fridge for their usual ice block. While they sat outside in the sun sucking on their ice blocks, Harry said “That was so awesome that you got your hair and face wet today Lux. I think it deserves a special surprise.”

Lux’s face lit up. “A surprise?”

“Mhm” replied Harry. “Wait here.” He walked over to the hut and returned with a small stuffed toy – a dolphin. When he handed it to Lux, she immediately handed off her ice block to her mum and hugged the toy to her chest, grinning up at Harry, making his insides turn to mush.

 _Could she be any more adorable?_ he thought – not for the first time wondering if he’ll ever find someone to have a family with. He loved kids and wanted a gaggle of them – his only problem was finding someone to do that with. He hadn’t had a proper boyfriend yet – he’d wanted to wait for someone special but hadn’t had anyone really make his pulse race.

He was pulled from his reverie by Niall, who joined them holding a small bucket of fish in one hand and with a huge pelican waddling behind him.

“Hello there Luxy!” he called out. “How’s my favourite girl today?”

“Niall!” she cried out “I got my face wet today and Harry gave me this!” She held up the toy for Niall’s inspection. “I’m calling her Candy!”

“Oooh! She’s beautiful!” cooed Niall, giving the toy a gentle pat before handing her back. “Now, I was thinking you might like to help me throw Mr. Peabody here some fish – what do you say?” he gestured at the Pelican behind him, waiting patiently for a feed.

Lux nodded happily. “Yes please!”

Harry watched with a fond smile as Niall crouched down and Lux stood between his legs, throwing fish to the Pelican, who gobbled them up, squawking and flapping his wings. They were both giggling and Lux leaned back into Niall’s chest. When they’d finished, Niall wandered off to check on the Penguins while Harry bid Lux farewell for another week and wandered off to feed the other dolphins.

 

When they walked through the front door that evening, Niall called out “Honey, we’re home!” which Liam answered by calling back “leave your shoes outside the door! They make the whole house smell like fish guts!”

“Yes wifey!” called Harry, he and Niall shedding their shoes and leaving them on the front porch. Liam entered the hallway, his girlfriend Sophia following behind. She greeted both boys, before kissing Liam goodbye as she headed off to the gym. Liam watched her go with a fond smile, before turning to the boys, his nose screwed up.

“I see it’s not just your shoes that smell like fish guts today then?” he remarked.

“Oh it’s not just fish guts” Harry happily replied.

“That’s right” agreed Niall. “I’m pretty sure there are the added aromas of the rotted oysters I had to remove from the rock pool area.”

“Ooooh! And don’t forget the penguin poop you had to clean out of their enclosure” Harry helpfully provided.

“That’s right!” Niall grinned “I knew there was that little something extra today!”

They both cackled as Liam made a disgusted face, saying “I don’t know how you do it – I couldn’t smell that every day and be OK with it. Now shower up before dinner so I can keep my food down – and throw those clothes in the machine!”

“Yes Dad!” they chorused back at him as they walked up the hallway, giggling.

As Harry sat on their porch that evening, drinking a cold beer and telling Liam about his progress with Lux, Niall quietly strumming a guitar next to him, Harry felt a sense of contentment settle over him. So he may not have met prince charming yet, but, at twenty two and a half, his life was pretty fucking great. He had an amazing job, great friends and no drama. He really was living the dream.

 

***  

 

Day four of their trip brought with it some rain – bucketing down most of the afternoon. They had set up a large communal tarp to sit under and Jay brought out cards and board games to occupy them. Louis was, as usual, an extremely bad sport whenever he didn’t win and cheating whenever he thought he could get away with it. The afternoon passed in a blur of accusations and retribution.

When their last day dawned beautiful and sunny, everyone was elated.

“We’ll need to go down to the weir to swim, though” Dan commented. “All the rain has made the current run a lot faster. Too dangerous to swim in the deep water.”

They all dragged their chairs and towels down to the weir and set up on the bank. The water running over the weir wasn’t too strong and only came to the kids’ knees, so they paddled around in the shallow water to cool off.

One by one they gravitated back to the bank to lay in the sun, warming themselves. Daisy and Phoebe were the only ones to stay in the water, brandishing sticks and playing swordfights.

“Be careful you two!” Jay called out. “You could take an eye out with those sticks!”

“We will!” they called out.

 

It was a mere matter of minutes later that a scream rang out in the quiet clearing, sending a chill through Louis’ body. In the course of their pretend battle, Daisy had lost her footing and fallen off the weir, into the gushing water below, immediately being swept downstream in the fast current, her little frame being tossed about and bobbing up and down in the water. She was clearly panicking, which wasn’t helping her to stay afloat and she was screaming out for help.

Within seconds Louis was moving, diving into the water without even a second thought to his own safety. He was completely focused on Daisy and his heart was pounding in his chest at the sheer terror he felt, seeing her swept away. He swam as hard as he could across the rushing water, just managing to grab hold of Daisy’s ankle, pulling her toward him as they both travelled downstream, dragged by the current.

She was spluttering and gasping as he slid an arm around her waist, holding her up and trying to reassure her she was OK, that he had her. He could barely speak, the water dragging him down, overwhelming him, but his eyes were already scanning the bank for a way out. He saw Rod and Dan on the bank down a bit further, calling to him and tried to edge his way toward them. As he passed a large branch, he reached out and grabbed it, holding tightly against the current, his arm aching with the effort. He inched along the branch, bringing him closer to Dan, who was reaching out to take Daisy from him. When she was lifted from his arms, the relief was palpable and he let out a small whimper. He was about to swing himself up onto the branch, when a sudden gush of water made him lose his grip and he was swept down further at an even faster pace, barely able to keep his head above the water now. It happened so fast, taking him by surprise and making him struggle to breathe.

Stan and Zayn were running along the bank beside him and he could hear them calling out, but couldn’t make out the words. He felt a rising panic as he was unable to keep his head above the water, his heart hammering in his chest now and his vision becoming blurred.

He felt a shooting pain up his leg as it caught a submerged branch, his shin becoming wedged. His leg was caught between two branches and it kept him in place, unable to get back to the surface as the water gushed over him, wave after wave with no reprieve from the onslaught.

He struggled in vain to free his leg, panic taking root, as he was no longer able to break the surface for air. His lungs were on fire, feeling like they were going to explode if he couldn’t take a breath. His chest was taut and the urge to open his mouth and breathe was overwhelming. He thrashed about in the water, every cell in his body resisting as he knew he had to take a breath.

Just when he thought he couldn’t hold on for another moment, he felt someone beside him, tugging at his leg till it was free and pulling him to the surface. As he breached the water level, he desperately gulped for air, unable to catch his breath, unable to stop the sheer panic racing through his body. Stan was holding him, telling him that it would be OK as he held tightly to the rope Zayn and Dan had thrown over to them.

Zayn and Dan pulled him up out of the water first and Zayn sat down, pulling Louis into his chest, sitting him between his legs. There were tears streaming down his face as he asked over and over if Louis was OK.

Louis couldn’t answer, couldn’t speak. He just kept gasping for air, deep heaving breaths as he fought to regain control of himself. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Daisy standing off to the side, distressed and crying as she watched. He held out a hand to her and she launched herself at him, climbing into his lap and winding her arms around him.

He clung to her, comforted, needing to feel the tangible proof that she was alive, that she was alright. He had been terrified he wouldn’t be able to save her and as he hugged her trembling body to him, he felt himself calm down, his breathing becoming steady and his heart rate returning slowly to normal as he realised she was OK, they were both OK. Holding her in his arms grounded him, everything else just fading away as he focused on her.

Tears were streaming down his face, tears he hadn’t realised he’d been crying till now. He looked up at Stan, kneeling beside him, breathing heavily.

“Thank you” he rasped out.

He slumped back against Zayn’s chest, letting the chatter and fussing of his family wash over him and drawing warmth from Zayn’s body, strength from his arms. He reached down and patted Zayn’s shaking hands.

“I thought you were going to die” Zayn blurted out brokenly. “God Lou, I was so fucking scared.” He was rocking them now, clinging onto Louis too tightly.

“But I’m OK, I didn’t die Zayn” he replied, voice still hoarse. “I’m alright.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Colder Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter things get a little harder for Louis, but by the end of the chapter he's on his way to Australia, so it's all good!
> 
> To those leaving Kudos or comments - thank you! Your feedback is appreciated more than you know xx
> 
> To the wonderful Sassy_Boo_Bear, the best Beta in the world - thank you for fixing my errors, sharing ideas and generally making me smile. :)
> 
> WARNING: This chapter contains descriptions of panic attacks - please skip if this is a trigger for you.

 

 

 

__

 

 

 

 

_“I still remember the sun_

_Always warm on my back_

_Somehow it seems colder now..._   _”_

_Evanescence_

 

Louis had been busy all afternoon, pulling down tents and packing cars, ready for the drive home. He went about those chores in what felt like a kind of auto pilot. His body performed the actions and his mouth responded to those around him, but his mind felt distanced from everything, disjointed and foggy. Almost like he was in a dream. Doing such mundane things seemed out of place, incongruent with what had happened earlier in the day and it left him feeling strangely fragmented.

All this felt so normal, so _ordinary_ and yet the events of the day had been anything _but_ ordinary. They almost died – Daisy almost died. And yet everybody was going about their day like something extraordinary didn’t just happen. Louis, in contrast, was walking around with what felt like a fifty pound weight on his chest. He felt all wrong and yet, nobody seemed to be able to tell he was any different. Dan, being a Doctor and Jay, a nurse, had checked him over and declared him physically unharmed, yet he felt completely out of sorts.

He was driving back with Zayn and Stan in Zayn’s car and he opted for the backseat, which was unusual enough for both boys to raise their eyebrows. Zayn, grabbed his arm just before he got in the car, looking at him with concerned eyes.

“All right Lou?” he asked. “You’ve been quiet all day.”

Louis attempted to give him a reassuring smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah mate, I’m fine. Just a little weary after such an eventful day.”

Zayn nodded, obviously relieved. “Yeah, yeah, it’s been a bit of an ordeal innit? Let’s get you home – a good night’s sleep and you’ll feel like a different person.”

The trip home was a quiet one, Stan sleeping and Louis not really in the mood for speaking, which was completely out of character for him. Zayn kept shooting worried looks back at him in the revision mirror and he kept pretending not to notice.

 

***

 

_The water was everywhere, surrounding him, pulling him under. He struggled helplessly, battling to break the surface, desperate to breathe but unable to…_

He gasped as he woke from the dream, sitting up and gulping air like he couldn’t breathe. His heart was racing a mile a minute and his body was clammy. As the realisation dawned that it was just a nightmare, he collapsed back onto the bed, throwing an arm over his eyes. It had seemed so real, identical to what he’d felt for those moments in the river and he’d felt every bit of the same panic and dread.

When he’d calmed down, he walked, still trembling, into his adjoining bathroom and leant over the basin, looking at the pale faced man in front of him, eyes searching for something to show he was different somehow – but he looked exactly the same as he always did.

“C’mon man” he told his reflection “get yourself together.”

 

***

 

Later that day, clad in his pyjamas still, he watched from his bedroom window as Daisy and Phoebe played in the backyard, laughing as they chased each other around the yard. Daisy seemed fully recovered from the incident and Louis was pleased. He placed a palm to the cold window pane, followed by his forehead, letting the coolness of the glass soothe him. The nightmare had unsettled him and he was still feeling shaken after the incident yesterday. It was hard to pinpoint exactly what was different, just that it felt like a blanket of darkness had settled over him. He was listless, not wanting to do anything – but at the same time restless, like he couldn’t sit still.

He heard a shuffling behind him as his mother entered the room quietly, standing in the doorway and watching him.

“She’s fine you know?” she told him. “She recovered well and having Phoebe was good for her – she didn’t dwell on what could’ve happened.”

“I’m glad” replied Louis in a monotone voice, forehead and had still pressed to the glass.

“I’m more worried about you Louis” his mother walked into the room, sitting on the bed. “Talk to me. I know you’re upset, I can see it.”

He turned and walked over to the bed, taking a seat beside her. “I had a dreadful nightmare last night” he began, voice devoid of emotion. “I don’t know, just…” he wiped a hand across his face as it crumpled and he broke down. “What if she’d died? _God_ Mum, what if…”

“She didn’t though” Jay interrupted, taking Louis’ face in her hands “thanks to you! She lived and so did you and you can’t think about what may have happened Lou. You need to focus on the fact that you both survived.”

Louis looked back at his mother, nodding as he answered “I’ll try.”

“It’s perfectly normal to have a nightmare about a horrible experience Louis, it was awful and scary and anyone would be shaken up – just give it time OK?”

“I guess so” he replied.

 

***

 

As the days passed after the accident, Louis suffered more and more nightmares, each just as terrifying as the next, and all the same – the sensation of drowning.

He didn’t talk to anyone about them, doing his level best to ignore them. He knew his friends and family were already worried about him, his usual bubbly personality having dimmed somewhat, and he didn’t want to upset them any further. Stan and Zayn were a constant presence, both hovering over him constantly, their concern evident as they eyed him warily, sensing something wasn’t right.

His first actual panic attack happened as he and Zayn were getting ready to go out clubbing about two weeks after the incident.

Taking his shower each day had become an ordeal, the sensation of the water rushing over his head and face leaving him feeling nauseated and out of breath. On that day, it became unbearable.

Zayn was standing at the bathroom sink as Louis showered, chatting about some fit bloke he’d seen at Sainsbury’s, when he heard a distinct thump coming from the shower, followed by a small whimper.

“Lou? You okay in there?” he called out.

When he received no answer, he frowned, pulling back the curtain and letting out a sharp gasp.

 

Upon hopping into the shower, Louis had felt the usual nausea and tightening of his chest, but had ignored it, determined to overcome the now familiar reactions by sheer force of will. But this time was different. This time, his legs started trembling, feeling weak, and he’d felt as if the vice that seemed to be permanently around his chest these days, twisted just a little tighter. He felt like he was going to throw up and his lungs were struggling to function.

Panic started rising as he fought to breathe and his body was shaking uncontrollably. When his legs could no longer hold him, he slid down to the shower floor with a thump, crowding into a corner, trying to get as far away from the water as he could, the feeling of it on his skin unbearable. He was unaware of the noises coming from his mouth – small, pathetic, whimpering noises – as tears began streaming down his face.

When Zayn pulled back the shower curtain, he barely registered his presence. He was too caught in the spiralling fear that had overtaken his body. He could see Zayn’s mouth moving, but couldn’t make out the words over the almost unbearable sound of the running water.

Zayn immediately turned off the water and Louis felt his lungs ease the tiniest bit, gulping in as much air as he could. Unfortunately, this made him more lightheaded and he thought he may faint. He felt Zayn’s arms under his, pulling him to his feet and walking him out of the shower and into the bedroom, sitting him on the bed, all the while calling out to Jay to come quickly.

Jay let out a small cry as she took in the sight of him, but being a nurse, she quickly slipped into professional mode, firing questions at Zayn before turning to Louis and speaking in a slow, calm voice.

Jay knelt in front him. “Louis! Louis! Look at me! You’re OK – just look at me!” Louis looked at her, at her face.

“Good Boy” she soothed. “Listen to me Lou – you’re alright” she continued in the same slow, calm voice.

He felt a slight easing of his chest pain as he focused on her face. He watched as she took a deliberate, deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Breathe with me OK?” she told him, taking another deep, slow breath.

Louis tried to mimic her breathing, made difficult by the fact that he was sobbing. Wretched, heaving, heartbreaking sobs that wracked his shaking body.

He felt Zayn climb up behind him, sitting him between his legs and leaning his body back into his chest. Zayn’s body surrounding his grounded him and he felt himself start to calm down and his breathing start to become less laboured as he concentrated as hard as he could on Jay. Zayn matched her breathing rhythm and his close contact helped Louis duplicate it himself.

As the trembling in his body subsided and the panic settled, he was left drained and wrung out, slumping back onto Zayn’s chest as he continued to softly cry.

 

***  

 

His first counselling session was awkward and embarrassing and Louis felt like he’d rather be anywhere else. He felt weak and vulnerable – something he hated with a passion. He had been having a hard time looking his therapist, Anna, in the eye and eventually she let out a sigh.

“Louis, I want you to know I understand the powerlessness you’re feeling right now. The fact that you can’t control these attacks can be both frustrating and terrifying and that’s never easy to deal with. And I also want you to know that I’ve been there myself – as have thousands of others. This is a very common and very treatable occurrence. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means your body is having a natural reaction to the trauma you suffered. The first step you need to take is to realise it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s OK to be vulnerable.”

To his absolute mortification, he began to cry. He cried for what felt like hours and Anna simply let him, passing him tissues and reassuring him his reaction was perfectly normal. When he’d calmed down, he found himself opening up slowly. Anna and he spoke about so many things – how terrified he’d been, first for Daisy and then for himself. The horrible feeling that he had no control over his body and the way it was reacting and his absolute dread at the thought of getting back into water. He was managing a shallow bath OK, but the shower had become progressively worse until his first attack. Now it was almost impossible. The thought of any deep or open water was absolutely terrifying.

When he left her office, he definitely felt lighter, like he’d had a weight lifted off him.

_I can do this_ , he told himself.

 

***  

 

While his sessions with Anna helped, he was still struggling to shower and having regular panic attacks. He and those around him had learned to deal with them, but it wasn’t getting any better.

One day, feeling particularly frustrated, Louis decided he was going to cure himself once and for all and enlisted Stan and Zayn’s help.

 

They stood looking down at the pool. It was a public pool but had been closed for about an hour. The caretaker was a friend of Zayn’s family and had agreed to let them in after hours. They stood looking down at the water, Louis with a determined look on his face and Zayn a worried frown. Stan stood on his other side, arms crossed and frowning, having voiced loudly his opinion that this was a ludicrous plan and that he did not approve of what they were about to do.

“Are you sure this is a good idea Lou?” Zayn asked, clearly nervous. “Maybe we should have waited for you to ask Anna before we did it.”

Louis ignored the rising nausea he was feeling and took a deep breath. “No Zayn – this is about me taking back control of my life. I can’t stand that this is controlling me! If I get back in the water I’ll take away its power to affect me, won’t I?”

“Maybe” Zayn sounded unconvinced.

Louis took another deep breath and turned to Stan, who was going in with him, Zayn not a strong enough swimmer. “Right. Well. I guess this is it, so just jump in beside me yeah? Just in case…”

Stan nodded. They were about to jump into the deep end, the depth bigger than both of them. They clasped hands and then counted down.

Just as they jumped from the edge, Louis felt it hit him – the wave of panic. Only it was so much more than anything he’d felt up till now and he couldn’t pull back, was already hitting the water.

It closed around him, pulling him under and he immediately reacted, the sensation of being trapped under the water too much to bear. He felt like he was paddling for the surface and not getting any closer to it. He thrashed and thrashed, his lungs feeling as though they were about to cave in. He felt Stan’s arms around him, pulling him up, and as he broke the surface, he let out a broken cry, screaming as he continued thrashing about. He could hear Stan yelling at him, telling him to stop, that he couldn’t hold him, but he was unable to control his body.

Zayn reached down and pulled him out, his body shaking as he sobbed and sobbed, loud cries falling from his lips as he shook all over. When Zayn tried to hold him, Louis started thrashing about, screaming and Zayn was clearly terrified. He called out to Louis, telling him to focus, to breathe, but Louis was too far gone.

Stan quickly pulled out his phone and called Jay for help.

Eventually Louis became exhausted, his movements slowing and his breathing becoming calm. Zayn held him, crying himself and rocking Louis back and forth as he repeated over and over that everything was OK, and he seemed to be trying to convince himself as much as Louis. They lay on the side of the pool, both shaking, waiting for help to come.

 

***  

 

Stan had left for work, promising to call and check on Louis later, and Zayn accompanied him with Jay and Dan to Dan’s surgery. Dan gave Louis a check over to make sure they were OK and they then headed home, Zayn opting to stay the night with Louis.

Anna came to the house that evening. When she entered the bedroom, she spoke first with Zayn, who broke down, clearly distressed and Louis felt the guilt for being the cause of that settle over him. He let his tears slide down his cheeks as he watched his friend fall apart in his therapist’s arms.

When Zayn sat back on the bed next to him, Louis reached out and grasped his hand, telling him over and over how sorry he was. Zayn hugged him, pulling him in tightly and telling him it was OK.

“But you can’t ask me to do that ever again Lou” he pleaded, still squeezing Louis to him. “I can’t watch you in pain like that again. It’s too much!”

“I promise!” Louis replied, crying in earnest now. “I promise I’ll never do that again.”

“I love you Lou, I can’t stand this! I was so scared!”

“I know Z, I was too. I’ll never be that stupid again, I swear.”

 

Zayn, Dan and Jay all waited in the kitchen with a cup of tea while Anna and Louis talked for about an hour. When Anna came out, she asked them all to come into Louis’ room. When they’d all assembled there, she addressed Jay and Dan first.

“While Louis has made some progress with me, it’s been slow. Tonight may well have set us back a little, but it did highlight Louis’ willingness to fight this – and I believe that’s a positive thing. I’m not at all sure what your situation is, but I’d like to recommend a rather left field treatment that has had some wonderful success so far. It is expensive, however.”

“We’ll try anything” Jay told her without hesitation.

“Well, hear me out before you make a decision” Anna smiled softly “it may sound a bit out there.”

She pulled out some sheets of paper from her satchel, handing them to Jay, Dan and Louis. “SeaWorld in Australia are currently one of five centres in the world running Dolphin Therapy programs. They are the leading centre in terms of results and come highly recommended. They work predominantly with those suffering a fear or phobia of the water and work in conjunction with outside therapists, giving a two tiered approach to recovery. It’s my belief that the program would be ideal for Louis. The therapist working alongside the program is a friend of mine and she is highly regarded in her field. I can recommend her without reservation and she speaks very highly of the Marine Biologists that run the therapy program.”

Jay had been perusing the sheets. She looked at Dan and they seemed to have a wordless conversation.

“How long would he need to be in Australia?” she asked.

“While there’s no exact science with these types of programs, most patients see significant results in about three to four months. I realise that time frame would be a costly one and that may rule out this program, but I thought I’d mention it anyway.”

“The money isn’t an issue” replied Dan. “What may cause us problems is the fact that I can’t leave my surgery for that length of time and Jay can’t leave the kids – and taking the whole family isn’t an option.”

“It’s fine guys” Louis began “I don’t…”

“I’ll go” Zayn interrupted.

“Zayn, you can’t just up and...”

“Lou, I want to. If I can do this for you, if it will help, then I’m all for it. I’ve got my Gran’s inheritance just sitting there and I’m only selling my paintings at the moment, I don’t have an actual real job, so I’m the perfect candidate. I can paint anywhere, so I’ll paint in Australia.” He shrugged and Louis felt a rush of affection for his best friend, hugging him tightly.

“Thank you” he whispered. Then he looked up at Jay and Dan. “What do you think?” he asked.

“I think we’ll do whatever it takes to help you heal” answered Jay with a soft smile.

Dan nodded, adding “we’ll cover the cost, Zayn, don’t use your Gran’s inheritance. We appreciate you offering to go and we can afford to fund the trip. Are you sure you are able to go? It’s a big commitment.”

Zayn grinned, reaching across to tangle his fingers with Louis’ on the bed. “Of course I’m sure. Lou’s my best friend, I’d do anything for him.” He looked over at Louis and they smiled at each other, eyes misting over.

“Well, that’s settled then I guess!” Jay replied, turning to Anna to ask “how quickly can we have this arranged?”

“I actually spoke to the program head already, in anticipation of speaking with you, and he confirmed there is an opening now, so I guess the question is, how quickly can you get on a plane?”

 

The answer to that question was, surprisingly fast. Instead of returning to school after the summer break, Louis was able to arrange an unpaid leave of absence. The school were very supportive, organising a substitute teacher for him while he was gone and telling him to take his time and come back only when he was ready.

Louis and Zayn found themselves on a plane three days later, making the seemingly endless trip to the other side of the world.

Louis was feeling a surge of mixed emotions. He was scared and nervous and just a little bit hopeful. For some reason, he had a gut feeling that this was the best decision he could have made – that his life was about to change for the better.

 


	3. Bloodstained Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the boys finally meet! YAY!
> 
> A huge thank you to everyone giving this a read and for those leaving kudos or comments - it really makes my day :)
> 
> Also a huge shout out to my amazingly Beautiful Beta, Sassy_Boo_Bear <3
> 
> Hope you like it folks! :) xx

 

_“You hit me like a subway train_

_And I will never be the same_

_So even when you fall apart_

_I’ll pick up your bloodstained Heart..._   _”_

_Darren Hayes_

 

Harry knocked on Ian’s office door as he walked in, finding him sitting behind his desk, sifting through some paperwork. He looked up and smiled.

“Ah Harry! How are you?” he asked, gesturing for Harry to take a seat.

“Can’t complain” smiled Harry as he sat opposite his boss and mentor. He loved Ian like a father, holding him in high esteem and in awe of his talent with people. He also liked him immensely. He was someone Harry aspired to be like in every way.

“Now, I needed to speak with you, as I have a new case coming in in three days – a boy all the way from the UK, a near drowning accident – and I’m afraid I now have to travel north urgently, as my mother is ill. It’s probably to be expected in her eighties, but regardless, I’m needed by her side. I need you to take this patient for me, so I wanted to give you his file to read so you’d be prepared. He’s about your age and the same nationality, so I expect you’ll have plenty in common.”

Harry’s eyes widened. “Are you sure Ian?” he asked. “I’ve only really worked with two adults before.”

“Harry” Ian replied, sitting back in his chair and looking directly at Harry. “You are an intuitive and remarkable therapist. Your achievements thus far have been nothing short of brilliant – and may I remind you that both adult cases you took on were a success? I have every faith in your ability to help this young man. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of you working with him.”

Harry was beyond pleased by Ian’s praise. He knew Ian was happy with his work but his words left him feeling chuffed. He loved this part of the work, loved seeing the difference he could make in people’s lives, so it was nice to hear he was doing a good job.

He smiled at Ian and nodded. “Alright then, if you think I can handle it, I’ll make sure I’m ready when he gets here.”

“Thatta boy Harry!” Ian grinned, handing over a file.

Harry looked down at the name printed on the front in black.

**_Louis Tomlinson_ **

 

***

 

Louis and Zayn arrived in Australia exhausted after twenty three hours on a plane. Dragging themselves to the baggage carousel to collect their bags on weary legs.

“I can’t feel my arse – I think it’s gone to sleep” Louis complained.

Zayn just smiled wearily, too tired to even speak. They had three days before the sessions at SeaWorld started, and Louis intended to sleep for at least two of those after travelling to the arse end of the world.

When the taxi pulled up outside the house his parents had rented them for the duration of the trip, Louis smiled. It was in a pretty neighbourhood, only a few blocks away from the marina, a wide street, lined with palm trees. SeaWorld was apparently only a short distance away, further up the end of the marina road. The house itself seemed nice from the outside – they retrieved the keys from the meter box, where the real estate had left them, and let themselves inside. They roamed the house, exploring each room and choosing their preferred bedrooms upstairs, Louis claiming the main bedroom with an ensuite bathroom and large bed.

Zayn took the second bedroom across the hall, with a large queen sized bed and a bathroom next door to it. “It’s a great place!” he called out to Louis as he flopped onto his bed.

“Yeah” agreed Louis. “I think we’ll be pretty comfortable here.” He kicked off his shoes and threw himself onto the bed, sighing at the comfortable mattress and letting his heavy eyes slide closed. He was just dozing off when Zayn came in and plonked down beside him.

“We should try to stay awake – we’ll wake up in the middle of the night if we don’t. We need to try and get our body clocks synched to Australian time.”

Louis groaned. “But Zaaaayn!” he whined. “I’m so tired, I need to sleep!”

Zayn determinedly dragged him up, though. “It’s four in the afternoon Lou, we only have to stay awake for a few more hours. Let’s walk down to the marina and grab some supplies – there’s apparently a little supermarket down there, the taxi driver told me.”

They wandered down to the marina, sweating in the heat, but enjoying a soft breeze that came off the water. The marina itself was really pretty, the blue water filled with large fancy boats that the boys ogled at as they walked up the wharf to a selection of shops and restaurants. There was a steak house, a nice looking pub with a deck hanging out over the water and some smaller take away outlets. At the far end there was a small supermarket and they stocked up on as much as they could carry, to see them through the next few days. On their way out, they called past the fish and chips shop, the smell proving too good to pass up.

They struggled home with all the bags, Louis complaining all the way and Zayn telling him to shut up. When they’d unpacked the groceries, they sat out on the deck in the pretty back yard and ate their fish and chips, washing it down with a cold beer.

As the afternoon sun faded into sunset, turning the sky an impressive pink and orange, the beer and jet lag hit Louis and he felt his limbs grow heavy. He was pleasantly fuzzy and could easily have fallen asleep right there, but knew he’d regret it later. Instead, he dragged Zayn upstairs and Zayn showered while he had a shallow bath, and then they collapsed onto Louis’ bed, flicking on the small TV that was in his room.

Louis remembered nothing else as he drifted off to sleep, Zayn breathing steadily beside him.

 

***

 

The day of his first session dawned beautifully sunny and Louis woke trying to be as positive as he could, despite his nerves. He and Zayn had managed to sleep well over the past three days and he was feeling more like himself again.

They walked the six blocks up to SeaWorld and showed their passes for entry, skipping the queue and being met by a staff member who walked them over to the dolphin pools, indicating they were to enter the office and ask for Harry. They thanked her and as she walked away, Louis looked at Zayn, who smiled back at him, reaching over to squeeze his hand.

“This is it mate” he said, pulling Louis in for a hug. “This is the first day of your recovery.”

Louis squeezed him tightly, almost afraid to let go. His heart was pounding and his mouth had gone dry. Every cell in his body was screaming for him to run away and he was battling not to comply, terrified at the thought of being in water – or worse, making a fool of himself in front of someone who wasn’t family or friend.

“Thanks mate” he breathed out, before releasing him and taking a deep breath. “Well, better get in then – let the fun begin eh?” if his voice wavered underneath the false bravado, Zayn kindly ignored it, smiling and pulling Louis toward the building.

 

Harry was sitting at his desk, just going over Louis’ file once more while he waited for the boy to arrive. As the bell on the door announced his arrival, Harry looked up, a smile already curving his lips.

When he laid eyes on the two boys in front of him, his smile faltered. Well, _fuck_.

These were two of the most attractive men he’d ever seen together in one place and the effect was a little overwhelming to say the least. He knew his eyes had widened and he probably looked ridiculous, but he couldn’t help his reaction.

When his gaze landed on a pair of striking blue eyes, his mouth fell open and he stood staring dumbly at the pretty boy with the cheekbones to die for. He also thought that there was a fleeting moment where his heart may have, in fact, stopped beating, but he couldn’t be sure.

Of their own accord, and without any conscious thought on his part, his eyes drank in those amazing cheekbones and the boy’s strong features before travelling down to a set of perfect collarbones. They were showing a hint of tattooed script that made Harry’s mouth water with the desire to leave a mark there. Before he could stop himself, his eyes wandered further down the boy’s body, taking in the shapely thighs and briefly skimming over his crotch as his eyes travelled back up to meet the blue ones again.

He had never had such a visceral reaction to someone before and it stole his breath, the rush of desire hitting him with full force. He felt an instant need to push the pretty boy up against the nearest wall and do unspeakable things to him.

“Holy Shit” he breathed, before immediately realising that yes, he’d actually just said that out loud. Mortified at his unprofessional behaviour, and shaking himself, he stuttered out “I mean, uh, well, welcome to SeaWorld, um, I’m Harry.” He reached up and gave them a pathetic wave and cringed internally at himself. O _h wow, that was smooth_. _Way to make a good impression_ , he thought, horrified at his reaction.

The pretty boy with the blue eyes was staring back at him, face blank, so it was hard to tell just what he was thinking. The other dark haired boy was looking amused, his eyebrows raised.

“Sorry” Harry was babbling now and really, he should just refrain from opening his mouth, but it seems to have a mind of its own, words just spilling out now at an alarming speed. “Could we pretend I didn’t make an arse of myself and just start again?”

The dark haired boy smirked and held out his hand. “Absolutely!” he chuckled “I’m Zayn and this is Louis” he pointed at the boy beside him, who was still just staring at him.

So the beautiful blue eyed boy was Louis Tomlinson.

His patient.

_Well_ , he thought, _I’m completely fucked._

 

***  

 

He’d been a bundle of nerves as they approached the office, terrified of what was to come in his first session. He really didn’t know what to expect. As he followed Zayn through the door, the boy behind the desk looked up to greet them and Louis was taken aback, staring at him like an idiot.

He was quite possibly the most beautiful looking human being Louis had ever seen – and that is a pretty big call when his best friend was Zayn, alright? But Oh. My. God. He knew he was staring dumbly, but he couldn’t help it.

The first thing Louis noticed before his smile faltered was that the boy had a set of dimples that could stop traffic. He also had lips that Louis could write sonnets about. They were full, pink and way too pretty for a boy. Louis could definitely imagine those lips wrapped around him, sliding over him and swallowing him down. He unconsciously licked his own lips as he looked up into sparkling green eyes framed by chocolate curls. If he wasn’t mistaken, those same green eyes were now travelling down his body, leaving a trail of fire as they went. As they travelled back up his body, Louis felt breathless. When their eyes met, they held for a moment before the boy murmured “holy shit” and then started babbling at them. Louis didn’t register a word he was saying until Zayn introduced them. He shook the boy’s hand, who had introduced himself as Harry, murmuring a greeting before the name registered.

Harry. This was Harry, his therapist?

He looked about nineteen – what the fuck? Didn’t you have to be qualified for this shit?

“You’re the therapist?” Louis asked, probably a little more rudely than strictly required. Harry didn’t seem to take offence, simply smiled and nodded, clearing his throat.

 

Harry slipped back into professional mode quickly after that, asking them to sit down and explaining how the therapy was going to be structured.

“The first few sessions, you will be seated on a shallow platform. I won’t be asking you to enter the deeper water until later on, so you can relax a little if that was worrying you. The initial contact is to get you comfortable with the surroundings and with Candy and Arnie, the two dolphins we use for therapy. It’s also a chance for you and I to talk and get to know each other better and discuss your treatment.”

Louis let out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He wasn’t sure what he expected from the first session, but he thought he’d maybe be able to deal with what Harry was describing.

He couldn’t have been more wrong.

 

***  

 

Dressed in his wetsuit and seated on the edge of the pool, legs sitting in the water above the shallow platform, Louis could feel his heart rate rising steadily as he looked down into the water. Everything around him started to fade out, leaving only the pool in front of him in his consciousness. He could hear Harry speaking to him, but the noise was muffled. He couldn’t hear anything over the pounding of his pulse, echoing in his ears. He started breathing faster, the breaths shallow and his chest tight.

He was distracted from the rising panic that had become so familiar to him, however, as Harry was suddenly beside him, kneeling on the platform in front of him and placing his hands on Louis’ thighs, squeezing hard, as he talked slowly and calmly.

“Louis? Look at me, please?” he asked Louis calmly. When Louis looked at him, he continued. “You’re all right. I’m right here, I’m not leaving you.” He kept speaking slowly, continuing to reassure Louis that he was alright. “The water here is shallow, we’re only sitting here and talking. Everything is fine and you’re alright. I’ve got you.”

Harry’s voice was low and calm and Louis felt it slide across his nerves, melting away his anxiety and drawing him slowly back into full consciousness. He focused on the bright green eyes in front of him and saw the truth of Harry’s words there.

He then felt a different kind of tightening in his chest as Harry smiled at him and murmured “Well done Louis.”

They stared at each other for a long moment before almost simultaneously becoming acutely aware of Harry’s hands on his thighs, squeezing tightly. Harry immediately loosened his hold and pulled them away slowly, but reached out a hand, holding it up with a smile.

“Take my hand” he told Louis “and I’ll help you sit on the platform.”

Louis reached out and grasped Harry’s hand hard, before he could chicken out, and let Harry pull him forward, placing his other hand on Louis’ hip as he slid off the edge of the pool onto the platform. It was barely a metre drop but it felt like twelve and Louis let out a gasp as the water reached his mid-thigh.

Harry squeezed his hand, murmuring words of praise and Louis felt ridiculously pleased, in spite of his embarrassment.

Without letting go of Louis’ hand, Harry slid his other hand from his hip to a small plastic step, sliding it over toward them.

“Now Louis, I’d like you to sit on this seat for me, OK?” he asked in the same slow, calm drawl as before and Louis felt like he could do anything Harry asked him in that voice. “It’s only going to come up to your waist when you sit down and I won’t let go of your hand. Let’s try it OK?”

Louis sank slowly down, focusing on Harry’s strong hand in his and Harry’s other hand sitting loosely on his hip. When his backside hit the plastic seat, he felt comfortably grounded and breathed out a sigh, nodding to Harry that he was OK.

Harry beamed at him. “Great work mate!” he praised.

For the rest of the session, Louis stayed on the seat as Harry called in Candy and Arnie, introducing them and getting Louis to throw them some fish. Harry saw the ghost of a smile on Louis’ lips and wondered what he’d look like with a full smile – one that reached his eyes.

They chatted as the dolphins swam around them and Harry asked question after question about the accident. Other than with Anna, Louis had avoided talking about it, not wanting to relive the events of that day, but somehow, with Harry, it felt easy. He found himself talking about how terrifying it had been – both to almost lose Daisy and to come so close to death himself. He also spoke about how frustrated he felt – how embarrassed by his inability to cope he was.

“I just feel like I should be stronger than that, you know?” he told Harry. “Like, I’m a strong person usually, so I don’t know why I can’t pull myself together. I get really angry with myself and I absolutely hate that this is out of my control. I hate feeling weak.”

“What you’re going through isn’t a sign of weakness, Louis” Harry replied. “Our bodies all deal with stress and trauma differently and your reaction is a symptom of your body suffering a traumatic incident, that’s all. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or that you aren’t a strong person – it just means you’ve been through something big.” He paused before adding earnestly “I actually really admire you – you’ve shown how strong you are by seeking help, even though you may feel vulnerable by doing so. That takes a lot of courage and I’m so privileged to be able to work with you. You’re a real life hero – did you even realise that? You saved a life!”

Louis felt a warmth spread through him at Harry’s words and the mortification he’d felt at Harry seeing him freak out was replaced with a fervent need to prove to Harry that he was worthy of that praise. He suddenly wanted more than anything, to live up to Harry’s belief in him. His lips curved up at the ends just slightly in a tentative smile and once again Harry wondered to himself what he’d look like if that smile reached his eyes.

They talked more in the two hour session than Louis had talked with anyone in a really long time, even Zayn. Harry was so easy to talk to and he didn’t push Louis for any more than just sitting on the step stool and chatting. Louis found himself relaxing slightly as he focused on Harry rather than the water surrounding him. They spoke about family and places they’d been – and would like to go. They also spoke about the outcomes they’d like from the sessions – making sure they were both on the same page with expectations. Harry was so sure that the sessions were going to be a success and Louis allowed himself to believe that things were about to get better. When the session was finished, Louis actually found himself disappointed – something he had not expected.

When Harry put a hand on the small of his back to help him back out of the pool, Louis felt himself shiver at the touch. They went back to the office, Louis going through the side door to the change rooms, shedding his wetsuit and changing back into his clothes. When he re-entered the office, Harry was sitting on the edge of the desk eating an ice block and Louis’ breath hitched as he watched Harry’s cheeks hollow out as he sucked on it. Harry pulled it out of his mouth with a pop, asking with a grin “would you like an ice block?”

Louis shook himself out of his stupor, blushing slightly and shook his head. Just then, Zayn arrived back at the office to collect him, grinning wildly.

“Saw you from the viewing area Lou, you did great!” he rushed across and pulled Louis into a hug.

“Thanks Z” Louis gave him a soft smile and hugging him back. “Harry here was incredibly patient.”

Harry, who had been watching their interaction closely with a small frown, now grinned. “Nah – all you mate. You did really well Louis. I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?” he asked.

“Definitely” Louis replied, suddenly shy, before Zayn dragged him out of the office by the hand and he waved goodbye to Harry.

They had some time before Louis’ counselling appointment, so they took a look around, Louis telling Zayn non-stop how _amazing_ Harry had been. Zayn simply watched him curiously.

 

***  

Harry waved Louis and Zayn off before collapsing in the chair behind his desk, head in his hands. That’s where Niall found him twenty minutes later, arching a brow at the sight of him when he walked into the office.

“What’s up with you?” he asked Harry. “Session not go well or something?”

Harry looked up, running a hand through his hair. “Ohhhh, Nialler” he wailed “I’m so completely and utterly fucked.”

 

***  

 

“So he’s fit as fuck – your words, not mine” Niall repeated with a smirk “and you _think_ he’s gay, but he may have a boyfriend. Did I leave anything out?”

“Well, there’s that pesky little detail of him being my PATIENT! _Fuck_! What am I going to do Niall?” Harry was whining now. “Did I mention that I made a fucking idiot of myself when he arrived?” he asked.

“You may have mentioned it a time or two, yes” chuckled Niall.

Harry groaned, putting his head back in his hands before looking back at Niall. “I realise nothing can happen between us and I’m nothing if not professional, but Niall – I’ve never felt a reaction like that before ever. It was like all those clichéd descriptions like, a bolt of lightning or something. It was crazy and I just feel this intense attraction to him.” He sighed. “It’s going to be torture – I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can give one hundred percent to my job if I can’t focus. What if his success is somehow hindered by my inability to do my job properly?”

“Haz, calm down” Niall walked behind him, massaging his shoulders. “I know you – you never let anything get in the way of you doing your job – and you’re fantastic at it, a real natural. So you’re attracted to him – so what? There’s nothing saying you can’t find him attractive, just that you can’t act on it. So appreciate him while you work – enjoy his company, enjoy looking at him and enjoy a bit of light flirting if it comes to that! There’s no harm and you will still do your job, you’re too professional not to. So quit worrying and just get on with it yeah?”

Harry took a deep breath and nodded. “You’re right! I can do this. I can appreciate how lovely he is and still maintain a respectable distance. Thanks Niall.”

“No problem mate” Niall replied. “And if, _after_ you’ve cured him of his fear of water, you happen to get the chance to fuck him senseless – then I say go for it!” He patted Harry’s shoulders, chuckling as he walked to the change room, leaving Harry gaping after him and trying unsuccessfully not to picture himself doing just that. He groaned again and threw his head back into his hands.

 

***

 

“I’m just saying that you haven’t stopped raving on about this guy all the way home and I know you well enough to know you’re smitten with him.”

“You’re overreacting Zayn” Louis answered. “Yes, I think he’s fit, but he’s also off limits to me. I just happen to think he’s really amazing at what he does, that’s all.”

“Mhm” Zayn was clearly not convinced. “I just want you to remember why we’re here and focus on recovery – it wouldn’t help you to get distracted by a pretty face. This is your health we’re talking about. It’s serious Lou.”

“Alright Zayn! Jesus, point taken already! What? I can’t even notice when someone’s attractive now? He’s probably straight as can be anyway, so don’t get your knickers in a knot!” Louis replied, grumpy. He was well aware Zayn had a point, and he agreed it would be a really bad idea to develop a crush on his therapist – and to be honest, he was well on his way to crush territory, so Zayn was probably right to be concerned. It’s just, Harry had made an impact on him, like it or not. And yes, he was beautiful, but he was also patient, sweet, funny and smart, and he made Louis feel things he hadn’t felt before. He couldn’t lie – the idea of spending an hour and a half each day with Harry was an attractive one, not least because Harry had made him feel _normal_ and not like a freak show. “I know it’s not an option even if he was gay – which he probably isn’t – and I know I have to concentrate on my recovery, but I can acknowledge he’s fit and that I find him attractive without any ulterior motive can’t I?”

Zayn shrugged, making a non-committal noise, but keeping his mouth shut – even though he obviously wanted to say more.

Louis then changed the subject, telling Zayn about his session with his counsellor Megan. He’d be meeting with her twice a week, but working with Harry every day. She was really lovely and Louis liked her a lot. They had talked non-stop and Louis felt at ease with her, so all in all, he felt very positive about his day.

 

***  

 

As Harry and Niall walked in the front door, the unmistakeable smell of a BBQ dinner assaulted them and Niall grinned at Harry.

“Yes!” he cheered, doing a little happy dance in the hallway as they kicked off their shoes. “There’s nothing I love more than a BBQ!”

“Yes there is” Harry deadpanned. “You always say everything is your favourite food.”

“Name one!” Niall challenged him.

“Nandos, any kind of noodles, pizza, beer – should I go on?”

Niall waved a dismissive hand as he replied “yeah but none of those count! I’m talking about _home_ cooking here.”

“My lasagne, Liam’s lamb roast and those little custard thingy’s that Sophia made – should I continue?” Harry was grinning now, just enjoying being an argumentative shit.

Niall was undeterred, waving his hand again. “I meant things cooked _outside_ – BBQ is my favourite thing cook _outside_.” He wandered out toward the back deck without a backward glance and Harry marvelled at Niall’s god given gift to argue any point around in circles and speak rubbish like it was proven fact, until everyone just let him win the argument out of sheer frustration. It was an ability that deserved a lot more recognition in Harry’s opinion.

As they emerged outside, Liam greeted them, standing at the BBQ, tongs in one hand and a beer in the other. Sophia was sitting in a chair beside him, a glass of wine in her hand, smiling at them both as they greeted her. The sun was low and the sky was bright orange, and Harry would never get over the sunsets in this country, they were incredible.

“Welcome home lads!” Liam smiled. “Thought we’d eat outside tonight. There’s beer in the esky over there.”

Niall walked straight over to plant a sloppy kiss on Liam’s cheek, ignoring Liam’s protest about the smell of rotten fish. “You are a king amongst men Liam, a real champion mate, I mean it.”

“Alright Niall” Liam grinned “settle down, it’s just dinner mate!”

The boys grabbed a beer and sat down, Liam asking how their day was.

“Oh, the usual” Niall told him lightly. “I taught Bart a new trick today, so I was pretty pleased with that. Also, Harry’s got the hots for his new client.”

“Niall!” Harry protested as Liam’s face took on a look that was almost comical.

“What?” replied Niall “s’not like it was a secret was it?”

“Isn’t that like, a hundred shades of wrong?” Liam asked. “You can’t shag a client!”

“Who said anything about shagging him?!” Harry replied, voice dipping a few octaves higher.

“And besides, you know he’s saving himself for _the One_ ” Niall reminded Liam.

“Heeeeyy!” Harry pouted. “You say that like it’s a bad thing! It’s not like I haven’t done everything else – and nobody ever leaves unsatisfied, if you know what I mean, but what’s wrong with wanting full sex to be with someone I really love?”

“I think it’s beautiful Harry” Sophia told him, smiling and squeezing his hand.

“Thank you Soph” he answered, sticking his tongue out at the boys. “It’s not like I’m going to cross that professional line Liam – Niall and I already discussed that. It’s just that he’s, well, he’s really pretty is the thing. Like, _really_ , incredibly, distractingly pretty. And he’s got like, these really blue eyes and …”

“Sounds like you’re pretty gone for him already Haz” Liam commented, frowning slightly. “You’d better be careful to keep yourself in check when you’re with him.”

“It’s alright Liam” Niall piped up cheerfully. “While it looks like he may, in fact, be gay – he has a boyfriend, so there’s no chance of Harry getting into his pants anyway!”

“Yeah” agreed Harry grumpily, feeling guilty about the amount of disappointment he’d felt at Niall’s words. “And you should see the boyfriend! He looks like a bloody model. They’re a good looking pair, that’s for sure!”

“Well that’s good isn’t it?” asked Liam. “It’ll keep things on a professional level, at least. It would be a lot harder if he was single, gay and attracted to you. That’d be a disaster, really if you think about it.”

“Yeah, I suppose” Harry murmured, secretly letting his traitorous mind imagine that very disaster in excruciating detail and finding himself wishing for it, even though he knew it was all sorts of wrong.

_Oh yeah_ , he thought, _definitely fucked._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter up in 48 Hours! xx


	4. Maybe it Found Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A massive thank you to everyone sending comments and kudos - you all rock!!!
> 
> To my lovely, adorable and fantastic Beta, Sassy_Boo_Bear, you are one in a million <3
> 
> Thanks for reading! :) x

__

 

_“I know that I have only ever held your hand_

_But just one touch was more than enough to understand_

_There’s a master plan_

_And Although I know I don’t believe in destiny, maybe it found me…”_

_Darren Hayes_

 

Harry lay on the deck of the back dolphin pools, face down, with his hands under his chin as he absentmindedly threw pieces of fish to Candy and Arnie, who were gliding back and forth in the water in front of him, his thoughts drifting back to Louis as they had so often since their meeting yesterday.

He’d had a restless night’s sleep, images of steel blue eyes invading his dreams and leaving him completely off kilter. While there was no denying Louis was stunning, Harry had met lots of beautiful boys here in Australia and none had affected him the way Louis had in just a short couple of hours. It had been an instant attraction, yes, but it also had the ominous feeling of something bigger, which was unnerving.

Harry wasn’t sure what to do with that at all, but he knew he needed to focus on the job he had to do. It was too important not to be giving Louis his best and he was committed to helping him recover. He was concerned though, that Liam was right and that his attraction to Louis had the power to distract him from his purpose or make him compromise his quality of care. He knew that there was a professional line that could not be crossed, and he intended to ensure he didn’t, no matter how much his body might resist. Besides, Louis and Zayn looked happy, and he was not a home wrecker.

Knowing all of these things should make it easier for him to stay focused, but he was struggling to do so already, which didn’t bode well. It was like his mind knew what he had to do, but his body wasn’t getting the memo. Even the thought of seeing Louis again today had his heart beating a little faster and his mind cataloguing all the things he’d like to do to him if given half a chance. He felt incredibly guilty about the pictures his imagination was supplying, while at the same time, replaying them over and over.

He also kept thinking about the moments yesterday when Louis seemed to respond to him, to indicate he felt the same attraction Harry did. They were fleeting, and Harry still wasn’t sure they were actually real or a result of wishful thinking on his part, but if they weren’t – what did they mean? Or was he simply responding as a patient to a therapist? Harry hardly knew, couldn’t collect his scrambled thoughts.

He knew he was walking a fine line, professionally – he had never been very good at hiding his feelings, always an open book, so it was going to be a challenge to keep himself in check. But it was a battle he intended to win if seeing Louis every day was the reward. He could do this – he _would_. Anything less would be all kinds of wrong, so he had no choice.

He groaned. He looked up to Candy and Arnie as they bobbed in front of him and gave them a rueful smile. “What am I doing guys?” he asked them. “I don’t even know what I’m feeling! He’s just so… so…”

“You know talking to yourself is the first sign of madness” Niall teased, coming up behind him and startling him.

“You scared the shit out of me Niall!” Harry scolded, hand on his heart “and I wasn’t talking to myself – I was talking to these two.”

“Sorry mate, I wasn’t trying to creep up on you – but you were too lost in your own thoughts and you didn’t hear me.” He sat down beside Harry, grabbing some fish pieces and throwing them to the dolphins. He looked down at Harry, but Harry avoided looking at him, running a hand back and forth in the water.

“So, you do really like him then?” Niall asked.

Harry shrugged. “I don’t even know what this is, Niall. I mean, I’ve only met him once, right?” He paused. “It’s just, well, it really was instant, you know? Like Bam! And then it got worse for the whole hour and a half we spent together.” He sighed. “Maybe it’ll be better today. It may have just been the initial shock, you know, and then I’ll settle down and it’ll all be OK. Extended exposure will probably make me more immune or something. Besides, he has a boyfriend, and even if he didn’t, he’s not an option for me – he’s completely off limits. It’s just that I have to keep reminding myself of that, because my body doesn’t seem to care.”

“Yes, he is off limits” Niall replied with a rueful smile “but you can’t control who you fall for either Haz, I firmly believe that.” He paused for a while, both of them sitting in comfortable silence, before he added “listen, if you’re that stressed about it, why don’t I come around at eleven and meet him when he arrives? At the very least, I’ll check how you act around him and let you know if you’re making an arse of yourself.”

Harry nodded slowly. “Ok, yeah, but no teasing alright?”

“Me? Tease?” asked Niall, offended. “When would I ever?”

Harry took a deep breath to answer, but Niall spoke again, cutting him off. “Actually, no need to answer that! Instead, come over and see what I taught Bart this morning – you’re gonna love it!” He grinned at Harry and Harry couldn’t help but feel lighter as he returned the smile.

“Alright, let’s go now though – I have Thomas coming at nine for his session.” Thomas was a ten year old ball of energy that had been working with Harry for almost a year and had wormed his way into the hearts of everybody on the staff in that time.

“I love Thomas! How’s he doing?” Niall asked as they made their way back across the deck to the gate.

Harry smiled as he answered “awesome! He’s doing so well – we’re gonna have a ride with Candy today!”

“That’s fantastic Haz!” Niall replied. “You must be so excited!”

“I am” Harry answered with a grin. “He’s come such a long way and I feel like a proud parent. It’s such a rush!”

 

***  

 

“Zayn! I’m not having this conversation with you again!” Louis stopped on the sidewalk and glared at Zayn. The heat rising from the cement was doing nothing to improve his mood and Zayn’s nagging was definitely not helping.

“I’m just worried Louis – I want you to understand that having a crush on your therapist isn’t a good thing! It could affect your recovery!”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Oh my God Zayn, for the hundredth time – I just mentioned he was fit, that’s all! And he happens to be a nice person. So what? Like I’ve already pointed out, he’s probably straight anyway, so what is your problem?”

“Oh there’s no _way_ he’s straight mate – not the way he looked at you yesterday when we arrived in the office! And it was hardly professional behaviour on his part. I thought it was amusing at first, but now I’m worried, alright?”

“Well don’t be!” Louis snapped at him, his stomach making weird somersaults at Zayn’s comment about the way Harry looked at him. “It’s not like we’re gonna jump each other’s bones any time soon! You’re making a big fuss over nothing, so just leave it alone, alright?!”

Zayn clamped his mouth shut, jaw clenched, and Louis knew he really wanted to say more, but had chosen to let it go for now. They walked along in silence for a while, Louis getting lost in his own thoughts.

The truth was, that Zayn’s words had hit a nerve, which was why he had reacted to them so aggressively. While he had tried to play it down for Zayn’s sake, he was internally reeling from his meeting with Harry the day before.

He had woken early that morning with the ghost of Harry’s small touches still on his skin. He had sat outside on the deck drinking his tea and contemplating how on earth somebody he’d just met could make him feel so many things all at once. The intense initial reaction he’d had to Harry, which hadn’t abated even during the therapy session, coupled with the fact that Harry had dominated his thoughts since they’d met, had left him feeling oddly out of control. It was the first time he’d felt anything like that kind of response and it was all kinds of unsettling.

The thing was, though, that instead of having a negative effect on his session, it had actually been positive. Harry’s voice and touch had grounded him, pulled him back from the brink of a panic attack and made him feel safe. He had no way of explaining it, but there had been no denying that when Harry spoke to him or touched him, everything else seemed to fall away. If it hadn’t helped him so much, it would be worrying that someone he barely knew had that kind of influence over him.

 

***

 

As Harry held Candy’s fin with one hand and wrapped the other around Thomas’ little body, he could feel the little boy’s small frame trembling, but only with a tiny amount of fear – the rest was pure anticipation. He tightened his arm as Thomas put his hand over Harry’s on Candy’s fin. When Harry gave a signal, Candy moved forward at a slow pace, taking them for a ride. Thomas was squealing with delight.

“This is sick Harry!” he exclaimed, his face fit to burst he was grinning so hard.

Harry chuckled. “It sure is mate, now hold on tight!”

They circled back to the deck and Candy came to a stop, gliding away as they let go and Thomas threw his arms around Harry’s neck.

“I did it!” he cried, laughing joyfully.

Harry laughed along with him, in love with the happiness showing on Thomas’ face. “You did!” he laughed, squeezing him in a hug. “Well done champ! That deserves an ice block!”

They hopped out of the water and Harry towelled off and went into the office to grab the ice blocks. He came outside and handed one to Thomas, holding his hand up for a high five, which Thomas excitedly returned.

As Harry lifted his head, he spied Louis and Zayn sitting on a bench further up the deck area and his body reacted immediately. Louis was watching him and Harry felt the familiar rush of awareness that had been present throughout their session yesterday. He chatted with Thomas as they ate their ice blocks and finally bid him farewell with a fist bump and a wave when his mother came to collect him. As they were leaving, they passed Niall, now emerging down the path and stopping to congratulate Thomas, who was preening under Niall’s praise.

As he came level with Harry, his eyes travelled past him to the bench seat where Louis and Zayn were seated.

“Holy Shit! Are you fucking serious right now?” Niall exclaimed loudly, eyes going wide, causing Harry to gape at him.

“Oh my God Niall, shut up, they’ll hear you!” he hissed. “And stop looking at them like that!”

“What a fucking ridiculously gorgeous pair of human beings!” Niall was still staring at them in awe and Harry grabbed his chin to physically make him stop looking.

“Yes, they’re both gorgeous – now stop drooling on your own shirt and help me pull myself together!”

“I don’t know if that’s possible Haz! I mean, fucking look at them! I think I might be a little bit hard in my pants right now. Which one is Louis?”

“Little one, brown hair” Harry replied automatically. “And did you really just say you were cracking one in your pants? You’re supposed to be helping me remain professional Niall!”

“Oh Harry” Niall shook his head as he put both hands on Harry’s shoulders, grinning as he teased “I can’t help you, in fact, nobody can help you. You are fucked, my friend. In fact, I encourage you to seduce this boy, because I would be more than happy to be the rebound that helps his underwear model boyfriend over there get over him.”

“Not helpful Niall!” Harry replied, making a helpless gesture with his hands. “Oh God! Now they’re walking over here! Just fucking behave or I swear I will kill you!” He quickly took a deep breath, giving himself an internal pep talk as he turned and greeted Louis and Zayn as they approached, curious eyes on his interaction with Niall.

Ignoring the underlying hum of _LouisLouisLouis_ , he called out “good Morning lads!”

The boys greeted him, Zayn giving Harry what looked very much like a warning glare as he nodded curtly. Harry had the decency to blush under his gaze, knowing full well he was guilty of having improper thoughts about the guy’s boyfriend. He introduced the boys to Niall, who was comically overzealous as he shook Zayn’s hand, smile almost manic as he told him he should come check out the seal show while he waited for Louis to finish. Zayn seemed almost dazed in the face of Niall’s overwhelming friendliness, murmuring that he’d come check it out and returning his smile and letting Niall shake his hand for longer than he needed to.

When Niall realised that he’d nearly shaken Zayn’s arm out of his socket, he let go and turned to Louis. “So you had your first session with Harry here yesterday then?” he enquired, clapping Harry on the back.

Louis turned to smile softly at Harry as he answered “yeah, wasn’t sure what to expect, to be honest, but it was good – better than I imagined it would be.” He spoke softly and Harry wasn’t sure if the fond tone in his voice was just his imagination or not, but he smiled anyway, because how could he not? He knew his attraction to Louis must be written all over his face but he couldn’t help his response.

“You did really well, you should be proud of yourself Louis!” Harry told him, unconsciously reaching out a hand to touch his arm before he could stop himself. When he felt Louis shiver, he realised what he’d done, blushing and clearing his throat. He looked up to see Niall smirking at him and Zayn giving him another death stare. He studiously ignored both as he spoke to Louis again.

“Ready to get started?” he asked, smiling reassuringly.

Louis took a deep breath, returning the smile as he answered “ready as I’ll ever be!”

Niall dragged Zayn off to the seal pool before he even had a chance to change his mind, waving cheerfully to Harry and Louis as they left and already chatting away to Zayn at a million miles an hour, telling him all about Bart.

 

Harry and Louis walked over to the change sheds, chatting about inconsequential things such as the weather and ignoring the air almost crackling between them. The distance between them had become smaller as they walked, their bodies behaving like magnets of their own accord, until they were almost bumping elbows. Louis disappeared to change into his wetsuit and Harry waited in the office for him to return, reminding himself again to focus and do the job Louis needed him to do.

He needn’t have worried. As they walked over to the dolphin pool, Harry felt himself settle into his professional mode, thoughts on the session ahead. This time, instead of entering the pool ahead of him, he waited for Louis at the side of the pool.

“Take my hand” he offered his hand to Louis, who looked down at it for a moment before slipping his hand into Harry’s. Harry couldn’t help the fleeting thought that they fit together perfectly and looked up to see Louis looking back at him, face relaxed and lips showing a slight curve. He smiled at Louis and guided him into the water, feeling the exact moment he started to tense up.

“Remember to breathe” he soothed in his slow, calm voice. “I’m right here Louis. I won’t let you go. _I’ve got you_.”

 

***  

 

Louis took a deep breath, just as Harry had instructed and felt his body calming back down as he stepped into the knee deep water on the platform.

Harry’s large hand holding his made him feel safe. In fact, everything about Harry made him feel safe.

Harry pulled across the step stool for him to sit on and helped him sink down onto it, without letting go of his hand. When he was seated he felt Harry’s hand squeeze his ever so slightly before letting it go.

“Nicely done” Harry praised, smiling at Louis, his dimples on show. As Louis marvelled at how beautiful he was, Harry knelt down beside him, placing a hand on his thigh and resting it there lightly, keeping him grounded and giving him reassurance.

“We’re going to chat some more today, and if you think you can manage it, I’d like to take away the step stool and have you sit on the platform. The water will come up to your shoulders and I realise that will make you really uncomfortable, but I’m going to be right beside you and we can stop anytime you need to OK?”

Louis felt his heart rate increasing, but pushed it down. He was determined to put everything he had into this recovery, especially after his parents had paid out so much for him to be here. He wanted to get better desperately. He also wanted, strangely, to be worthy of Harry’s faith in him. He didn’t want to let him down. He nodded grimly, mouth tight and eyes steely.

“Great” Harry smiled again and Louis thought, not for the first time, how stunning he was when he smiled. “Let’s get started then.”

They started with small talk, progressing to work, their respective jobs and what Louis liked about teaching. Harry slowly moved from beside him, into the water to stand in front of him, but he didn’t move away, stayed close but not touching. Louis found he was still managing to remain calm as he spoke about his job.

“I love it” Louis told him. “The kids are so much fun to work with and I get to do something I love, which is drama. It’s such a buzz when you see the kids get more confident or pick up something that you’ve taught them. I don’t really know how to explain it.”

“I know what you mean” Harry replied. “I love working with the dolphins and I get a buzz out of the shows and stuff, but the therapy sessions make such a difference in people’s lives and that’s such a rush for me, you know? It gives me such a purpose, such a sense of satisfaction. When I see people find peace and let go of their anxiety, it makes me so happy. I sometimes think I get more from it than my patients.”

Louis watched Harry speak, watched his face light up as he spoke about making a difference in people’s lives. He was so endearing, so lovely, and Louis couldn’t help but think how different he was from the guys he normally dated.

Harry called Candy and Arnie over and they spent a few minutes throwing them some fish pieces before Harry told him it was time to take the step stool away.

“If we can get you sitting on the platform without the stool, I can let you pat Candy and rub her tummy. It’s pretty cool.”

Louis actually really wanted to pat Candy, wanted to make progress, but he couldn’t control the way his body stiffened and his breathing became shallow and laboured. Harry had immediately sensed the change in him, stepping in so he was standing right in front of Louis, between his thighs, his face at Louis’ shoulder height. He slid a hand back onto Louis’ thigh and spoke in his usual calm, slow voice, the sound sliding over Louis’ nerve endings and reducing all of his awareness to the point where they were touching. His breathing was still shallow, little pants escaping as he struggled to maintain his calm. All his instincts were screaming at the thought of immersing himself in the deeper water.

“Lou?” Harry squeezed his thigh gently. “Look at me – just at me, nowhere else.” He waited until Louis looked into his eyes and smiled softly. “Good, now don’t take your eyes off mine. Don’t think about anything other than keeping your eyes on mine, alright?”

Louis nodded, not trusting his voice right now, and focused on Harry’s eyes. He focused on the green and then, due to the close proximity, determinedly began to catalogue the other flecks of colour – the amber and the blue-grey. For a moment he was lost in Harry’s bright gaze, in the indefinable something he could see in Harry’s expression, the warmth and the encouragement.

Then he felt the slide of the step stool being pulled from under him, and his concentration was broken, eyes slipping down toward Harry’s arm, which was sliding the stool out. He started to panic, so Harry stopped moving, immediately taking the hand from Louis’ thigh and sliding his arm around his waist, supporting him.

“Louis, put your hands on my shoulders as I slide this out, you don’t have to sink down straight away. I’ll support you, I promise.”

Louis was too distracted, Harry’s words not registering. He was shaking his head vigorously. “No, no no Harry please don’t!” he pleaded. “I can’t, I…”

Harry stopped what he was doing and instinctively tightened his arm around Louis’ waist, pulling him in, chest to chest. He then brought the other arm up as well, closing both around him in a tight hug, and murmuring that he was alright. Louis’ arms automatically slid up and over Harry’s shoulders and he pulled Harry to him tightly, the contact comforting him, calming him, his breathing settling. His eyes were squeezed shut and his senses were overwhelmed with the smell of Harry, salt, fish and a faint citrus that must have been Harry’s shampoo. He tucked his face into Harry’s neck, breathing in and out deeply.

After a moment, he felt Harry clear his throat and his eyes flew open as he registered just how inappropriate he was behaving, clutching at Harry and nuzzling into his neck. God, how mortifying! He pulled back his arms like he’d been burned and Harry did the same. For a moment they simply looked at each other, eyes locked and there was no mistaking the mutual attraction in the heated look. A moment later, Harry broke eye contact and the moment was gone.

 

***

Harry had acted on instinct, bringing his arms up and pulling Louis in, just as he had done with many of the kids he worked with when they panicked. He hadn’t given any thought to the act – or to how Louis would react.

When Louis had thrown his arms around his neck, sinking against him and nuzzling into his neck, Harry had lost all his breath. He had closed his eyes, murmuring into Louis’ ear and letting himself commit every tiny detail of how it felt to hold Louis like this to memory. He allowed just a fleeting moment to picture holding Louis like this in different surroundings, in a different context. As Louis burrowed closer into his neck, he was jolted back to reality and, clearing his throat, started to pull back, Louis doing the same with a sharp jerky movement.

They looked at each other, eyes locked, and Harry felt a rush of pure need slam through him as he took in Louis’ intense gaze. He immediately stepped back and dropped his eyes, grasping for some semblance of control, before looking back up and smiling lightly.

“Let’s try that again, OK?” he asked. When Louis nodded self-consciously, avoiding Harry’s eyes, Harry was dismayed at the sudden awkwardness that had settled between them. He couldn’t allow that to happen, so with a renewed determination, he stepped back into Louis’ space, placing a hand lightly on his hip. Louis’ eyes widened as his surprised gaze shot up to Harry’s and Harry smiled.

“Now, put your hands back on my shoulders and let’s go again. We’re going to do this today Louis, I know you can, alright?”

The tension between them dissipated as Louis nodded with a small curve of his lips and a deep breath. He put his hands back onto Harry’s shoulders and gripped as Harry slid the step stool out again. This time, he managed to get it all the way out, slipping his hand back quickly to support Louis’ waist. Louis’ grip on his shoulders had tightened to an almost painful death grip and when Harry looked at his face, he was white. He’d also stopped breathing by the look of it, everything so tensed up as Harry lowered him into the water. As the water level drifted higher, reaching his chest, then his collarbones, Louis started trembling violently, eyes beginning to water. He felt his bottom hit the shallow platform underneath.

Harry started speaking calmly, hands remaining on Louis’ waist, squeezing a little to draw his attention. “Remember to breathe Lou, breathe with me, c’mon, in and out, I’ve got you.” He started taking large slow breaths, Louis trying to do the same.

Louis was doing his best to remain calm when everything in him was howling for escape. His heart was pounding and his limbs were shaking and to his mortification, the unshed tears in his eyes started to spill over and down his cheeks.

“Fuck” he mumbled, throat tight, as he failed to get them to stop flowing.

God, could he be any more pathetic? He hated Harry seeing him like this. He hated _anyone_ seeing him like this – weak and vulnerable. He couldn’t bring a hand up to wipe away the tears as he was unable to break the death grip he had on Harry’s shoulders, so he flung his head to the side, trying to wipe them on his shoulder unsuccessfully. He closed his eyes, squeezing them, willing them to stop.

Harry reached up then, putting his hand under Louis’ chin and forcing it up. Louis’ watery eyes opened automatically, finding Harry’s right in front of him. Without saying a word, Harry brought his other hand up to wipe the tears from Louis’ face gently, his eyes never leaving Louis’. Louis lost himself in Harry’s eyes, momentarily forgetting his fear and letting Harry’s soft movements and tender gaze ground him. The hands on Harry’s shoulders loosened their grip slightly and the tension drained from his body.

Suddenly, Harry smiled – the kind of smile that could light up a dark night, and it took Louis completely by surprise, causing his breath to hitch in his throat. All he could do was stare dumbly at Harry as he spoke.

“You did it Louis” Harry murmured softly “you did it! I knew you could. I’m so proud of you right now, you have no idea!”

Warmth spread through his body at Harry’s words, and he couldn’t help the way it made him feel. Inexplicably, Harry’s approval was already so important to him somehow.

“You know what this means?” Harry asked and he shook his head, small frown appearing. “It means you get to pat Candy properly!” He stepped back from Louis and signalled to Candy, who came gliding over, rolling onto her back right in front of Louis and presenting her tummy for a pat.

It was enough of a distraction for Louis to ignore the water around his collarbones and reach out to rub a hand along her rubbery skin. It felt hard and spongy all at once and his hand slid over it easily. As Harry signalled her again, she glided forward, turning and then swimming back to Louis face first, squeaking at him playfully as she nudged his arm for a pat.

Louis was startled, then let out a laugh which made his whole face light up and his eyes crinkle at the sides, mouth wide and teeth bared in a delighted chuckle.

Harry froze. He’d seen Louis’ lips curve up into soft smiles since he’d met him, but they’d always been inhibited by the underlying fear or tension. This, however, was something different. This changed his features, softened them, and Harry found himself wanting to make Louis smile like that all the time, to be the reason for that smile, because there really was nothing like it, it was incandescent. He could lose himself in that smile if he wasn’t careful. He found himself grinning along with Louis, joyfully relishing the moment, and when Louis looked at him and the smile turned fond, Harry’s heart stuttered just a little.

 

***  

“Welcome Folks!” Niall boomed at the audience, and even the small microphone mouthpiece couldn’t obstruct the huge grin on his face. All Zayn could think as he watched from the front row of the seal show, was that this blond whirlwind was larger than life. Everything about him seemed, well… _big_. Big smile, big personality, just _big_. He seemed to occupy all the available space somehow and for someone who was usually reserved, Zayn found Niall a little overwhelming.

“Now I’d like to introduce you to a special friend of mine. Bart, would you come say hello to these lovely people mate?” he called and out came the largest sea lion Zayn had ever seen, as he waddled over to Niall, Niall held out his hand for a high five and the animal slapped his hand with its flipper, making the crowd cheer and Zayn smile.

“Hiya there buddy, how ya doing? Are you good?”

Bart nodded, grunting heavily.

“Everybody this is Bart” Niall told them “and Bart is our large male here at SeaWorld. He weighs about one hundred and seventy five kilos and chows through approximately thirty kilos of fish every day. He loves to meet new people, and because he’s a randy old bugger, he loves to give kisses.” Niall leant down, cupping his ear as he spoke to Bart.

“What’s that Bart?” he asked.

Bart leaned in and barked in his ear several times.

“Oh, you’re feeling a little amorous right now?” Niall smiled. “Well, we’d better get a volunteer up here for you to lay a big fishy kiss on – and I think I know just the fellow, Bart.”

Zayn tensed in his chair as Niall looked his way, a mischievous grin forming. He started shaking his head, eyes as round as saucers as he pleaded with Niall wordlessly not to do what it looked like he was about to do.

“Looks like our boy’s a bit shy, folks! How about we give him a nice round of applause for encouragement! C’mon up here Zayn, would you?”

The crowd was cheering now and Zayn could feel his cheeks heat up. He tried to send Niall a glare, but couldn’t find it in him to really put any intent behind it. He stood up and walked slowly over to where Niall and Bart were standing. Niall placed a stool down and asked Zayn to take a seat, then he spoke to Bart again.

“Now Bart, this is Zayn. Isn’t he cute?”

He made a small gesture to Bart, who then nodded his head up and down and really, Zayn should not be this endeared, but how could he help it?

“So I’m pretty sure you’d love to give him a kiss then?” Niall asked Bart, who then shook his head side to side.

“No?” asked Niall, pretending to be shocked. “But why not?”

Bart hid his face behind a flipper, pretending to be bashful, making the crowd respond with “Awwww.”

“You’re shy?” Niall teased. “Oh dear. Well what about if Zayn here closed his eyes – would that help?”

Bart nodded and Niall then turned to Zayn. “Well mate, it appears your incredible good looks have given old Bart here a case of performance anxiety.” The crowd laughed. “So I’ll need you to close your eyes so he doesn’t get intimidated, alright?”

Zayn closed his eyes, leaning his cheek outward and waited patiently. When the kiss came, it wasn’t what he expected and the crowd roared with laughter as Niall himself planted a big sloppy kiss on Zayn’s cheeks. Zayn’s shocked face spurred the crowd on, cheering and laughing as Niall cackled gleefully.

“Oh Zayn” he giggled “should’ve seen your face mate! But seriously, Bart give him a kiss will you?”

Zayn was still reeling from Niall kissing him on the cheek, so he wasn’t prepared for the fish breath and wiry whiskers that smashed against his cheek and he froze as Bart held the position for just a moment, then withdrew. He looked at Bart, wide-eyed and the sea lion grunted at him, making him laugh out loud. Niall, who was still giggling, clapped him on the back and asked the crowd to give him a round of applause for being such a good sport.

He went back to his seat, a little shell shocked but grinning from ear to ear. It wasn’t every day you got a kiss from a cute boy _and_ a sea lion! He watched the remainder of the show, Niall introducing the smaller female seals, with his smile intact. Niall was hilarious and held the crowd in the palm of his hand, cracking jokes and balancing it out with loads of factual information and tricks he’d taught the animals. He was a natural.

When the show was over, Niall invited him to help feed the seals before they went back to the dolphin pools.

“That was so sick!” Zayn told him. “You have an amazing job, man, really. It’s just so cool!”

“Yeah I’m definitely a lucky boy” Niall grinned. “I love this job so much and I love these guys like they were actual people, you know?”

He called the seals over and he and Zayn tossed them fresh fish as they chatted, Zayn feeling quickly at ease with Niall. He was fairly convinced that you’d have to be dead not to find Niall completely adorable and easy to befriend.

“If you’d like, you could bring your swimmers next time and I’ll lend you a wetsuit and take you swimming with these guys – they’re awesome fun!”

Zayn smiled, a tinge of regret and a hint of embarrassment evident as he replied “that sounds so amazing, but I’m not a really confident swimmer, so I don’t think I’d be able to.”

Niall smiled widely, no judgement on his face and shrugged. “We’ll just have to teach you to be more confident in the water” he said like it was no big deal. “Besides, you can wear a life jacket and just float, you don’t have to be an Olympic swimmer or anything.”

Zayn smiled. “I’d like that” he answered, not knowing what he was actually referring to – the teaching or the life jacket, but Niall didn’t seem confused. He just grinned and clapped Zayn on the back again.

“Well, alright then!” he looked at his watch. “It’s nearly time for Louis to be finished, I’ll walk you back to the dolphin pools if you like.”

 

***  

 

As he helped Louis up out of the water and onto the deck, Harry could sense that Louis was holding back, like he wanted to say something, but was biting his tongue.

They’d had a really great session, Louis able to stay in the deeper water for about half an hour, interacting with Candy, but Harry could see that Louis was now a bit lost in his own head. He didn’t push, figured that Louis would speak when he was ready. However, once they were in the office and Louis had changed, he stood shuffling nervously in front of Harry, not meeting his eyes and Harry couldn’t maintain his silence any longer.

“Everything alright Louis?” he asked.

Louis stopped shuffling and looked up. “I just. I wanted to apologise” he replied.

Harry’s brow creased in confusion. “Apologise for what?”

“For me hugging you like that” Louis blurted out, running a hand through his hair, refusing to look at Harry once again. “It was really inappropriate, I know. It’s just that… well… I panicked and when you pulled me in and held me I felt better, you know? And I hate so much being weak. I hated you seeing me be weak, hate _anyone_ seeing it really. It’s so embarrassing – a grown man crying like that.”

He was babbling now and looking anywhere but at Harry, so Harry stepped forward and tucked a hand under his chin, tipping his face up till their eyes met.

“You have nothing to be sorry for Lou” he said, perhaps a little more fiercely than necessary, but really, was Louis kidding? “Pain is not weakness, you know. There’s an old saying that goes something like ‘pain is weakness leaving your body’ and that’s so true. Weakness would be if you let this thing win, gave up the fight and just let it rule your life. You’re struggling against it, refusing to give in – that’s strength. You’re so strong and courageous Louis and you need to realise how amazing you are, give yourself credit.”

As he’d spoken, Harry had turned the hand under Louis’ chin and palmed his jaw. He moved closer, speaking passionately, willing Louis to understand that he was strong, that Harry admired him.

“And you _never_ have to worry about how you behave with me – we are in this fight together. I’ll share that place with you, the one where it hurts and you’re scared, so you don’t have to be alone – because you _aren’t_ alone. I’m here, and we’ll win this thing – _together_.”

When he’d finished speaking their faces were mere inches away and Louis’ eyes were glowing a bright sky blue as he stared back at Harry in awe. His eyes then dropped to Harry’s lips and he licked his own with a quick flick of his tongue. They remained perfectly still as Harry’s gaze followed his movements, almost afraid to break the moment.

Harry isn’t sure who moved first, but suddenly, they were inching closer, leaning into each other, all else fading away as they were close enough to feel the other’s breath. At that moment, the door to the office flung open and Niall strolled in, followed closely by Zayn. Both boys stopped dead as Harry and Louis frantically put as much distance between themselves as they could in the blink of an eye, their faces looking like they’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“Alright there Haz?” asked Niall carefully, eyeing them both, Zayn behind him glaring suspiciously at Harry.

“Yeah, yeah” Harry cleared his throat. “Just going over some… stuff, so yeah” and he was clearly having trouble articulating any normal sentences at this stage and that wasn’t suspicious at all, was it? He internally rolled his eyes at his own stupidity, unable to believe he had just almost kissed Louis after all of his posturing about how he was going to maintain a professional distance.

Louis wasn’t faring much better, flustered and twitchy, deliberately refusing to meet Zayn’s eyes as he busied himself packing his bag.

The awkwardness in the room was a tangible thing, everybody silent for several beats, unsure what to say and nobody wanting to be the first to acknowledge that there had very clearly been something going on when Niall and Zayn had arrived.

When Louis had packed his backpack, he threw it over his shoulder and headed for the door. He didn’t look directly at Harry as he said goodbye, instead looking at the wall just to his left.

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow then” he mumbled.

“Yeah, I’ll see you then” replied Harry. “And well done today Louis.”

Louis and Zayn walked outside and Niall turned to Harry, eyebrows raised. “Whoa, Haz, what was that?”

Harry sagged into his chair, face in his hands, guilt settling over him like a heavy blanket. “It wasn’t… nothing happened alright?” he replied.

“It didn’t look like nothing Harry” Niall answered, not unkindly. “And I know I joked about you seducing him, but I’ve gotten to know Zayn, and he’s actually a lovely guy, so you need to get control of your hormones Haz.”

Harry groaned. “I know, alright? I know – and it’s not like I’m trying to seduce him or anything. It’s just… he’s so fucking wonderful, you know? And I am trying so hard Niall! I’m trying so hard to be professional.”

Niall walked across and pulled him up into a hug, squeezing him tight as he replied “try harder.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update will be next Monday - sorry to make you wait!


	5. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK, so who are we kidding? A week is too loooong to wait for an update right? So surprise! It came early :)
> 
> Thanks for all the love - all feedback is appreciated and responded to.
> 
> To Sassy_Boo_Bear, my partner in crime, you are too awesome for words <3 <3 <3
> 
> Hope you like it guys! :)

 

__

 

_“Maybe all we were meant to be is beautifully unfinished…”_

_Ella Henderson_

 

It was a tense walk up to SeaWorld the next morning, Zayn not saying much and Louis just trying to calm the butterflies that had set up camp in his stomach. He had come to a decision this morning – one he hoped he was strong enough to stick with.

When they’d entered the house the night before, Zayn had been giving him the full silent treatment, had done so all the way home. As Zayn had tried to walk toward the stairs, Louis had grabbed his arm.

_“Zayn, nothing happened.”_

_“Maybe not Lou” Zayn had replied quietly, his tone resigned “but it would have if Niall and I hadn’t interrupted you. You seem hell bent on being stupid, so it’s only a matter of time really, isn’t it?”_

_When Louis had remained quiet, Zayn went on. “I won’t tell you again what a mistake it would be, Lou, but I will say that I love you and I want you to get better. Your parents paid a shit load of money for this treatment and I put my life on hold to come and support you. Don’t you think you owe it to yourself and everyone else who loves you to get better?”_

He had left Louis standing in the hallway, feeling guilty and wretched, and gone upstairs to his room. Louis had grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat out on the back deck by himself, watching as the sky turned a burnt orange and vowing to speak to Harry in the morning. He owed to his family and he owed it to Zayn, but most of all, he owed it to himself.

He had gone to bed agitated and woke in a cold sweat, whimpering and shaking as Zayn held him until the nightmare dissipated.

So here he was, on the way to his morning session with Harry after promising Zayn he would sort out the mess he’d made with Harry, tired and wrung out. He was fervently wishing he was anywhere else right now and was not in any way looking forward to speaking with Harry, but he knew in his bones it was the right thing to do.

 

***

 

Harry was hanging up the remaining wetsuits that had been washed the night before in the change rooms. He had arrived at work absurdly early this morning, unable to sleep and too worked up to stay at home. He needed to occupy himself, so he didn’t have to think about the discussion with Louis that was looming.

He had spent the evening before lying on a sun lounge in the garden, wrapped in a blanket with Liam in a similar pose beside him, pouring his heart out. He told Liam everything, including the almost kiss.

_“I’ve behaved so badly Liam. It’s not like me to be like this, especially over someone I barely know! I nearly kissed him today – in fact I would have if Niall hadn’t walked in with his boyfriend in tow. It was all sorts of awkward.”_

_“Harry, you need to get this thing under control for both your sakes or it’ll blow up in your face. You don’t want to put your job in jeopardy” Liam had told him._

_“No I don’t and I also don’t want to compromise his treatment” Harry had replied. “I want to see him get better, not be the reason he doesn’t.”_

_Liam had reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “That’s your answer then – you need to keep it professional, whatever it takes. I’m sorry it can’t be different Harry, but you have to put any idea of romantic involvement with this boy out of your mind.”_

Harry knew he was right, had steeled himself to speak with Louis this morning, but he couldn't help the tinge of melancholy that had settled over him, the feeling that he was missing an opportunity for something wonderful.

 

There was a knock at the door and he called out a greeting as he walked out into the office and found two smiling faces waiting for him. Ashton, a fellow dolphin trainer and Luke, the new intern, stood milling around near Harry’s desk in their wetsuits.

“Lads” Harry greeted with a smile “how are we today?”

“G’day Harry” smiled Ashton “pretty good – been flat out, but nothing we can’t handle mate.”

“Yeah” agreed Luke “bit rough this morning though – had a big one last night down at the pub!”

Harry shook his head fondly. These two boys were always in the thick of things and managed to party even more than Niall – which was really saying something!

“You look like you had a big night too Harry – in fact you look like shit, mate.” Luke observed.

“Not a big night” Harry replied “just didn’t sleep much – had a lot on my mind.”

The boys both nodded, but sensed Harry didn’t really want to talk about it, so they let it be. Their laid back nature was one of the reasons Harry liked them so much.

“You doing the dolphin show with us today?” Ashton asked.

Harry nodded. “Yeah, sure am – sorry about yesterday, but I’ve been busy with therapy at the moment, so I’ve had to juggle.”

“No worries” Ashton grinned. “Luke here’s been a great help – he even led some of the tricks yesterday.”

Luke grinned proudly. “Better watch out Harry” he teased “they’ll be giving me your job soon.”

Harry chuckled. “Mate, you couldn’t handle my job! Besides, Candy would never leave me just for a pretty face, she and I are soulmates.”

Luke was interrupted before he could reply, a knock at the door sounding the arrival of Louis and Zayn, who stepped into the office, both grim faced.

Louis and Harry simply stared at each other, the smile sliding from Harry’s face and neither saying a word, until Ashton and Luke could feel the tension coming off them in waves and excused themselves, mumbling about needing to clean the pools. When they’d left, Harry cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“Hello” he murmured. “Would you like to sit down?” He waved a hand vaguely toward the chair.

“No thanks” Zayn replied curtly. “We need to talk to you about Louis’ treatment.”

“Zayn!” scolded Louis, embarrassed. “Just settle down alright? I’m a grown man for God’s sake, I can handle this!”

“Like you’ve been doing a great job of that so far!” Zayn replied, rolling his eyes.

“Listen Zayn…” Harry interjected.

“What the fuck is your deal?” Zayn turned on him and went straight on the attack. “I don’t know what kind of show you’re running, but I _do_ know it’s not appropriate to hit on your patients!”

“Zayn, enough!” Louis yelled.

Harry could feel his cheeks burning as he looked down at his feet. It was quiet for a moment, then he looked up at Zayn, face a shroud of misery as he answered.

“I know, alright?! I fucking know! I’m so ashamed of myself and I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to hit me, but I swear nothing happened – he’s been faithful to you I promise!”

“Faithful to me?” Zayn asked.

“What are you talking about?” Louis added.

Harry frowned. “Louis – he hasn’t cheated on you Zayn and I wouldn’t ask him to” he paused “well, I never _used_ to be the type of person who would do that. Now I’m not so sure – I’ve been acting crazy since he got here. I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore!” Harry was pacing now, agitated.

Louis was staring at Harry, his words having rendered him speechless.

Zayn was frowning in confusion, trying to make sense of Harry’s words. “What? Harry, Louis and I aren’t together.”

“You’re not?” Harry asked, surprised.

Zayn shook his head. “We’re best mates, but we’re not, like, together or anything. Not that it should matter to you – he’s off limits to you, do you hear me?”

Harry slumped into the chair, putting his head in his hands on the desk. ”I know” he groaned. “I let this get out of hand and I’m so fucking sorry.” He looked up at Louis, walking over to where he stood, still staring dumbly at Harry.

“Look Louis, I’m a good person, I swear, and I’ve never behaved unprofessionally in my life before this.  I just felt such a strong connection to you right away and I guess I let that cloud my judgement. I behaved in a way I’m not proud of and I’m really sorry.”

“Harry, you’re not…” Louis started to protest, but Harry held up a hand.

“Let me finish, please. I’m not going to lie Louis, I am ridiculously attracted to you. You affect me more than I’d like to admit right now and that has been causing me to make some pretty bad choices. But as much as I’d like to kiss you – and believe me when I say that I really, _really_ want to kiss you – what I’d like more, is for you to get better. The only way for me to help you do that, is to remain professional and do my job, so that’s what I intend to do. I will fight for you, and I will keep fighting till we beat this. I’ll stay right by your side, for as long as you need me and I won’t let you down again. And while there’s a part of me that’s sad I won’t get to have that kiss, I really hope we can be friends, Louis, because I think you’re amazing, and friends is better than nothing right?”

Louis had been blushing as Harry spoke, holding his lip between his teeth, trying not to grin but losing the battle and chuckling at the end. He walked over, placed his hands on either side of Harry’s cheeks, leaning close.

“Friends is perfect Harry. I can do friends.” He placed a small, chaste kiss on Harry’s cheek and smiled. “I’m sorry too Harry. I’ve put you in an untenable position and that wasn’t fair to either of us. I want you to help me kick this and I promise I won’t make it harder than it needs to be. For the record, I’m so fucking attracted to you too, but I need to put myself first so I can get better.”

His eyes drifted down to Harry’s mouth and for a fleeting moment, Harry was sure he was going to kiss him. Instead, he leaned his forehead against Harry’s and sighed. “This isn’t going to be easy, is it?” he asked quietly, taking a step back and letting his hands drop from Harry’s face.

Harry stared at him for a moment before letting out a huff of laughter, shaking his head. “Definitely not easy – but the worthwhile things never are, are they?”

They smiled warmly at each other and suddenly, all the tension that had held them so tightly in its grip since they’d met dissipated and Louis felt lighter than he had in a long time. Harry then walked over to Zayn and held out his hand.

“I won’t let you down Zayn” he promised and Zayn smiled as he pulled him into a hug instead, whispering “thank you” into his ear. Harry swallowed round the lump that had formed in his throat as he squeezed Zayn tighter.

When the office door sounded again, they all looked up to see Niall, standing in the doorway, a comical look on his face as he took in the sight of Harry and Zayn embracing.

“What the fuck is going on here?” he asked. “I thought you two would be coming to blows this morning, not hugging like long lost brothers!”

“Morning Niall” Harry chuckled. “We’ve cleared the air.”

Niall shrugged as if that was all the explanation he needed. “Well, alright then!” He turned to Louis saying “so you won’t mind if I steal your man again, so I can take him for a bit of a swimming practice? I’m trying to get him to go swimming with the seals, you know.”

Louis’ eyebrows disappeared into his hairline at that, but he grinned and waved his hand dismissively. “Be my guest!” he answered. “Oh, and by the way, he’s not my boyfriend – where do you people get these ideas?”

Niall’s facial expression was somewhere between surprised, delighted and panicked as he swallowed audibly. “I see” he murmured, looking back at Zayn, a slow smile curling his lips up as he added “well, never mind, I’m sure I can keep him sufficiently entertained.” He winked at them then and Zayn’s cheeks heated up as he blushed furiously.

“Well come on then Zayno!” Niall bellowed, grabbing Zayn’s wrist and dragging him toward the door. “The water waits for no man and neither do I – even the cute ones!”

Zayn barely had time to give Louis and Harry a small wave before he was hauled out through the door. As they left, Louis and Harry looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“Oh my God!” Louis giggled “his face was priceless!”

“I know” Harry agreed “he’s been lusting after Zayn since he saw him, the poor boy doesn’t stand a chance now!”

As their laughter subsided, they looked at each other softly.

“So” Harry said quietly, the smile still ghosting his lips “you ready to get stuck in and work hard?”

“You betcha” Louis grinned “lead the way Yoda.”

Harry chuckled at that as he led Louis through to grab him a wetsuit.

 

***  

 

Niall was bent over the giant cage which held the life jackets, digging for one that was the right size for Zayn, and Zayn was carefully pretending not to be checking out his rear end as he bent over. When Niall looked back and saw Zayn peeking, he grinned and winked at him. To add to Zayn’s mortification, he asked “were you just checking out my arse Zayno?”

“No!” Zayn replied, eyes flying wide and cheeks blazing. “Was just…”

“No need to get your knickers in a knot mate” Niall soothed “I’ve been told it’s a nice arse once or twice, so I’m kinda glad you were giving it the once over, to be honest – like to think you’re seeing me at my best” he laughed loudly and Zayn couldn’t help but chuckle and shake his head.

As Niall handed him a life jacket, he even mustered up the courage to say bashfully “for the record, it _is_ a nice arse.”

Niall threw back his head, laughing joyfully, Zayn joining in. They walked over to the edge of one of the back pools, which was currently empty of all sea life and Zayn leaned over and peered into the clear deep water.

“So, what first?” he asked nervously.

“This” replied Niall, grabbing Zayn’s hand and jumping into the water, pulling him in. Zayn let out a shriek as his body tumbled after Niall’s and into the water. When they hit the water, Niall kept hold of his hand and the life jacket ensured he rose back up to the surface straight away.

When he broke the surface with a wild eyed gasp, he pointed a finger at Niall. “You are in big trouble!” he said, but there was a reluctant smile on his face as he bobbed up and down beside a laughing Niall in the water, his other hand still clasped firmly in Niall’s grip.

Once Zayn got used to the water and the feeling of security the life jacket gave him, he started to relax and they simply spent time floating around, chatting and getting to know each other better, before Zayn again joined him at the seal show. By the time they were heading back to the dolphin pools, Zayn found himself even more endeared by the little blonde hurricane (as he had nicknamed him) than he already was.

 

***

 

Louis had another appointment with Megan after his session with Harry, so Harry invited Zayn to have lunch with him and Niall.

“After we’ve eaten, you can help me feed Candy and Arnie if you like?” Harry told him.

“That’d be sick mate!” Zayn replied, smiling.

They waved Louis off as he made his way up to the rooms that were used to conduct the therapy sessions. This meant that Megan could visit Louis here at SeaWorld, rather than him having to travel to her clinic.

When he’d finished his recounting of the past two days’ sessions, minus the whole “I nearly snogged my therapist” episode, she smiled.

“It seems you’re already making progress – that’s wonderful Louis! Every time you get into the water is a win and it will get slowly better each time you do. Now, have you had a chance to try the exercise we spoke about last session?”

Louis grimaced. In all the Harry distraction and fighting with Zayn, he hadn’t done the exercise. “I actually haven’t – I’m sorry, I’ve just been a bit tired. It may just be a bit of jet lag still, but I’ll do it tonight, I promise.”

She nodded. “OK, please try to make time for it, as it’s really important.”

They went on to speak about his nightmares at length, then did a guided meditation where he had to imagine himself floating in deep water. This was difficult and he struggled to stay relaxed, but after several attempts, he managed it.

The session had gone longer than scheduled, and while it had been a big day, leaving him a little wrung out, he was also feeling positive that he was making progress.

He set out in search of the boys, heading back to Harry’s office. As he approached, he saw a sight that made his heart skip a beat.

Harry was in the small pool beside the office, a little blond girl sitting on the side of the pool, wiggling her legs in the water and holding her arms out to Harry.

“Harry! Harry!” she called out, her hands wiggling impatiently at him. He grinned at her, his face fond and reached out to collect her in his arms. She immediately wrapped her own around his neck and they proceeded to pat Candy as she presented herself in front of them at Harry’s command.

Harry was so gentle, so encouraging and so bloody lovely that Louis felt something pull in his chest as he watched them together. They had their heads close, deep in their own little world and Harry was glowing. The sight caused images of Harry as a father to flood his mind, and his breath hitched at the very thought of it.

He slipped into the shadow of a tree and watched Harry coax the little girl into the deeper water, holding her tightly and praising her as she let him hold her with the water at chest height. Harry spun her around slowly, both of them giggling as they turned in a giant circle, Candy gliding beside them. It was so evident that there was a mutual affection and trust between them and the sight of Harry cooing over the little blonde cherub did funny things to Louis’ heart. Harry was just so lovely, so incredibly wonderful and Louis found himself smiling along with the two in the water, his face radiating fondness.

He watched for the remainder of the session, which wasn’t creepy _at all_. When they were finished, Louis headed toward them as they sat down with their customary ice block, both sitting on the bench and looking equally adorable. As he approached, Harry looked up and grinned.

“Louis!” he said happily.

“Harry” Louis answered. “And who’s your lovely friend here?” he asked, smiling at the little blonde girl, pigtails swinging as she tipped her head to the side and looked up at Louis.

“I’m Lux” she told him with a big smile. “Are you Harry’s friend?”

“Yes” Louis smiled as he looked at Harry, who was beaming fondly back at him. “Yes I am.”

That seemed to be enough of a character reference for Lux, who moved down the bench so Louis could sit on the other side of her. They chatted for a few minutes while she finished her ice block and then her mother called past to collect her, shaking Louis’ hand as Lux introduced them and then they all said goodbye, Harry and Louis high-fiving Lux as she left. She really was super cute.

He turned to Harry. “I see I could never compete with your other patients when it comes to the cute factor!” he said dryly, making Harry turn around with a grin, dimples showing.

“Oh, I don’t know” Harry replied “I think you’re pretty cute.” It was flirty, but there was no intent behind it, no agenda, so Louis chuckled.

“Oi! C’mon Styles, I’m more your rugged, manly type – not cute!” he pretended to take offense.

Harry snorted. “If you say so, mate” he teased.

Louis narrowed his eyes, but could only hold his glare for a few seconds before grinning. “Well she certainly had you wrapped around her little finger, with her little blonde curls and her blue eyes.”

“What can I say?” he joked, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m a sucker for blue eyes.” His gaze held Louis’ for just a moment before he looked away to pick up the balls he and Lux had been throwing about and Louis took a moment to shake himself, blushing furiously and clearing his throat.

“So where has Niall dragged Zayn off to now?” he asked, changing the subject to a safer one.

“They said something about going on some rides – Niall’s on his lunch break still, so they were going to ride the roller coaster, I think.”

“But Zayn hates roller coasters” Louis answered, frowning.

“Maybe he does, but who could say no to Niall? I’m pretty sure he can convince anyone to do anything when he puts his mind to it.” Harry replied.

Just then, they spied Niall walking back down the path, an arm around the very green looking Zayn walking beside him. They greeted Louis and Harry and Zayn walked straight over, burying his face in Louis’ neck as he groaned.

“I’m so sick Lou” he whined as Louis patted him gently on the back.

“Yeah” Niall nodded solemnly “I wasn’t thinking – in hindsight we shouldn’t have had hot dogs right before we went on the corkscrew rollercoaster. I keep forgetting not everybody has my cast-iron constitution.”

Louis pressed his lips together, trying not to laugh and looked over at Harry, who was trying desperately not to giggle, his green eyes dancing.

“Alright, well, I think I’ll get Z home then” Louis said, still trying not to laugh. “Thanks for everything lads. I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?”

His eyes locked with Harry’s one last time as Harry replied softly “Yeah, tomorrow.”

 

***  

 

After they’d walked home, collecting supplies at the Marina supermarket along with a cool bottle of water for Zayn, who had complained all the way home of nausea, Zayn went to lie down and Louis went into the bathroom, staring at the shower like it was a beast with two heads.

Megan had told him she wanted him to practice running the water and standing just in the doorway of the shower, getting himself used to the sound of the running water and to the idea of it running over his head and shoulders. He didn’t need to get in, just close his eyes and imagine it. In truth he wanted more than anything to be able to have showers again. Washing his hair had become a problem, with him having to use a jug in the bath, tipping his head back, so he wanted this sorted sooner rather than later.

He squared his shoulders and leaned in to turn the taps on, the water rushing out. He stood in the shower doorway and closed his eyes, just getting used to the sound of the water running beside him. After a while, he started to think about the water running down over his head and shoulders. As soon as he thought about the water over his face, his heart started hammering in his chest and his breath became shallow and laboured. He tried to calm his breathing, having a little success but not enough. He tried to focus, to use the techniques Megan had given him, but he had to open his eyes and take a step back to get himself under control again. When he’d calmed down, he girded his loins and determinedly stepped back into the doorway, closing his eyes again and picturing the same thing – the water running over his head. This time, though, he pictured Harry smiling at him and urging him on, telling him he was doing great, and the pressure in his chest eased marginally and he went a little longer before having to step back. He let his lips curve in a tiny smile. He could do this. He _would_ do this.

 

 

 

 


	6. Warm Whispers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the boys are struggling with their attraction - don't know how much longer they'll be able to hold out. Hmmmm, only time will tell!!
> 
> Thank you to everybody taking the time to read this and to give any kind of feedback. I get such a kick out of your enjoyment of this little story.
> 
> Once again, I must send out big love and gratitude to my amazing beta - Sassy_Boo_Bear, who is all sorts of wonderful and keeps me focused <3

 

“ _Your warm Whispers,_

_Out of the dark, they carry my heart…“_

_Missy Higgins_

 

Zayn leant back against his chair at the SeaWorld kiosk, full to the brim with fish and chips. He looked across the table and a small smile passed his lips as he watched Louis and Harry. It had been two weeks since they’d agreed to remain just friends and they had embraced that friendship wholeheartedly – bonding unusually quickly.

They were currently sitting huddled together, Louis with a leg draped over Harry’s thigh, swinging back and forth as he laughed at a story Harry was taking an inordinate amount of time telling, his large hands waving about as he spoke. They were casually stealing food from each other’s plates and Zayn was fairly sure neither was even conscious of their behaviour.

He looked across at Niall, who rolled his eyes with a fond smile and Zayn chuckled softly to himself. As was often the case when they were together, everyone else seemed to disappear for Harry and Louis and they were lost in their own little world, chatting and laughing at jokes nobody else understood.

As he listened to Harry speak, Louis nodded, grabbing a chip and tossing it without warning at Harry’s mouth. Harry paused mid-sentence, catching the chip between his lips and continued with his story, not missing a beat.

They had a natural ease around each other and an attachment that was uncommon between people who’d only just met. Zayn hadn’t seen Louis like this with anyone before – while he and Louis were extraordinarily close, Louis had taken a while to open up to Zayn in the beginning. With Harry, he’d been an open book from day one, which wasn’t like him at all. He was usually closed off until someone proved themselves worth opening up for. Somehow, Harry had gotten under his defences straight away.

Harry and Louis also had a lack of boundaries and personal space that took a little getting used to for those around them. Zayn had been suspicious at first, noticing their small, almost unconscious, touches and the way they spent all of their time draped around each other, but had quickly realised it was devoid of any intent – was just simply the way they interacted and they almost didn’t realise they were doing it half of the time.

When he’d commented on it to Niall, he’d told Zayn that Harry had always been physically affectionate with his friends, was even more so when he drank. Zayn had then told him that Louis was the same, but only with his closest friends. You had to earn it with Louis, but when you did he was very affectionate. It appeared that those tactile tendencies were somewhat intensified by this unique bond they had between them, with both boys always seeking new ways to pet each other, such as Louis running his hands through Harry’s hair almost obsessively.

While the underlying current of awareness between them was definitely noticeable, both boys had been true to their word, never crossing the line from friendship to more. As the weeks had gone by, Zayn had relaxed, accepting that their friendship was going to be an unusual one and being OK with it that way. He’d gotten to know Harry better and he liked him and respected him immensely. He had been working hard with Louis, giving just the right combination of encouragement and support, without letting Louis get away with anything. He pushed him just far enough to have him struggle, then pulled back to comfort and praise him, never breaking his trust.

Louis still hadn’t progressed off the shallow platform, but would now let Harry lay him back against his chest, till only his head was out of the water, and float on his back, practicing breathing techniques and able to stay calm in the water for a lot longer. He was also able to get in and out by himself, no hesitation. All in all, things were going well and Zayn was pleased.

He was also inordinately pleased at the way Niall sought out his company each day. While neither had made a move, there’d been a ridiculous amount of flirting and they’d become firm friends over the past two and half weeks. He’d had a few swimming lessons with Niall and met his co-worker Barb, who was a great girl. She was also at least half, if not all the way, in love with Niall, but really, who wasn’t?

While the boys had all spent a lot of time together at SeaWorld, they had yet to meet socially outside that setting. This week, though, they had been invited to a BBQ at Niall and Harry’s place to meet their best friend Liam and his girlfriend Sophia. It was the following evening and Zayn and Louis were looking forward to it, anxious for some entertainment. They’d not really ventured out so far, preferring for Louis to concentrate on his treatment, but they were going a little stir crazy staying at home each night and on Sundays, when there were no sessions. Zayn was initially wary of Harry and Louis spending time together socially, but figured it really was inevitable at this point. Besides, he really wanted to spend more time with Niall.

“Bloody Hell!” Niall looked at his watch, jumping up from the table “I finished lunch break a half hour ago! I’d better run – I’ll see you boys tomorrow, yeah?” he asked, then winked at Zayn before he ran off down the ramp.

“I’d better go too” Harry sighed “I’ve got Lux coming in this afternoon and I have so much to get done before Ian gets back next week.”

“Go on then” Louis waved him off, smiling. “Oh, and give little Lux a kiss from me, will you?”

Harry smiled, but shook his head. “Nope, can’t do that. She already adores you – I think I’m a bit jealous, you’re stealing my adoring fans away from me!”

“Can’t help the fact that I’m amazing Haz” Louis replied with mock sincerity. “Just naturally charismatic, I am. It’s the Tommo charm, it gets ‘em every time!”

Harry shot him a fond look, dimples appearing as he tried to hold back a grin. “Can’t argue with that” he replied softly. He looked at his watch and cursed. “I gotta run, I’ll see you later lads” he waved as he turned to jog down the path.

Louis watched him go, smile playing at his lips before he turned to find Zayn smirking at him and cleared his throat. “Ready to go then?” he asked, ignoring the look Zayn was giving him.

 

***

 

It was going to be a scorching hot day, Louis could feel it as soon as he woke the following morning. He was already covered in a light sheen of sweat and felt clammy and uncomfortable. On the upside, he hadn’t had any nightmares last night, so he was counting that as a win. He was having them less over the last week, which was pleasing, and if he found himself dreaming of green eyes and chocolate curls instead, well that really was nobody’s business.

He quickly showered his body, still unable to put his head under the water, but at least making progress, and then slipped on his board shorts and t-shirt, heading downstairs to make tea. Zayn was already there, pulling some toast out of the toaster.

“Morning” Zayn mumbled as he transferred the toast to his plate. “It’s fuckin’ hot.”

“Thank you for pointing that out Zayn” Louis replied sarcastically. “I never would have guessed on my own. Although the fact that I’m drowning in a puddle of my own sweat is a bit of a giveaway, I have to say.”

“No need to be a snarky bitch Lou, just making conversation. I would’ve put the air conditioner on, but we’re leaving in about twenty minutes, so it seemed like a waste.”

 

The heat was already beating down on them as they walked up for Louis’ session with Harry, despite the early hour. Louis was actually surprised to say he was looking forward to getting into the cool water today. Or maybe it was just the anticipation he felt every day at seeing Harry – he couldn’t really be sure.

When they arrived, Harry was waiting for them as usual, his smile bright and eyes gleaming. He really was so beautiful, Louis thought, still not used to how Harry affected him. Louis slipped into the change rooms to put on a wetsuit and Zayn and Harry chatted quietly, Zayn complaining about the heat.

Harry laughed. “I remember when I first moved here it was one of the things that took the longest to get used to – now I love it!”

“What do you love?” asked Niall as he walked into the office, smile wide as usual as he walked over to sling an arm around Zayn’s shoulders and whisper a hello.

“The heat” Harry replied. “Zayn’s dying over here Niall, you need to get him in the water as soon as possible.”

Niall grinned. “This is your lucky day Mr Malik – for today we swim with Bart!”

Zayn’s eyes widened comically. “Today?” he asked.

“Yup” Niall replied. “Don’t look so nervous Zayno, he’s a big old teddy bear – you’ll love it!”

Harry chuckled as Zayn answered him, mumbling something about death by sea lion. “You’ll be fine Zayn” he assured him “trust me.”

Niall dragged Zayn off by the hand and Harry waved them off, turning when he heard Louis come back out of the change rooms.

He grinned. “Ready?”

Louis waved his hand in the direction of the door, smiling back at him. “Lead the way Styles!”

 

***

 

Louis sighed as he slid onto the shallow platform and smiled at the idea of actually being happy to be in the water.

“What are you smiling about?” asked Harry his lips twitching as he watched Louis.

“Just the fact that it actually feels nice to get into this water, which I couldn’t imagine myself saying a couple of weeks ago.” Louis replied.

“I’m impressed Lou” Harry answered. “You’re doing so well!” He looked so proud and Louis couldn’t help the rush of pleasure he felt at his words.

Harry called Candy over and they threw her fish pieces. She kept gliding up and nudging Louis, almost like she was asking him to come and play with her in the water. He sighed wistfully.

“I wish I could, love” he told her, his mouth curved down.

“You will soon Lou, you’ll see” Harry assured him. “You’ve already come so far.”

“Yeah, yeah of course” Louis smiled at him, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. Harry hated seeing him like this, hated when he doubted himself. He made a small hand gesture and Candy left them alone, splashing off into the deeper water.

Harry moved to sit behind him. “Let’s pick up where we left off last session, with you lying back, but this time I want you to get the back of your hair wet, OK?” He moved his hands under Louis’ back to support him as he lay backwards in the water.

As Louis’ hair touched the water, he felt the familiar rising panic and thrashed about, pulling himself back up. He sat in the water, feeling it slosh around his shoulders and breathed deeply.

“Sorry” he mumbled, embarrassed. “Hate the feeling of it around my head.”

“It’s fine” Harry replied, squeezing his shoulder. “Let’s try again, but this time, tuck your head into the crook of my neck and I’ll lower us down together, alright?”

Louis nodded, leaning back against Harry and tucking his head securely into the crook of his neck. It felt solid, safe, and Harry nudged his cheek sideways, briefly nuzzling his forehead affectionately before focusing and sinking backward. He kept talking softly the entire time, distracting Louis from what was happening.

“You’re so amazing Lou, so brave. I can’t believe how well you’re doing.”

“I couldn’t be prouder of you than I am right now, Lou.”

“Relax, I’ve got you, OK?”

The words flowed through Louis’ veins like a drug, making his body respond, and while he tensed up as the back of his head touched the water, he remained focused on Harry’s words, his voice and he found himself breathing through the panic. His body shuddered, but he managed to make himself stay put, clinging tightly to the arm Harry had slipped around his waist, gripping it like a lifeline.

Harry didn’t take him down any further, left his face and ears out of the water, but they stayed in that position as Harry talked him through his breathing and relaxation steps. Louis eventually found himself letting his body go limp, his head still tucked into Harry’s neck and confident that Harry had him. They lay like that for a while, Harry making him close his eyes and imagine himself sinking down into the water and then coming straight back up, breathing as he resurfaced. It was the same meditation that Megan had him do at the end of every one of their sessions and it was familiar, if still a little overwhelming.

When they sat back up, Harry walked to the edge of the pool, pulling out some goggles and a snorkel. “I want to try something new today” he told Louis. “I want you to put these on. I’m going to get Candy to swim back and forth in front of you under water and you are going to use these to watch her.”

Louis immediately shook his head. “No Haz, I’m not ready to put my face in the water.”

“You will be able to breathe the whole time with the snorkel on” Harry told him. “Can you please try for me Lou?” he added softly, his eyes pleading.

Louis hated to let him down, but he felt like he was about to throw up his breakfast.

“I can’t even shower with my head under the water yet Harry! How do you expect me to do this?” he was agitated now, standing up in the water and walking back over to sit on the side of the pool.

“OK, OK” Harry replied, holding his hands up. He looked at Louis, confused. “I thought you were alright with showers now?” he asked. “You said you were having them in the mornings?”

Louis sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Yeah, I’ve been slowly working on that with Megan and I’m at the stage where I can get in under the shower with my body, but not my face or head – kind of like how I am in the water here now. Every time I try to put my head under, I just can’t. It’s like I can’t breathe and the feeling is fucking suffocating. I try to stay calm but…” he shrugged.

Harry looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, considering, then held out his hand. “Come with me” he said.

“Where are we going?” Louis asked with a small frown, but reaching out and placing his hand in Harry’s without question.

“We are going to take a shower” Harry replied, pulling Louis to his feet and dragging him toward the change rooms in his office.

 

***

 

They entered the change room and Harry stripped off his wetsuit, leaving only his short navy swim shorts on. Louis stopped and took a moment to drink in the sight of him. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen Harry shirtless, but it never failed to take his breath away. Harry was beautiful, all long lean lines with dips and curves of defined muscle. He was strong and fit and the smattering of tattoos inked on his torso just completed the picture perfectly. His mouth was dry as he let his eyes drift over Harry’s chest. Harry looked over then and caught him staring, so he quickly turned and stripped off his own wetsuit, feeling the need to fill the silence with chatter.

“So why are we doing this? It’s supposed to be something I’m working on at home. I don’t want to disrupt your schedule” he turned to face Harry, noticing that Harry’s eyes flew up over his chest quickly, a guilty look flashing across his features, like he’d been looking down at Louis’ arse and Louis felt a warmth wash over him at the thought. For a single moment, they allowed themselves to look at each other, the air thick with desire, and then Harry cleared his throat and stepped back, and the moment was gone.

“I just think that until you get this step completed, we won’t be able to move forward in our sessions. The biggest hurdle we have is getting you to put your head underwater, so this is a major step in overcoming that. If you can shower each day, putting your face under the stream, then you can get used to water around your head a lot quicker. Think of it like desensitisation.”

He gestured for Louis to walk into the showers ahead of him as he answered. “I think we should try distracting you” Harry said, following him in and standing in front of the showers. “Like, maybe you’re just working this up to be bigger than it has to be. You’re usually alone when you try this and you have nothing else to focus on, so it becomes this huge deal, you know? I mean, I haven’t done this before, so I could be wrong, but it can’t hurt to try can it, yeah?”

Lou nodded, looking at the shower like it was a mountain that had to be climbed, and squared his shoulders, preparing to go at it. “OK, I’m ready” he said determinedly. “Let’s do this.”

Harry turned on the shower, the water rushing out at speed and Louis could feel his pulse jump straight away. He looked at the water, jaw clenched, trying to take deep breaths and stay calm. As he moved to take a step forward, Harry put a hand out to stop him.

“Let’s try something a little different, yeah?” Harry asked.

“Like what?” Louis replied with a small frown.

Harry stepped in front of him, close enough so their chests were almost touching. Louis’ breath hitched and now his pulse picked up even further, but not with fear.

“Put your hands on my shoulders” Harry commanded quietly, their faces only inches apart.

As Louis complied, Harry slid his arms around Louis waist, pulling him in close and holding him tightly.

“Now” Harry breathed out “look into my eyes, not at the water. Look only at me Lou.” Louis looked at him, their eyes locking, and in that moment, everything else fell away, leaving just the two of them. Louis was lost in Harry’s eyes, lost to his surroundings and lost to all else but the steady beat of Harry’s chest, pressed against his own. He slid his arms up and around Harry’s neck, tightening them just a little and pressing closer, unable to help himself.

Harry was using every ounce of self-control he could muster up. He hadn’t really though this through very well and was struggling not to press Louis up against the nearest surface and take his mouth like an animal. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, opening them again and re-establishing eye contact with Louis, pressing their foreheads together. He could feel his cock twitching with interest, and willed it away, trying to concentrate on what they were trying to achieve. He took another deep breath, forcing himself to get on with it.

He stepped backward, into the stream, pulling Louis with him. He felt an instant tensing in Louis’ body, but kept his hold tight as he pulled.

“Louis, concentrate!” he ordered harshly. “Keep your eyes on mine.” Louis immediately responded to Harry’s voice and brought his eyes back to Harry’s, his touch giving Louis something else to focus on besides the rushing water.

Harry stepped backward again, pulling Louis under the water flow. Louis let out a small cry, spluttering as water entered his mouth, and he tried to pull his body back, panicking. Harry kept his hold strong, though, keeping him in place.

Louis immediately lost focus then, panic rising as he pushed against the restraint of Harry’s arms, choking and gasping for air as the water streamed over his hair and face.

Harry was speaking in a loud clear voice for Louis to trust him and that he was OK, but it was like Louis couldn’t hear him. He was twisting in Harry’s hold, fighting him now, telling Harry to let him go.

Harry instinctively did the first thing that came into his mind. He brought his hands up and placed a palm on either side of Louis’ face, pulled him closer, and quickly placed a soft kiss on Louis’ lips, letting out a soft sigh as they came together.

Louis immediately went still when Harry’s lips touched his, a spark of sensation shooting through his body and his whole reality was reduced to the spot where their lips were joined. When Harry slid a tongue across his lower lip, he opened his mouth to him immediately and he felt Harry’s whimper.

He was no longer conscious of the water running down over his hair and the back of his head, only able to feel the plump lips, slowly working his. He closed his eyes and savoured the taste and feel of Harry, committing every detail to memory.

When Harry pulled back, Louis’ eyes fluttered open and he was looking directly into Harry’s green gaze. For a second neither moved, inches apart, and Harry’s gaze drifted back down to Louis’ lips, like he was going to kiss him again. Then, just as quickly, he stepped back, smiling.

“You did it Lou!” he grinned. “I know I shouldn’t have kissed you, but you did it!”

Louis shook himself out of his stupor to realise he was still standing under the spray, water streaming down his head and neck. A small smile curved his lips before he let out a loud laugh, bringing his hands up to run through his hair under the water. He was grinning from ear to ear.

“I did it!” he giggled “I did it Haz!” He felt himself shiver and stepped out of the spray then, throwing himself at Harry, hugging him tightly. “ _We_ did it” he said softly in Harry’s ear. “I could never have done it without you.”

Harry squeezed him tightly, a lump in his throat and his heart still pounding. That kiss had been everything Harry had imagined it would be and it had taken so much self-control to force himself to take a step back, when everything in him was screaming for more. He had kissed Louis without thinking and he knew it had been wrong, but it had worked, so he wasn’t going to beat himself up too much about it.

He made Louis stand back under the spray four more times before they shut the shower off and Louis managed it every time with Harry beside him, holding his hand.

“I hope I can do it at home” Louis frowned “you know, when you’re not there.”

Harry smiled. “You’ll have to, Lou. It was bad enough that I just kissed you – I’m afraid coming over every day to help you shower may be completely crossing the line!” He chuckled, then added quietly “no matter how tempting it may be.”

They stared at each other for a long heated moment before Louis stepped forward, whispering in his ear “I’ll just pretend you’re there then, shall I?”

Harry let out a shaky breath. “Fuck Lou” he cursed, taking a step back and putting some distance between them. He looked up at the roof as he spoke, not trusting himself to look at Louis – knowing he’d lose all resolve if he did. “You can’t say things like that… it’s too hard. I only have so much self-control and it’s taking every ounce of it to keep my hands off you right now.” He looked back at Louis, who was looking at him with blown pupils and a swollen mouth and he let out a soft whine. “You’d better go. We’ll have to leave it there today. I just… I can’t.”

Louis nodded. “Yeah, yeah, good idea I think. Sorry, I just… sorry” he replied breathlessly, wondering how he was possibly going to get through ten more weeks of this now that he knew what Harry tasted like.

As Harry turned to leave, Louis spoke. “Harry? I know it shouldn’t have happened, but thank you. That kiss changed everything for me.”

Harry nodded and left the change room. When he walked into the office, he leant back on the closed door and whispered “it changed everything for me too.”

 

***

 

“You ready?” asked Niall.

“Not sure, really” answered Zayn, looking down at Bart, who was bobbing in the water in front of him, grunting at them. “Feels weird being in the water with something so big.”

Niall chuckled. “Everyone feels like that at first, but trust me, he’s a gentle giant! I’ll go in first and you follow me, OK?”

Zayn nodded, sitting on the edge of the pool in his wetsuit and life jacket. Niall dived in and Bart immediately swam past, gliding up next to Niall, who petted him.

“Hiya big fella!” Niall cooed as he ruffled the fur on his neck. “Are you gonna be gentle with our Zayn here?” he asked, flicking his hand out to elicit a response from him. Bart obligingly nodded his head and Niall grinned. “Good boy!”

He turned to Zayn then. “C’mon in Zayn, don’t be shy!” He swam over, holding out a hand to Zayn, who took it as he slid in, bobbing in the water. Bart swam by close to his legs and Zayn let out a very unmanly shriek, causing Niall to cackle loudly.

Niall moved his hand so their fingers were tangled together and tightened his grip. “Don’t worry mate, you’ll get used to him swimming around you!”

Zayn found he did get used to Bart, even relaxing enough to throw the ball to him across the pool, laughing as the huge seal tossed it back. When they finally got out, they sat on the pool’s edge tossing fish to Bart and then cleaned everything up, ready for the seal show at twelve o’clock.

“Thanks Niall” Zayn said, smiling. “That was really amazing – I loved it!”

Niall beamed at him. “No problem mate! So glad you enjoyed it! You gonna stay for the seal show?”

“Yeah” Zayn nodded. “Just no seal kisses OK? I already smell like a bait shop!”

Niall laughed as he replied “no promises mate!”

 

***

 

As they walked home, the heat continued to be stifling, waves of it rising from the tar on the road and making them feel like they were cooking. With almost ninety percent humidity, it felt like a hundred and fifty degrees in the shade and Louis was sure he could feel his skin melting off his bones.

When they finally got home, he turned on the air conditioning and while Zayn fell onto the couch to watch TV, Louis went upstairs to take a nap. Niall and Harry wouldn’t be by to collect them for the BBQ for another hour and a half, so he soaked in a cool bath, then dried off and fell naked onto the bed, face down, dozing off almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Zayn had drifted into a deep sleep on the couch and didn’t hear the insistent knocking at first. When he finally registered the sound, he cursed as he realised it must be Harry and Niall arriving. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep for so long. He staggered to the door, opening it with his face still sleep rumpled and his hair sticking out every which way.

“Zayno!” Niall greeted him with a grin as he walked past him and into the house without being asked. “You been asleep mate?”

“Sorry mate” Zayn smiled sleepily “must have dozed off.”

“No worries” Niall replied. “We’re early so there’s plenty of time to get ready.”

Zayn nodded. “OK, well I think Lou must be asleep too. I’ll grab you a beer and wake Lou and we’ll be ready in a jiffy.”

“Nice place you’ve got here!” Niall told him enthusiastically looking around as Zayn pulled three beers from the fridge. “It’s a lot nicer than our house.”

Zayn handed him a beer, offering one to Harry as well. Harry declined his, instead offering to go wake Louis up with a mischievous grin on his face.

Zayn chuckled. “First door on your right at the top of the stairs” he told Harry. “And be careful – he wakes up swinging!”

Harry grinned as he took of up the stairs. “Duly noted!” he called out, taking the stairs two at a time. He peeked his head around Louis’ open door frame and let out a small gasp at the sight before him.

Louis was lying face down on the bed, naked, one leg hitched up underneath him leaving him open and on display. Harry’s chest contracted at the smooth expanse of tanned skin, the toned lines of muscle in his back, defined by the arm he had thrown up over the pillow under his face. His eyes greedily swept over the curve of Louis’ arse, the hint of the pink puckered hole that wasn’t quite visible and he found his mouth watering at the thought of walking over and parting those cheeks, sinking his tongue into Louis. _Fuck_ , he had already crossed the line with their earlier kiss and now he was reeling under the weight of his desire yet again.

He closed his eyes, letting out a small whimper as he put his hand down to grasp his growing erection, squeezing it tightly, and willing himself under control as he mentally asked the heavens how much torture he was expected to bear in his quest to remain professional. Really, someone up there was having a right fucking laugh at his expense.

The small noise must have disturbed Louis, and he stirred, breathing deeply as he rolled onto his back, letting out a soft sigh. Harry’s eyes widened as he looked over, and he was unable to tear them away as Louis lay there on the bed. He was slowly stirring, his body still limp and relaxed, with one leg bent at the knee and falling open. Harry forgot how to breathe at the sight of him, his gorgeous little body on display. Just then, Louis’ eyelashes fluttered, his eyes slowly blinking open.

 

***

The first thing Louis saw as he opened his eyes was Harry, standing in his doorway, looking at him hungrily, with one hand on his own dick. His first thought was that this was a dream, so he blinked a couple of times, but Harry was still there. His lips were parted and his hand hadn’t moved from his crotch. He was staring at Louis like he wanted to fuck him into the mattress and Louis swallowed with difficulty as he found himself responding, his dick twitching and filling up and his body feeling flushed all over.

Before he knew what he was doing, his hand instinctively reached down, grasping his hardening cock and stroking it as he held Harry’s gaze. He heard Harry exhale shakily before he drew his lower lip between his teeth, a small whine escaping as he squeezed his cock through his pants. Louis felt a shiver go through him at the sound and licked his lips, stroking faster and letting out a low moan, his eyes never leaving Harry’s.

The sound of Zayn’s voice calling up the stairs burst the bubble they were in and Harry jumped guiltily and stepped back out of the doorway, leaning against the wall outside Louis’ bedroom and panting as he desperately willed away the raging hard on in his pants. Louis was so fucking hot and Harry was trembling with the effort it was taking not to storm back in there and wreck him. He could hear Louis moving about in the bedroom and he slowly walked down the stairs, thinking of dead puppies and anything else that might help him regain control of his own body.

When he reached the kitchen, he quickly moved to the counter, pressing himself up against it to hide the problem he was having. Zayn looked at him, a small frown on his face.

“You alright Harry?” he asked. “You look a bit flushed.”

“Yeah” Harry answered, a little breathless “just ran up the stairs, that’s all. Lou will be down in a minute.”

“Was he grumpy when you woke him?” Zayn asked. “He’s usually pretty unpleasant to wake up.”

“Uh, um, no, he was… pretty relaxed really, I guess” Harry stammered out.

Zayn gave him a strange look, but thankfully didn’t say anything more. He handed Harry a beer and Harry took it, grateful to have something other than Louis to focus on. He took a long swig and prayed he’d make it through tonight’s BBQ without dragging Louis off to his bedroom.

 

***  

Louis was pacing his bedroom, trying to catch his breath and scolding himself thoroughly. He was trying not to freak out, but really, w _hat the fuck had he been thinking?_

Well, he hadn’t been thinking, had he? He’d been so pent up after the kiss today and then he’d been caught up in the moment, spurred on by the look on Harry’s face and he’d just fucking lost control! How on earth was he going to face Harry now?

He stopped and looked down at the bulging shaft between his legs and realised that before he did anything, he needed to do something about that. He walked into the bathroom and locked the door, quickly tugging himself off while trying not to picture Harry on his knees, mouth around his cock and not quite succeeding. When he finished he stood looking at himself in the mirror, guilt washing over him.

“Well, you’ve really fucked it up now” he told his reflection.

 

He quickly dressed in khaki shorts and a colourful t-shirt, then made his way downstairs, smiling a little too manically and greeting everyone a little too brightly, eliciting a strange look from both Niall and Zayn, while Harry looked everywhere but at him.

By the time they had driven over to Harry and Niall’s place, the tension between them was almost too much to bear and when Zayn and Niall walked inside, Louis grabbed Harry’s arm, holding him back.

“Harry, I just wanted to apologise for what happened back there. I got carried away in the moment and it wasn’t fair of me to…“

“No Lou, don’t apologise – you couldn’t have known I’d be coming into your room. Besides, I’m the one that blurred the lines today with that kiss. It’s just, like I said, I’m so attracted to you and it just got out of hand for a minute there. But no harm done – nothing happened, so let’s just get back to how things were alright?”

“Yeah sure” Louis replied with a tight smile. “I just… I don’t want this to be weird – _please_ don’t be weird Haz” he pleaded.

Harry sagged with relief. “Me either – I don’t want it to be weird either. Can we just pretend today didn’t happen? I mean, that kiss was incredible, and I’m not sure I’ll ever get over the sight of you naked” he winked “but I’m only human Lou and I’m doing the best I can, but…”

Louis smiled, hugging him and chuckling. “We’re gonna be OK Haz” he murmured “now let’s go meet your friends. I’m dying to hear all the juicy embarrassing stories about you!”

“No embarrassing stories Lou – this is me we’re talking about!” Harry scoffed, as they headed for the front door, and the precarious balance between them was restored. Only just – but Louis would take that as a win.

 

***  

 

Liam was truly one of the nicest people Louis had ever met and Sophia was a delight. Louis was sat next to her at the moment, answering her questions about his treatment so far, while Zayn chatted with Liam as they stood beside the BBQ, Liam cooking the steaks.

Niall was inside with Harry making the salad and despite them clearing the air earlier, Louis was grateful for a bit of distance between him and Harry so they could fully regain their equilibrium again.

Today had been a large setback in his quest to remain unaffected by Harry and he was barely managing not to push Harry against the nearest wall and ravish him, if he was honest. The taste of Harry was still on his lips and he couldn’t shake the memory of that kiss they’d shared. If that wasn’t enough, he was having trouble putting out of his mind the vision of Harry standing in his doorway earlier, hunger radiating from him as he let his gaze devour Louis’ naked body. It had been captivating and Louis would never forget the look on Harry’s face.

He was just telling Sophia about his breakthrough today with the shower, when Niall and Harry came back out to join them. Niall joined Zayn and Liam at the BBQ and Harry walked over to where Sophia and Louis were seated and stood next to Louis, making him feel flustered. He stuttered out the rest of his story, omitting the part where Harry kissed him, of course. Harry reached down and squeezed his shoulder.

“He’s doing so well” he told Sophia. “I’m so proud of him.”

The pride was evident in Harry’s voice and Louis felt himself blush as he replied with a soft “thanks Haz.”

Sophia was eyeing them with a narrowed gaze, shrewdly assessing their interaction and they both squirmed under her intense gaze, but she smiled and said “sounds like you two are working well together – I’m glad.”

Louis and Harry smiled at each other and any remaining tension from the day’s interaction faded away as they shared a fond look.

“I couldn’t do this without him – he’s incredible!” Louis told Sophia.

“Nonsense Lou – it’s all you!” Harry told him “I’m just there to help guide you – you’re doing all the hard work!”

“Yeah” Louis looked up at him, placing his hand over Harry’s on his shoulder “but you make me want to be better, you make me want to succeed. So thank you.”

Harry looked back at him, emotion overtaking his features as he swallowed over the lump in his throat. They held the gaze until Sophia cleared her throat, reminding them she was there.

The boys both blushed then, and Louis excused himself to go check on Zayn. As he walked away, Sophia reached across, squeezing Harry’s hand.

“He’s adorable Harry. I can see why you’re so crazy about him.”

Harry smiled. “He really is so wonderful Soph” he replied. The smile then fell from his face as he added “I’m struggling to keep it professional, I have to be honest. I don’t even know if I can, Soph. He’s just everything I ever wanted, you know?”

“Hang in there Harry” Sophia grimaced. “You’re doing great, and you’re clearly making a difference in his life. I know you can do it babe.”

Harry squeezed her hand. “Thanks. I needed to hear that.”

After that, Harry relaxed and did his best to fight the desire for Louis that was thrumming through him. They all chatted easily over dinner and played a loud round of charades afterward, Harry and Louis beating the other four soundly and high fiving each other in celebration. They then watched the Avengers, Harry seated in front of Louis’ legs where he sat on the lounge and Louis running his fingers through Harry’s hair absentmindedly as he watched the screen.

When it was time to go home, Sophia volunteered to drive Louis and Zayn back to their place, as she hadn’t been drinking. When they walked out to the car, Niall hugged them both goodbye, holding Zayn for much longer than necessary, which made Louis smile. He hugged Harry, then turned to find himself embraced by a tipsy Liam and chuckled as he met Harry’s amused face over Liam’s shoulder.

When they were finally in the car, driving away, Louis looked out the back window and down the street and saw Harry standing at the curb, watching as the car disappeared. Louis kept his eyes on him until he couldn’t see him anymore and when he turned to face the front, he saw Sophia looking at him in the revision mirror.

“You’re crazy about him aren’t you?” she asked quietly.

Louis didn’t answer, just looked out the window beside him, eyes glassing over, but Zayn sighed, saying quietly “he sure is.”

 

 

 

 


	7. Nakedgate 2.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! So here's Chapter 7 - it's a bit more of light-hearted, fun chapter, so I hope you like it :)
> 
> As always, I'm sending out bucket loads of respect and love to my amazing beta Sassy_Boo_Bear. So often she says things I was literally just thinking - it's scary and amazing and I love her!! #dreamteam <3
> 
> A HUGE THANK YOU to everybody commenting and leaving kudos - hearing from you is the highlight of my day. I am loving getting to know some of you and look forward to our chats! Big Love xxx

__

 

 

_“I shouldn’t love you, but I want to_

_I just can’t turn away_

_I shouldn’t see you, but I can’t move_

_Can’t look away…“_

_Jesse McCartney_

 

It was the following Friday afternoon when Harry walked into the office to find Ian standing at his desk waiting for him.

“Ian!” he grinned. “Welcome back.”

Ian smiled. “Thanks Harry, how has everything been? No problems?”

“Nope, everything’s fine” Harry replied. _Unless of course you want to talk about the fact that I am almost certainly half in love with my latest patient and spending most of my waking hours imagining all of the dirty things I’d like to do to him. Not to mention the things I’d like him to do to me – take my virginity for instance. Noooo, there’s no problem, other than the state of perpetual sexual frustration I now operate with and the increased frequency with which I wank in an attempt to keep myself under some semblance of control, because fuck! He’s so fucking gorgeous and lovely and everything I could ever want but I can’t have him. So yeah, everything’s fine._

 

“Harry?” Ian tried again, waving his hand in front of Harry’s face. “You alright?”

Harry started, not realising he’d drifted into his own world – a common occurrence whenever Louis crossed his mind these days – and was it hot in here? It felt hot. “Sorry” he grimaced. “Just a bit tired is all. How was your trip? Is your mum better?”

They chatted about Ian’s mother and Harry filled him in on what had been happening. Ian asked about Louis and Harry told Ian all the pertinent facts, leaving out their constant struggle with mutual attraction. He then explained they’d moved to the deeper water, wearing a life jacket, over the past week, which he was going to remove at their Monday session and get Louis dog paddling.

“He’s not going to like it, but I want to push him a bit harder while we’re making good progress.”

Ian nodded. “Sounds like it’s been going well – I’ll stop by tomorrow’s session and say hello, see how things are going.”

Harry swallowed. “Sure, that’d be great.”

 

***  

 

As he walked over to meet up with Niall later in the day, he found himself following the sound of Niall groaning in pain and discovering him laid out on the table in the feed rooms, his naked bottom facing up and Barb leaning over him. Harry’s eyebrows rose as he entered the room.

“Um, hellooo?” he asked slowly.

Barb and Niall both looked up and Niall groaned again. “Haz! C’mon in mate, come over and give me some sympathy, Barb’s trying to fucking kill me!”

Barb rolled her eyes, a smile playing at her lips. “Nobody’s trying to kill you Niall, I’m just trying to bathe the wound alright? Now hold still!”

“Wound?” asked Harry, walking over to the table. Sure enough, there was a large red welt on Niall’s arse, along with a small graze. It wasn’t too bad, but Niall was playing it up for all it was worth.

“Fuckin’ Mr. Peabody bit me!” Niall told Harry indignantly. “Bastard bird! He literally bit the hand that feeds him – or the bum, whatever! Point is he bit me the son of a bitch!”

Harry tried valiantly not to laugh, he really did, but when he looked over at Barb, who was battling not to giggle, he lost all control. He let out a loud, surprised noise and began to chuckle until there were unshed tears filling his eyes and Barb had to stop what she was doing after joining in.

“That’s right” Niall complained “laugh away you rude fuckers – give no thought to my pain and suffering! Some friends you are.”

Their laughter died down and Harry squeezed his shoulder. “Sorry Nialler, but you have to admit – it’s pretty fucking funny!”

Barb snorted as she let go with another round of giggles and Niall let a reluctant smile curve his mouth.

“If this was me” Harry continued “you’d be loving every second of it, wouldn’t you?”

Niall grinned then. “Oh shit yeah! I’d laugh my arse off!” he chuckled. “Are you nearly finished Barb?” he added. “I know you’re enjoying the chance to look at my bare arse, but I’m feeling a little like I’m on a playboy shoot.”

“Sorry to break it to you” Barb replied archly “but your arse isn’t _that_ great.”

Niall clutched his chest, pretending to be wounded, even as he grinned. “Oh that’s harsh, Barb, that’s unnecessarily harsh. You’re breaking my heart right there.”

As he finished, he heard the click of a camera phone as Harry spoke, fingers quickly running over the keys.

“Let’s get an outside opinion on his arse, shall we?” he grinned as he hit send.

Niall flung himself up off the table, sending the large band aid Barb was trying to put on flying and she let out an exasperated cry. “Tell me you didn’t just do what I think you did?” he warned, finger pointed at Harry and tone relaying his absolute horror.

Harry grinned. “If you’re asking did I send that picture to Louis so he can ask Zayn his opinion of your arse – then yes, I most certainly did!”

The last thing Barb saw was Harry being chased from the building by a hysterical Niall, who was threatening to relocate some of Harry’s favourite body parts.

 

***

 

Louis’ phone buzzed as he and Zayn were lounging on the couch in the air-conditioning, watching a movie and drinking their second beer of the afternoon. He looked down and couldn’t help but grin when he saw it was from Harry. When he opened it up, he barked out a loud laugh as a picture of Niall’s bare bum filled his screen.

“Hey Zayn” he nudged Zayn’s feet “Harry wanted me to ask you what you think of Niall’s naked arse!” He chuckled as Zayn’s face took on a frozen, wide-eyed look, his mouth falling open.

Louis held up the phone and Zayn’s face became even more comical as his cheeks heated up.

“Lou!” he exclaimed, looking back at the telly. “I’m not looking at his arse!”

Louis shrugged. “Suit yourself. I’ll just tell him you refused to look at it.” He made to start typing a reply and Zayn squawked out a protest, making grabby hands at the phone.

“Don’t you dare!” he cried, then sighed. “Give it here then.”

Louis handed his phone over, and for someone who didn’t want to check out Niall’s arse, he spent an inordinate amount of time looking over the picture before discreetly texting it to himself. A small smile was playing at his lips when he looked up and he found Louis smirking at him.

“Enjoy the view there Z? Do I need to give you some privacy or summat? Need a moment by yourself to have a wank or is that why you sent it to your phone?” he teased.

Zayn glared at him, tossing his phone back at him harder than was strictly necessary as Louis chuckled.

 

**_From Lewwwiissss 5.36pm_ **

_Judging by the way Zayn drooled on my phone, I’d say his opinion of Niall’s arse is quite favourable. Me, I give it a modest seven – tell him I’ve seen better tbh. Hahaha!_

**_From Harry 5.38pm_ **

_Yeah me too. I recently saw a ten, remember? ;)_

 

Louis bit his lip on a smile as he read Harry’s text. He clearly recalled the way Harry had looked at his body that day and felt heat blossoming in his abdomen at the mere memory of it.

 

**_From Lewwwiissss 5.41pm_ **

_How could I forget curly? Although I think a ten may be a bit generous!_

**_From Harry 5.45pm_ **

_And I think you haven’t had a good look at your arse lately ;)_

**_From Lewwwiissss 5.49pm_ **

_Think it’s unfair you’ve seen mine and I haven’t seen yours – maybe you should send another pic…_

As soon as Louis sent the last text, he felt guilty. They were supposed to be toning down the flirting – it blurred the lines too much, but he guessed as long as they didn’t cross the line, it was harmless.

Only it really wasn’t, was it? What classed as crossing the line? Did the fact that he lay in bed every night, thinking of Harry’s lips on his as he pumped his cock and moaned softly, crossing the line? He was pretty sure the answer to that was yes, but he seemed incapable of stopping himself. He was only human for fuck’s sake, and Harry was the ultimate temptation, all long legs and charming dimples. He really hadn’t stood a chance. He deserved a medal for keeping his hands to himself at all really.

He noted the silence, noted that Harry hadn’t texted back and felt even guiltier. He’d just have to chalk it up to getting carried away and hope Harry would pretend it didn’t happen so he could avoid any embarrassment.

It was much later when he was preparing for bed, before his phone buzzed again. He absentmindedly opened the message from Harry and gasped as he saw the picture Harry had sent him. Harry was standing with his back to his bathroom mirror, naked, and had taken a selfie. He was looking over his shoulder at the mirror, bottom lip pulled between his teeth, and Louis nearly choked on his own tongue as he let his eyes feast on Harry’s body.

“Fuck” he breathed out, already feeling his body’s response, his chest tightening and his legs feeling weak as his dick twitched and began to harden. His mouth was dry and he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, only to slide off when he didn’t sit down properly. He hit the floor with a thud and was shaken out of his lust haze. He scrambled back up onto the bed, huffing out a laugh at himself.

He flopped back onto his pillow, holding his phone up to have another look – he did mention he’s only fucking human, alright?

It was inevitable that he was going to masturbate to the image of a naked Harry, so he didn’t fight it – rather threw himself into the act with all the pent up sexual frustration he had accumulated over the past three and a half weeks.

He reached over and grabbed the lube from his bedside table and slicked himself up, working his hand over the head a few times and then sinking down the shaft, his grip tight as he pumped slowly, feeling himself grow large. He moaned softly, his eyes never leaving Harry’s picture, and increased his pace.

He pictured running his hands down Harry’s body, slipping his slick fingers into Harry’s pert little arse and opening him up slowly, till he was crying out, begging for Louis to fuck him. He gasped, his hand running over the head of his cock, the slit leaking pre-come as he felt the pressure build in his abdomen.

He imagined slowly pushing in, sliding into Harry’s tight heat and burying himself, his hand working faster now as he pictured himself thrusting in and out of Harry, taking him apart and making him scream. He threw his head back on the pillow then, the phone all but forgotten as he lost himself in the images his mind was providing. His moans became louder as his hand quickened and he imagined pumping into Harry faster and faster. When he came, it was with a loud cry and then the soft whisper of Harry’s name on his lips as he spilled over his hand, his orgasm explosive.

He lay motionless for a while, unable to move. When he finally reached for the tissues to clean himself off, he rolled back and felt his phone under him. He pulled it out and took a last look at the picture, before shooting off a quick text and rolling over to fall into a blissfully content slumber.

 

**_From Lewwwiissss 10.43pm_ **

_On a scale of 1-10, you’re an eleven curly._

 

***

 

“C’mon Z, hurry up!” Louis called up the stairs, fidgeting and anxious to get going.

He wasn’t sure if things would be awkward between he and Harry after “Nakedgate 2.0” as he’d been calling the events of the evening before, but he figured Harry wouldn’t have sent the picture if he was going to be all awkward about it.

“Hold your horses Lou” Zayn scolded as he walked down the stairs slowly. “You’re a twitchy bastard today – I thought maybe that solid wank you had last night may have calmed you down a bit, but clearly it didn’t.”

He walked past Louis and into the kitchen, while Louis stood gaping at him. “I’m sorry, what?” he asked.

“You heard me” Zayn shrugged. “You weren’t exactly quiet last night mate, jacking yourself off with a vengeance you were!”

“Oh my God, Zayn!” he exclaimed, cheeks flooding with colour.

“Oh my God is right” Zayn replied. “I can’t unhear that shit, you know. It’s pretty fucking disturbing if I’m honest. You need to have some consideration and wank quietly in future!”

“Don’t get all high and mighty with me Zayn” Louis replied, slipping into snarky bitch mode easily “I would lay money you wanked over Niall’s bum picture last night!”

Zayn’s red face and his inability to meet Louis’ eyes were a dead giveaway that Louis had hit the mark, and he snorted, slapping Zayn on the bum as he added “you dirty, dirty boy Z!”

“Shut up – not like you can talk!” Zayn replied.

“Yes, but I have sexual frustration that needs venting as I can only look but not touch. What’s your excuse? You could be in his pants already – in fact I’m a little disappointed you aren’t now that I have to live vicariously through your love life. Get a move on so you can share all the juicy details, alright?”

Zayn rolled his eyes. “I’ve never shared any details with you – juicy or otherwise – and I don’t plan on starting now. Besides, I really like this one. Wanna take my time and not rush things.”

Louis face softened to a fond smile. “So you _like_ like him then?” he asked.

Zayn grinned bashfully. “Yeah, I do. I really do.”

 

***

 

Both Niall and Harry were unsettled as they waited for Zayn and Louis to arrive. Niall was chewing the side of his index finger and Harry was trying to keep himself busy by fussing over the papers on his desk.

Niall was simply worried about whether Zayn liked his arse or not, rather than any embarrassment. Harry, on the other hand, was all over the place – simultaneously guilty he’d done something so rash and turned on at the thought of Louis perusing his naked body. The fact that Louis had expressed his approval just complicated everything he was feeling even more.

After he’d sent the picture to Louis, there had been a delay in getting a response during which Harry had paced his bedroom in an anguished state, questioning his sanity and worrying that he’d completely destroyed the precarious balance they’d been maintaining and plunged them both over into the realm of the outrageously inappropriate. He had stalked back and forth across his floor, imagining all sorts of horrible outcomes as a result of his poor choice and chastising his own impulsive stupidity. He’d known it was wrong when he sent the picture, but the request from Louis had been too tempting for him to pass up. The idea of Louis’ eyes roaming his body was so hot and it had temporarily caused him to go insane, obviously, leaving him panicking over his life choices.

When his phone had buzzed an agonising forty minutes later, he’d snatched it up immediately. The message from Louis wasn’t one of recrimination, however, or chastising him. Instead, Louis had essentially told him he was hot. Just the memory of reading the text caused another wave of heat to blossom in his chest as he continued to fiddle with the files on his desk.

 

***

 

When Louis and Zayn entered the office, it was quite possibly one of the most awkward moments in the history of moments. The four of them simply stood, much like deer caught in car headlights, perfectly still and silent.

Eventually, Niall just chuckled. “Well, this is awkward” he said to the room at large.

They all laughed then and Niall turned to Zayn. “So now that you’ve seen my arse, I think we can take this to the next level, don’t you? How about a date tonight?”

Zayn grinned fondly back at him. “Yeah sure, but unlike you, I don’t get my arse out for show until at least the third date.”

Niall threw back his head, laughing loudly. “Deal Zayno. I have to do a penguin talk this morning, but will I see you at the seal show later?”

Zayn shrugged. “Maybe, thought I’d do a bit of sketching today, though. I’ve been itching to sketch some of this place since we got here.”

“Nice” Niall replied easily. “Well I’ll look for you later, alright?”

Zayn nodded and followed him out the door to find a shady spot to draw, waving goodbye to Louis and Harry as he went and leaving them alone.

As soon as Louis had entered the office earlier, he’d stopped just inside the door and his eyes had found Harry’s. They’d both stilled and stared at each other, neither speaking as Niall and Zayn had spoken. He was still standing just inside the door, not coming any closer, even after the other boys had left, almost like he was holding himself back.

Louis’ eyes fleetingly ran down the length of Harry’s body before flicking up just as quickly. Harry had felt the fire in his gaze, though, searing his skin as it travelled down and back up. Louis’ eyes were heavy lidded and his cheeks were flushed and Harry knew he was being pictured naked. He was so turned on he could barely manage to breathe and he stared back at Louis hungrily. He clenched his hands to try to prevent himself reaching out for Louis, his fingers itching with the need to touch. The strain of holding himself back was almost too great and he felt a small shiver run through him.

Just when he felt he couldn’t hang on, that he needed to crowd Louis up against the nearest wall as desperately as he needed to breathe, the office door opened and Ian strolled in, whistling to himself and breaking the intensity of the moment. Louis physically jumped as Ian entered behind him and Harry shook himself quickly, greeting Ian with an uncomfortable smile. It was then that Ian seemed to sense a heaviness to the air in the office and looked from Louis to Harry and back again.

Harry cleared his throat. “Ian, this is Louis Tomlinson. Louis, this is Ian, the head trainer and therapist here at SeaWorld.”

Ian greeted Louis with a wide grin, shaking his hand and asking a few questions. Louis smiled in return, singing Harry’s praises and then excusing himself to go and change.

Ian turned to Harry, eyeing him warily. “Everything alright Harry?” he asked.

“Yeah, of course, just getting ready to get started” Harry replied a little too brightly, his smile a little too wide.

Ian simply nodded, letting it go, and walked into his office.

Harry let out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and when Louis came out of the change rooms, he wordlessly ushered him out the door and down to the pool.

They walked down, the silence stretching between them. Neither knew what to say – it had all been said already. They were off limits, end of story. So while they should probably be repeating the reasons why that was the case and re-establishing their boundaries, Louis opted instead to try for breaking the tension.

“So” he began, Harry’s attention shifting from the deck to him as he spoke. “An actual bird bit him on the arse?” He was biting back a giggle, his eyes twinkling.

Harry’s mouth immediately curved and he chuckled. “Yep!” he replied, then proceeded to relay the events of the day before to Louis, both of them dissolving into a fit of giggles. As their laughter died down, Harry bit his lip nervously.

“Lou, I shouldn’t have sent the picture” he said quietly. “We agreed to boundaries and then I took the flirting a bit too far. I don’t want it to be awkward between us – I just got caught up in the moment and…“

“Haz, it’s OK” Louis replied, a soft smile on his lips. “There was no harm done – well none I can talk about anyway” he winked. “We knew this was going to be hard and we’re doing the best we can. Let’s not be too hard on ourselves shall we? Besides, I’d have to say that was one of my favourite pictures of all time, to be honest.” He grinned and Harry had actual chest pains as he smiled back. They were already making a mess of this, so Louis was right, they just had to do the best they could to contain it.

Harry took a deep breath, feeling better as he instructed Louis to get his lifejacket on and get into the water.

 

***  

 

Louis was actually at the point where he was eager to get into the water each day. He felt safe bobbing up and down in his life jacket and Harry hadn’t pushed him to put his head under again since they discussed the snorkel the previous week – although with the progress he’d made in the shower, he thinks he’d actually manage it. Harry had instead changed tactics, opting for having Louis get used to the feel of the water beneath him – no solid platform or floor.

Candy swam around him, nudging his legs as she shot past at speed and he loved her cheekiness. They threw the ball to her and she tossed it back, and when she presented on her back, Louis loved stroking her rubbery skin. She was completely delightful and Louis found himself smiling whenever she interacted with him.

Harry loved seeing Louis smiling and happy in the water. He’d come so far from the first day, when he was struggling just to get into the shallow step of the pool. Harry was proud of him.

After they’d played for a while, Harry moved them into the waist deep water and stood behind Louis, taking off his life jacket and laying him back against his chest. Louis trusted Harry completely, falling back into him with no hesitation and laying his head in the hollow of Harry’s neck. He was unable to prevent himself briefly turning his face into the skin and breathing in the now familiar scent of Harry and Harry turned his face slightly to the right to nuzzle him back for just a fleeting moment before he asked Louis to close his eyes and started the meditation they’d been working on. As he talked, slowly and calmly, he sank himself down by bending his knees, letting the water lap around the back half of Louis’ head, smiling when Louis managed to remain pliant and not tense up.

When they finished the meditation, Harry straightened his knees, bringing them back up out of the water slightly. He briefly tightened his arms around Louis’ waist, hugging him tightly as he said softly “so proud of you Lou, you’re doing so well.”

Louis turned, putting his feet down and standing in the waist deep water and facing Harry. He reached his arms up and slid them around Harry’s neck, giving him a fierce hug as he replied “thank you.”

When they pulled back, they shared a grin and a fond look before letting their arms drop and stepping back. They climbed out of the pool, Harry holding out a hand and pulling Louis behind him as they laughed. They then walked side by side back up to the office, shoulders bumping the entire way and chatting a mile a minute as any lingering awkwardness faded and their natural ease returned.

From the window of the office adjoining Harry’s, Ian watched the interaction between the two boys with a small frown on his face. Anyone with eyes could see the closeness of the two boys in front of him, but the nature of that closeness concerned him. He was almost certain Harry would never be unprofessional, but he was definitely different with this boy. Ian didn’t quite know what to make of what he’d just witnessed, but he sensed something that made him uneasy.

 

***

 

Zayn sat under a tree, on a small grassy hill just above the Seal enclosure. He had been sitting hidden in the shade of the tree for the past hour, watching Niall host the seal show like some crazy stalker, and sketching the scene in front of him.

He’d also completed a sketch earlier of Niall’s face, purely from memory, and tucked it at the back of his sketch book. He took the sketch book everywhere in his backpack, but spending all his time with Niall had meant he hadn’t found the time to do much drawing. He was enjoying having the solitude and the chance to get his pencils out, feeling it relax him and give him a familiar rush of contentment.

Art had always been able to do that for him. It was the true great love of his life and he was good at it. He’d sold lots of paintings back home, his name starting to get noticed by the right people. He’d even displayed a couple of his works in a small gallery in Notting Hill.

He looked down at Niall again, smiling as he heard the audience laugh at something he’d said. The large grin on his face was contagious and Zayn felt a flood of affection for this amazing, larger than life character he had come to feel so strongly about. They were opposites in so many ways, and yet they complimented each other perfectly, even though he sometimes felt overwhelmed by Niall’s big personality. Niall brought him out of his quiet shell, pushing him out of his comfort zone and it was a heady feeling.

He looked back down and his pencil began to smooth over the lines, transforming a few pencil strokes into the scene below. He became lost in the drawing and didn’t realise how much time had passed until he heard Niall’s voice as he walked up toward him.

“Great spot up here” Niall told him. “Did you want privacy, or can I join you?”

Zayn looked up and smiled. “You can join me – I’m almost finished.”

Niall sat down beside him and leaned over to peek at the drawing. “May I?” he asked.

Zayn blushed, but passed over the drawing. Niall’s eyes widened as his eyes scanned the page. “Whoah, when you said you sketched, I had no idea you were this talented!” he told Zayn. “This is amazing Zayno!”

“You can keep it if you like” Zayn said quietly.

“Seriously?” asked Niall, delighted.

Zayn nodded and Niall beamed at him. “Sick! I love it! Thank you!”

Zayn packed his bag then. “Lou should be finished now, so I’d better get going. I’ll see you tonight yeah?”

“Yeah” Niall replied. “I’ll come pick you up about seven?”

“Great, I’ll see you then!” As he walked off down the hill, Zayn looked back over his shoulder to see Niall looking back down at the drawing, a soft smile on his face. Zayn’s heart leapt at the sight and he wandered back to Harry’s office on cloud nine.

 

***  

 

“So how’s it all going over there?” asked Jay over Skype that evening. Louis had been skyping with his family each week, and Stan just as regularly, keeping them updated on his progress. He’d neglected to mention to anyone, however, anything about the situation with Harry.

“Good” Louis replied, smiling. He missed them all so much and it was great to chat with his mum. “I’m in the deeper water now, which is really good. I’m also showering OK now, which is a huge leap. Megan said she’s really pleased with my progress – said I’m a bit ahead of schedule.”

“That’s incredible Louis” Jay replied. “I’m so proud of you baby! You’re doing so well. I’m so pleased we decided to give this treatment a go.”

“Me too Mum” Louis smiled. “And Harry’s so wonderful. He’s really patient with me.”

“Yeah” Jay replied, looking at him strangely. “You mentioned that a time or two over the past few weeks.”

Louis blushed. “Well, it’s just that he’s amazing is all. He’s really helped me.”

“I see” answered Jay, before changing the subject. “By the way, where’s Zayn tonight?”

“On a date” Louis replied with a smirk.

“A date?” answered Jay with a smile. “I see Australia agrees with both of you! What about you? Have you seen any cute boys over there?”

“You know I’m concentrating on getting better mum – no time for cute boys!” Louis replied, not actually answering the question.

“I know darling” Jay answered. “I’m just teasing. Besides, wouldn’t want you falling in love with someone in Australia, would we? Maybe when you get home you can find a nice boy – there hasn’t been anyone since Sam the shithead and that was a while ago now.”

Louis giggled. “You have to stop calling him that Mum!”

“Why?” Jay chuckled. “It was a fairly appropriate name in the end, wasn’t it?”

“I guess it was, wasn’t it?” Louis replied, his thoughts drifting back to the blond boy who had cheated on him the year before on his birthday.

He and Jay chatted about the girls, Jay filling him in on all the latest news, before they said goodbye.

If he then consoled himself for being home alone on a Saturday night by stalking Harry’s Facebook page (it wasn’t technically stalking if they were now official Facebook friends, alright?) then nobody needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update will be Sunday sometime :) xx


	8. Nightminds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Well, things are definitely getting complicated now!
> 
> Here is Chapter 8 - hope you like it. As always, a big thank you to everyone reading this, commenting and leaving kudos. It really is so exciting for me :)
> 
> Again, I cannot let a Chapter go to post without sending a big fat thank you out to my wonderful beta, Sassy_Boo_Bear. What would I do without you? You are completely wonderful <3 xx
> 
> Also, just a reminder that I know less than nothing about this therapy and/or marine animals. This is fiction so let's pretend this is an accurate portrayal of these things!!

_ _

 

_“And in our honesty, together we will rise_

_out of our nightminds_

_and into the light at the end of the fight…“_

_Missy Higgins_

 

Louis woke groggy on Sunday morning, sluggish with the heat and having slept too long. With Zayn out on his date with Niall, he’d been feeling a little sorry for himself and after staring at Harry’s Facebook pictures for over an hour, he’d had an early night, sleeping like the dead for almost twelve hours.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy for Zayn – he was, and Niall was a great guy. But Louis couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit jealous, even though he hated to admit it, because it made him feel so mean-spirited. He just envied the fact that there were no impediments to Zayn and Niall hooking up. It was grossly unfair and he felt the resentment creep in, bringing his mood down as he wandered downstairs to make himself a mug of tea.

The day was already steamy and the air was heavy with the scent of frangipanis from the tree in the backyard. Louis clicked on the air conditioner on his way to the kitchen, still not used to the humidity.

When Zayn wandered into the kitchen not long after him, Louis pulled out another cup and made him a cup of tea without needing to ask. Zayn smiled as he took it and Louis rolled his eyes.

“So I see I don’t need to ask how the evening went – it’s literally written all over your face.”

Zayn grinned, his face lighting up as he answered. “He’s so great, Lou. We had such a fantastic evening. We just talked and laughed all night, like we’d known each other forever, you know?”

_Yes, yes I do know_ , Louis thought, _that’s how I feel with Harry_.

He smiled at Zayn fondly. “I’m happy for you Z, I really am.”

“Thanks Lou. Oh! By the way, Harry, Niall and Liam are heading to the beach today. They wanted to know if we’d like to go too – are you down?”

Louis’ pulse quickened at the thought of spending the day with Harry. They hadn’t spent any time outside SeaWorld since the BBQ the weekend before and he couldn’t think of anything he’d like more. He kept his voice as casual as he could when he answered.

“Sure, sounds good” he replied lightly, busying himself making some toast so Zayn couldn’t see how hard he had to work to keep the stupid grin off his face.

 

***  

 

Niall and Harry came by to collect them at eleven thirty and the heat was stifling as they left the house and hopped in the car. When he slid into the backseat, Harry turned from his seat in the front and grinned at Louis, his smile pure sunshine.

“G’morning Lou” he drawled, eyes skipping down Louis’ body, briefly dwelling on his pink swim shorts before returning to his eyes.

Louis beamed back at him. “Morning H.”

They shared a fond look before Zayn crowded into the backseat next to Louis and they were on their way.

They passed the local beach without stopping, Niall explaining that it often got crowded with Gold Coast tourists. Instead, they drove a bit further to a smaller, lesser known beach, surrounded by sand dunes and sitting inside a protected cove, so the waves were only small. It was really picturesque and there were only a few other people around. Louis hopped out of the car, smiling at the pretty cove. He didn’t hear Harry walking up behind him, so he jumped when Harry leant down to murmur in his ear.

“Pretty isn’t it?” he said in a soft, low voice.

Louis started, but didn’t turn around. Instead, he leaned backward into Harry’s chest, Harry’s arms immediately coming up to rest on his hips.

“It is” he replied, sighing contentedly.

 

“Alright you slackers!” Niall called out. “Help get this esky unloaded and let’s get the volleyball net set up!”

They laughed and wandered over to the boot of the car, lugging all of the contents onto the sand. When they were almost done, Liam’s car pulled up and he and Sophia jumped out.

“That’d be right!” Niall rolled his eyes. “Trust you two to turn up once all the hard work’s been done!”

Liam and Niall proceeded to put up the volleyball net as Harry, Zayn and Louis put up the sun shade and laid out the towels and esky. They split up into teams of three to play volleyball – Harry, Niall and Zayn versus Louis, Liam and Sophia.

It quickly became apparent that Liam and Sophia were seriously competitive, which suited Louis to the ground, as he was too.

In complete contrast to this, Niall, Harry and Zayn were anything but. Harry was seriously uncoordinated with a ball, limbs flailing comically as he consistently missed almost everything that came his way. Niall was all enthusiasm but no actual skills, laughing hysterically each time they lost another point. Zayn, the poor thing, appeared to be dying of heat stroke, so he took to skirting the edges of the net and avoiding any interaction with the ball.

When they lost their seventh consecutive point, Harry announced they needed to get serious. He stripped off his shirt, leaving himself clad in only bright yellow swim shorts and aviator sunglasses, torso and arms scattered with tattoos and skin glistening with sweat.

Louis lost all ability to move, breathe, or think. His mouth dropped open of its own accord and he knew he was all but drooling. Harry came to stand on the opposite side of the net, just in front of him, the smirk on his face letting him know just how much he was affecting Louis. He bent forward, placing his hands on his knees as he waited for Niall to serve and Louis barely managed to restrain himself from marching under the net and using his tongue to explore every single inch of the tanned canvas in front of him.

He was so busy imagining just that, he didn’t see the ball coming and was stunned out of his reverie when it hit him square in the face. He almost lost his footing, stumbling backward and let out a small and very unmanly shriek.

“Pay attention Louis!” Liam scolded. “And Harry, don’t be an arsehole – move somewhere else, will you?”

Harry chuckled as he moved to the opposite side of the net, opposite Sophia and Louis glared at him.

“Right” he declared. “It’s on!”

When they won the game, Louis high-fived Liam, sending a smirk Harry’s way and poking his tongue out, because, really he was just a twelve year old trapped in a man’s body.

 

***  

 

Liam had made sandwiches and they had ice cold beers and bottles of water for lunch. They sat spread out on the towels, under the sun shade, all feeling lazy with the combination of heat and beer.

When Liam and Sophia excused themselves to go for a swim, Zayn and Niall immediately followed, the crystal blue water proving too inviting. When Louis stayed silent, just looking at the water sadly, Harry opted to stay behind. After everyone had walked away, Louis kept his eyes on the water as he spoke in what he hoped was a casual voice.

“You don’t have to babysit me Haz. I’m a big boy. Why don’t you go and have a swim with the others?”

“I will” Harry assured him “just didn’t feel like it right now.”

They both knew it was a lie, and Louis felt a rush of affection for him, reaching over to squeeze his hand. They looked at each other in silence for a moment, before Harry spoke again.

“What about you?” he asked Louis “you must be hot. You don’t want to have a dip?”

“I hardly think I’m ready for the surf, Harry, even if the waves aren’t that big!” Louis answered.

Harry shrugged, looking at the water instead of Louis. “We could always just sit down at the edge” he suggested lightly. “Just get ourselves wet without going in. I’d sit with you – what do you say?”

Louis frowned down at the water, where Liam, Sophia, Niall and Zayn were splashing about and making loads of noise as they swam over and under the waves.

“Just the edge?” Louis clarified.

Harry nodded. “Yep” he confirmed. “We’ll just sit where the water runs up the sand and get cooled down. It’s barely ankle deep, so you’ll be fine.” He got to his feet, holding out his hand to Louis. “C’mon, let’s give it a go.”

Louis only took a moment to think it over, placing his hand in Harry’s and letting himself be pulled to his feet. They walked down to the waterline and stood where the water could wash over their feet. Harry had neglected to let go of Louis’ hand, but he wasn’t complaining, loving the way their fingers were tangled together. There was something that felt so incredibly right about it.

Louis sighed as the cool water ran over his toes and feet, immediately feeling the relief from the heat. They sat down and the water swirled around their bottoms, feeling cold against their hot skin. Louis gasped as it licked around his legs, laughing, and Harry moved to sit behind him, legs on either side of him. He wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist and Louis leant back into his chest – just like their sessions, only more relaxed, more natural, because there really wasn’t technically any need for the comfort.

They sat chatting as the water pooled around them, sometimes swirling as high as their waists and Louis was more content in that moment than he could ever remember being. He felt safe, cared for, and he felt like he could do anything. They talked about Louis’ treatment, Harry promising him when he was able, he could have a ride on Candy’s back.

“It’s so sick, Lou!” he told him “there’s nothing like it, you’ll love it!”

They talked about their families, Harry admitting he misses his terribly, and then they talked about everything and nothing as the afternoon wore on around them.

When everyone was out of the water, laying on towels and soaking up the sun’s rays, Harry dragged Louis off for a walk on the beach. It was late afternoon now, and the sun was sinking in the sky, which had turned a bright orange, tinged with pink and purple.

They climbed up onto one of the nearby sand dunes and watched as the sun sank lower and the sky got even more brightly coloured. Louis exclaimed delightedly at how beautiful it was.

“It’s just so beautiful isn’t it Haz?” he asked, staring at the picture in front of him.

“It sure is” Harry replied quietly, his eyes not on the sunset, but on Louis. He looked his fill, then turned back to the sky, reaching over to link his pinky finger with Louis’.

Louis never took his eyes of the sky, but a soft smile curved his lips and he curled his finger to hold more tightly to Harry’s. This moment was a chance to feel what things could be like between them had they met at a different time and place and Louis closed his eyes, letting himself imagine for just a second what it would be like.

When they heard Liam calling them to help pack up, the moment was broken and they dropped their hands, walking back to the group to get ready to head home.

That night, tired and slightly sunburned, Louis fell asleep with a smile on his face and images of Harry’s little yellow shorts dancing in his brain.

 

***

 

Monday morning found Harry and Louis facing off in the change room, Louis standing with his arms crossed and shaking his head.

“No Harry, I’m not ready. I need more time!” he stubbornly argued.

“You don’t Lou, you’re just telling yourself that because this is hard and you’re being pushed out of your comfort zone and now you’re trying to push back, but I won’t let you. We’re losing the lifejacket today – you’re ready.”

Louis looked up at him, his eyes turning cold. “Don’t fucking patronise me Harry! I know it’s hard, for fuck’s sake – it’s been hard from the beginning, alright? Don’t make out I’m some wimp who bails out when it gets difficult, don’t you dare! I said I need more time – that’s all. I said no.”

“And I said yes” Harry replied, just as stubborn.

They stood glaring at each other across the tiles and neither spoke for what felt like hours, but was probably only a couple of minutes. Harry then exhaled loudly, shoulders slumping as he let out a frustrated breath.

“Louis, please! You can’t let this win – you can’t give in to the fear. You have to keep fighting. I’ll be there, right by your side, fighting alongside you, but you have to do it too, I can’t do it for you!” He walked closer, clutching Louis’ shoulders and pleading with him. “You’ve come so far, you’re so strong and I know you can do this! I wouldn’t ask it of you if I didn’t think you could, I swear. Do you trust me Lou?”

Louis looked up at him, eyes welling as he clenched his jaw. His face was a mask of misery but Harry felt the fight go out of him.

“I do trust you Haz” he whispered. “I’ll try. For you.”

Harry pulled him into his arms, squeezing him tighter as he felt Louis’ arms slide around his waist and he buried his face in Harry’s neck.

“It’ll be OK Lou” Harry told him softly. “I promise.”

 

***  

 

Harry stayed close as they walked across to the deeper pool, shoulders touching and arms brushing against each other. His physical presence was a comfort and Louis crowded him, needing his touch more than ever.

When they reached the pool, Harry turned to him, placing his hands on Louis’ shoulders again and stealing his gaze, holding it.

“Listen to me Lou” he said passionately. “You can do this, alright? We can do this. I’m right here and I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Louis nodded, face drawn and mouth tight. He was feeling a wave of nausea now, at the thought of entering the water without the lifejacket. He knew Harry was right – he had to avoid becoming reliant on the jacket and push himself, but he was terrified. Every instinct he had was screaming for him to run away and he was trembling with the effort of keeping himself in place.

Harry ran a hand down his arm and tangled their fingers together, leading Louis toward the steps and into the water. When they reached the bottom step, Harry stepped out into the water, shoulder deep at this part, and Louis was pulled along, their hands still linked.

They walked slowly toward the deeper water and Louis felt the drop off with his toes, the water level rising with every step. His breath became shallow and fast and he heard Harry speak to him in a slow calm voice, reminding him to take deep breaths and relax, but he was struggling to control his body’s response.

As his feet slid down the drop off and the water raised up to his chin, he panicked, immediately scrambling to pull back, but Harry had his hand firmly gripped in his.

“Use your legs Louis” Harry instructed. “Use your legs to keep your head above the water. You’re OK, I’ve got you.”

Louis was unable to focus on his words, was floundering now, disoriented with the panic and thrashing about in the water, trying desperately to pull against Harry and back toward the steps.

“No!” he screamed. “No! I can’t, let me go! I can’t…“

He was fighting against Harry in earnest now and somehow managed to dislodge his hand from Harry’s grip, immediately freaking out as he lost his only solid lifeline, had nothing to ground him. He felt himself start to sink and started to yell and kick. Harry was calling to him, trying to reach out to him, but he couldn’t make out the words. He was swinging his arms at Harry, one catching Harry in the face, hitting his nose and he cried out.

Louis turned his body and started swimming madly for the steps, swallowing water as he went. Tears were streaming down his face as he dragged himself up the stairs and out of the water. He ran then, ran without looking back, without answering Harry, who was calling after him and burst into the change room, huddling in the corner and sliding down the wall as he fell apart, great heaving sobs wracking his body and shaking uncontrollably.

That was where Harry found him when he followed him in, letting out a gasp at the sight of him, huddled in the corner, crying loudly and rocking back and forth with his arms wrapped around his raised knees.

Harry approached him, but he held up a hand, motioning for him to stay back. Between breathless sobs, he gasped out “get Zayn.”

Harry felt like he’d been slapped, couldn’t help the hurt that slammed through him. For a moment he stood immobile, before turning and pulling out his mobile to dial Niall’s number, hoping Zayn was with him and feeling a surge of irrational jealousy that Zayn was who Louis wanted.

When Zayn came rushing in only a few minutes later, he was breathing heavily after running all the way from the seal pool.

“Where is he?” he panted at Harry, who pointed to the change room without saying a word.

Zayn barely spared him a glance as he headed for the change room door, immediately calling out to Louis. Harry couldn’t help himself, he followed Zayn inside, stopping just inside the door and silently watching the scene unfold before him.

He was shaken by what had happened and he also felt guilty for pushing Louis when he was so adamant that he wasn’t ready, but he also knew in his heart that Louis _was_ ready. He had spoken with Megan about his plans for today and she had been in agreement, telling Harry she thought it was the right time. It was never an exact science, but Harry was not able to be as philosophical about his failures with Louis, never wanting to let him down.

Zayn dropped to his knees beside Louis, scooping him into his arms as Louis broke down at the sight of him, whimpering “Zayn!”

“I’m here babe, I’m here” Zayn murmured, rocking Louis in his arms. Louis slid his arms around Zayn’s neck, burrowing into his neck and Harry fought back a wave of possessiveness. He wanted to push Zayn out of the way, wanted to be the one Louis needed. He hated himself for feeling this way, but it was impossible to stem the flow of resentment. He dragged himself from the room, not wanting to see any more of their interaction.

When Zayn and Louis finally emerged from the change rooms, Louis back in his clothes and carrying his bag, it was Zayn who spoke, Louis refusing to even look at Harry, keeping his eyes on the floor.

“I’m gonna get him up to his session with Megan” he told Harry quietly. “I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?”

Harry nodded sadly, eyes never leaving Louis as he walked outside, his hand in Zayn’s.

 

***  

 

When they got home that day, Louis collapsed onto the couch. “Fuck! What a day! I need a drink.”

“I’ll get us a beer” Zayn offered, heading toward the kitchen.

“No Zayn” Louis replied. “I mean a real drink. I need to get out from behind these four walls and let loose for a night. I need to just have a break from everything to do with this fucking treatment – a break from my life for one night.”

“Lou, I don’t think that’s such a good idea after…“

“Don’t Zayn, OK? Just don’t!” he said harshly. “I’m going out – with or without you. So you can either come with me, or not, but it’s not open for discussion!”

He headed up the stairs for a shower and to get himself dressed – tonight he was hitting the town and hitting it hard until today was a distant memory.

 

***  

 

His third shot was the one. It sent a warmth flooding through him and he felt all the tension of the day slip away into a fuzzy haze. Now this was what he was after – sweet oblivion. He felt a small smile tug at his lips, finally feeling like he could breathe properly.

Today had been one of the worst he’d had at the program so far and he felt like he’d taken a giant step backward. He’d been so angry at Harry for pushing him when he felt he wasn’t ready, lashing out at him and punishing him when he’d been embarrassed at his own panic attack and he felt guilty, but he was also still adamant that Harry had pushed too soon and too much. He’d asked Louis to trust him but he’d not trusted that Louis knew he wasn’t ready.

His session with Megan had been a heavy one after what had happened in the pool with Harry. She’d sided with Harry of course, the traitor.

_“Every indicator pointed to you being ready for the next step, Louis. Harry was simply doing his job.” She had explained carefully. “Things don’t always go according to plan, but that doesn’t mean Harry wasn’t right to push you.”_

_“But I told him I wasn’t ready” Louis had argued. “I knew I wasn’t, and he pushed me anyway. I trusted him and he let me down.”_

_“Did he let you down? Or did he keep his promise to help you win this battle Louis?” Megan asked. “I spoke with Harry about today’s agenda. He came to me and we discussed, as we always do, the next step in your treatment. Harry is committed to your success, Louis, and he is trying to do what’s best for you. Please remember that.”_

Louis shook himself out of his own head. He didn’t want to think about that conversation right now. He didn’t want to feel the guilt creeping in as he remembered the look on Harry’s face when he asked for Zayn, when he left without speaking to him. He just wanted to forget, for one night, that he had problems of any kind. He grabbed the beers he’d ordered off the bar and carried them back to the table, where Zayn was waiting.

“Thanks” Zayn murmured as he placed a beer in front of him. “Don’t think I didn’t see you downing those shots at the bar, Lou.”

Louis shrugged. “Wasn’t trying to hide it” he replied, looking around. They’d caught a taxi in to Surfer’s Paradise on the Gold Coast and hit the main strip, finding a bar with loud music and lots of people. The bass was thumping and Louis could feel it in his bones, soothing him as the alcohol took effect.

“Lou” Zayn sighed. “Don’t you think we should talk about what happened today?”

“Nope” Louis answered, smiling manically and taking another swig of his beer. “I have no interest in discussing any of it, thank you very much. Tonight is about fun, so stop being a killjoy Zayn and let’s get our party on!” He raised his beer in the air before tipping the bottle back and sculling the remaining contents. “I’m off for a dance” he told Zayn “wanna come with?”

“No I think I’ll sit this one out mate” Zayn replied. “But go knock yourself out.”

Louis disappeared into the fray and Zayn sighed, pulling out his phone.

 

***  

 

Harry was sitting on the back deck, moping, with Niall and Liam keeping him company, when Niall’s phone buzzed.

 

**_Zayno 8.45pm_ **

_Mayday. Louis is handling today’s setback in his usual manner – by pretending it didn’t happen and drinking until he can’t remember it. May need backup – can u help?_

**_Niall 8.47pm_ **

_No worries – where r u?_

 

As he waited for Zayn to text him the name of the bar, Niall, stood up. “Time to get dressed lads, we need to go save Louis from himself.”

“What?” Harry asked, suddenly alert as he sprung up out of his chair. “What’s happened?”

“He’s just decided that the best way to deal with what happened today is to drink himself into a stupor” Niall replied. “Zayn’s requesting backup.”

Niall’s phone buzzed again. “They’re at the Cock’n’Bull” he said, looking worriedly at Harry. The Cock’n’Bull was a well-known gay bar and one of the sleaziest places on the Gold Coast. It was also one of the few places that would be packed, even on a Monday night.

Harry’s face clouded over and his jaw clenched. “Then we’d better get a move on.”

The three of them were dressed and headed into town within fifteen minutes, pulling up outside the bar at just after nine o’clock.

They wandered in past security and scanned the room, spotting Zayn at a table nearby, getting hit on rather hard by a buff lad with light brown hair and looking very uncomfortable. As they approached his eyes found Niall and he sagged with relief, waving at them. Niall was walking with purpose, Harry noticed, a determined look on his face as he nudged past the guy to plant a passionate kiss on Zayn’s lips, eliciting a surprised squeak from him, before he kissed him back. In the face of such an ardent display of affection, the guy could do nothing else but walk away. Zayn and Niall didn’t even notice he’d exited, their kissing turning heated as Zayn pulled Niall into his lap, wrapping his arms around Niall’s waist.

Liam leaned over and tapped Niall’s shoulder, he and Harry grinning when he pulled back and turned to them with a goofy grin on his face.

After they’d all greeted Zayn, Harry asked straight away where Louis was. Zayn pointed at the bulging mass on the dance floor and Harry squinted as his eyes scanned the group for Louis.

“He’s proper wasted” Zayn told them. “Can’t get him to slow down and I can’t just leave him here – as much as I’d like to right now. He’s acting like a right prat!”

“He’s hurting Zayn” Harry said sadly as he kept his eyes on the dance floor. Finally, he spotted Louis’ small frame, moving to the rhythm and grinding without intent against some giant bloke who towered over him. The guy had his hands on Louis’ waist and Harry scowled as a wave of possessiveness washed over him. Before he knew it, his feet were moving toward the dance floor and he was ignoring Liam’s pleas for him to stop and think before he intervened.

Louis didn’t notice Harry approaching, but the guy grinding on him did. Harry strode toward him, face clouded over with a menacing look as he came closer. He came to a halt just in front of them and Louis finally looked up, his body coming to a stop till he was just standing still in a sea of moving bodies. Harry’s eyes weren’t on Louis, though, they were on the guy with his hands still on Louis’ waist. He raised his eyebrows pointedly, staring the guy down menacingly, and the guy then held up his hands in surrender, walking away to find another willing partner.

“What are you doing here, Harry!” Louis shouted over the music.

Harry didn’t try to answer him with the music blaring, simply reached out to wrap a hand around his wrist and pulled him toward the door to the empty courtyard out the back. As he pulled him out through the doors, into the night air, Louis yanked his arm out of Harry’s grip, staggering slightly.

“What the fuck, Harry?” he slurred. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Saving you from some really poor choices, trust me” Harry glared at him. “What are you doing Louis?”

“What do you mean? I’m having a night out like any normal person! I’m dancing with people, I’m having a few drinks and I’m having fun. What is your problem?” he spat out.

“My problem?” Harry answered, raising his voice. “My problem is that this is not how to deal with a setback, Lou. It won’t solve anything!”

Louis huffed out a humourless laugh. “Maybe I’m not trying to _solve_ anything Harry. Maybe I just wanted to forget about it all for just one night. Maybe I’m fucking angry at you, because you made me look like an idiot today.” He staggered closer, steadying himself with his hands on Harry’s chest. “And maybe, just maybe, I wanted, for a _single night_ , to forget how hard this all is. How hard it is to fight this fear, and most of all how every minute we are together is fucking torture for me.” He stepped closer, sliding his arms around Harry’s neck, pressing against him. “Because sometimes it feels like every muscle aches with the effort it takes not to do this.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Harry’s, a small whimper sounding in his throat.

Harry’s heart had felt like it was being ripped from his chest as he watched Louis speak, the pain he was feeling evident on his face. Louis’ hands on his chest were burning his skin with their touch and he was rigid with the struggle not to pull Louis into his arms. When Louis told him how hard he had to struggle against his desire and leaned forward to kiss him, the small sound escaping his throat, Harry felt his resolve slipping. He slid a hand up behind Louis’ neck, holding him there and letting out a desperate moan. He took control of the kiss, tilting his head to deepen it, Louis’ mouth opening to him immediately on a groan. There was no finesse in it, no technique. Instead, it was primal and open-mouthed, all tongue and teeth. He walked Louis backward and pressed him against the outside wall, leaning into him and thrusting his hips forward, already half hard. When Louis slid a hand down to his bum, pulling him in again and letting out another moan, Harry was shaken out of his lust haze, his brain finally catching up with his actions.

He pulled away from the wall harshly, panting as he walked backward a few paces, running a hand through his hair. There was a war waging inside of him as he looked at Louis slumped against the wall, lips red and swollen and pupils blown. He was trembling with the need to walk back in and take his mouth again, crowd him against the wall and thrust against him till they were both coming in their pants. Instead, he turned away, pacing back and forth as he fought to regain control of himself, Louis watching him from where he was still standing against the wall.

“Fuck Lou” he gasped out, running a hand through his hair again in an effort to do something with his hands other than reach for Louis. “We can’t. _I can’t_. It would only complicate things and I can’t do that to you.”

Louis’ breath slowed and he slid down the wall, his legs giving way as his eyes welled up and spilled over, giving way to a desolate sobbing that almost broke Harry’s heart in two.

“I can’t do it Harry” he choked out. “I can’t keep fighting, it’s too hard and I’m tired. I’m so tired” the sobs wracked his body and Harry sat down beside him, gathering him into his arms.

“I know it’s hard, Lou and I know you think you can’t do it. But you’re not alone. I’m here – beside you every step of the way, and when you get too tired, I’ll carry you. We’ll get there, I promise. It seems like such an insurmountable task right now, but we can do it. Together. You just need to trust me. I won’t let anything happen to you, you have to believe that Louis.”

“I do believe you Harry” he whispered, putting his face into Harry’s neck and snuggling into him.

They stayed like that till the courtyard door opened a few minutes later, Liam’s face popping out. “Everything alright?” he asked warily, taking in the two huddled figures on the ground.

Harry nodded. “Yeah, let’s go home.”

 

***  

 

When Liam’s car pulled up outside Zayn and Louis’ house, Louis was asleep against Harry’s shoulder, Harry’s arm slung over him. He nudged Louis gently awake and helped him out of the car. He let Zayn take him, walking him toward the front door and turned to Liam and Niall.

“You can go, I’m going to stay here tonight and make sure he’s OK.”

“Haz” Liam replied, his tone worried. “Do you really think that’s a good idea? The lines are getting more and more blurred every day between you two – it’s dangerous.”

“Liam” Harry replied wearily. “The lines have been blurred since the day he walked into my office, let’s be honest. I’m doing the best I can to keep my distance, but he’s still my friend and I won’t leave him when he needs me.”

 

***  

 

Harry had been prepared for a fight, but Zayn didn’t bat an eyelid when Harry entered the house with them. He simply turned and gave Harry a small smile.

“Thank you Harry. Whatever the complications, the fact is that you’re good for him. I don’t know what the answer is, but I trust you not to hurt him, so don’t make me sorry I did.” With that, he headed upstairs, leaving Harry to help a sleepy Louis up the stairs.

As he walked into his bedroom, Louis groggily stripped his trousers off along with his shirt, leaving only his briefs. Harry stood in the doorway, unable to take his eyes off Louis’ body. When he cleared his throat and said goodnight, intending to slip downstairs and sleep on the couch, Louis stopped him.

“Haz?” he said quietly. “Would you… would you stay with me? Not… like, just sleep beside me?”

Harry questioned his own sanity as he gulped and nodded. “Sure. Of course.”

He stripped down to his briefs but left his t-shirt on, not quite trusting himself to be almost naked in Louis’ bed. He climbed into bed beside Louis, both kicking the covers off and leaving only a thin sheet over them. They lay facing each other, on their side, and Louis whispered into the silence.

“I’m sorry Harry. I’m sorry about today. I just… I feel so vulnerable and it’s terrifying.”

“It’s OK Lou. And you don’t have to feel vulnerable with me – I’ve got you. I’ll always have your back, OK?”

Louis nodded, a tiny smile curving his lips. He reached between them, linking their hands as he said “thank you H. For everything.”

“I’d do anything for you Lou” Harry replied quietly, squeezing his hand.

Louis fell asleep almost straight away, leaving Harry to watch him sleep. It was probably creepy, but Harry didn’t care, proceeded to catalogue every tiny detail of Louis’ features, eyes roaming over the beautiful damaged boy that had stolen his heart.

He was pretty certain now, that he was already in love with Louis, and wasn’t that just fantastic. He’d been saving himself for the person he fell in love with, and that turned out to be the one person he couldn’t have. And by the time Louis no longer off limits to him, he’d be heading back to the other side of the world. Fate was a fickle bitch.


	9. Fighting a Losing Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I think this is the chapter you've all been waiting for and you are getting it day early because I have a friend that was nagging me senseless for it!!
> 
> At this juncture, I must refer you to the warnings at the beginning of the story and ask you to be careful if this is a sensitive issue for you. 
> 
> To the one who keeps me smiling and corrects all my mistakes, spelling errors and grammar mishaps - my beta Sassy_Boo_Bear - a huge and heartfelt THANK YOU! <3 xx
> 
> Let me know what you think guys - I love to hear from you :) xx

_ _

 

 

_“There’s no space in my heart_

_Where I don’t want to love you”_

_James Morrison_

 

 

Harry woke very slowly the following morning, drifting back and forth between consciousness and sleep. He was aware he was hot – overly so. He also became aware that the reason for this was the warm body pressed along his back, which prompted his eyes to spring open and his body to stiffen up – in more ways than one.

Louis was draped along his back and had his legs intertwined with Harry’s, an arm slung round his waist lightly. He was in a deep slumber, the only sound his steady breathing and soft snuffling noises. Harry had to fight back a smile as he snorted out a little huff of breath.

As he lay there, he began to become hyper aware of the lack of space between their bodies and while he gave a fleeting consideration to how perfectly they fit together, he knew he had to put some distance between them or he was going to roll over and pin Louis to the mattress.

He tried to shuffle himself forward, intending to slip out of the bed as quietly as possible. The movement, however, disturbed Louis, who reached out with a small mewl of protest, tightening the arm around Harry’s waist and pulling him back, flush against his front as he exhaled, nuzzling closer and dropping back into a deep sleep.

Harry closed his eyes, fighting the need to push his hips back at the feeling of Louis’ morning wood pushing up against his arse. He could feel his cock filling up and his body was humming with awareness. He slid a hand down to squeeze himself, willing the erection away and gulping as he fought the raging desire.

He was just getting ready to wake Louis up and slide out of the bed, when Louis let out a sigh, his hands travelling down to grab Harry’s hips in a tight grip, fingers digging in as his hips thrust forward, pushing his bulging shaft against Harry’s bum and drawing a gasp from him as he felt a bolt of sensation shoot through him.

“Fuuuuccckkk” he breathed, his body tingling from head to toe. Every nerve in his body was on fire and he was waging an internal war not to push back against Louis. It was a herculean effort and he felt his resolve slipping.

Louis let out a small moan in his sleep, thrusting again and digging his fingers harder into Harry’s hip bones as he started a slow, grinding rhythm.

Harry let out a small whimper, squeezing his eyes shut and taking a moment to simply revel in the feel of Louis’ body rocking into his, their briefs the only barrier between them. He told himself he would pull away in just one more second, just one more thrust, but could feel his body responding, hips pushing back of their own accord and he wasn’t at all sure he would be able to, that he was strong enough. He allowed himself to get lost in the feeling, the moment, rolling his hips in time with Louis’ now and palming himself in time with the thrusts.

It was when Louis breathed out his name in a sleepy whisper that Harry came to his senses, shooting out of the bed clumsily, desperate to get away. The movement woke Louis, who sprang awake disoriented and confused.

“Wha… Harry?” He looked over at Harry, who was panting and wide-eyed, lips red from being bitten and cheeks flushed. His pupils were blown and Louis was distracted by how incredibly hot he looked, before he became aware of his own state and looked down at his aching length. He blushed and glanced back up at Harry, whose state was much the same and who was now refusing to meet his eyes as he stammered out an excuse before fleeing to the bathroom.

When Harry had disappeared into the bathroom, the running water indicating he was taking a shower, Louis fell back onto his pillow, staring at the ceiling. He’d been dreaming he was grinding on Harry and now he realised it wasn’t a dream. He’d been going at Harry like there was no tomorrow and that was just all kinds of humiliating – _oh God!_ He threw an arm over his eyes, groaning.

His balls were practically blue, his erection painful and he needed to get that sorted before Harry came out of the bathroom. He checked the water was still running and then slid a hand into his pants, trying not to think too much about what he was doing. A handful of brief tugs were all it took to bring on his climax and he quickly cleaned himself off with a tissue, wanting to be somewhat composed when Harry returned.

Meanwhile, Harry had stepped under the running water, trying to calm himself. His body was screaming, the need flowing through him, making his cock ache and he immediately lathered up a hand and wasted no time wrapping it around himself and stroking, imagining Louis on his knees in front of him, mouth wrapped around him. He was coming so quickly it was embarrassing and he rested his forehead against the tiles, wondering how his life had become such a goddam soap opera.

***

Louis was sitting on the bed, head in his hands, when Harry slipped out of the bathroom and into the room, keeping his distance from the bed, his body rigid with tension.

Louis sighed. “Oh My God, Haz, I’m sorry. I know that was awkward as fuck, but in my defence, I was asleep. I didn’t realise what I was doing, alright?” He looked up at Harry to find him battling to keep back a grin, suddenly finding the whole thing humorous.

Harry huffed out a laugh. “Fuck Lou” he chuckled, running a hand down over his face and groaning. “You’re not making it easy on me are you?”

Louis chortled. “God we’re a bloody mess aren’t we?” he grinned, then sighed. “I knew this was gonna be hard, but like, I really had no idea just _how_ hard.”

“Yeah” added Harry with a giggle “ _really hard_ – get it?”

He laughed then, Louis shaking his head as he watched Harry snicker at his own joke and fighting to keep the smile from his own lips but losing the battle. How could he not be completely endeared by the goofy boy in front of him?

Harry’s body relaxed then, and he walked over to stand in front of Louis. Louis leaned out and rested his forehead on Harry’s stomach, right where his butterfly tattoo sat.

“This is torture H” he whined. “I’m so fucking attracted to you it hurts.”

Harry reached down and ran a hand through Louis’ hair, Louis leaning into to the touch immediately.

“I know Lou, I feel the same way and it’s so unfair” he reached down and ran a finger over the lettering on Louis’ collarbone “but it is what it is, right? We just need to make the best of things.”

“Yeah, I know” Louis replied. “And truth be told, it’s probably better this way when I have to go home in a couple of months anyway.”

Harry felt something heavy settle over him at Louis’ words. “Yeah, I guess” he replied softly, then he took a deep breath and put on a cheery voice as he added “so get your lazy arse up and have a shower. I’ll make us a tea and call Niall to have him pick us up on his way to work.”

 

***

 

The next week passed with Louis maintaining a determination to prove to both himself and Harry that he could conquer this. He felt a renewed sense of hope and threw himself into his therapy with all the determination he could muster. They also spent most nights of the week together as a group, Niall and Zayn having become almost inseparable since their kiss at the Cock’n’Bull.  

While Louis was all for them spending as much time together as possible, the downside was that he did now spend an inordinate amount of time wanking in the shower and in bed, trying to deal with the sexual frustration he was feeling. He knew Harry was struggling too, could see the hunger in his eyes sometimes, along with a hint of something more. The fact that they both wanted it somehow made it worse, but they were managing to hold it together and concentrate on Louis’ progress.

When the Monday after his meltdown saw him dog paddling in the deeper water without holding onto Harry’s shoulder, he felt a burst of pride blossoming in his chest. Candy was gliding around him in big circles and Harry was cheering, hands in the air as he swam in the water beside him, his eyes alight and his expression so tender, so fond, that it sent a wave of warmth flowing through Louis’ body. He laughed loudly, joyfully, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he felt it fill him up.

Harry smiled over at Louis as he dog-paddled on the spot, laughing with unbridled happiness at reaching the goal they’d set last Tuesday and his chest ached with all the love he felt for him. He was so proud he thought he may burst. When Louis reached out to him, seeking his support once again, he swam straight over, sliding his arms up to hold Louis’ waist as Louis gripped his shoulders.

He laughed again, his eyes twinkling, and Harry thought he’d never seen anything more beautiful.

“I did it Haz!” Louis beamed at him.

“You did babe” Harry replied, grinning back at him. “I’m so proud of you!”

They made their way back to the platform and Candy swam up beside them, squeaking and bobbing up and down, almost like she knew something big had happened.

Louis couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as he watched her, riding high on adrenaline and success. “Yes, Candy” he told her “I know I’m fabulous! You’ve never seen such a natural in the water, have you?”

Harry snorted, raising an eyebrow at him.

“What?” Louis challenged. “Are you disagreeing Styles? Are you saying I’m not fabulous?” He then proceeded to pout at Harry, pretending to be wounded.

Harry couldn’t help the way his face turned fond. “Of course not” he replied softly. “You are incredible Lou, don’t ever doubt it.”

Louis blushed as he smiled back at Harry, more touched than he’d ever let on by Harry’s words.

 

***  

 

Zayn now made it a habit to sit under the same tree every day, sketching the scenes that were spread out before him. He also had a habit of sketching pictures of Niall on a regular basis, which was what he was working on today, a selfie they’d taken open on his phone to work from.

A small smile played at his lips as he sketched, just the thought of Niall able to make him happy. Ever since their kiss at the bar, things had progressed and Niall had stayed over two nights in the last week. There was something about the loud, brash boy that appealed to Zayn. It was like he balanced out Zayn’s introverted nature and drew him out of himself and it was a heady feeling. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so comfortable with someone. Niall was just so genuinely lovely, that nobody could help but like him.

His pencil glided over the page, the lines forming quickly into a face he had grown to care for immensely. His fingers shaded the contours he now knew very well and in no time, Niall’s features began to appear, smiling up at him from the page.

He immediately felt the familiar rush of exhilaration at seeing his work come to life. Art was, for him, essential to his happiness. It grounded him, was the central focus in his life. He couldn’t imagine doing anything else.

He was so engrossed in his work that he didn’t notice Niall approaching until he plopped down beside him on the grass. Niall’s eyes widened as he took in the picture Zayn was drawing.

“Zayn, that’s incredible!” he said quietly. “You’re so talented, babe.”

Zayn ducked his head, biting his lip as he blushed little at Niall’s praise. “Thanks” he murmured.

Zayn closed his sketch pad, popping it back into his backpack, then turned to face Niall. “Ready to go?” he asked.

Niall grinned. “Not quite yet” he said as he moved to straddle Zayn’s lap, pulling him into a kiss that deepened immediately, tongues tangling and small moans escaping their mouths.

When Niall pulled back, Zayn was dazed and looked thoroughly debauched. Niall smirked at him. “Right, I’m ready to go now.”

Zayn stared at him, his gaze dropping to Niall’s lips and a slow smile curved his lips as he slid an arm up behind Niall’s neck and pulled him down, mumbling “I’m not” as he smashed their mouths together once more.

When they parted, both panting, a few minutes later, Zayn looked smug and Niall was the one looking dazed.

“Now, I’m ready to go” Zayn chuckled.

 

***

 

When Niall and Zayn arrived at the dolphin pools, it was to the sight of Harry and Louis sitting on the shallow platform, feeding fish to Candy, rather than out of the pool.

“Shouldn’t you guys be finished?” Zayn asked, confused.

Harry and Louis looked at each other, grinning, before Harry answered.

“Yes, but today, Louis has something to show you!” he told them excitedly.

Zayn looked at Louis with raised eyebrows and noticed he was almost vibrating with energy, a huge grin on his face. He looked happier than he had in weeks.

“What’s going on?” Zayn asked.

“What’s going on, dear Zayn, is that I’m awesome!” Louis replied. “Watch and be amazed at my newfound ability, love.” He slid off into the water and he and Harry walked over to the drop off area, where he slid into the deeper water, Candy spiralling around him, and proceeded to dog-paddle around in a circle, laughing at the shocked look on Zayn and Niall’s faces.

Zayn burst out laughing, overjoyed to see Louis swimming on his own. “Lou, that’s fucking brilliant! Well done mate!” he called out.

Niall let out a loud whoop, pumping a fist into the air and hollering out encouragement in his usual loud fashion. “Way to go Tommo!” he yelled. “You’re swimming like a pro man!”

When Louis reached out to Harry and Harry helped him get back to the shallow platform, he was buzzing. He jumped out and straight into Zayn’s arms, Zayn squeezing him tightly.

He turned to high five a waiting Niall and then turned to Harry, who was watching with a grin as bright as the sun overhead.

“Thank you” he said as he launched himself at Harry, hugging him fiercely.

Harry swallowed around the lump in his throat and hugged him back, burying his face in Louis’ neck for just a moment, before letting him go.

“This definitely calls for a celebration!” Niall told them. “We’re going out tonight boys! I’ll call Liam and make all the arrangements, but right now I’m about to expire from hunger, so can we grab some lunch?”

They all laughed and headed off to the café, Louis chattering excitedly to Zayn the whole time. Harry loved seeing him so happy after all they’d been through to get to this little milestone. It had been heavy going and Louis had worked so hard. They both had. He loved seeing the weight lifted off Louis’ shoulders with each success they had.

When they’d finished lunch, Zayn and Louis headed home for a rest before they went out that night and Harry and Niall went back to work. Harry was on duty at the dolphin show that afternoon with Ashton and Luke, and Niall was cleaning out the penguin enclosure with Barb.

Louis was on a high all the way home, bouncing excitedly up and down and talking a mile a minute. Zayn indulged him, smiling fondly at him as he listened to his chatter, happy to see his friend becoming more like his old self.

 

***

 

“Harry?” Ian called out from his desk as Harry walked through the main office that afternoon. “Do you have a minute?”

Harry walked over into Ian’s small square office. “Of course” he replied, sitting across from Ian.

Ian looked at him shrewdly for a moment before speaking, making Harry shift in his seat.

“I’ve been observing your progress with Mr. Tomlinson. Well done on your success so far. I can tell from your notes and speaking with Megan that this hasn’t been an easy case.”

“Thank you” Harry answered. “You’re right – it hasn’t been easy. Louis has worked really hard, though, and I’m proud of him.”

“Mhm” Ian replied thoughtfully. “I know you’ve become good friends, Harry, and while there’s nothing wrong with that, I am going to take this opportunity to urge you to be very careful where Mr Tomlinson is concerned. I have to be honest, as I’ve observed you, I have noticed a quality to your interaction that concerns me. Please bear in mind that any inappropriate relations between you would reflect badly on both this program and your credibility as a therapist. I would hate you to jeopardise your career, or worse, the reputation of this program.”

Harry cleared his throat nervously. “I understand Ian. I won’t let you down” he responded quietly.

Ian nodded. “Alright then. We’ll leave it at that for the moment, but be aware that if I feel the need to transfer his rehabilitation over to me, I will do it Harry, make no mistake.”

Harry stood. “Duly noted” he replied softly, before turning and leaving the office with his heart pounding in his ears.

 

***  

 

Harry kept his discussion with Ian to himself, not wanting to spoil Louis’ celebration that evening. Instead, he watched on fondly as Louis, Zayn and Niall made toast after toast to Louis, the content getting more and more ridiculous, the more they drank.

Louis was on a high, practically floating after the day’s achievement, and Harry was smiling as he watched his boy enjoy the small victory he’d had. Harry decided to keep his drinking to minimum as it was obvious Louis was on a mission to get completely wasted, and them both being drunk could only lead to some really poor choices.

“To me!” Louis raised his glass in yet another drunken toast. “I’m gonna kick this thing’s arse!” He looked across at Harry, winking as he added “me and Haz – we’re the dream team!” As they threw back their drinks, Harry smiled at him and he grinned back at Harry, lips already blue from the shots they were downing.

“Right Tommo!” Niall all but yelled “let’s hit the dance floor mate!” He dragged Louis by the shirt behind him and Louis went smiling and waving at Harry with a goofy affectionate look on his face. Zayn was chuckling, watching on lazily as he sat back in his chair, buzzed and content.

Liam and Sophia arrived a few minutes later and Liam shook his head, laughing at the two boys carving a trail through the bodies on the dance floor.

“God they’ve hit it early I see” Liam grimaced. “They’ll be messy later.”

“Oh yeah” Harry agreed. “They’re already a bit messy to be honest.”

“It’s so good to see a glimpse of the old Louis, though” Zayn added quietly, a small smile playing on his lips. “Thought he may never come back, but that’s him alright” he chuckled as Niall picked Louis up and spun him around, Louis tipping his head back, throwing his arms out and cackling as they circled the floor, bumping into people and generally causing a stir.

Harry shook his head fondly, heading over to the bar to get another round of drinks. As he was waiting to be served, he was approached by an attractive guy with black hair and a nice build. If Harry wasn’t completely gone for Louis, he may have given the guy a second glance, but as it was he wasn’t the least bit interested. The guy chatted and Harry was friendly, but not overly so. After he’d placed his order with the barmaid, he continued chatting with the guy amiably. Just as the guy got a little flirty, making him feel awkward, he found himself with an armful of Louis. Before he could even register what was happening, Louis’ lips were on his and everything else faded away for a second, until Louis pulled back with a grin.

“Hello darling” he murmured in a low sexy voice, his breath ghosting across Harry’s mouth.

Harry couldn’t help his grin, replying “hello sweetums. Having a good time?”

“I am now” he replied, voice sexy and husky, before turning to the black haired guy and raising his eyebrows, looking him up and down.

“Can I help you?” he asked, hostility radiating off him. Harry couldn’t help but be a little pleased at Louis’ possessiveness, chuckling as Louis slid an arm around his waist. Harry squeezed him back, enjoying the show.

The dark haired guy held up his hands in surrender. “Settle down mate – didn’t know he was taken, alright?”

“Well, you do now” replied Louis “so off you go.” He waved his hands dismissively and it was all Harry could do to hold the laughter in as the guy left, clearly put out.

When he’d walked away, Louis let his hand drop and proceeded to pretend like nothing out of the ordinary had happened, so Harry took his lead and let it go. He did, however, file the memory away for later – jealous Louis was so hot and Harry was only human OK?

They carried the drinks back to the table and after downing theirs quickly, Louis and Niall hit the dance floor again, but not before Niall had plonked himself in Zayn’s lap and kissed him in a display that was best left for private.

“Jesus” Liam muttered while Sophia had a fit of the giggles beside him. “Settle down you two! Break it up, will you? They’ll toss us out if you keep that up!”

They pulled apart and both grinned at Liam before Niall grabbed Louis’ hand and dragged him off to, as he described it “share their magic talent with the world.”

 

***    

 

When Liam left at eleven to stay over at Sophia’s place, Harry decided he’d better round up his troops as well. They all had work the following day and Niall and Louis were not going to be happy campers as it was.

Getting the two of them out to the car was like herding cats and it took both Zayn and Harry to keep the boys upright, their legs having gone to jelly apparently. Zayn was staggering along with Niall draped all over him, singing an old Irish folk song at the top of his voice.

Harry was able to hold Louis up easily enough, taking his weight and slipping an arm around his shoulders. Louis was wrapped around his waist, cuddled into him, murmuring nonsensically.

They decided to all crash at Harry and Niall’s place, and when Harry pulled into the driveway, both Niall and Louis were asleep. It took a bit of waking, but he and Zayn managed to get both boys lucid enough to walk, assisted, to the front door and through to the bedrooms. Zayn disappeared into Niall’s room with him, bidding Harry a good night as he struggled to get Louis into his own room. He intended to get Louis settled, then go and sleep in Liam’s bed to avoid a repeat of the other morning.

He sat Louis down on the bed and Louis fell backward, throwing his arms out to the sides and giggling.

“Fuck Haz” he slurred heavily “m’so wasted.”

“Yep” Harry smiled “you sure are.” He crouched down to slip Louis’ shoes off.

“S’okay though” Louis smiled sleepily at him as he stood back up. “Got you to take care of me.”

“Yeah Lou” Harry grinned at him fondly “I’ll take care of you.”

“So good to me Haz, so good...” the sentence trailed off as Louis’ eyes drifted closed, only to spring open a second later.

“C,mon babe” Harry said quietly, patting his thigh. “Let’s get these jeans off, they’re too tight to sleep in comfortably.”

For some reason, this was hysterically funny to Louis, who started laughing as he shuffled further back onto the bed. “Tryna get in my pants H?” he giggled.

Harry shook his head, huffing out a laugh. “Since the day I met you Lou” he muttered.

Louis’ laughter died and he watched Harry unzip his jeans. He licked his lips and his look was so heated Harry felt it scorch his skin. “Want you to” Louis breathed out “want you to get in my pants Haz.”

Harry pulled the jeans down Louis’ legs and off, throwing them on the floor, with his jaw clenched. He was determinedly ignoring Louis’ words, trying to keep himself composed and in control. He ushered Louis up the bed further so he could pull the duvet down and Louis could climb under it in his briefs and t-shirt. Harry deliberately didn’t look at him while he did that. His self-control only extended so far and he was nearing the limits.

When Louis was snuggled under the duvet, he crooked a finger, beckoning Harry closer. Harry knelt down beside the bed.

“What’s up?” he asked.

Louis didn’t answer right away, just reached out sleepily and touched his fingertips to Harry’s mouth.

“S’beautiful mouth Haz” he slurred. “Made for sucking cock. Dreamt about it, you now? Dreamt about it sucking my cock. Your mouth…” he was absently rambling now, sliding his fingertips back and forth over Harry’s mouth now, his eyes glazed over as if he was lost in that memory and wasn’t aware he was even speaking to Harry. Harry couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move away, held captive by Louis’ barely there touch.

Louis snapped out of his reverie then, sighing loudly, his eyes shutting and sleep claiming him as he whispered “want that with you, want it all with you. Love you so much Harry…“

A mere handful of breaths later and he was clearly already asleep, his face relaxed and almost angelic.

Harry knelt there, face slack with shock and unable to move. Louis loved him. Louis wanted everything with him. The boy he had fallen for, head over feet, loved him back.

He reached out and softly pushed Louis’ fringe back from his forehead, Louis letting out a contented sigh and moving into the touch. He stared at Louis, lost in his own thoughts, for what felt like hours. He’d felt something shift inside him at Louis’ words and his chest felt tight. It hurt just to breathe.

_Want it all with you._

Harry felt a sudden yearning to have that – to have everything with Louis. A relationship, a future, _everything_. He found himself needing all of those things more than he needed air, and all the carefully thought out reasons why it was not possible suddenly seemed to make no sense at all.

He shook himself, standing and walking out of the room, hoping a good night’s sleep in Liam’s bed would give him some perspective.

 

***  

 

After a fitful sleep, Harry woke early, giving up on the idea of sleeping any longer. He checked his phone and sighed. Six o’clock. He didn’t need to be up for another hour, but there was nothing to be gained by laying there replaying the events of the night before in his crowded head.

He hopped up and went to the kitchen to put the kettle on, finding Niall sitting at the kitchen table, his head resting on his folded arms.

“Morning” Harry greeted him in a sleepy, husky voice. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I was hit by a truck, carrying a load of dog shit, which fell into my mouth before the truck backed over me several times. You?”

“Bit better than you” Harry replied smirking. “Tea?”

“God Yes!” Niall answered with feeling.

“Need me to call in sick for you?” Harry asked him.

“Nah” Niall told him. “Cuppa and a shower and I’ll be grand.”

Harry very much doubted that, as he still hadn’t lifted his head off the table, but he had to admit he’d seen Niall recover after bigger nights than this. It was quite impressive, the way he bounced back from the kind of alcohol consumption that would kill most normal people. He deserved some sort of title or something, Harry mused.

They sat drinking their tea, Niall letting out little grunts of appreciation with every sip. Harry made them both toast and when they’d finished it, Niall slipped off to have a shower. Harry wandered down the hall to his room to grab a work uniform and leave some water and painkillers for Louis. He doubted Louis was going to make it to his session today.

He cracked open the door, peering in and seeing Louis was now sprawled across the bed sideways, covers tossed aside and mouth wide open. He had a trace of drool on the left side of his mouth and Harry shouldn’t find it as adorable as he does, smiling softly down at this boy who had entered his life like a hurricane, causing so much chaos and yet making Harry happier and more frustrated than he’s ever been.

Louis let out a groan then, obviously feeling the pain of his hangover as he lifted a hand to his head without opening his eyes. Harry walked over and sat on the bed, running a hand through his hair, making him whimper.

“Haz?” Louis croaked out.

“I’m here” Harry answered softly.

“Hurts” Louis mumbled as Harry continued to run his hand through his hair.

“I know babe” Harry soothed. “I’ve brought some water and painkillers. Here, try to take some.” He slid a hand under Louis’ head and tipped it up so he could take the tablets and swallow the water down.

Louis had barely opened his eyes, letting Harry feed him both the tablets and the water, before laying back on the pillow with a sigh.

“Don’t bother coming in today, I’ll let Megan know you’re not well. Just stay here and rest OK? Zayn is asleep in Niall’s room and there’s food in the fridge if you get hungry.”

“Thanks Haz” Louis murmured as he fell back to sleep.

Harry watched him for just a moment more, before getting dressed and heading to work with Niall. Maybe a day apart from Louis would put things back in perspective.

 

***  

 

It seemed that Louis’ words had changed everything, because Harry could think of nothing else all day and he was agitated and twitchy by the end of the day.

As they drove home, he was unusually quiet as Niall rattled on beside him.

“I tell you Harry, I was fading fast this afternoon with the smell in those feed rooms. Started heaving and broke out in a cold sweat. Never been so glad to see the end of a day!” He paused, looking over as he realised Harry hadn’t replied, was lost in his own head. “Haz? You OK mate?”

Harry looked up. “What? Oh! Yeah I’m fine, just really tired, I guess.”

Niall nodded, not looking completely convinced. He stayed quiet for the rest of the trip home.

When they arrived back at the house, they found Zayn and Louis curled up together on the couch watching DVD’s, Louis laying with his head in Zayn’s lap, Zayn’s arm slung around him comfortably.

Harry felt possessiveness slam through him, an irrational jealousy taking over as he looked down at the physical closeness of the two boys on the couch. It didn’t seem to bother Niall and Harry told himself to get it together.

“Evening children!” Niall greeted them, grinning as he leant down to kiss Zayn and ruffle Louis’ hair. Louis sat up, laughing, and Harry was embarrassed by the fact that this pleased him, felt an easing in his chest at him moving away from Zayn’s lap. He rolled his eyes at himself mentally. He suddenly felt raw, exposed, and stood just inside the doorway, not moving into the room, thrumming with nervous energy but no idea how to deal with it.

He excused himself for a shower, knowing he smelled like fish guts. When he came back into the room fifteen minutes later, he still felt awkward, on edge.

Zayn and Niall were chatting about their days and just generally being sickening, so Louis wandered across to where Harry was standing.

Harry watched him approach, dressed in clothes belonging to him. A pair of too big track pants and hoodie, dwarfing Louis, and he felt heat pool in his stomach at the sight of Louis in his clothes.

“Hey Haz!” Louis greeted him. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah” Harry assured him. “Just tired. How are you feeling?” he asked.

“OK now” he laughed “but I was a right mess this morning! Fuck, I haven’t been that hung over in as long as I can remember!”

Harry snorted. “Yeah, you were pretty wasted alright. I think I’ll put the kettle on – fancy a cuppa?”

Louis smiled “That sounds like heaven” he replied. “Lead on” he told Harry, gesturing for him to walk ahead to the kitchen. “How was your day?” he asked Harry.

They sat in the kitchen, Louis up on the bench, swinging his legs and Harry standing opposite, sharing stories about their day and Harry still couldn’t shake the weird electricity buzzing in his veins. Niall and Zayn wandered in just as Louis was telling Harry how it took them ten full minutes to work out how to use the shower.

“Apparently Liam is at the gym, then staying at Sophia’s place” Niall told Harry. “I thought we could go get some of that nice Thai, you know, from the place in Mermaid Beach?”

“That’s like a twenty minute drive each way!” Harry whined.

“I’ll go if you like” Zayn answered. “It’d be nice to see some more of the surrounding area and we’ve been cooped up here all day.”

Niall grinned as he told Zayn “Sick – and we’ll drive past Mermaid Beach and I’ll show you the old surf club, it’s a really pretty spot!”

They grabbed the keys and their wallets and were out the door in a matter of minutes, leaving Harry and Louis in the kitchen.

Harry collected their mugs and turned to the sink to wash them, needing to do something. Louis was chatting away behind him, but fell silent for a moment before asking if everything was alright.

Harry turned off the water, but didn’t turn around to face Louis. Instead, he looked out of the window above the sink, asking quietly “did you mean it?”

“Did I mean what?” asked Louis, confused.

Harry turned slowly to face Louis, who was frowning now, concerned. He couldn’t look him in the eye, so he looked down at the container of tea sitting beside him on the bench. “Last night, you said you had dreamt about me sucking you off, that you wanted everything with me” he paused before he added in almost a whisper “you said that you loved me.”

He heard Louis’ sharp intake of breath, waited for him to answer, but kept his eyes on the tea canister.

“Harry” Louis replied “I’m so sorry – I shouldn’t have…“

“Did you mean it?!” Harry interrupted, his voice raising to a shout as he turned his eyes on Louis, pleading for an answer.

Louis looked back at Harry, clearly having some internal battle about how to answer. His eyes searched Harry’s for a moment and whatever he saw there was enough to make him nod his head. “Every word” he said quietly.

Their gazes held for a minute more, neither breathing, before Harry let out a small whimper in his throat and stepped between Louis’ legs, smashing their mouths together.

And that was all it took. All of a sudden, Harry couldn’t remember a single reason why they shouldn’t be doing this, a single reason why they should fight something that felt this right.

It was no gentle, tender kiss. It was hot, messy and already not enough. Harry tilted his head, immediately deepening it, their mouths open and tongues clashing.

Louis moaned, bringing his arms up around Harry’s neck and running his fingers into the hair at the base of Harry’s neck, tugging gently and eliciting a soft gasp from Harry. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist, yanking him forward till he was flush against Harry’s front and then Harry slid his hands down and inside his track pants, cupping Louis’ bum and whining as he realised he was wearing no underwear.

Louis’ hips thrust forward of their own accord upon hearing Harry’s whine, but found little friction at that angle. He let out a frustrated grunt, but groaned as Harry squeezed his arse cheeks hard.

Harry pulled back, panting heavily. “Fuck Lou, need to get my mouth on you.”

Louis nodded. “Fuck, yes, please!” He wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist and tightened the arms around Harry’s neck and Harry carried him, hands under his bum for support, to the bedroom, kissing him all the way down the hallway and smacking into the wall on several occasions. He entered his room, all but tossing him onto the bed and following him down.

He wasted little time ripping the track pants off Louis, throwing them carelessly behind him and looking down, licking his lips and letting out a low noise of approval. Louis’ cock was thick and full and already straining against his stomach, a tiny bead of pre-come forming under Harry’s intense gaze. Harry’s eyes flicked up to see Louis laying back looking at him, pupils blown and his bottom lip between his teeth. He looked wrecked already and Harry’s mouth was watering as he dropped his gaze back to Louis’ bulging shaft.

“So pretty Lou, such a pretty cock” he murmured, leaning down to lick a bead of pre-come off the slit.

Louis threw an arm over his eyes, groaning loudly. “Fuck Harry, no teasing! Need you so bad.”

“I’ve got you love” Harry mumbled, before wrapping a hand around the base and swallowing Louis down. As he reached his hand, he moved it to fondle Louis’ balls and kept going, taking him all the way down, his nose buried in the hair at Louis’ base.

“Oh my God” Louis gasped out as he felt the tip hit the back of Harry’s throat. He knew he wasn’t small and Harry took it all, humming around him and making a filthy noise as he slid back up, before plunging back down slowly again. Louis’s head drifted side to side on the pillow as he fought not to buck his hips up into Harry’s mouth. He couldn’t help the hand that slid into Harry’s hair, pulling hard. He was rewarded with a moan from Harry, who pulled off and rasped “fuck yeah Lou, love that, hard like that.”

Louis’ mouth went slack and he panted as he pulled Harry’s hair again, guiding him back down, his eyes rolling back in his head as Harry made an obscene noise and sucked harder, running his tongue along the underside of his dick.

Louis used the hand fisted in Harry’s hair to push him to go faster and Harry obliged, the sensation almost causing Louis to black out as Harry bobbed up and down and moaning loudly.

“Fuck Haz, not gonna last” he gasped out. “Gonna come!” he warned, and Harry just moaned louder, pace increasing, his other hand gently squeezing his balls and Louis felt his whole body contracting, pulling inward before exploding, shards of sensation scattering through his body as he convulsed, spilling into Harry’s mouth with a shout.

Harry took it all before pulling off with a pop, breathing heavily. His lips were red and swollen and his eyes were watering and Louis thought him the most beautiful sight in the world. He pushed at Harry until he was on his back, grabbing at his pants and pushing them off, along with his briefs.

There was no preamble, Louis leaning down and taking Harry into his mouth without hesitation and sinking down slowly, Harry letting out a long low keening noise as he did.

“Oh shit” Harry panted, the feeling of Louis’ mouth on him almost too much after the weeks of pent up frustration. He knew he wouldn’t last long. Louis hummed around him as he sucked back up, sending a vibration through him.

“Jesus, Lou” he murmured, his hips bucking up involuntarily. Louis pressed his hips back down, fingers pressing on the spot where he had gripped Harry’s hips the week before, and Harry moaned loudly as he sucked harder, sinking up and down at a steady pace.

“Lou, gonna come” was all he managed before his release hit him, the force of it drawing a shattered cry from his lips and causing his body to lurch up as he poured into Louis’ mouth. Louis swallowed it, moaning and licking him clean before he slumped onto his stomach.

“Oh My God” Louis panted “that was better than I dreamt it would be.”

“Fuck yeah” Harry replied, not feeling very articulate now his brains had been sucked out of his dick.

After they’d lay there panting for several minutes in silence, Louis looked up at Harry. “We can’t tell anyone about this Haz. It’d be such a shitstorm for us both.”

Harry nodded, running his hand up and down Louis’ bare arm. “I know. And I know we said we wouldn’t do this Lou, but I love you and I can’t keep denying what I feel for you. I’m not strong enough.”

“You love me?” Louis smiled softly.

Harry chuckled. “Yeah. I love you.”

“I love you too” Louis replied “now get dressed before Niall and Zayn get back and all hell breaks loose.”

 


	10. Insatiable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK so fair warning that there is a not insignificant amount of smut over the next two chapters while Harry & Louis are sneaking around - they're in the throes of new love, so I make no apologies!!
> 
> As always, my wonderful, amazing and beautiful beta Sassy_Boo_Bear receives my thanks and admiration for managing to squeeze me into her busy life and get these chapters checked - I couldn't post so quickly without her! 
> 
> Lastly - a humungous amount of love to all of you who comment or leave kudos - it really does make me smile to hear from you! Big Love xxx

 

 

_ _

 

_“Turn me on, Never stop_

_Wanna taste every drop_

_My love for you ….Insatiable”_

_Darren Hayes_

 

 

It was well past midnight, the house dark and silent, when Harry finally deemed it safe enough to creep down the hall from Liam’s room to his own, where he knew Louis was waiting for him. He was freshly showered and dressed only in his boxers, his chest and feet bare.

His heart was pounding and he really wasn’t sure if that was fear of being caught or simply anticipation, but he thought maybe it was a little of both. His mind was blank, save for the constant chorus of _louislouislouis_ and he guessed it was now official – he was thinking solely with his dick, because all common sense had fled the minute Louis’ mouth had closed around it.

He had apparently lost all ability to operate as a fully functioning adult who was able to make good choices, yet he could barely find one single scrap of remorse, his need for Louis overwhelming everything else. He was surely hurtling toward disaster, and yet he was incapable of changing course. None of the arguments that had seemed to make so much sense before held any sway with him now – Louis’ touch had silenced the voices of reason.

Zayn and Niall had returned with their Thai food, completely oblivious to the air fairly crackling with electricity around them. Sitting through dinner and the movie they’d watched afterward, without being able to kiss Louis or touch him the way he wanted to, had been torture, his whole body screaming with the need to touch.

He hadn’t realised how hard it was going to be keeping his hands off him now he’d been given a taste. When they’d put the movie on, he’d practically sat on top of Louis, sharing an armchair and taking every opportunity to touch him, needing the contact like he needed to breathe. Luckily, they’d been tactile and unconcerned with personal space from the beginning, so his behaviour didn’t seem out of place to Niall and Zayn, both boys taking it in their stride and neither batting an eyelid at the human pile on the armchair.

He could tell Louis was equally impatient, equally needy, taking every opportunity he could to shift against Harry, run his fingers through Harry’s hair and just generally let his fingers play along his skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps wherever he went.

Harry had been so worked up by the end of the movie, he’d quickly excused himself and headed to Liam’s room on the pretence of going to bed. He’d then pulled out his phone and texted Louis.

 

**_Harry 10.38pm_ **

_Had to leave the room or I was gonna drop to my knees and blow you right there in the lounge room._

**_Lewwwiissss 10.40pm_ **

_I would’ve let you._

**_Lewwwiissss 10.41pm_ **

_Meet me in your room when they go to bed. Need you x_

 

It had been the longest hour and a half of his life, after he showered and waited for the house to go quiet, and Harry was already three quarters hard as he tip-toed down the hall toward his room. He quietly pushed the handle down, wincing as it squeaked, and pushed the door inward. He was barely halfway inside when he was grabbed and forcibly pulled into the room, the door closing and Louis pushing him up against it, smashing their mouths together and already making grabby hands at Harry’s pants, yanking them roughly down and running a hand over his now leaking cock, as Harry moaned into his mouth.

Louis was already naked, obviously never got dressed after his own shower, and Harry’s hands roamed his skin frantically, needing to feel every inch of him. There was such a desperate edge to their interaction, like they’d not touched each other for weeks, instead of just hours. They became a wild tangle of limbs as they reached for each other, eager to touch, to taste.

As Louis pulled back and kissed, open mouthed, down his jaw and neck, Harry gasped.

“Fuck Lou!” he panted “I… ugh… ah!” He suddenly found that the ability to string a sentence together while Louis bit and sucked on his neck eluded him and he was just uttering nonsense and small breathy noises, bucking his hips up to meet Louis’ which were already rolling into him with an almost frenzied insistence, the friction sending white hot pleasure pulsing through him.

As Louis bit down once more, sending another jolt of liquid heat down his body, he realised that a mark on his neck would give them away.

“Marks Lou – n… oh… neck” was all he managed to get out, chest heaving as their hips came together again and another wave of sensation was rushing through him. God, this was going to be over before it began if Louis kept rolling his hips like that!

Louis dropped onto his knees, taking his boxers with him as he went, Harry’s hard length bobbing out eagerly right in front of Louis’ face. Louis licked his lips greedily before mouthing his way along the underside, tongue licking firmly before his eyes met Harry’s. He held Harry’s gaze as he took him down slowly, mouth stretched around his rigid cock and Harry lost all ability to breathe or form a coherent thought. He couldn’t tear his eyes from the sight of Louis on his knees, looking up at him, mouth wrapped around him. He gave a low whine as he watched him pull back up, cheeks hollowed. He looked so incredibly hot, Harry felt weak just looking at him, legs trembling and his chest pounding. Without the wall to lean against, he would’ve been a puddle on the floor.

Being encased in the warm wet cocoon of Louis’ mouth was pure heaven and Harry’s head dropped backward, eyes rolling back in his head as Louis ran his tongue over the slit before he slid back down. Louis had one hand firmly wrapped around Harry’s thigh and the other was wrapped around the base of Harry’s cock, gently stroking him in rhythm with his mouth. Harry had to fight back the urge to thrust his hips forward, feeling them start to tilt.

Louis felt him holding back, so he dropped his hand from Harry’s cock down to his balls and used the hand wrapped around Harry’s thigh to pull him further in, letting him know it was OK, that he wanted more, wanted Harry to fuck his mouth.

“Oh Fuck Lou, yes” Harry moaned, giving his hips a tentative slide forward, feeling it when he hit the back of Louis’ throat. Louis groaned and squeezed the back of his thigh harder, pulling him forward till he obliged and started to thrust into Louis’ mouth, reaching down to slip his hands into Louis’ hair.

“Oh Jesus Lou, I’m gonna come already” he panted as he thrust more quickly into Louis’ mouth. Louis’ eyes were watering and his mouth was wet, gagging a tiny bit, but his pupils were blown and he hummed around Harry like he was loving every minute of it. He moved his hand from Harry’s balls back to his entrance, brushing a finger over the puckered muscle in a light caress. That was all it took for Harry’s climax to hit him with very little warning, his body jerking with the force of it. He pulled back as Louis choked a bit, trying to swallow it all and as Louis pulled off, the remaining come splattered over his mouth and chin. He grinned up at Harry, sliding a thumb through it and sucking it off. He looked utterly wrecked and Harry had never seen anything so beautiful in his life.

“Shit” Harry rasped out, his voice hoarse. As Louis stood back up, Harry took his mouth in a filthy kiss, tasting himself on Louis’ tongue and loving it. He walked them both over to the bed, tumbling them down and pinning Louis to the mattress.

“My turn” he mumbled as he kissed his way down Louis’ torso.

Harry barely had his mouth around him and Louis felt the white heat pooling in his belly. He’d almost come while he had Harry in his mouth and when Harry sucked back up his shaft, the pleasure that shot through him was almost too much to take.

“Shit… ahh… Haz” he whined brokenly, pushing his hands into Harry’s hair and tugging. Harry moaned, sucking harder, and Louis had to fight to stop himself from crying out. “Not gonna last” he bit out, his breath coming in heavy pants now. Harry maintained a steady rhythm, driving Louis toward his climax. Louis felt the familiar pull but wasn’t ready for the strength of his orgasm when it came, bucking up off the bed with a throaty groan as he spilled into Harry’s mouth and riding out the seemingly endless waves of sensation that followed. When he had taken it all, Harry pulled off, chest heaving and slumped next to Louis on the bed.

Louis lay beside him, trying to catch his breath and neither moved, their limbs heavy and bodies sated.

“Oh My God” Louis whispered.

“Yeah” Harry replied, before they both chuckled.

Louis turned into Harry’s side, snuggling in with his head on Harry’s chest and an arm wrapped around his waist.

“It’s never been this good for me before H” he told him quietly. “Everything feels so different with you.”

“Me too” Harry replied. After a few minutes of silence, Harry cleared his throat. “Lou? I need to tell you something.”

Louis frowned, picking his head up to look at Harry. “That doesn’t sound good” he answered, concern lacing his words.

“No, no” Harry assured him “it’s just. Well it’s… I don’t really know how to…“

“Just say it Haz, you’re scaring me” Louis told him.

“I’m a virgin” Harry blurted out, blushing.

Louis face was blank with surprise. “What?”

“I’ve never… you know. I mean I’ve done everything _but_ that. And it’s not like I…” he was stuttering now, awkward about the subject. “I mean I’ve, you know, experimented on my own and stuff” he mumbled, trailing off.

Louis was staring at him, eyes heavy and mouth hanging open at the very thought of Harry “experimenting”.

“What exactly do you mean by experimenting?” he asked, his voice low and husky.

Harry blushed harder, his face turning a lovely beetroot colour. “Well I’ve fingered myself – you know, tried opening myself up” he paused “and I’ve, like, used a vibrator – only a small one, but, yeah.”

“Jesus Harry” Louis breathed, feeling his dick twitch at the mere thought of Harry fucking himself with a vibrator. “That’s so fucking hot.”

“Yeah?” Harry replied, eyes hopeful. “You’re not, like, put off that I’m a virgin?”

“Not in any way. I kind of love that you’ve never been with anyone if I’m honest” Louis replied. “In fact, now would be a good time to tell you that although I’m not a virgin, I’ve never bottomed before.”

“Really?” Harry replied, smiling softly, secretly loving the idea that Louis had never let anyone top with him.

“Yeah, I just never felt close enough to anyone to let myself be that vulnerable, you know? I mean, I’ve done some experimenting on my own too, so it’s not like I don’t _want_ to – it’s just that, well, it’s never really felt right.”

Harry smiled at him. “I’m kind of glad that we’re both bottom virgins” he grinned.

Louis chuckled, rolling his eyes as he replied “Oh my God Haz, you’re such a dork! But I guess I’m glad too – and don’t worry babe, I would never pressure you to do anything you didn’t want to do. We can stick to the other stuff and I’d be just as happy – I just wanna be with you.”

“No!” Harry exclaimed, sitting up and taking Louis’ hands in his. “That’s not what I meant! I want that with you, Louis. I want _everything_ with you. I was saving it for when I really loved someone and they loved me – I know it’s old fashioned. I just thought you should know that I wasn’t experienced – didn’t want to make a fool of myself.”

Louis felt his chest constrict painfully as he looked back at Harry, his heart surely about to burst from his ribcage as it was overwhelmed by the love he felt for this beautiful, curly haired boy.

“I want everything with you too Harry” he whispered, squeezing Harry’s hands. “Let’s just let it happen naturally, yeah? We’ll know when the time is right.”

The smile Harry gave him was pure sunshine, warming him from the inside out. “Yeah” he grinned, rolling them over and pinning Louis to the mattress “and in the meantime, I’m gonna learn every inch of you by heart.” He leaned down, kissing Louis slowly, with an aching tenderness that was a stark contrast to their earlier wild kisses.

When they pulled apart, Harry brushed Louis’ fringe back from his face and made a small whiney sound before saying “I have to go back to Liam’s room love. It’s almost two o’clock and I can’t risk falling asleep here.”

Louis made a noise of protest, pulling Harry in and kissing him once more. “No!” he argued as they pulled apart. “Not yet H, _please_?” he pleaded. “Just a little longer!”

Harry was incapable of denying Louis anything, especially when it was something he wanted so badly himself. He sighed, settling back onto the mattress and pulling Louis into his side. Their breathing slowed and evened out and that was the last thing Harry remembered.

 

***

 

Harry woke to the sound of Niall and Zayn moving around in the hallway and his eyes widened as he realised he was lying in his bed, naked, with Louis in his arms. Any second, the boys would be barging into either Liam’s room or this one and would quickly work out what had happened.

He dove out of bed, startling Louis awake as he jumped up and began frantically searching for his underwear.

“What’s happening?” Louis asked, still half asleep and looking adorably rumpled and confused.

“Fell asleep and forgot to go back to Liam’s room” Harry whispered loudly, quickly tugging on his boxers and heading for the window.

“Oh Shit!” Louis hissed.

“Yep!” Harry agreed. “Niall and Zayn are already awake, so I can’t get to Liam’s room without going out the window.”

He started to climb through the open window and Louis muttered “wait!” before rushing over and kissing him, grinning madly as he then proceeded to push him out faster. When he was outside, standing in the back garden, Louis popped his head out of the window and smiled, adding “love you!”

Harry grinned back at him, all dimples and doe eyes, and blew him a kiss. “Love you too baby!” he replied before dashing off in the direction of Liam’s room.

When he reached up to slide Liam’s window open, he found it was locked. He cursed and then quickly made his way to the back deck, praying the sliding door was unlocked.

By some miracle it was indeed unlocked and he slipped inside, closing the door behind him.

“Harry?” Niall’s surprised voice startled Harry, making him jump and he held a hand over his racing heart.

“Shit you scared me mate!” he told Niall, laughing.

“What were you doing outside?” Niall asked him.

“Oh, um, just, like… seeing what the weather was like” he stuttered out, cringing at himself.

Niall laughed, shaking his head at Harry like he was crazy. “Same as every other day mate – fuckin’ hot!”

“Yeah” Harry laughed “s’pose you’re right. How did you sleep?” he asked changing the subject.

Niall blushed. “Yeah alright” he mumbled and Harry grinned. Niall was pretty crazy about Zayn and Harry was happy for him.

Zayn wandered into the kitchen then, showered and dressed in some of Niall’s clothes. He placed an affectionate kiss on Niall’s head and ruffled his hair as he passed him on the way to the kettle. He smiled at Harry, greeting him.

“Good Morning” Harry replied. “Um, do you know if Lou’s up yet?” he asked casually. “I’d better see if he needs to borrow some clothes.”

Zayn nodded. “Yeah he just jumped into the bathroom to shower – he should be out any minute.”

Harry headed off down the hall, trying desperately not to think about Louis showering and failing miserably. He was sitting on the end of the bed when Louis came back into the bedroom, towel wrapped around him and hanging dangerously low on his hips. His hair was wet and his skin was damp and dewy, tattoos on display, making Harry’s mouth water. He stopped in the doorway and smiled at Harry, taking his breath away and Harry stood up from the bed, stalking over and pulling him into the room and behind the door so he could steal a kiss.

Louis whimpered softly and opened his mouth to Harry immediately, tilting his head to deepen the kiss and Harry let out a growl deep in his throat.

“Hey Lou!” Zayn’s voice called down the hallway, causing them to spring apart and Harry to busy himself at the closet, pulling out some clothes for Louis. “Did you want a cup of tea?”

“Yeah Z” Louis called out as cheerfully as he could with his heart racing “that’d be great, thanks!”

As he heard Zayn’s footsteps return to the kitchen, he walked over and slumped himself along Harry’s back. “Holy shit Haz, this is going to be so fucking hard!”

Harry turned, taking Louis in his arms and kissing his forehead. “Yeah but it was just as hard keeping our distance and this way we get to be together. Silver Linings Lou.”

They smiled at each other and Harry left to take his shower while Louis dressed and headed to the kitchen.

When Harry later wandered into the kitchen and saw Louis wearing his clothes, he may or may not have forgotten how to breathe as he felt a rush of primal satisfaction at seeing his man draped in his clothes again, which hung loosely on him. It somehow felt akin to marking his territory and his eyes roamed Louis’ body hungrily. Louis was looking back at him just as greedily and Harry wondered, not for the first time, if he really possessed the kind of self-restraint that would be required to keep this thing a secret. He hoped so, but really, the way Louis was looking at him right now, it was anyone’s guess.

He sighed. This was going to kill him – Louis was literally going to be the death of him.

_But what a way to go_ , he thought happily.

 

***  

 

_Insatiable._

Harry had never really understood the meaning of the word before – not _really_. He understood the vague concept of never getting enough of something, yadda, yadda, yadda.

What he hadn’t had any concept of, was the bone deep hunger that came with wanting something so badly, _craving_ it and that no amount of having it was ever enough to stop you craving more.

He understood it now.

They’d been sneaking around for seven days and Harry was losing his mind. He was strung so tight he felt like he was going to snap, his body in a state of constant alert.

They’d hardly had any time alone together over the last few days. Niall had to work a few late nights after a seal rescue gave them a baby seal to nurse. He and Barb had been putting in extra hours of overtime assisting the vet with the care, meaning he and Zayn had not had any sleepovers, so Harry hadn’t really had a valid excuse to stay over at Louis’ place, nor he at Harry’s, without raising suspicion. The remaining hours of the day they were rarely alone and had managed a few stolen kisses at best.

They had tried to sneak away the night before, telling Zayn they were thinking of going for a drive to the beach and maybe a walk. Zayn had thought that was a great idea and decided to join them, much to Harry’s annoyance. He spent nearly the entire time sulking and was only placated when Louis called him later last night and described in excruciating detail all the things he was going to do to him when he got him alone next.

As Louis’ voice echoed in his ear, Harry had closed his eyes and let his imagination picture all the dirty things Louis was describing. He’d let his hand slide down and grip himself, stroking slowly. When he let out a soft whimper, Louis paused.

“Are you touching yourself Harry?” he’d asked, his voice lowering and turning croaky at the thought.

“Mhm” Harry had breathed in response. “Had to Lou, you turn me on so much. So hard for you.”

“Fuck” Louis had whimpered, palming himself through his boxers as he lay on his bed. “Hard for you too babe” he’d rasped out as he had started to thrust into his hand, a soft groan escaping his lips.

They’d brought themselves off together, talking each other through it, and it had been so good and yet not nearly enough. Harry had slept fitfully and woken irritable. He needed Louis, needed to touch him and be touched. He felt like he was on fire and would spontaneously combust if he didn’t get Louis alone soon.

Insatiable.

 

When he’d wandered into the kitchen that morning, Liam had been mixing himself up one of his protein smoothies and he had smiled at Harry, asking him how everything was going.

“I feel like I have hardly seen you and Niall lately. I’m sorry if I’ve been neglecting you, it’s just that Sophia’s roommate has been overseas and we’ve had the place to ourselves and wanted to take advantage of it.”

_Lucky you_ , thought Harry resentfully. _You’re christening every surface of Sophia’s flat and I can’t even get five fucking minutes with my boyfriend because he’s a secret nobody would approve of. Fuck my life._

He bit back a pout and mustered up a smile – at least he hoped it looked more like a smile than a grimace. “That’s OK mate, we’ve been really busy anyway.”

“Yeah, how’s it going? Louis’ treatment I mean.” Liam asked.

Harry brightened at being able to talk about Louis, smiling softly as he replied “he’s doing so well, Li. I’m really excited for him.   He’s ahead of schedule with his results and he’s really throwing himself into it. I know there’ll be setbacks, but he’s doing great.”

Liam looked at him shrewdly for a minute. “I know you really like him Haz, and I know it’s hard for both of you, but I’m so proud of you for how you’re handling it. You’re doing the right thing.” He clapped Harry on the shoulder as he left the room. “Gotta run, see you this afternoon, OK?”

“Yeah” Harry mumbled, feeling guilty – but not nearly as guilty as he should feel. Things with Louis felt so right that everything else just faded away, including every single reason that this was a bad idea.

He’d been eager to get to work, eager to see Louis and now he paced his office, waiting for Louis to arrive with all the patience of a caged lion. He was restless and kept looking out the window.

“For fuck’s sake Harry” Niall whined from where he sat at Harry’s desk, large coffee in front of him and bleary eyes after another night attending to their rescued seal. “Will you quit pacing? What’s wrong with you today, anyway?” he asked. “You’re like a toddler that won’t sit still.”

Harry sent him a glare that he took no notice of, before sitting down on the other side of his desk, reaching over to steal some of Niall’s toast. Niall made a little squeal of protest, slapping Harry’s hand away and pulling his plate closer.

“So how’s the baby seal?” asked Harry, hoping the topic would distract both of them from the fact that he was a mess.

“She’s adorable Haz” Niall grinned. “We called her Bubbles, because every time she huffs out of her nose, bubbles come out!” he giggled. “It’s so cute, you have no idea! You have to come and see her now she’s doing better, she’s just the sweetest thing.”

Harry smiled, Niall’s excitement contagious. “OK I’ll bring Louis down after our session – are you meeting Zayn?”

Niall’s grin turned soft at the mention of Zayn’s name. “Yeah. I’ve been so busy we haven’t seen much of each other this week. I thought I’d take him out tonight to make up for it – Jake’s showing some of his artwork at a gallery opening in Surfer’s Paradise and Zayn would love it. Thought maybe I’d take him for a romantic dinner first and all – woo him proper like.”

Harry’s heart had started pounding as Niall spoke. Niall and Zayn were going out. They’d have the place to themselves! Holy Shit! Harry’s mind was racing at the thought of having Louis alone for what would likely be a few hours.

_Stay calm! Holy Shit! Don’t smile – you don’t want to give yourself away. Act casual dammit! But ALONE. With Louis. Yesyesyesyes!_

“Sounds awesome” he told Niall as casually as he could. “Guess I’ll go over and keep Lou company then.”

 

***  

 

Louis had never been so out of control of his own body before. It seemed that every cell, every nerve ending was screaming for Harry and he literally had no control over it. Every time Harry was within touching range, Louis had to battle to keep his hands to himself. It was the very definition of torment. They’d been living in a state of perpetual frustration for days now and there seemed no end in sight.

As he and Zayn walked into Harry’s office, his eyes automatically found Harry and his reaction was the same as always. His pulse leapt and his heart gave a little flutter and as Harry grinned at him, he felt a shiver of awareness run through him. He vaguely wondered if there would ever be a time he looked at Harry and didn’t feel like this, if maybe he’d build up some sort of desensitisation to the “Harry effect”. He thought perhaps not as his mouth automatically curved in response.

Zayn and Niall left quickly, wrapped up in their own little world and Niall telling him all about Bubbles. When they’d left the office, Harry and Louis stood grinning stupidly at each other for a minute or two, then Louis headed for the change room door, Harry immediately following.

As soon as they were in the room, Harry crowded him into the wall, kissing him thoroughly. Louis hummed happily, opening his mouth to Harry’s insistent tongue and wrapping his arms around Harry’s shoulders, hands slipping into his hair, clutching the curls and tugging.

Harry moaned quietly into his mouth and he pressed his body along Louis’ front. He could feel himself start to calm down, having Louis close once more. He took his time, slowly plundering Louis’ mouth and relishing the taste of him.

Louis sank against the wall, arms pulling Harry in as close as he could get, their bodies joined all the way down the front. Harry was kissing him with such tenderness, such passion, that he lost all ability to think, his awareness reduced to just the feel of Harry against him, of Harry’s mouth on his.

He’s not sure how long they were there, their mouths moving together and bodies shifting against each other. It was not nearly long enough and Louis would never have willingly pulled back, but the bang of the office door sounded and they jumped apart, breathing heavily.

Without saying a word, Harry took off for the change room door, praying he didn’t look as wrecked as Louis did when he’d pulled back and looked down at him. He entered the office, relieved to see it was Ashton.

“Hi mate” he smiled.

“Hey Harry” Ashton grinned “just checking to see if you’re doing the dolphin show this afternoon? Luke’s off today and I’ll need an extra set of hands.”

“Yeah mate, no problem. I haven’t got any sessions this afternoon, so I’ll be there to set up about two o’clock.” Harry told him.

“Great!” Ashton replied. “See you then!”

He left the office and when he was gone, Louis wandered out of the change room, all ready for business in his wetsuit.

Harry smiled at him fondly. “Ready?” he asked.

“Let’s do this!” Louis replied, walking past Harry and brushing his hand across Harry’s cheek sweetly as he headed for the door.

 

***

 

They were in the pool, Louis dog paddling as Candy swam around them and grinning at Harry, who was smiling back at him.

“So what’s on the Agenda today?” Louis asked.

“You’re going to dunk your head underwater today” Harry told him with a grin, and Louis’ smile faded almost instantly.

“Oh” he replied, swallowing nervously.

“Before you get yourself worked up, it only has to be for a second and I’ll be right here, holding your hand, OK?”

Louis still looked worried, so Harry swam over, sliding his arms around his waist. “Lou, I know you can do this. You’ve been working so hard and you’re ready. Trust me.”

“I do trust you Haz” Louis replied “it’s just that the thought of it makes me nauseous, you know? Like I can already feel my lungs struggling to breathe.”

Harry nodded. “We’ll do your guided meditation first then” he told Louis “you need to try to stay calm, OK?”

Louis nodded. “Yeah, OK.”

Harry guided them into the shallow water so he could stand behind Louis and guide him through the meditation. Louis leaned back into him, laying himself down until the back of his head was in the water and his legs were floating out in front of him. He concentrated on Harry’s voice and let it ground him, soothe him. He felt his tense muscles relax.

When he’d finished the meditation, Harry moved so he was beside Louis’ floating body and his arms were under his shoulder and lower back, supporting him.

“Now Lou, I want you to try to lower your head back till it’s just under the water and then bring it straight back up.”

He could feel Louis’ breathing immediately become faster and his body tense up, so he kept his voice calm. “It will be a few seconds at most Lou. A few seconds is not enough for anything to happen to you. I have you, I won’t let go and I’m here to pull you straight back up, OK?”

“Haz I don’t think I can” Louis was looking up at Harry, his distress written all over his face.

Harry looked down at him, tenderness radiating from him. “Louis, you got this babe. You’re so strong - it’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you, did you know that? Besides, we’re the dream team remember? We can do anything when we’re together.”

Harry smiled down at Louis gently and Louis found his lips curving up in response. God he was so in love with Harry it was ridiculous. The strength of Harry’s arms holding him made him feel safe and he knew he had to try. He had to win this fight because Harry deserved someone whole, someone who wasn’t damaged the way he was. He wanted to be worthy of Harry’s faith in him.

He took a deep breath and let it out, trying to calm his racing heart, then he nodded. “Okay” he replied.

He took another deep breath, this time holding it in as he tipped his head back. Instead of thinking about the water slowly engulfing him, he kept his thoughts on Harry, focused on his arms, on his strength.

As soon as his face was just under the water, he pulled back up, gasping for air and clutching at Harry, who quickly changed his hold to slide a hand up under Louis’ head, supporting it as he stood up, spluttering and coughing.

“You did it Lou!” he was saying, although Louis barely heard him over the pounding in his ears and the rush of his heavy breathing. He looked up and Harry was grinning down at him, his smile bright enough to give the sun overhead a run for its money and he felt the tightness in his chest release as a burst of pure elation hit him, along with adrenaline, making him feel weak at the knees. By the time they’d walked across to the platform to sit down, Harry was practically carrying him.

As they sat side by side on the platform, Louis found himself laughing out loud. “Oh my God, Haz. I really did it. I mean, it was only for a second, but I did it!”

“I’m so proud of you baby” Harry replied quietly, slipping a hand over to join with Louis’ underwater, and Louis felt like he could climb mountains if it meant Harry looking at him like he was right in that moment.

As they threw pieces of fish to Candy from the platform later, Harry told him about Niall’s plans for that night.

Louis’ eyes grew wide and he grinned. “So we’ll…“

“Have the place to ourselves? Yep!” Harry answered before turning to Louis, leaning in to say quietly “and I intend to make the most of it Lou.”

Louis felt himself shudder, looking up into Harry’s hungry eyes and thinking that tonight couldn’t come quick enough.

 

***

 

When they wandered over to the Seal enclosure after their session, it was to find Niall in the feed rooms, filling a bucket with fish to feed to Bart. After they’d greeted him, Louis asked where Zayn was.

Niall grinned, putting a finger over his lips, signalling for them to be quiet and then beckoned them forward. They followed him to the doorway leading to the outdoor area of the enclosure, where he turned and pointed to where Zayn was sitting cross legged on the ground, a small baby seal sitting in front of him. Zayn was feeding her small cut up pieces of fish and chattering away to her sweetly cooing and talking baby talk.

“I can’t decide who’s more adorable” whispered Niall “the cute baby seal or Zayn cooing over the cute baby seal!”

Louis snorted and he and Harry chuckled at Niall. They wandered out and Zayn turned to smile at Louis.

“C’mere Lou, come see her she’s so cute!” he said.

Harry and Louis went over to sit next to Zayn, moving slowly so they didn’t startle her. She was the dearest little thing and Louis felt his heart melt into a puddle of goo as she stared back at them with large eyes.

They waited while Niall fed Bart and when Barb arrived back to take over the care of Bubbles, they headed off to grab some lunch.

At lunch, Harry proudly filled the others in on Louis’ progress, making Louis blush at the praise Harry heaped on him.

When Harry looked at his watch and saw it was one thirty already, he grimaced.

“Oops! Better head over and set up for the dolphin show” he said. “I’ll see you tonight yeah?” he asked Louis and leant forward without thinking, almost kissing him goodbye, before he realised what he was doing. He stopped himself and instead swung his arm, giving Louis a friendly punch on the arm.

Louis was smirking at him, trying not to grin as he replied “yeah, see you tonight.”

 

***  

 

Harry arrived with Niall, both boys bringing overnight bags with them and Louis silently sent up a prayer of thanks that Zayn and Niall only had eyes for each other, because anyone with eyes would be able to see the heat radiating off Harry and the effect it was having on him.

They were both vibrating with barely concealed anticipation, the air in the room electric as they revolved around each other, holding themselves at bay as they waited for Zayn and Niall to leave.

After the boys left the house, Louis went over to stand at the window, peeking between the curtain and the glass to watch the boys leave, wanting to be sure they were gone before he threw himself at Harry.

Harry was too impatient to wait for that, stalking up behind Louis and wrapping his arms around Louis’ waist, leaning down to kiss his neck. His semi hard length was pressed against Louis’ bottom and he used his hands to grip Louis tightly and pull him back as he thrust forward.

Louis let out a soft moan, tipping his head back against Harry’s chest to give him better access. “We need to be sure they’re really gone” he told Harry, but his body was not lending any weight to his argument, traitorously arching back into Harry, even as he protested.

As he vaguely heard Niall’s car pull off down the road, he turned in Harry’s arms and took his mouth in a heated kiss, pulling himself up and wrapping his legs around Harry’s waist. Harry’s arms quickly came up to support his thighs as his mouth devoured Louis’.

“Bed. Now” Louis panted as he pulled his mouth away from Harry’s, before pulling him back in by the neck a moment later.

Harry was on board with that idea, staggering up the hallway clumsily as he tried to keep their mouths together and navigate the hallway at the same time. He stumbled into the wall several times and stopped to press Louis against it each time, deepening their kiss and thrusting his now rock hard length against Louis’, getting a moan from Louis every time.

When they reached the stairs, Louis pushed at Harry to let him down, then they made their way up the stairs, undressing each other awkwardly as they went, laughing and leaving a trail of clothing on the stairs. By the time they tumbled onto Louis’ bed, they were both naked and their hands were roaming each other’s bodies hungrily.

“God Lou, I thought I might explode if I didn’t get you alone soon” Harry gasped as Louis pinned him to the mattress, straddling him and leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses down his torso. “I’ve been going insane.”

 

***

 

“Can I ask you something?” Zayn said as he and Niall sat eating their dinner at the Italian restaurant in Surfer’s Paradise.

“Of course” Niall answered.

“What’s your opinion on Louis and Harry lately?” Zayn asked.

“What do you mean?” Niall frowned. “Are you asking me if I think they’re shagging?”

“I don’t know, maybe? Like, I’ve not caught them even kissing or anything, so I can’t say for sure that anything is going on, but they’re definitely different. Something’s changed, I just can’t figure out what it is.”

Niall shrugged. “Those two have always been a little different than your average friends, so how can you tell? To be honest, I don’t know how they’ve managed to keep their hands off each other – they’re clearly mad for each other and they’re _good_ for each other.”

“I can see that” agreed Zayn “but wouldn’t it be better if they kept things uncomplicated while Louis is in therapy?”

Niall paused, giving this some serious consideration before answering. “I don’t know Zayn. In my opinion, the attraction was already there, they already have the feelings for each other, the bond, and it hasn’t affected the therapy one bit – in fact I think Louis is doing better because he trusts Harry so much and he makes him _want_ to do better. I have to be honest – while a relationship between therapist and patient isn’t something you’d normally encourage, those two are a whole different kettle of fish. I really believe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”

Zayn looked at Niall, worry in his eyes. “Please tell me he’s a good guy, Niall. Louis is my best friend. I need Harry to be one of the good guys.”

Niall grinned, reaching across the table to squeeze Zayn’s hand. “He’s a fucking saint Zayn, you’ve no need to worry. He’s also mad about Louis and I haven’t seen Harry this way about anyone before, so I’m more worried about Louis going back to the UK and breaking his heart to be honest.”

Zayn was quiet as he looked down at his plate, moving the food around his plate absentmindedly. After a minute or two he looked up at Niall. “And me?” he asked quietly. “You know I’ll be leaving too when Louis goes home. Do you worry about that too?”

Niall looked stricken for a moment, but quickly schooled his features into his trademark grin. “Nah! I figure you’re gonna fall madly in love with me and want to stay.” He winked like he was joking, but there was something in his eyes hinting that maybe he meant it and Zayn’s heart skipped a beat as he smiled back at Niall, reaching across to squeeze his hand.

 

***

“Fuuuuuucccckkkk!” Harry wailed as Louis slowly pumped two slicked up fingers into him, and sucked him off in the same slow rhythm and driving him crazy with need.

“Y… yes, oh yes Lou!” he panted as Louis brushed over his prostate lightly, restlessly arching his back and trying to push down on Louis’ hand, needing more. “Lou please, I need… I need…”

Louis pulled off his cock, murmuring “what do you need baby?”

Harry didn’t answer right away, instead making little breathy, whiney sounds in time with Louis’ fingers pumping in and out slowly. Eventually, as Louis brushed past his prostate again, he blurted out “I need more – and faster!”

“It’s OK Haz, I got you” he murmured as he added the third finger, loving the sounds Harry was making as he came apart under him. “So good for me Haz, so perfect” he praised as he pumped the three fingers in and out, again brushing Harry’s prostate. He leaned forward and took Harry down again, his cock leaking as he swallowed around it. He then increased the pace, sliding in and out of Harry and making sure he swept across his prostate with every stroke.

Harry was incoherent, pushing back onto Louis’ fingers as hard as he could, then back up into Louis’ mouth. He was empty of all thought, purely focused on the sensation of Louis’ mouth and fingers on him. He reached back, holding Louis’ arm and fucking himself back down onto Louis’ fingers hard, wailing loudly as Louis found the spot once again, mouth still working Harry’s cock steadily.

“Yes, yes, oh fucccck! Yes, I’m gonna come Lou, fuck!” he babbled as he yanked at Louis’ arm, wordlessly imploring him to go faster. Louis increased his pace, pushing his fingers higher and faster while his mouth sucked Harry harder. Harry let out a shattered cry, his body quivering as it tightened, then released with an explosion of ecstasy that rocked him to his core. He felt the hot liquid spilling from him and into Louis’ mouth as his nerve endings tingled and buzzed. Louis sucked him clean and pulled off with a pop, trying to catch his breath.

Harry gave him no time at all to recover before he was crawling over him and working his mouth down Louis’ body. He slid Louis’ legs up and pushed them back toward Louis’ chest, opening him up and putting him on display. He looked down, drinking in the sight of Louis’ pink puckered hole as his mouth watered. “Beautiful” he murmured, before licking his lips and leaning down to lick across Louis entrance.

Louis gasped loudly, whimpering at the sensation of Harry’s mouth on his hole. Nobody had ever rimmed him before – he’d never felt comfortable with it. But when Harry was looking at him with so much hunger, he had found himself wanting it more than anything, needing it. It was the most intense feeling he’d ever known and he loved it, groaning long and loud as Harry slipped his tongue past the ring of muscle, sucking as he pulled back out.

“Oh Jesus Harry” he panted. “Fuck, feels so good!”

Harry stopped for a minute to coat his hand in lube and then enveloped Louis’ bulging cock, hand sliding slowly up and down as he moved back down to slide his tongue back over Louis’ entrance.

Louis let out a low keening noise, head thrashing side to side as Harry stroked him in time with the thrusts of his tongue. He could feel the pressure building in his abdomen, a heat pooling as pins and needles started in his fingers and toes.

“Oh my God H, so fucking good baby, so… ohh… yes, fuck, yes!” he was screaming now and Harry increased his pace, Louis pulling back his legs to give Harry better access. “So close, oh God, fuck, yes, yes, yes!” Louis felt a jolt as he climaxed, fire and heat spreading through his body as he came all over his stomach and chest. Harry kept up his ministrations until Louis was whimpering, over sensitive and then he pulled back, panting.

As Louis looked down at him, eyelids lowered and limbs heavy, Harry’s eyes slid up to the streaks of white on Louis’ torso. He moved up Louis’ body, leaning over him to lick a stripe through it, humming as he tasted Louis.

“Jesus” Louis murmured breathlessly as Harry continued licking him clean and he felt his dick give a half-hearted twitch at the sight Harry made.

When Harry looked up at him looking completely and utterly debauched, Louis had a fleeting thought that Harry may just be the death of him in the very near future.

 

***

 

Niall and Zayn pulled up outside the little gallery, music spilling out into the street and soft lighting in different shades of colour illuminated the pathway to the entrance.

“Wow” Zayn said, turning to smile at Niall as he rounded the car to stand beside him. “That’s pretty impressive.”

“Wait till you see his work” Niall replied “you’re gonna love it! C’mon, I’ll introduce you!” He grabbed Zayn’s hand and pulled him up the path and inside.

There was a table with beer and champagne set out and they grabbed a beer, before Niall located Jake and made a beeline for him, Zayn in tow. As they approached, Jake looked up from an intense conversation with a tall brunette and grinned.

“Niall, my man! How are you?” he asked, hugging Niall and smiling at Zayn. “Is this the guy you’ve been raving about?”

Zayn could feel his cheeks heat up as Niall put an arm around his waist and replied “yeah, this is Zayn. Zayn, this is Jake.”

As the boys shook hands, Niall excitedly told Jake how talented Zayn was, making Zayn blush even harder.

“He really is amazing Jake, you should see his stuff!” Niall enthused.

Jake looked from Niall to Zayn. “Well now I have to see it – you’ve got me intrigued! You’ll have to bring him by the centre Niall.”

“The centre?” Zayn asked curiously.

“Yeah” Jake replied, smiling as he talked about something very dear to his heart. “I work in an art therapy centre part time. It’s amazing, you’ll have to come and take a look.”

“Art therapy? What exactly is that?” asked Zayn, frowning.

“We teach art to people with all sorts of different challenges – depression, mental illness, disability. We help people heal by using art. It’s pretty awesome.”

Zayn smiled. “It sounds sick! I’d love to take a look at what you’re doing there!”

Jake clapped him on the shoulder, grinning. “Well then, I’ll make sure Niall brings you by.” He slung an arm around Zayn’s shoulders. “Now, let me give you the tour – I’d love your opinion on my work.”

 

***

 

It had taken an hour to get back out of bed and get themselves showered, taking the opportunity to blow each other in the shower before getting out, behaving more like randy teenagers than two adults. They were now cuddled up on the couch, eating toasted sandwiches and enjoying the simple pleasure of being able to kiss and cuddle like a normal couple.

Louis’ laptop was open and they were laughing over his old Facebook photos, Harry admitting he’d already stalked Louis’ page repeatedly since they’d met.

“Ooooh! That one’s my favourite” he cooed at a picture of Louis last winter in a beanie and scarf, his cheeks rosy and eyes crinkling at the corners as he laughed at the camera. “It’s so beautiful” he added softly, reaching out to touch the face on the screen.

Louis reached over to stroke his face. “You’re the beautiful one H” he told him. “Truly, you’re so fucking lovely it takes my breath away.” They stared intently at each other before Harry pushed the laptop onto the coffee table and pulled Louis in for a long, slow kiss, filled with all the raw emotion he was feeling. When they finally came up for air, they were both breathless. Louis was just about to remove Harry’s t-shirt when his computer beeped and he saw an incoming skype call from his mum.

He grinned at Harry, pulling the laptop toward them as he asked “wanna meet my mum?”

Harry’s eyes flew wide and Louis grinned at him. “I promise she isn’t scary Haz” he chuckled, pressing the answer button as Harry scooted across so he wasn’t sitting in his lap.

A second passed before a lovely brown haired woman appeared on the screen, grinning as she saw Louis and eyes immediately zeroing in on Harry.

“Hi mum” Louis happily greeted her.

“Hello darling” she replied, smiling at Louis. “Sorry – I didn’t realise you had company.” Her eyes drifted to Harry again and Harry smiled awkwardly.

“No, it’s fine mum. I wanted to introduce you to Harry, so this is perfect!”

“Harry?” Jay asked “as in, your therapist Harry?”

“Yep” Louis replied “this is Harry” he pointed at Harry. “Harry, this is my mum, Jay.”

“Nice to meet you Mrs Tomlinson” Harry waved goofily, grinning at Jay.

“Nice to meet you too Harry, and please call me Jay. I’ve heard so much about you, I feel like I already know you!” she laughed. “I hear Louis is doing well over there, so I guess I should be thanking you for that.”

Harry then launched into how wonderfully Louis was progressing and praising him enthusiastically. “He’s been so amazing Jay – you should see how hard he’s working! I’m so proud of him.” He smiled over at Louis and Louis blushed as he smiled back at him. Neither boy noticed Jay’s raised eyebrows and knowing smile.

When Harry had finished chatting with Jay, he excused himself so Louis and Jay could chat and went to make some tea and doing the washing up.

After Louis had watched Harry leave the room, his eyes fond, he looked back at the screen to find Jay looking back at him with a smirk.

“So, that’s the famous Harry, eh?” she teased. “I can see why you’re doing so well with your therapy! He’s adorable – and not hard on the eyes either!”

“Mum!” Louis scolded. “Be quiet! He’ll hear you!”

“Sorry love” she replied, letting the subject drop. “So what’s new over there?”

“Not much” Louis lied. “I’d rather hear about what’s happening at home – how is everyone?”

They chatted for about twenty minutes, Jay filling him in on what had been happening at home. Louis felt a pang as she talked about his sisters. He missed them so much – they were such a big part of his life and this was the longest he’d gone without seeing them before.

When they hung up, he wandered into the kitchen to find Harry just putting the last of the dishes away.

“So how are your family doing?” Harry asked him.

“Yeah good” Louis sighed. “Listening to Mum talk about the girls makes me realise how much I miss them. I can’t wait to see them again.” He walked over and tucked himself into Harry’s arms, snuggling into Harry’s neck and kissing the soft skin there. He didn’t see the way Harry’s face fell as he spoke about missing home, missing his family. Harry had been contemplating broaching the subject of Louis moving to Australia after his treatment so they could be together, and he wasn’t sure what to make of Louis’ comment.

As Louis pulled back and looked up at him, he schooled his face back to a relaxed smile. “She seems really nice Lou” he said.

“Yeah, she’s wonderful” Louis replied. “She thinks you’re fit by the way” he giggled. “She said that must be why I’m doing so well – because I’m trying to impress you.”

“Are you?” Harry asked with a smirk.

“Maybe” Louis replied. “Is it working?”

“I think we can safely say that I’m impressed with every single thing you do” Harry told him in a low voice, mouth pressed to his ear, making him shudder.

“Yeah?” Louis answered. “Well, follow me Mr. Therapist” he pulled him toward the stairs “because I’m going to do things to you that are gonna impress the fucking pants off you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading - Next Update will hopefully be Friday morning :) x


	11. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Just getting this posted in the nick of time - I'm off for a weekend away and wanted to get this up for you - so a huge shout out to my beta Sassy_Boo_Bear, who got this checked for me despite being super flat out!!
> 
> WARNING! I was sent a comment saying I ruined the story by hinting Harry was going to bottom and giving no warning about it, so I am stating here, that as in ALL my fics, the boys "share that really" and will both bottom!! If you can't handle that then stop reading now! LOL
> 
> Have a great weekend and I'll check back in Monday to see what you all thought! Bye xxxx

_"I don't want nobody to know_   
_I'm in love with you're soul,_   
_but you're hot from your head to your toes_   
_Yeah, make you feel so right when we know it's wrong"_

_Tyler Ward_

 

“C’mon Lou” Harry coaxed, leaning down to whisper in his ear “if you can make three minutes, I’ll let you watch over Skype while I use my vibrator tonight.” As Louis’ mouth fell open, Harry let his voice drop an octave. “I’ll slick it up real…“

“Let’s do this” Louis interrupted, voice cracking as he slipped the mask and snorkel on.

Harry chuckled. “See? Just takes the right motivation and we can achieve anything!”

“Shut up and get on with it Curly” Louis replied, trying not to smile – and definitely trying not to picture Harry fucking himself with a vibrator. Whoever said that sleeping with your therapist was bad for your recovery clearly didn’t have a therapist like Harry. He could motivate Louis like nobody else could.

They’d been working up to holding his face under the water with a mask and snorkel, trying to stay calm and breathe normally. Once he was comfortable, they’d start snorkelling around the deeper water, but for now, they were in the shallow, just trying to get him to go longer than a minute.

His first attempt had found him almost hyperventilating as he breathed in and out of the snorkel in a panic. The snorkel restricted his breathing, so staying calm was key and he hadn’t yet mastered that. He was hoping for three minutes today, and with this new incentive, he was going to do whatever he could to succeed!

He fixed the mask over his face and put the snorkel into his mouth, already feeling the limited access to air. He took a few slow steadying breaths and closed his eyes to focus. When he opened them, he looked over at Harry and nodded – his signal that he was ready to start. Harry held out his hands and Louis took them, Harry supporting him as he lifted his feet off the ground and lowered his face down into the water.

He immediately felt the panic that came with the feeling of being surrounded by water and only having a small amount of air, but concentrated on trying to calm himself. He gripped Harry’s hands tightly and could just hear the soothing tones of Harry’s voice over the ringing in his ears.

“That’s it Lou, slow breaths, you can do it. I’m right here babe.”

He forced himself to slow his breathing down, determinedly ignoring the tightness in his chest. It felt like he was struggling for air and he was fighting against the need to yank himself up and pull of the mask and snorkel, freeing his mouth so he could take in gulps of air. He wanted to pull back, to withdraw from the water so badly, but he could hear Harry’s voice telling him he was past the first minute, so he told himself to hang on, his breath coming in pants now, his chest starting to burn and tears welling in his eyes inside the mask.

As Harry called out that he’d passed the two minute mark, the tears started to leak into the mask, obscuring his vision. Crying made his throat constrict and he started to become restless with the need to pull back as he fought to breathe. His breath became more shallow and fast-paced as he struggled to hold on, now squeezing Harry’s hands in a death grip. At the exact moment Harry was calling out that he’d reached the three minute mark, he was pulling up, ripping the mask and snorkel off and letting out deep wracking sobs as he gasped for air. He could barely register Harry telling him to stay calm, couldn’t even focus as the tears kept falling and he struggled for air.

“Lou!” Harry said loudly, his own eyes filling with tears as he watched Louis in pain. “Lou, look at me, look at me babe!”

He turned to Harry, still heavily panting and face wet with tears, but as he looked into Harry’s eyes, raw with emotion, he felt himself calming down, becoming grounded just by the sound of Harry’s voice and his hands gripping his arms.

Harry breathed deeply and slowly. “Breathe with me Lou” he murmured, rubbing his thumbs over Louis’ wrists, and he felt Louis’ body sag as the fight left him. Louis took a few deep breaths with him, exhausted now the panic had subsided. He leaned forward, resting his head on Harry’s chest as he regained his composure.

“It’s so hard Haz” he said softly “it’s so hard and I’m tired. Why can’t I just do this? What’s wrong with me?”

Harry reached down to cup his cheeks and lifted his face up, brushing the wetness from his cheeks with his thumbs. “There’s nothing wrong with you Lou, you’re so remarkable and you can’t even see it. This is hard, I know and it feels like it’s impossible sometimes, but look at how far you’ve come already.” He grinned then, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he added “speaking of success - you made three minutes Lou! So you know what that means!” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, making Louis roll his eyes affectionately.

“God you are completely outrageous” Louis chuckled, but he could already feel the heat spreading through his body as he thought about what he had in store.

They sat on the platform for a while, feeding fish to Candy as she swam back and forth in front of them. Harry made a hand signal and she slid to a stop just in front of them, rolling onto her back so they could stroke along her stomach. Louis smiled as his hand glided across the rubbery surface of her skin. She really was something and he loved getting so close and interacting with her.

“When will I get to ride with her?” he asked Harry.

“When you are swimming fully” Harry answered.

Louis sighed. “Sorry Candy” he told her “But the boss won’t let me have a ride just yet. He’s such a party pooper.”

Harry snorted. “You won’t be saying that later tonight” he answered with a wink.

 

***

 

“Niall!” Barb called out from the doorway of the feed rooms. “Can you feed Mr Peabody for me? I need to get over and check on Bubbles.”

Niall looked up from where he was filling a bucket of fish for Bart, Zayn sitting on the seat beside him. “No fuckin’ way!” he answered. “That bird gets nothing from me! I am on strike since he bit my arse the nasty bastard!”

Zayn chuckled as Barb rolled her eyes. “Stop trying to be tough” she teased “just admit you’re too scared of him now.”

“I am no such thing!” Niall protested. “I am just disinclined to bring food to something that tries to attack me!”

Barb put her hands on her hip, arching her brow at him. “So you’re not scared?” she asked, her tone indicating she didn’t believe him.

“No I am not thank you very much, Barb” Niall replied, irritated.

“Good, then you won’t mind helping me out – gotta run, bye!” She took off before Niall could protest again.

He huffed out an annoyed breath, muttering away under his breath about traitorous co-workers. Zayn came up behind him, wrapping his arms around him and leaning over to speak in his ear. “Aww, Nialler, do you want me to come with you and protect you from the big mean birdy?”

Niall pretended to sulk as he turned in Zayn’s arms, but was holding back a smile when he answered “yes I do.” He leaned up to kiss Zayn before adding “and let’s get it over with now before I feed Bart.”

 

***

 

They stood looking at Mr Peabody, Niall with a scowl and Zayn with a curious frown. The large pelican stood in front of them, wings spread out wide and beak wide open, squawking at them.

Niall pointed a finger at him. “Don’t get all fuckin’ aggressive with me you big beaked feather ball! Just stay where you are and you’ll get fed, but if you…“

His tirade was interrupted as Mr Peabody totally ignored him and came rushing at him. Niall cursed, dropping the bucket and retreating onto a nearby bench seat. Zayn followed, laughing as he climbed onto the bench seat next to Niall.

“Is he always like this?” Zayn giggled, as Mr Peabody picked through the fish, gulping them down.

“Only with me lately” Niall replied, pouting. “Fuckin’ bird decided he hates me or something and now he’s like this every time I get near him!”

As if in agreement, Mr Peabody stopped and looked over at them, letting out a loud squawk.

“Think you’re so tough don’t you?” Niall spat at him “well don’t get too cocky there mate – I’m the boss here and you’d best remember that!”

“Yeah” Zayn drawled, amusement colouring his tone. “That’s why we’re standing up here and he’s over there with your bucket of fish!”

They looked at each other and giggled at the picture they must be making and Niall shook his head. “I fuckin’ hate that bird! Now come on” he grabbed Zayn’s hand and jumped down from the bench, edging past Mr Peabody, who had stopped to watch them closely “we’d better get Bart his lunch or he’ll be cranky as can be!”

 

***

 

“Oi!” Niall protested, laughing as Bart practically tackled him to get to the bucket of fish he was carrying. “Patience you big guts!”

Zayn smiled fondly as he watched the two of them interacted. He could see how much Niall loved Bart, and Bart seemed to really love him as well. He was drawn from his musing when Niall spoke to him.

“Oh! I almost forgot! Jake asked me to let you know that you’re welcome to visit the Art Therapy Centre tomorrow, if you want. He’s doing a class in the morning and said you could come and have a look at what they do. I’m supposed to let him know if you’re coming or not – what do you think?”

Zayn grinned. “I’d love to! Sounds great, can you let him know I’ll be there? I’ll catch a cab over if you get the address.”

“Yeah sure, I’ll text him when we go for lunch. Haz and Lou should be finished now, so we’d better hurry – Harry has Lux this afternoon so he won’t have long for lunch.”

As they sat at lunch with Louis and Harry, Niall sent a text off to Jake, telling him Zayn would be there in the morning while Zayn told Louis about his invitation.

“That sounds sick mate!” Louis smiled as he stole some chips off Harry’s plate. Harry was, meanwhile, removing the tomatoes from Louis’ burger and plonking them on his own. Neither even batted an eyelid at this invasion of each other’s lunch.

“Speaking of sick” Harry added “Louis did three minutes with the snorkel today!”

Zayn grinned. “You did? That’s fantastic mate! I know how much you were struggling with that.”

“Yeah” Louis replied with a soft smile at Harry “but you’d be surprised how persuasive Harry can be.”

Harry was grinning, dimples showing and looking at Louis like he’d like to devour him whole and Louis wasn’t much better, so Zayn decided he’d rather not know what kind of persuasion Harry used. Their relationship was so not your average “friends” deal, and Zayn was concerned about what that meant.

When Harry raced off to his session with Lux soon after, Niall followed, kissing Zayn goodbye, and Louis found himself envious of the way they could interact in public. He was suddenly tired of all the sneaking around, but what could they do? If this was the only way he could have Harry, then he would do it.

“We having a quiet night in tonight?” asked Zayn.

Louis sighed and nodded. “Yeah – wanna get pizza and watch movies?”

Zayn grinned. “Sounds like a plan, mate!”

 

***

 

“Holy Shit” Louis murmured quietly much later that evening as he lay on his bed with his laptop open in front of him. His earphones were in and the screen was filled with the vision of Harry sliding slicked up fingers in and out of himself. It was a mesmerising sight, Harry’s eyes locked on the screen, staring back at him as he pulled his lip between his teeth and moaned softly, pushing back down in his fingers.

He reached down, wrapping his hand around his own hard, throbbing length as he watched Harry slide his fingers in and out, opening himself up. He slowly stroked himself as he watched, his mouth open and his breath coming in little pants already.

Harry was intoxicating. An enchanting mix of dirty sex god and virginal goofball and Louis couldn’t get enough of him. When Harry withdrew his fingers, Louis got a glimpse of his pink, wet hole and found himself licking his lips. He had rimmed Harry twice now and loved it both times, loved making Harry come apart with his mouth. His thoughts were interrupted when Harry pulled out a bright pink vibrator, shimmering with some sort of speckle, and slicking it up with lube. He took a moment to smile fondly – only Harry would have a bright pink, sparkly vibrator.

His smile disappeared and his breath hitched as Harry reached down, sliding the tip inside himself slowly, pulling his legs up to give Louis a better view. As he slid it further, his finger flicked the button, turning it on and making himself moan low and long.

“Sweet Jesus” Louis whined. “You look incredible Harry.” He could already feel the warmth spreading through his body as he imagined sinking himself into Harry’s body instead of the vibrator. He felt his pulse quicken and picked up his pace.

Harry was speeding up too, pumping into himself and throwing his head back as he moaned, rocking onto the rubber dildo with gusto. “Oh, yes, fuck yes!” he groaned, throwing his other arm over his eyes as he opened his mouth wide and arched back, giving himself better, deeper access.

Louis was whimpering as he bit his lip, trying to stifle the amount of noise he was making so he didn’t wake Zayn. He was already tightening up, his body tingling and begging for release as he stroked himself furiously, never taking his eyes of the glorious vision of Harry in front of him.

As Harry pounded against his prostate, he lost his focus, the shudder of pleasure washing over him wonderful. He closed his eyes, imagined Louis thrusting into him and within seconds he was climaxing, Louis’ name on his lips.

When Harry gasped out Louis’ name, white streaks of come spurting up his stomach and chest, Louis felt his whole body respond and it was only a moment later his orgasm hit him. He grit his teeth to keep from crying out and spilled over his hand.

“God I wish you were here to snuggle with” Louis sighed after they’d both come down.

“Me too” Harry mumbled softly, reaching out to touch the screen.

They cleaned themselves off then lay chatting until Louis’ eyes were drifting closed every few sentences.

Harry smiled fondly at him on his screen as he yawned yet again. “Lou, time to say goodnight, you’re almost asleep.”

“No, I’m fine!” Louis replied, but his eyes were already closing again, so Harry coaxed him into calling it a day and murmured “sweet dreams Lou” after they said goodnight.

 

***

 

Zayn jumped out of the cab and looked up at the big red building with a smile. He walked through the glass sliding doors and found himself in a reception area, a friendly girl sitting at the desk. He told her who he was and she smiled, paging Jake and telling Zayn to take a seat. It was only a few minutes and Jake was walking into the reception area, greeting Zayn with a wide smile.

“Hey mate! So glad you could make it!” he said.

“Thanks for having me along” Zayn replied. “I’m really excited to see what it’s all about!”

Jake took him into a large room labelled “Studio Two” and inside was a large round table filled with supplies of every kind – paints, clay, pencils, crayons, as well as brushes, rollers, and sponges of every shape and size. Surrounding the table were workstations with sketch pads, easels and different size paper of assorted colours.

“Wow!” Zayn let out a surprised chuckle. “You have quite a selection of material here!”

“We sure do” Jake replied, smiling. “There’s a little bit of everything, and we encourage them to have a go at all of it.”

“So, what kind of people do you have coming here?” Zayn asked.

Jake spent about twenty minutes, telling him all about the people they help and Zayn hung on his every word, captivated. By the time the patients started trickling in, Zayn was excited to see how the session would go. He watched as people came in and took their seats – some greeting Zayn, some looking nervously around and some chattering amongst themselves. There were several people on crutches or in wheel chairs and a couple with missing limbs – Jake hadn’t been lying when he said there was a whole range of people who benefitted from art therapy.

He sat at the back of the room, some of the patients shooting him curious looks, as Jake welcomed everyone and greeted the newcomers. He introduced Zayn, who blushed as all eyes in the room turned to him.

“This is Zayn, everybody!” Jake told them enthusiastically. “He’s an awesome artist and he’s here today to assist me, so if you have any questions or need any help with your work, you can ask Zayn if I’m busy, OK?”

For the most part, Zayn simply sat back and watched, although Jake encouraged him to go around and chat to people, offering his help if they needed it. He stood awkwardly looking around, not sure who to approach, when he saw a young teenage girl sitting off to the side, hunched in on herself. She was just staring sullenly at her workspace, scowling down at the blank canvas in front of her. He felt something pulling him toward her, so he wandered across and stood beside her.

“Is everything OK?” he asked. “Did you need a hand getting started?”

She looked up at him, still hunched over and curled in on herself. “There’s no point really – I can’t draw or anything, so this is all just a big waste of time, really.”

“You know” he replied thoughtfully. “Art doesn’t have to be drawing. It doesn’t have to be anything that structured. Art is about what you’re feeling – expressing it without words, you know?”

She frowned, but turned a little toward him, her body becoming more open. “What do you mean?”

He pulled up a chair beside her. “Well, like, sometimes if I’m feeling happy, I’ll just get out some bright happy colours and just work them onto the page or canvas – not in a picture or a drawing, just a kaleidoscope of colours. I let them say what I’m feeling – tell my story through shapes and textures instead of an actual picture, yeah? You don’t need to be a great drawer or anything to do it because there’s no right or wrong.”

She nodded. “And what if you’re feeling sad?” she asked quietly.

“Then I let the paint tell that story too and I use the colours that I’m feeling, like blue or black” he answered softly. “Would you like to try?”

She seemed to be struggling between wanting to give it a go and feeling self-conscious.

“How about if I do one beside you, so you can see what I mean?” he asked her, and she nodded and smiled a small smile.

He grabbed a canvas and set out some paints, quickly brushing some colourful strokes across the white backdrop, creating swirls of colour and chatting with the girl as she tentatively picked up a brush of her own.

Zayn noticed that she only used the dull, dark colours and she was holding back at first, but she soon threw herself into it, the dark blobs and lines filling the canvas. She was deep in concentration and Zayn could see her biting her bottom lip as she worked. When she’d finished, she looked up at Zayn, looking for his feedback.

He smiled at her kindly. “That’s so great!” he told her “you really put yourself into that and I can see you enjoyed it. There’s great shapes and lines in there, great light and shade. You used your brushes well to blend the colours together.”

She smiled at his praise, then looked back at the canvas. “It’s a bit ugly though” she replied, frowning.

“In art, there’s not really ugly and pretty” Zayn told her. “It’s all about what it makes you feel. Kind of like people – sometimes what some people consider ugly, others see the beauty in. Besides, when you do anything with art, it should please _you_ , be for _you_ , not anyone else. If someone else likes it, that’s great, but it’s more important that it means something to _you_.”

She looked up at him with something akin to hero worship, then looked back at her work, smiling a small smile to herself as she tilted her head to look at it. She then looked back at Zayn.

“Thank you” she said quietly and Zayn felt a shift in his chest as he smiled at her.

“Thank you for letting me sit with you” he answered.

 

***  

 

“You’re a natural” Jake told him as they cleaned up the paints and stacked the chairs away. “They loved you – and I could tell you enjoyed it.”

Zayn grinned. “It was fantastic” he replied “I didn’t realise that this could help people, but I can see how it would now, and it blows me away! How long have you been doing it?”

“About three years now” Jake answered. “I started volunteering as a helper while I did the therapist’s course, which was eighteen months. Then I got given my own classes and it went from there. I love it! I’d do it even if they didn’t pay me!”

“I’d love to do it! I wonder if there’s anything like this at home?” he mused, earning him a thoughtful look from Jake.

“Well, you could always stay here in Australia and join the team here” Jake said casually as he slid some paints into a box. When Zayn didn’t answer, Jake looked across to see him staring off into space, a weird look on his face.

“Zayn? You still with us mate?” he asked.

Zayn shook himself. “What? Oh yeah, sorry mate, just thinking” he murmured.

They grabbed their bags and walked outside, Jake offering to drive him home. Zayn bombarded him with questions all the way back home and Jake answered them all, smiling at Zayn’s enthusiasm. When they said goodbye, Zayn promised to help out at the centre again soon.

 

***

 

“It was so awesome!” Zayn told Sophia a week later as they sat on the back deck of Niall, Harry and Liam’s place that night. “The centre does some amazing work with such a wide variety of people, with so many different challenges. It’s so inspiring! There’s people with physical and mental disabilities, mental illness, depression and people recovering from long term illness or injury and they do so much to help these people. I had no idea art was even used as a therapy!” He’d been raving about it all week and Niall was smiling at him fondly.

“I told you you’d love it!” Niall said excitedly. He’d been telling Jake that he was secretly hoping that Zayn would get involved at the centre and it would be just one more reason he’d want to stay when the time came.

 

“Are you gonna turn that steak before it burns Harry?” Liam asked.

“Hmm?” Harry replied vaguely as he belatedly tore his eyes away from where he was staring at Louis across the back deck. The ghost of the goofy, fond smile he always had on his face when looking at Louis was still present, and his mind was blank of almost everything else besides Louis.

Liam looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “The steak? It may actually start to resemble a piece of charcoal if you don’t turn it” he replied. “I can see your attention is elsewhere, so maybe you should let me take over eh?”

“Oh!” Harry shook himself, blushing. “Yeah, sorry!” He handed the tongs over to Liam and picked up his beer, moving to the side, his eyes immediately looking over at Louis once more. He couldn’t help it. If Louis was anywhere in the vicinity Harry was drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

“I guess I don’t need to ask if you’re still mad for him” Liam teased. “You’re a bit obvious there mate. Bit intense innit?”

“What do you mean?” Harry replied defensively. “I’m just looking!” He pouted as he mumbled in a disgruntled voice “last I checked, looking was allowed.” He knew he was being ridiculous – he was doing a lot more than looking and he deserved Liam’s disapproval, but he hated everything about the sneaking around. He wanted to walk over and plant himself in Louis’ lap. He wanted to kiss him and cuddle him and he wanted the world to know they belonged to each other.

“No need to get all defensive” Liam scolded him. “It was just an observation. I know how hard it must be on you, that’s all.”

Harry sighed _. You have no idea_ , he thought. “Yeah” was all he said.

“I know it sucks mate” Liam said kindly, putting a hand on Harry’s shoulder “but at least you two have become really good friends.”

Harry couldn’t help the smile that accompanied Liam’s words. _Really good friends_ , he thought. _If only you knew._ He gave a murmur of agreement, his eyes drifting back to Louis, who was laughing at something Niall had said. As if he felt Harry’s stare, he turned to look at him and their eyes held, the moment stretching and making Harry’s pulse leap.

 

Louis stared at Harry from across the back deck, unable to tear his eyes away. This was why he’d been battling to stay focused on his conversation with Niall, Zayn and Sophia, all the while forcing himself not to look at Harry. He feared his feelings would be written all over his face.

Whenever they were together in the same place, Louis found himself hyper-aware of Harry, able to feel his presence from across any room. He was almost stiff with the effort of having to maintain his distance, the pull almost too great.

So here he was, unable to move, his eyes captured by Harry’s and his ability to pretend he wasn’t affected decreasing with every second. He was too far away - Louis wanted him close, close enough to touch. He felt like he was constantly on edge, his body crying out for Harry’s touch.

He only dragged his eyes away from Harry’s when he felt Zayn nudge him and he turned to see Niall, Zayn and Sophia all looking at him with amused faces. He blushed and stood up. “Anyone want another beer?” he asked, trying to detract attention away from the fact that he had been ogling Harry and praying nobody mentioned it, even though it was clear they were all thinking it.

Zayn and Niall replied in the affirmative, knowing he was deflecting, but not saying a word. Sophia stood up.

“I’ll come with you” she smiled at Louis “I want to get another wine anyway.”

When they went inside, Sophia stood leaning against the kitchen bench as Louis grabbed three beers out of the fridge.

“So how is the treatment going?” she asked.

“Really good” Louis smiled. “I’ve been using the snorkel and mask and I can manage five minutes now, without flipping out.”

“That’s wonderful Louis” she told him fondly “it’s great to see you so happy.” She hesitated before adding “I can see, though, that it’s not just the treatment making you happy.”

Louis tensed. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that I can see how much you care for Harry – and I can see that it’s mutual” she smiled softly at him.

Louis couldn’t help but smile then. “Yeah, he’s become pretty important to me.”

 

***

 

“Shhhh” Harry scolded as Louis let out a moan. “You need to be quiet Lou!” They were sharing Harry’s bed, which had prompted a look of disapproval from Liam but which they were doing anyway, and Harry was three fingers deep in Louis while lazily mouthing up and down his cock.

“Ngh… trying” Louis panted “but I’m so fucking close H.”

Harry’s hand stilled. “Well, if you can’t be quiet” he teased “maybe we should stop.”

Louis reached down to grab the wrist of the hand Harry had buried deep inside him, stopping him from pulling it out as he gasped “don’t you fucking dare stop!” He pushed at Harry’s hand, grinding down against it and biting his lip to muffle the moan of pleasure that shot through him as Harry crooked his fingers, grinning up at Louis before sliding his mouth over his length, sucking down and sliding his tongue down the shaft.

“Oh yeah Haz!” Louis hissed, babbling now as the pressure quickly built in his groin “fuck… I’m gonna come… oh yes, baby your fucking mouth is heaven, oh… oh…” his body stiffened as his climax ripped through him, leaving every nerve ending in shreds and an intense pleasure spreading out through every muscle. He was left spent, his body heavy and sated as he collapsed back onto the pillow, Harry moving up his body, laying small kisses along his torso and then laying on his chest, draped over him like a human blanket.

After a few minutes he moved off to the side of Louis’ body, snuggling into him. “Lou?” he asked quietly.

“Mmmm” replied Louis, blissed out.

“Um, do you think maybe… like do you want to…“

“Spit it out Haz” Louis teased.

Harry propped himself up on an elbow, looking down at Louis intently. “I was wondering when you were going to fuck me Lou” he answered, quickly adding “I’m ready, shit, I’m more than ready. I’ve been ready for about a week now and I’ve been waiting for you to bring it up, but I’m done waiting. I need you to fuck me soon or I’m going to lose my mind. It’s been driving me crazy.”

Louis’ face had blanked at Harry’s words, his dick giving a half-hearted twitch at the very thought of sinking into Harry’s body.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I mean…“

“Are you not?” replied Harry, suddenly uncertain.

“No, no, I’m sure!” Louis reassured him. “I mean, I’ve been wanting to as well, _really_ wanting to – but there hasn’t exactly been many opportunities. It’s not something I wanted to rush and well, we never seem to get much time alone, you know? I also didn’t want to push before you were ready.”

“Sooo ready” Harry grinned. “It’s all I can think about to be honest. Now every time I have your fingers in me, it’s not enough. I just want this so much – want _you_ so much.”

Louis rolled over him, pushing him back into the mattress and placing his hands down to cup Harry’s face. “I want you too, Haz, so fucking badly.” He leaned down and kissed him sweetly, tenderly and when they pulled back, he looked at Harry with such an intensity, such a heartfelt gaze, that Harry felt a shiver run through him. “I love you Harry” he murmured, a small frown creasing his brow.

Harry reached up, running a finger over Louis’ small frown and smiled softly up at him. “Then show me” he whispered, sliding a hand behind Louis’ neck and pulling him down into another long, slow kiss.

 

***  

 

Now that they’d agreed to finally have sex, it seemed that the universe had conspired against them and they were given very little opportunity.

Harry was getting grumpy and irritable, snapping at both Niall and Liam as the frustration grew. He’d been waiting for what seemed like forever to lose his virginity – then when he finally decided it was time, he found himself blocked at every turn. Another week had gone by and there’d been no time alone.

They were setting up some balloons around the back deck for the party they were throwing that night for Sophia’s birthday and Harry was lamenting the fact that it would be another night with no opportunity for any alone time, leaving him a virgin for yet another day. _Really, how hard was it to get laid these days?_

They set out the containers of ice and loaded the drinks into them, then Harry and Liam started putting food in the oven, as well as putting together platters of dips, cheeses and crackers. When there was only twenty minutes left before people would start arriving, Harry ran upstairs to shower and change.

He dressed carefully, wanting to look good for Louis. There were going to be a lot of people at this party and Harry wanted to be sure Louis only had eyes for him. He pulled on his tightest skinny jeans and a sheer black shirt, unbuttoned almost to the navel, showing off the tattoos he knew Louis loved. He sprayed some cologne on and let his hair dry in soft curls. When he was satisfied that he looked as good as he could, he went downstairs to wait for Louis to arrive.

 

***  

 

“Woah mate!” Zayn exclaimed when he walked into the kitchen. “Trying to pick up tonight? You went all out!”

“No!” Louis replied defensively. “Just wanted to look nice is all. Don’t want Soph’s friends thinking I’m some slob or anything.”

Zayn arched a brow at him. “Oh, I see. All this effort is to impress Soph’s friends is it?” He made it clear he didn’t believe Louis, but Louis ignored him in favour of loading their drinks into a carry bag.

Niall pulled up out the front and honked then, so they hurried out to the car.

“Sorry I’m late guys!” Niall told them as he kissed Zayn hello. “Wow – you both look gorgeous! I see I’ll be beating them off with a stick tonight, defending your honour!” he added, disgruntled as he looked over at Zayn, who smiled back at him affectionately.

 

***  

 _What was Niall doing? He’d left to pick them up ages ago – where was he?_ Harry shifted from one foot to the other, trying to feign interest as one of Sophia’s new Uni friends, who clearly hadn’t got the memo that he was gay, droned on and on about her hair extensions. He wanted to shoot himself in the head just to escape her incessant yapping.

He felt a stirring in the air around him and heard a voice in the group next to him say “holy shit! Who are those two gorgeous blokes?” There were more noises of appreciation rippling through the group as Harry turned to the new arrivals, having a feeling he already knew who they were.

While he may have had a suspicion that it was Louis and Zayn the girls were exclaiming over, he wasn’t prepared at all for the vision in front of him. Zayn was his usual magazine cover, underwear-model-self, immaculate in ripped jeans and a black shirt, his hair quiffed to perfection.

But Louis. Louis was radiant and he made Harry’s blood heat and start pounding in his ears till he could barely hear the girl beside him, who was still yapping away despite the fact that Harry was completely and utterly focused on the boy across the deck. His caramel hair was swept across his head in a feathery mess and his face was clean shaven. His eyes were glowing and his skin was shining. Harry’s eyes drifted down his body, taking in the bright blue, short sleeved button up shirt, which showed off his tattoos, and the painted on black jeans before they tracked their way back up his body. When he reached his face he found Louis staring back at him, lips parted and eyes heavy. A slow, seductive smile curved his lips as he made his way over to Harry and Harry felt himself start to grow hard as he watched him move through the crowd, heads turning as he did. Jesus, Harry wanted to drag him inside right now and ravish him.

Sophia snorted out a laugh as Louis walked off midway through her introducing him to one of her friends. “Sorry about that” she told her friend “I think he was in a hurry to speak to someone.” Louis hadn’t even noticed she’d been speaking to him and Sophia doubted he noticed anything other than Harry. She looked at Liam, standing next to her, and he was frowning at Harry and Louis, who were standing close, heads bent together as they spoke quietly. Before she could say a word, Liam was walking toward them.

 

***  

 

“You look so hot Lou” Harry murmured in his ear. “I’m half hard just looking at you.”

Louis felt his cheeks colour at Harry’s words. “What about you?” he asked. “You look like a fucking rock star in that outfit Haz. _So_ sexy. I wish I could…“

“Alright lads?” Liam said as he approached them, frowning as they sprang apart, looking guilty. “Thought I’d introduce Louis around, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure” Louis answered as Harry scowled at Liam.

Liam led Louis off, throwing Harry a look of disapproval over his shoulder as he went. As Harry watched, Louis chatted with everyone, very obviously an instant hit with his quick wit and ready smiles. A large group quickly formed around him and Harry almost lost sight of him as he became surrounded. People were falling over themselves to get to Louis and Harry frowned at them all. Every time he caught the slightest glimpse of Louis amidst the sea of faces, he was laughing and smiling and talking animatedly. He didn’t even seem to be looking for Harry, didn’t seem to miss him or want to be with him. He looked like he’d forgotten Harry even existed.

He was going to need something stronger than beer, he realised, so he wandered off to the kitchen to mix himself something strong.

When he entered the kitchen he found Niall and Zayn at the centre of a loud group who were doing shots of something blue.

“Harry!” Niall bellowed. “Come have some blue banana schnapps with us mate!”

Harry smiled. “Perfect” he replied “set me up Niall!”

 

***  

 

Almost an hour later, a tipsy Louis was trying to extricate himself from the group around him. He liked Sophia’s friends, they were all very friendly and interesting to talk to, but he was wondering if he’d been there long enough to make Liam stop scowling because he needed to see Harry and he wanted to slip away and find him. He excused himself and walked across the deck to the door, making a beeline for the kitchen, where he’d seen Harry go earlier.

 

Harry leant back against the wall in the kitchen, his brain foggy from all the shots he’d downed with Niall and Zayn.

“Hey Harry” said a male voice he knew, and he looked up to see Brad, an old hook up, standing in front of him, giving him an appreciative once-over. He was a really nice guy and there was a time when that look would have been a turn-on for Harry, but not anymore. Not since Louis. The same Louis who was currently ignoring him.

“Hey Brad” Harry replied with a sigh.

“Looking a bit unhappy there mate” Brad moved closer, bracing an arm beside Harry’s head on the wall. “Wanna see what I can do to turn that frown upside down?”

Harry was just about to politely decline and tell Brad he was with someone, when Louis strode up to where they were standing, his face stormy. Harry’s eyes went wide and he opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Louis was speaking to Brad.

“No, he doesn’t” he said in an icy voice to Brad, before his eyes flickered to Harry, uncertain. “Or do you?” he asked Harry.

“Of course not!” Harry replied angrily. “Fuck, Lou! I was just about to say no when you barged over here!”

Brad’s eyebrows rose and he sensed there was about to be an argument, so he excused himself, but neither boy noticed. They were both glaring at each other.

“What the fuck Haz?” Louis hissed angrily. “What was that about?”

“As if you’d care!” Harry spat back at him. “You’ve hardly paid one bit of attention to me all night! Out there with all of your fucking fan club – nice to see how easily you can push me aside!” he sulked, his lips in a full pout.

Suddenly, Louis’ eyes softened and a small smile curved his lips. “You’re such an idiot Haz” he rolled his eyes. “I went with Liam and stayed out there to try and make him less suspicious – he’s been giving us weird knowing looks all week and I was trying to keep him from guessing. As soon as I could slip away to find you I did.” Now it was Louis’ turn to pout as he added “didn’t expect to come in here and find some bloke all over you.”

Harry stared at him for a minute, before grabbing his wrist without another word and dragging him up the hallway to his room, Louis stumbling along behind him. He didn’t let up his pace, staggering occasionally in his inebriated state. When they reached his bedroom, he stopped dead, Louis crashing into the back of him.

He opened the door and dragged Louis inside, slamming against the wall as he kicked the door shut with his foot and collided his lips with Louis’. He moaned as Louis opened his mouth to him, their tongues meeting as Louis slid his arms around Harry’s neck, a small sound of encouragement coming from his throat.

When Harry pulled back, he looked at Louis intently. “I really was about to send him away Lou.”

Louis gave him a small smile. “It’s OK Haz, I just hated seeing someone else sniffing around my man, that’s all.”

Harry let out a growl at Louis’ words, the possessiveness he heard in them giving him a thrill. He leaned forward to suck at the spot on Louis’ neck that he knew made him crazy and was rewarded with a small moan and Louis tilting his hips forward, thrusting against him.

Harry didn’t care about anything in that moment, just knew he needed to get his mouth on Louis as soon as humanly possible. He made short work of his jeans, even though they were tight, and pulled them down to his knees, along with his briefs. The whole time he was babbling at Louis, telling him how hot he looked tonight and how much he needed to taste him. Louis was panting as he looked down at Harry on his knees in front of him.

“Oh Jesus Harry, you look so fucking hot on your knees for me” he murmured, running a hand through Harry’s curls and stopping to tug just a little roughly, drawing a gasp from Harry and a small smile as he locked eyes with Louis, slipping his tongue out to run it along Louis’ length, licking the pre-come of the tip and then sliding his mouth down Louis’ cock, humming around him and closing his eyes.

Louis let out a long, low keening noise as Harry sucked him down, unable to take his eyes off the sight of him. His full, pink lips stretched around Louis, wet and obscenely beautiful. He grabbed a handful of Harry’s hair and held tight, Harry moaning around him. Louis knew he wouldn’t last long – Harry had him so turned on he could barely breathe.

“Not gonna last babe” he panted, gasping as Harry ran his tongue up under the sensitive head and back down. “Oooohh, god Harry, so good…“

He could feel his muscles starting to clench and his toes and fingers starting to tingle as his orgasm built. His body was trembling with delicious anticipation and when it came, his climax ran the length of his body, making his toes curl with its intensity. He let out a loud cry as it hit him, spurting heat into Harry’s mouth as his whole body shuddered.

It was that precise moment when a quick knock at the door preceded Liam’s entrance and he stood in the doorway, his eyes wide as he took in Harry on his knees, Louis’ dick in his mouth.

“Oh My God!” he yelled. “What the fuck are you two doing?!”

Harry quickly pulled off as Liam stepped inside, closing the door and standing with his back to them, to give them a chance to get themselves decent.

“I knew it!” Liam was mumbling to the closed door, shaking his head. “I fucking knew you two were up to something! Are you fucking kidding me? I can’t un-see that shit, just so you know, _fuck_!!”

“Liam!” Harry snapped, and Liam stopped speaking, turning slowly to face them. They both sat on the bed, matching looks of guilt on their faces as they looked back at him.

“What were you thinking?” Liam exploded. “You could lose your fucking job Harry! What are you doing?”

Louis looked down into his lap as Liam’s words hit him. For the first time he gave a thought to the havoc their relationship could cause in Harry’s life and he felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He’d only been thinking of himself.

“We love each other Li” Harry replied quietly.

Liam’s face softened and he looked at Harry sadly. “Anyone with eyes could see that Harry. That doesn’t make it right.”

Louis looked up then. “Are you going to tell on us?” he asked, feeling like a naughty schoolboy.

“I’m not lying to the others” Liam replied. “Either you come clean, or I will tell them myself. And Harry, you need to tell Ian about this, or you could end up losing your job.”

Harry and Louis nodded silently and Liam sighed. “Look guys, I realise you care about each other, but what you’re doing is wrong. You have to fix it before things get out of hand.”

Harry was chewing on his bottom lip, sending furtive looks in Louis’ direction, but Louis was simply staring at the floor, his thoughts elsewhere.

“I won’t say anything tonight – everybody’s pissed anyway – but tomorrow morning we’re going to sit down and work this out, OK? You can’t continue like this or it’ll backfire on you both.”

Both boys nodded and Liam left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

 


	12. The Pause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! So this chapter is just the eventful 48 hours or so after they have to come clean and it's a little angsty, but not too bad!
> 
> As with every chapter, I have to thank my incredible, talented Beta Sassy_Boo_Bear for her comments and thoughts - this one was tricky for me and a second set of eyes and an extra brain helped immensely!!! <3 xxx
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos - they really keep me inspired and put a smile on my dial :) xxxx

 

 

_ _

 

_It doesn't matter what you say now, your silence said it so loud while you took your time I read between the lines…_

_You said it all... in the pause_

_Guy Sebastian_

 

The door clicked closed as Liam left the room and the silence was deafening. Both boys were looking down at their laps, lost in their own thoughts as Liam’s words sank in.

Guilt had settled on Louis like a heavy blanket. He’d been so wrapped up in their little bubble, he hadn’t given any thought to the repercussions their actions may have on Harry’s life. If anything, he had been deliberately avoiding thinking about anything other than what he was feeling in the moment, not wanting to have to face the reality of their situation. He knew they had to broach the subject of what was going to happen between them after his treatment, but he also knew he wasn’t ready to have that conversation.

He looked over at Harry. “I’m sorry Haz” he said quietly. “I’ve been so busy being concerned with my own happiness that I didn’t think what this could mean for you. I know it’s supposed to be wrong for us to be together, but it feels so right that it’s easy to forget that, you know?”

Harry turned and gave him a small, soft smile, taking his face in his hands. “I don’t care what anyone says, Lou – this isn’t wrong, it can’t be – not when you make me so happy. You and me, we are so _right_ together. I love you, and everything else just became less important once I realised that. Truth is, nothing could’ve stopped this once you told me you loved me too. Nothing could make me change my mind about you, about us.”

“I love you so much too” Louis replied, raising a hand up to stroke Harry’s cheek. “But I don’t want to be the cause of you losing your job, or worse, Harry. I’d never forgive myself.”

Harry leaned forward and kissed him gently. “We’ll sort it out, Lou. I promise. We’ll tell the boys tomorrow, and in a way I’m glad we are. I’ve hated lying to them and this way we get to stop hiding and be a real couple.”

“What about Ian?” Louis asked anxiously.

“We’ll tell him first thing Monday and deal with the fallout then. It’ll be better if we go to him, rather than him find out we were sneaking around.”

“Will he let us keep working together do you think?” Louis asked.

“Let’s just see what happens” Harry answered, knowing full well the answer was no, but not wanting to upset Louis before he had to. “Let’s just go to sleep yeah?” he added, and they crawled into bed, wrapped around each other and suddenly exhausted.

 

***  

 

“So you’ve been together for weeks and didn’t tell us?” Zayn asked in a low voice, looking hurt and Louis immediately felt wretched. He and Zayn had never had secrets before. Louis didn’t look him in the eye as he nodded.

“We didn’t want to keep it from you guys” Harry told them “but we knew nobody would approve.”

“There’s a reason for that” Liam told them, exasperated. “This is bigger than the two of you fooling around. It’s serious – especially for Harry.”

Harry glared at him. “We know that Liam!”

“Do you? Because you’re not acting like it!” Liam answered just as hotly.

“Liam” Sophia said softly, touching his arm.

“Calm down everyone!” Niall interrupted. “Look, we all knew they were mad for each other – that was no secret. So this was inevitable really, wasn’t it? You can’t always think rationally when you’re in love Liam, you know that, and I for one think that they’re good for each other” he shrugged. “I realise that there’s more to it and there are things that need to be sorted out, but it’s done – it can’t be changed. We just have to do what we can to minimise the damage now.”

Harry nodded. “We’re going to have a meeting with Ian tomorrow. We won’t tell him we’ve been sneaking around behind his back, though. We’ll just tell him we’ve developed feelings for each other and thought we should report it as soon as possible. We’ll see what happens from there.”

The boys all nodded and Liam walked over and gave them both a hug. “I don’t mean to be so hard on you both, I’m just worried about Harry losing his job. I am happy for you.”

“Thanks Li” Harry replied, hugging him back. “I’m happy too” he added, looking down at Louis “happier than I’ve ever been.”

Louis smiled back at him. “Me too Haz” he told him.

“So what happens when it’s time to leave?” Zayn bit out, still sitting on the lounge, arms crossed, and frowning up at them. Niall tensed at his words, as did Louis and Harry. They hit a little too close to home for all of them.

Louis’ eyes darted up to Harry before he turned to Zayn, clearing his throat. “We, uh, we haven’t actually discussed that yet. It’s only new and we hadn’t really thought that far to be honest.”

Harry stayed quiet, merely chewing on his bottom lip and looking down at the floor.

“Well perhaps you _should_ think about it” was all Zayn said before getting up and walking outside with his, now cold, coffee.

The awkward silence was broken by Niall, bless him, who walked over and hugged the boys. “He’s just upset that you kept it from him – he’ll come round” he said. “Now, how about you use your culinary skills to whip us all up some hangover pancakes Harry!”

Harry smiled and nodded, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes and Louis watched as he slumped off to the kitchen, Niall in tow, to start the breakfast.

Sophia embraced Louis then, and as she pulled away, she kissed his cheek. “Go speak to Zayn, Louis. You won’t be happy till you clear the air. And for what it’s worth, I think you two make a wonderful couple. Just don’t break his heart, OK?”

Louis swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. Things had just become very real all of a sudden, their future looming over them. He excused himself and headed for the back door, following Zayn out onto the deck. Zayn was leaning against the railing, looking out at the back yard. He didn’t look up when Louis walked outside.

Louis moved to stand beside him, looking out at the grassed yard in front of him, still filled with chairs, tables and empty bottles from last night’s party.

“So I know you’re probably angry at me right now” Louis began.

“Not angry Lou” Zayn sighed. “I’m hurt. We’ve never had to keep secrets – never kept things from each other ever. You didn’t trust me enough to tell me what was happening” he shrugged “it hurts, that’s all.”

Louis ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry Z” he replied. “But you were all so vocal about us not being able to be together, that I felt guilty for giving in. You remember that speech you gave me in the very beginning about owing the people I love – about not getting involved with Harry and concentrating on my treatment? I guess deep down I felt like I was letting you down by giving in. But I couldn’t help it – I love him Zayn. I need him.”

“I said those things before I knew him, Louis – before I knew what you’d be like together. And while it still worries me, I’m less concerned about you being together as I am that you lied to me. Niall was right – you _are_ good together. But it doesn’t change the fact that it complicates things. There could be serious consequences Lou – and what’s going to happen when it’s time to go home? You won’t magically stop needing him, stop loving him.”

Louis nodded. “I know. I wasn’t thinking past how good it felt to be with him, but now I guess we’ll have to face what’s coming and make some decisions. But we need to deal with Ian first.” Zayn nodded and they stood side by side for a moment, each thinking about that moment when they’ll have to go home.

Eventually Louis reached over and touched Zayn’s arm. “For what it’s worth, I’m actually glad it’s out in the open and I’m sorry for lying to you Zayn. I hated keeping anything from you.”

Zayn reached out an arm and pulled Louis into a headlock, which turned into a hug. “It’s OK mate, we’re good – just make sure there’s no more surprises! Now I believe there’s some pancakes on offer, yeah?”

Louis grinned at his best friend, hugging him fiercely for a moment before leading the way back inside.

 

When they entered the kitchen, Harry looked up from where he was standing at the stove, cooking the pancakes. He looked concerned, so Louis wandered over and slid his arms around him, squeezing him tight. “It’s nice I can do this now” he murmured.

Harry let the hand that wasn’t holding a spatula slide down to rest on top of Louis’ and tilted his head to nudge at Louis’ cheek. “Mmmm, it is nice” he replied softly, but he still seemed preoccupied, not quite himself.

“Alright?” Louis asked him.

He nodded and whispered “talk later?”

 

***  

 

The day passed in a lazy blur after they’d cleaned up the mess left by the partygoers. They decided to spend the afternoon watching movies, but Harry was finding it hard to concentrate, so he nudged Louis, who was snuggled on top of him and nodded toward the hallway. Louis nodded and they crept off toward Harry’s room, Niall calling out “use protection!” as they went, earning a groan from everyone.

When they were in the room, Harry sat on the end of the bed, his bottom lip once again between his teeth – that had been a common sight throughout the morning and Louis could see he’d had something on his mind. He walked over and sat next to Harry, reaching across to link their hands.

“Spit it out Curly” he said softly “I know something’s on your mind. I could practically hear the cogs churning in your brain all day.”

Harry was quiet for a while, just fiddling with Louis’ fingers, so Louis waited. Eventually Harry swallowed audibly and twisted to face Louis on the bed, their hands still joined.

“I was thinking about what Zayn said. You know, um, about what was going to happen when you have to go home.”

Louis looked away. “Oh, right.”

“Yeah, well, um” he paused, before continuing in a rush of words. “The thing is that I love you Louis. I love you _so_ much. And I know it’s only early but I don’t need more time to tell me what I already know. I want to be with you. Always.”

Louis turned back to look at him now, his eyes searching Harry’s. “I love you too Haz” he replied softly.

“Enough to stay here and make a life with me?” Harry asked hopefully. “Enough to move here after you’ve finished your treatment?”

“I, I…“ Louis’ mouth opened and closed and then he looked away, his heart beating at a mile a minute. He didn’t have an answer to that question. Not yet. It was huge. Overwhelming. Too much. He needed time to think about it. He couldn’t make a decision like that on the spur of the moment. “I, uh…“

_There it is_ , thought Harry. Right there. In the pause, in the hesitation. There was his answer. Harry’s chest felt like a vice was winding tightly around it and the pain was sharp and intense. He’d laid himself bare, asked Louis to stay and Louis hadn’t been able to meet his eyes, hadn’t been able to give him an answer at all.

Which meant no.

He stood up and started tidying his room, needing to do something that didn’t require looking directly at Louis, because it made his heart hurt. He cleared his throat, trying to dislodge the lump that had formed there. “Just forget I asked, OK? I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I was just thinking about what was going to happen, you know?”

Louis stood too, grabbing his arm. “Harry wait…“

“It’s fine Lou” Harry replied, trying to give him a reassuring smile and falling short, his eyes suspiciously glassy. “Just let it go, alright?”

“Listen, Haz, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it. You just caught me off guard” Louis told him. “It’s just… I only really thought about it in the abstract, you know? I didn’t really want to think too much about any of it. I guess I was trying to just ignore the fact that I had to go home.”

Harry smiled sadly. “See, that’s where we’re different Lou. I’ve pictured it all in ludicrous detail. I’ve only known you for almost two months and I’ve already pictured us moving in together. I’ve pictured you teaching drama at the local school.” He hesitated. “I’ve pictured us with a family too, kids, pets, the whole nine yards.” He huffed out a humourless laugh. “God, I’m such an idiot” he bit out, pulling his arm from Louis’ grasp and walking out of the room and out of the house without looking back.

Louis stood glued to the place Harry had left him, his mind a swirling mix of thoughts and feelings. His mind was currently playing a home movie of all the things Harry had just mentioned and for the first time, he really thought about what it would be like to have those things with Harry. He allowed himself to imagine the life he could have with Harry and he could see it all in technicolour.

The problem wasn’t that he didn’t want those things with Harry, more that he didn’t know if he could give up his life and move to the other side of the world to get it. He usually saw his family every day and was already missing them terribly. How would he go not seeing them for a whole year – maybe two? God, the girls would grow up and he’d miss it. And what about his job? He loved his school and his students. He also had Stan and Zayn close by – and he and Zayn had never gone more than a couple of weeks without seeing each other since they were kids. He’d be leaving his whole life behind and he didn’t know if he could do that.

There was a knock at the door and Zayn entered. “I saw Harry leave – is everything OK?”

Louis sat down on the edge of the bed and shook his head. It wasn’t OK. He wasn’t OK.

“He asked me to stay – to move here” Louis told Zayn flatly.

“And what did you say?” Zayn asked him quietly.

“I had no answer for him. I just stood there gaping at him, not knowing what to say. Then when I told him I’d tried not to think too much about it, he got upset and left.”

“Is that true?” Zayn asked curiously. “Have you not thought about it, like not even a little bit?”

“Well, I mean, I’ve had fleeting thoughts about not wanting it to end, but the specifics are a little blurry. Whenever I thought about it, for some reason I was always in England and Harry was there, rather than me being here. Guess that’s selfish, considering his job, but the idea of leaving behind my whole life is scary. I’d never get to see my family and I don’t know how I’d deal with that to be honest. You know how close I am with the girls.”

Zayn nodded, sitting beside Louis and putting an arm around him to cuddle him in. “It’s a hard one mate. I guess you’ll know what to do when the time comes.”

“Yeah” Louis nodded, laying his head on Zayn’s shoulder. “It just seems like an impossible choice – either way I’ll be losing.”

Zayn didn’t say anything – there was nothing to say. He was feeling a lot of the same things Louis was, but without the certainty that Niall actually wanted him to stay. Niall hadn’t come out and asked him to stay and Zayn didn’t want to be presumptuous and assume anything.

“Listen, we’re all gonna head out for some dinner at the pub. Fancy joining us?” Zayn asked.

Louis shook his head. “Nah, think I’ll just wait here for Haz to come back.”

When Zayn had left, Louis lay down on Harry’s bed, curling into his pillow and finding comfort in the familiar smell that was Harry. It wasn’t long before he drifted off to sleep.

 

***  

An hour’s walk had helped Harry put things more in perspective. He knew when he’d asked Louis to stay with him that he was asking a lot – too much even. But he’d dared to hope anyway. When Louis had hesitated, had paused and stammered over his answer, Harry had felt it like a knife to his chest and he’d realised then that the answer was going to be no.

He’d been hurt – so hurt that Louis didn’t want to drop everything and be with him, that he gave no thought to what he was asking. Now he realised he was selfishly asking Louis to be the one to give up everything and he’d foolishly thought he would. He’d asked the question, but he’d not been prepared for the answer, not been prepared for Louis not to choose him.

But the truth was that he wasn’t choosing Louis either – he wasn’t offering to uproot his life and move back to England, so he really had no right to be hurt that Louis wasn’t ready to do that for him. He loved his job and he knew he couldn’t have anything remotely as good in the UK. He’d thought since Louis’ job could be done anywhere, he would maybe be the one to move. But that wasn’t fair – especially when they’d only been together for such a short time. They were in love, yes, but it was complicated. Neither was ready to give up everything to be with the other. Unfortunately, he wasn’t sure where that left them.

So he’d now spent the last hour wandering aimlessly around his neighbourhood, thinking through his options and he’d come to the conclusion that he really had no options. He would take whatever Louis was prepared to give him, because he wasn’t strong enough to deny himself. He would have Louis in his life for as long as he could – and while it wouldn’t be enough, it would be something. What was the saying? Better to love and lose, than never love? He wasn’t exactly sure that saying was true, but he knew he was weak when it came to Louis.

When he received a text from Zayn telling him they’d all gone out but Louis had stayed behind waiting for him, he headed straight home.

 

***  

It was dark outside when the bedroom door opened again and Harry walked in. Louis opened his eyes, letting them adjust to the light as he blinked at Harry several times. Harry was standing in the doorway just staring at him and Louis didn’t utter a word, not sure where they stood.

Not for the first time Harry felt like he’d forgotten how to breathe as he looked down at a sleepy Louis, hair tousled and messy and eyes heavy-lidded. He was so beautiful it made Harry’s chest ache.

Louis sat up slowly, not taking his eyes off Harry.

“I’m sorry” Harry blurted out, his eyes already welling up with tears “I know it was a lot to ask and I’m sorry I sprang it on you like that. I just… it had been on my mind, you know? I’ve been dreading what would happen when you were finished your treatment” he sniffed, wiping a hand over his eyes. “And I realise you can’t just up and leave your life over there and I know it’s selfish of me to ask. So I understand why you can’t, and I’ll take whatever I can have with you – if that’s only three months, then I’ll take it. I’d rather have that than nothing, Lou. Please, just…“

“Haz” Louis’ voice cracked as the tears ran down his face and he threw himself at Harry, who caught him. “I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the answer you wanted. It’s just such a big decision. Can we just see how this goes and give it time? I don’t have to decide now, do I?”

Harry shook his head, tears trickling down freely now as he pulled Louis in, hugging him tightly. “Whatever you want Lou, I just want to be with you, for however long I can have you.”

“I just don’t know if I can leave my whole life behind Harry.”

“I understand” Harry whispered.

Louis leaned up and wiped his tears away, kissing each spot after he’d wiped it dry. He then ran a finger across Harry’s bottom lip and placed a tender kiss there. So soft and gentle it was barely the ghost of a touch. As he pulled away, Harry’s mouth followed, capturing his again in a kiss that was beautifully tender.

As they broke apart, Louis looked into Harry’s eyes. “The one thing I’m sure of right now, is that I love you Curly. So very much.”

“Then show me” Harry whispered desperately. “Make love to me Lou. No more words, just touch me. I need you so badly right now. I need you to show me you love me.” The emotion, the need, was etched on Harry’s face, and Louis couldn’t deny him anything in that moment. He simply nodded, claiming Harry’s mouth and trying to tell him without words how he felt. They slowly shed each other’s clothes, their mouths only parting when it was absolutely necessary, then Louis nudged Harry down on to the bed, following him down.

Eventually, Louis pulled back and mouthed down Harry’s neck and onto his chest, sucking and biting at his body and revelling in the chance to mark Harry, claim him, after having to hold back for weeks. He moved down and took one of Harry’s nipples into his mouth, nipping with is teeth, and then soothing with his tongue, making Harry cry out.

Harry was already edgy and restless, writhing beneath Louis impatiently and wordlessly begging for more. His every sense had been heightened and every nerve ending was tingling. It was almost too much and definitely not enough. As Louis moved to his other nipple, sucking hard, he let out a long low moan, thrusting his hips up petulantly. His breath was coming in choked pants already, and Louis tried to calm him down.

“Shhh baby, I got you. Relax” he said in a soft, slow voice that failed to hide a slight tremble.

After reaching across to the bedside table for lube and a condom, Louis paused to look down at the beautiful boy spread beneath him, completely lost to desire. Harry looked back at him with heavy eyes, pupils blown, breath uneven and Louis was mesmerised. Harry was stunning like this, a sheen of sweat making his skin shine and the marks Louis had left on his skin on show. It gave Louis a rush of primal satisfaction that those marks would still be there tomorrow.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous H” he said shakily, as he finally made his way down to Harry’s neglected cock, already leaking and purple. He slowly sank his lips down over it and Harry keened loudly.

“Oh God… yes, Lou…“ he stammered out as he exhaled with a small moan.

Louis reached down and clicked open the lube, coating his right hand liberally. He slid his fingers down to Harry’s hole and inserted the first, Harry groaning as he pumped in and out several times, the same slow rhythm as his mouth was working Harry’s cock. He took his time opening Harry up, working his fingers in and out of Harry’s warm wet heat at an excruciating pace, and making Harry restless.

“M’ready Lou, just… please!” he pleaded, pushing back onto Louis’ fingers, needing more. When Louis crooked his fingers and brushed his prostate, Harry cried out.

“Fuck! Hurry up Lou, need you in me already… so ready” he panted, hands gripping the sheets tightly.

Louis slid his fingers out and Harry whimpered, watching as Louis ripped open the condom and slid it on, quickly slicking it up.

“I’ll go slow Haz, but you need to tell me to stop if it gets too much, OK?” he panted, already hard and aching at the thought of finally sinking into Harry’s body.

“I’m fine, just hurry up!” Harry whined, making grabby hands and pulling Louis down into a kiss and wrapping his legs around Louis’ waist.

When their lips parted, Louis huffed out a laugh at the impatient thrusting of Harry’s hips against his. “Bloody hell Haz, alright, alright.” He lined himself up and very slowly pushed in, the feeling immediately overwhelming. He stopped, gasping, and then pushed again, rocking back and forth to ease himself into Harry’s tight hole. It was everything he imagined and his eyes rolled back in his head with the sheer pleasure that was coursing through his veins. He felt like he had pins and needles in every part of his body and he moaned low and loud as he sank into the warm, wet cocoon.

Harry felt the slight burn and stretch as Louis’ slid into him, and he breathed deeply then exhaled a shaky breath as he adjusted to Louis’s size. The stretch quickly subsided and he realised that this was it, he was losing his virginity to the man he loved. The emotional intensity of the moment hit him and he let out a small whimper.

 

When Harry whimpered, it took everything in Louis to stop moving.

“You OK?” he breathed out unsteadily.

“Yeah, yeah” Harry nodded, breath coming in shallow puffs now. “Just… big. But a good big. Filling me up so good Lou. Love you so much.” Louis moaned at Harry’s words, struggling to hold himself still, not wanting to hurt Harry. His arms were braced on either side of Harry’s head, holding him up and they were shaking with the effort.

“More” Harry gasped, sliding his arms around to push at Louis’ bottom. One syllable words were all he was capable of right now. The feeling of Louis filling him was like nothing he’d ever known and he loved it. He revelled in the feeling of taking Louis inside him, an intense sense of rightness settling over him. A sense of coming home, and all the other cliché things people talk about – he felt them all.

Louis let out a long, filthy groan as he bottomed out inside Harry. He experienced a rush of euphoria so powerful it shook him and he shuddered. There was something so different about this as opposed to other people he’d been with and he was struck by how exposed he felt, how stripped bare. He felt a rush of pure affection for Harry and a roar of possessiveness as he realised nobody else had ever shared this with Harry.

He started a slow thrusting, his eyes never leaving Harry’s. Harry met him on every thrust and there was a yearning in the movement, both of them focused solely on the connection of their bodies, on feeling every inch of each other. There was no sound other than their ragged breaths as they moved together again and again in a steady motion and the moment felt sacred somehow, loaded with emotion.

Every thrust was heaven, every slide into Harry’s body brought with it a rush of pure elation and Louis never wanted it to end, even as he chased his release. He angled his hips slightly and Harry let out a guttural cry as he hit the spot he was looking for.

“Ahh! Oh yes, yes, there!” Harry cried out.

Louis made for the same spot relentlessly as he increased his pace and Harry was now shouting out on every thrust, his climax building. Louis knew he was close, knew he couldn’t hold on much longer, so he lifted an arm and reached down between them and take Harry’s cock in his hand. It was barely a moment or two later when Harry came apart beneath him on a shattered cry, his body convulsing as he spurted hot white come all over his stomach. Louis thrust in earnest then, losing all rhythm as he pounded into Harry a handful of times before his body tensed, his orgasm ripping through him in a powerful explosion of colour and sensation. He let out a loud yell as he came, before collapsing onto Harry, completely spent.

Neither made to move, limbs heavy and sated as they lay quietly, their heavy breathing the only sound in the room. Both were aware something special had passed between them, and still both were aware that so much still lay between them, unresolved.

 

***

Harry stood looking at himself in the mirror, towel wrapped loosely around his waist after his shower. He ran a hand over the marks Louis had left on his body the night before and smiled softly. He loved that Louis had left those marks on him, claimed him.

When he’d woken that morning, he’d felt the difference in himself immediately. Not only physically, but emotionally. He’d been a little sore, but it was mostly a good ache, and as he’d showered he’d still felt the ghost of Louis’ touch on every inch of himself, reminding him of how truly extraordinary it had felt to have Louis inside his body.

He had expected losing his virginity to make an impact on him, but he was unprepared for how monumental it would feel – how emotionally raw it would leave him. With their future so undecided, he felt a mixture of euphoria and fear and it was more than a little overwhelming. The idea of Louis leaving was more unthinkable than ever now that their level of intimacy had changed.

Louis entered the bathroom at that moment and their eyes met. Louis must have seen the myriad of emotions playing across Harry’s features, immediately frowning.

“You alright Haz?” he asked, walking over to wrap his arms around Harry’s neck.

Harry could help but smile fondly back at him. “Yeah, m’fine Lou, just thinking about last night is all.”

“Are you OK with last night?” asked Louis quietly. “I mean, it was a big deal and… “

“More than OK” Harry interrupted, leaning down to kiss Louis. “It was incredible Lou” he said earnestly. “You made it wonderful for me. It’s just, well, it _is_ a big deal. I feel different somehow – good different, though” he added quickly as Louis looked concerned.

Louis relaxed. “Oh, well that’s… I mean, I wanted it to be good for you. I was hoping you wouldn’t regret it, because it was so amazing Haz, to be with you that way. I’ve never felt so close to anyone before” he said softly.

“Me either” Harry replied, pulling him in for another slow kiss, and even this, even kissing felt different, somehow. Better. Just _more._ ”

When they pulled apart, Louis nudged Harry’s cheek with his nose. “So I guess we have to face the music today, huh?”

“Yep” Harry replied with a sigh. “But Ian’s a pretty wonderful person. I’m sure everything will be fine.”

 

***  

 

Harry squirmed under Ian’s steady gaze. Ian had his elbows resting on the desk in front of him and his chin resting on his joined hands as he looked over at the two boys sitting across from him. Eventually he sighed and leaned back in his chair.

“Well, I can’t really say I’m shocked at this news. Disappointed, perhaps, but that’s because you were doing so well with Louis’ recovery and now I have no choice but to take over his treatment.”

Louis shifted beside him and Harry reached out a hand to slide their fingers together. He knew this was coming but he knew that Louis was hoping to keep Harry as his therapist. Ian watched the exchange with narrowed eyes.

Louis cleared his throat, his voice shaky. “But we’ve been doing so well. I’ve come so far – can’t Harry keep treating me if it’s not adversely affecting my treatment?”

“Unfortunately, you’ve put me between a rock and a hard place. My hands are tied Louis and the rules are clear. It’s a conflict of interest for Harry to treat you and strictly forbidden to become involved with a patient. I understand that you’ve been doing well, but it’s not something I can, in all conscience, allow to continue.”

Louis felt the ground shift beneath him as he nodded at Ian. The thought of not having Harry in the water with him made him feel anxious and his stomach churned. Harry squeezed his hand and he clung to it gratefully.

“If it helps, you can have Harry come along to the sessions and watch, but he can’t enter the water and he can’t be involved with the treatment.”

Louis nodded. “I understand” he responded quietly.

“Look” Ian sighed “I appreciate you coming to me straight away – these things happen and at least we can make the appropriate adjustments to deal with it. Harry” he turned to Harry “I’m very glad to see you behaving so professionally.”

Harry couldn’t quite look Ian in the eye as he responded with a mumbled “thanks.”

“I’ll call a meeting with Megan this afternoon and let her know about these developments – Louis you’ll meet with her as normal and we’ll resume our sessions tomorrow at the usual time.” He smiled kindly at Louis. “It’ll be fine mate” he soothed. “I’ve been doing this for a long time – you’re in good hands. We’ll still achieve the same outcome in the end, OK?”

Louis tried to smile back at him, but it wasn’t very convincing. “OK.”

 

***  

 

“So you’re not shocked?” Louis asked Megan in their session that afternoon.

Megan snorted. “I’d have been more shocked if you two _didn’t_ realise at some point that you were in love with each other! I mean, it’s been evident since the beginning. You spend half your sessions with me raving about how _wonderful_ he is, and he spends our meetings getting all gooey eyed over how _well_ you’re doing and how _amazing_ you are. It’s been quite sickening really.”

Louis couldn’t help the smile that curved his lips. “Didn’t realise we were being that obvious” he murmured.

“Well if that was you trying to be subtle – you suck at it!” she laughed, before turning more serious. “I’m glad you went to Ian when it turned physical – it was the right thing to do.”

Louis nodded. “I just wish Harry could keep treating me, you know? I mean, we’ve had such good results and I trust him. The idea of working with someone new is a bit daunting to be honest.”

 

***  

 

For the first time in over two weeks, Louis woke that night in a cold sweat after the return of his nightmares. He sprang up in bed on a gasp, gulping in air as he came out of his stupor. He was thrashing about until he felt Harry pull him into his arms, heard Harry’s voice calling him back, grounding him.

He slumped against Harry, still breathing heavily. “Nightmare” he panted.

Harry nodded, pushing his hair back from his forehead. “You haven’t had one in a little while” he said softly. “You worried about tomorrow?” he asked.

Louis nodded and Harry placed a finger under his chin, tipping his face back and placing a soft kiss on his lips. “I’ll be there babe, still right by your side – I may not be in the water but I’ll be sitting on the sidelines, watching. Just think of me as your own personal cheer squad.”

Louis tried to smile back at him, but it was clear he was still tense.

“Lay down on your stomach” Harry ordered. “Gonna give you a massage to help you relax.”

Louis did as he was told while Harry rummaged in his dresser drawer, looking for the bottle of strawberry massage oil he knew was in there somewhere. He finally pulled it out, making a small sound of triumph, and moved to straddle Louis’ body. He poured some oil onto his hands, then rubbed them together to warm it.

When Harry’s hands touched his skin, everything else fell away for Louis. He could feel the tension start to dissipate almost immediately and his limbs start to relax. Harry’s hands ran along the surface of his skin, leaving a warm tingle wherever they went and he murmured happily at the feeling. His entire focus was on the point where Harry’s hands were touching him, comforting him.

Harry let his hands roam Louis’ body, relishing any chance to touch him. He watched his hands slide over the muscle and sinew and revelled in the tiny goose bumps that appeared in their wake. He admired Louis’ smooth skin, which had become tanned and golden since he’d arrived in Australia. He was so beautiful and Harry felt the now familiar tightness in his chest as he drank in the sight of him. He worked each muscle, feeling Louis relax and the tension drain out of him. He moved down Louis’ legs a little further and moved from his back to his bottom, running his hands over Louis’ buttocks with every glide down his back, before sliding back up to his shoulders. It wasn’t long before Louis was shifting about and lifting his bottom to meet Harry’s hands every time. Harry could feel himself getting aroused, his cock filling up at the sight of Louis arching into his touch.

He moved backward, nudging Louis’ legs apart and kneeling between them as he continued his movements. When he was settled, he started running his hand between Louis’ cheeks on every downward stroke, sliding between his cheeks and down to his balls. Louis let out a soft moan, tilting his hips back.

After several strokes, Harry pushed Louis’ cheeks apart, running his tongue over Louis’ hole with no warning, making Louis buck up in surprise. He let out a small squeak, followed by a low moan. Harry leaned back in and repeated the movement, licking across Louis’ entrance, then sucking as he pulled off.

Louis was already gripping the sheets and rutting into the bed as Harry bent down again to suck at the pink puckered hole, this time slipping the tip of his tongue just inside and making Louis cry out softly.

“God Haz, yeah” he gasped, arching back to give Harry better access.

Harry laved his tongue back and forth faster, sliding it in on every second stroke, as he reached around between Louis and the bed to grasp his cock, his oily hand easily sliding and he began to stroke him. Louis held his hips up to give him better access, but when that wasn’t enough, he made an impatient sound, stopping Harry and coming up onto his knees, pushing back with a whimper.

Harry grinned. “So demanding” he chuckled, leaning down to resume his ministrations, his hand pumping Louis’ cock more easily now.

Louis immediately started keening, alternating between pushing back against Harry’s tongue and trying to thrust forward into his hand. He was incoherent, babbling nonsense as Harry took him to the edge and over. He came with a loud cry, spilling onto Harry’s hand and the sheets below, as his body shuddered.

As he finished riding the wave of his climax, he started to move and Harry placed a hand on his lower back.

“Stay there Lou” he gasped, reaching down to wrap his hand around himself, still slick with Louis’ come. “Wanna come on you.”

Louis nodded, leaning forward to give Harry a full view of his entrance as he stroked himself quickly, already close.

“Shit Lou, you look so good like this, all laid out for me, _fuck_!” he panted, his hand quickening. He moaned, his eyes almost rolling back in his head as he approached his climax. “Oh God… Oh God…“ He stiffened and then spilled onto Louis, white streaking across his cheeks. He continued stroking himself through his orgasm till he was spent.

He quickly rolled off the bed, staggering to the bathroom on unsteady legs to get a warm wet wash cloth to clean Louis down with. He gently wiped his body clean, front and back, before throwing a dry towel over the wet spot now in the middle of the bed. He ducked back to the bathroom to quickly brush his teeth and returned to slide into bed next to Louis, who curled around him with a sigh of contentment.

“Feeling better?” Harry asked softly, lightly stroking his fingers up and down Louis’ arm.

Louis huffed out a laugh. “Infinitely better” he replied. “Thanks Haz” he reached up and gave him a soft kiss before they both fell back into a deep slumber.

 

 


	13. I'll Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone! Not much to say, other than hope you all have a lovely Sunday!
> 
> Thank you to my wonderful Beta Sassy_Boo_Bear - you are completely adorable and I just wanna squeeze you till you burst for all the great work you do for me :) <3<3<3
> 
> A shout out to 1DDreamlove, who had an exam - hope you went well lovely and thanks for all our little chats!
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your comments and kudos - always so lovely to hear from you! Big Love xxx

 

_ _

 

_“But if you ever fall down, straight to the bottom_

_And you can't get back where you started_

_With no strength to stand, I'm gonna reach for your hand_

_When the going gets rough, right when it's hurting_

_I’ll be there to help bear the burden_

_Any place any time, you gotta know for you I'll fight”_

_Daughtry_

 

 

“Stop looking at me like I’m going to break Haz – I’m fine!” Louis insisted in a deliberately light voice. He continued making their tea as Harry hovered over him in the kitchen of Louis’ place. Harry had just asked him, as he had every evening that week, if he was OK.

“I just want to make sure you’re alright, Lou – I mean, you’d tell me, wouldn’t you, if you weren’t coping? Or if, like, you hated it?” Harry replied.

Louis sighed. He knew Harry was worried – and he wasn’t alone, Louis was worried too. But he was trying desperately to put on a brave face for Harry, trying not to let him down.

The problem was, it had been almost a week of working with Ian and he’d made no progress at all.

_Nothing. Nada. Zilch._

It all just felt wrong – had felt wrong from the outset, and it wasn’t getting any better. He was feeling anxious all the time and his interactions with Ian always seemed stiff and awkward, no matter how hard they both tried to make it work. He was struggling to build the same trust he had with Harry – but that was to be expected considering the nature of his relationship with Harry.

It wasn’t anything Ian had done – he had tried very hard to help Louis adjust. It’s just that, well, he wasn’t Harry. He wasn’t what Louis was used to, what he responded to. They had very different styles of treatment – from the way they spoke, to the pace they wanted to work at and even the approach they used. Ian was much more clinical and reserved than Harry was.

This was probably due to the fact that Harry was used to dealing with children, meaning he was softer, more patient and more about working intuitively. Ian, on the other hand, was used to treating adults, so he was a little harder, pushed a little more and liked working to a schedule. While he was a genuinely nice person, there were no soft words or reassuring touches like Louis had from Harry, and however inappropriate they had been, those words and touches had made Louis feel completely safe in Harry’s care.

Such a change in technique and approach had left Louis reeling and feeling disoriented, filled with uncertainty. When he coupled that with the emotional turmoil of trying to figure out what was going to happen between him and Harry, he had felt completely drained all week. He’d spoken to Megan about it in their sessions, and she had told him it was natural to take some time to get used to a new therapist and to give it a little time, so he threw those words out to Harry now, hoping to soothe his concern.

“Of course I’d tell you, but I’m fine! It was bound to take a little time to get used to a new therapist and let’s face it – he’s a lot less hands on than you were!” He grinned at Harry, waggling his eyebrows playfully.

Harry gave him a small smile and rolled his eyes. He was pretty sure Louis was just brushing him off and trying not to make a big deal out of things, so he wouldn’t worry. But Harry _was_ worried. He had been watching the sessions with growing concern and could tell just by Louis’ body language that he wasn’t bonding with Ian. He could also tell that it was mutual – Ian wasn’t reading Louis correctly, even though he was trying hard. They both were.

Louis could see Harry’s mind ticking over as he chewed on his bottom lip, so he walked over and slid his arms around Harry’s neck.

“It’ll be fine love” he told Harry, leaning up to kiss him and wondering if there’d ever be a time when just a simple kiss from Harry wouldn’t send a shiver down his spine. He thought perhaps not, as he looked into lovely green eyes that were way too perceptive.

Then Harry kissed him again and all thoughts of his treatment were forgotten.

 

***

 

Zayn grinned as the young lad, David, giggled and put a hand over his mouth. He was helping at the Art Therapy Centre for the third time in two weeks and was enjoying it more than ever. He was doing an evening session and it was a group of young people with Downs Syndrome who were truly a delight to work with. They were joyful and spontaneous and approached the work with enthusiasm and it was contagious, everybody in high spirits.

David had just joked that his painting looked like Zayn’s hair, because it was a large curved blob of chocolate brown and had a streak of red through it. Zayn, who was wearing a red bandana today, laughed.

“It sure does!” he smiled “you’ll be the next Picasso, Davey boy!”

“Who’s Picasso?” David asked, nose screwing upward cutely.

“He’s a famous artist” Zayn said, walking over to the bookshelf and pulling out a book to show David a picture of some of his work.

David frowned down at the picture, then back at his work, promptly declaring that his was better than that “Picasso guy”.

Zayn grinned at him, agreeing wholeheartedly which made David preen under his praise. Zayn felt the now familiar rush of warmth. He got so much satisfaction and fulfilment from these sessions and he knew he wanted to do more, get more involved. He’d been looking into the courses, both in Australia and London, to get an idea of what was involved.

The class flew by too quickly, as always, and he and Jake waved off the students and started packing up. Niall bounced in a few minutes afterward, arriving to pick Zayn up and drive him home. He helped Zayn and Jake clean up and Jake told Niall what a great help Zayn had been.

“If he did the counselling courses, he could be an epic addition to the team” he told Niall enthusiastically, winking at Zayn. “I keep telling him he should move down under and help us out full time. Maybe you should have a word with him, eh?”

Niall’s eyes widened and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights as he stuttered out something that sounded like a murmur of agreement, quickly busying himself with cleaning some brushes.

Zayn’s heart sank at Niall’s reaction to Jake’s comment, and he was a little hurt at what seemed like Niall’s reluctance for him to stay, but he tried not to let it show. Instead, he laughed.

“Nah mate, too hot here for us northern boys!” he grinned at Jake, not daring to look at Niall in case Niall saw right through him.

Consequently, he missed seeing the look of disappointment on Niall’s face, stung by his words. Jake sent Niall a look of pity, but Niall just smiled reassuringly and shook his head slightly. He’d mentioned to Jake that he’d hoped Zayn would stay, and was terrified when Jake threw him in it just now, wondering if he’d been obvious and Zayn could tell. He didn’t want to put any pressure on him, hoping he’d come to the decision on his own. Zayn’s words had now made it clear that he’d been hoping in vain.

 

Niall was quiet on the ride home and Zayn asked him if he was alright.

“Yeah, babe” Niall shot him a wide grin that was almost too wide. “Just tired is all. Bubbles is getting bigger and she’s makin’ a right mess in the pen we have her in. It’s been a lot of extra work, you know? Not that it’s not worth it” he added quickly. “She’s such a cute thing!”

Zayn nodded, giving him a soft smile. It really was endearing how much Niall loved his job. In fact, Zayn found everything about him endearing. That was the problem.

It was obvious Niall cared about him, but it was also clear that he wasn’t about to ask him to stay or declare his undying love anytime soon. Zayn needed to get a grip and remember this was a holiday romance, not the love story of the century.

 

***

 

It was day six and Louis could see that Ian was as frustrated as he was. They still hadn’t connected – and not from lack of trying on either side.

Louis was struggling to keep himself calm during the sessions and today he was particularly restless. He was trying for Harry’s sake, to reassure Harry, who was nervously watching every time he entered the water, but it just wasn’t working.

“OK, don’t get discouraged Louis” Ian said kindly. “Let’s try that again, and this time I want you to try to maintain your slow breathing. We’re also going to do ten minutes.”

“Ten?” Louis asked with a squeak, his pulse leaping. He’d only managed seven with Harry and had been battling just to maintain that all week. “But…“

“If you can do seven, you can do ten” Ian said with a kind smile, but his tone allowing no argument. “Let’s just put the mask on and give it a go, shall we?”

Louis nodded wordlessly, his heart pounding and his lungs contracting already. He took a few very deep breaths and slipped on the mask, trying to steady his breathing down and get himself under control. He could feel himself trembling and rolled his shoulders, trying to get the shaking to stop.

 

Harry sat next to the pool, chewing fretfully on his finger, his whole body twitching as he fought not to dive into the water and take over. Ian just didn’t seem to get Louis, didn’t get what he needed. He was pushing him too far too fast and Harry could see Louis getting distressed. Harry’s heart was currently lodged in his throat as he read Louis’ body language and sensed his fear.

He watched as Louis slid down into the water. Ian didn’t hold Louis’ hands like Harry had done, so there was nothing to ground him, nothing to cling to. He was all alone in the water, which Harry knew he hated. Harry’s leg started bouncing as he observed Louis and he found himself holding his breath, counting each second as it passed.

At the five minute mark, Louis was floundering. His body was twitching and his hands were grasping at nothing. Harry stood up, instantly alert, but biting his tongue lest Ian sent him away. He wanted to scream at Ian, tell him Louis was upset, but instead he started prowling along the deck beside the pool, pacing back and forth.

By the sixth minute, he could hear Louis’ breathing through the snorkel as it became heavier and more laboured. He knew Louis had lost focus now and was barely hanging on. He started mumbling under his breath until Ian gave him a pointed look, eyebrow raised.

“He’s panicking” he called out to Ian, unable to stop himself.

“Harry, he can do this, I have faith in him – he’s stronger than he thinks” Ian replied calmly. “Now, what did we agree…“

Louis started violently thrashing about then, coming up out of the water and ripping off the mask and snorkel, loud heaving sobs wracking his body and tears streaming down his face. He was gasping, trying to get enough air but struggling to do so. Ian was calling his name, hands on his shoulders, but Louis was too far gone into his panic attack to focus and he pushed Ian away as he started shaking uncontrollably and crying out as he span in different directions unable to calm down or focus on a way out of the pool.

Harry was hovering at the edge of the pool, waiting for a sign from Ian, and when Ian glanced over at him, it was all the encouragement he needed. He dived into the water, swimming straight for Louis and wrapping his arms around him from behind while speaking loudly in his ear.

“Lou! Lou! I’m here, come back to me – you’re OK Lou, breathe with me.” He took several long deep breaths and held tightly while Louis struggled against him, before he brought a hand up and grabbed Harry’s arm, holding it tightly. He slowed his thrashing about then and sagged in Harry’s arms as he started imitating Harry’s breathing and leant back against his chest, tears streaming down his face. When his breathing had calmed, Harry kept mumbling in his ear, softly reassuring him that he was OK.

When Louis had sufficiently recovered, he promptly burst into tears, turning in Harry’s arms and burying his face in Harry’s chest.

“I can’t do it Haz” he cried, tears falling in earnest.

Harry hugged him to his chest, soothing him quietly as he looked up and into Ian’s concerned gaze. When Louis didn’t stop crying, Harry simply lifted him into his arms and made his way to the steps, carrying him back to the change rooms without a word or a backward glance, ignoring Ian’s voice calling to him.

***

He ran a hot shower and stripped Louis’ wetsuit off him, guiding him under the steaming water, staying by his side as he rinsed off the salt water, then wrapping him in a towel. As he passed Louis his clothes to put on, Louis looked up at him, misery etched across his features.

“I’m sorry Haz” he mumbled. “I’m trying…“

“Shhh Lou” Harry interrupted, engulfing Louis in a hug. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who let you down. I broke all the rules and now you’re paying for it.”

“No Harry!” Louis replied. “You will not blame yourself for this! We decided together and it was worth it. I’d choose you a million times over if I had the chance to do it again, without a second thought.”

Just then, Ian walked into the change room, taking in the sight of the two boys together with a stern glance. “Harry, a word if you please?” he asked brusquely.

Harry nodded and solemnly followed Ian to his office, leaving Louis nervously dressing himself then sitting in the main office at Harry’s desk, waiting for them to finish. The door was closed to Ian’s office and he could hear voices, but he couldn’t quite make out what was being said.

Unable to sit still, he started pacing and barely heard the door when Niall and Zayn entered to meet him and Harry for lunch.

“What’s going on?” Niall asked, frowning at the closed office door.

“I had a panic attack” Louis replied in a soft voice, not wanting it to carry. “Harry jumped into the pool and calmed me down and then he carried me out to the change rooms without a word to Ian.”

Niall and Zayn both looked shocked, Niall’s eyebrows disappearing into his hairline. “Holy shit!” he hissed. “I bet Ian’s right pissed!”

Louis nodded. “I’m pretty sure he is. I hope Harry doesn’t get fired, _fuck_!” He ran a hand through his hair, agitated. “We should’ve just kept it a secret – everything is falling apart now!”

 

***  

 

Ian stood facing the window, looking out at the dolphin pools, seemingly lost in thought. Harry sat quietly, waiting for him to speak. The silence dragged on till it was almost unbearable and Harry shifted in his seat, clearing his throat.

“Ian? Look, I’m sorry about what happened out there, but I knew I could calm him down quickly. I realise I overstepped the line, but I could see he was struggling from the start and you were pushing him too hard! I couldn’t let him suffer like that. I’ll always fight you if I think he needs me – I’m sorry but that’s how it is and…“

“It’s alright Harry” Ian said quietly, cutting Harry off. “Today’s events simply highlighted what we’ve all been trying to ignore for the last week. Louis isn’t responding to me as a therapist.” He turned to face Harry and his face was sad. “It’s been a long time since I felt out of my depth, but in Louis’ case, I’m struggling to make the connection. I’m afraid I’m failing him, which is humbling to have to say when you’re as experienced as I am.”

Harry was speechless, not knowing quite what to say, and he watched as Ian sat down in his chair with a sigh. “I’m truly at a loss, Harry. You have put me in an untenable position. I can’t give you both what you want, in good conscience. It’s unethical and can’t be condoned. But I also can’t continue a treatment that isn’t in the best interests of the patient. So what do I do Harry? Tell me. It is an impossible situation.”

“Please don’t give up on him Ian” Harry pleaded. “I realise we’ve made things difficult, but he needs this – he needs to heal. Don’t you dare turn him away!”

“I’ve called Megan to come and join us – she’ll be here any minute” Ian told him. “We’ll discuss our options and speak with Louis as well. We need a resolution today. This cannot continue any longer.”

 

***

Megan strode into the office, pulling up short at the sight of the three worried faces in front of her.

“Megan?” Louis asked, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“Ian called me down for a meeting” she replied. “Sounded important.”

Louis groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Oh shit! What the hell is happening in there?”

“That’s what I’m about to find out” Megan replied calmly, knocking on Ian’s door and entering. As the door swung open, Louis caught sight of Harry sitting in a chair at Ian’s desk, his face a mask of misery and Louis couldn’t take it any longer, he pushed his way in behind Megan, who let out a squawk of surprise.

Ian started to speak, but Louis put up a hand to halt him. “I know I’m not supposed to be in here, but I need to say something. Harry has been nothing less than patient and caring, putting everything he has into my recovery. I will not let him be punished for having my best interests at heart. It’s not fair! If you need to blame someone, then blame me!”

Megan’s eyes had widened dramatically and she turned to Ian, giving him a questioning look.

“Louis” Ian replied calmly but firmly. “Nobody is punishing anybody, so you may settle down and take a seat before you pop a blood vessel. God, you two are so fiercely protective of one another!”

Louis opened and closed his mouth several times before taking a seat next to Harry, who was looking at him fondly despite the seriousness of the situation.

“Would somebody please tell me what the hell is going on here?” asked Megan as she pulled another chair across to the desk from the corner of the room. “Because it looks like I’ve missed a few important details and this conversation is making little to no sense to me!”

 

***

“With all due respect Ian, I think you’re looking at this the wrong way” said Megan after an hour of discussion. “You are assuming it has to be black or white, but the truth is, we have some grey area to work with here.”

“What do you mean?” asked Ian, frowning.

“Look, it’s not uncommon for a patient to just not gel with a therapist – in fact I’ve had it happen to me a time or two. It doesn’t mean either of you are doing anything wrong. It just happens.”

Ian nodded. “I’m aware of that Megan, but there are only two therapists in this program and I cannot allow Louis back into Harry’s care in good conscience.”

Megan held up a hand. “I’m aware that would be inappropriate, but what about a compromise?”

“What kind of compromise?” Harry asked, before Ian had a chance to.

“Well, the way I see it, there’s nothing that would prevent Ian remaining Louis’ primary therapist and having Harry assist in a practical manner, with Ian overseeing the sessions. I see no crossing of professional boundaries if they aren’t left alone during treatment time. The arrangement would be unorthodox, granted, but it isn’t strictly breaking any rules if Harry is assisting and Louis is under your care.”

Harry turned to Ian, hope blossoming in his chest as he shot him a pleading look. Louis was gripping the arms of his chair so tightly his knuckles were turning white and he was holding his breath, waiting for Ian’s answer.

Ian sat looking at both of them, his face frowning as he digested Megan’s words.

“Can I ask if you had any problems with the way Harry was handling Louis’ treatment before they came to you?” Megan asked Ian curiously.

Ian shook his head. “None – my issue isn’t with the treatment and you know that.”

“Well – if he was making progress and the treatment was working, shouldn’t we do everything in our power to give Louis the best chance at recovery?”

Ian didn’t answer for what felt like hours and Louis thought he may self-combust any second – just explode. Poof! He was almost vibrating with the tension in the room. He glanced over at Harry who was similarly strung out, staring at Ian with an intensity that was unnerving.

When Ian finally gave a brisk nod, saying “alright, but we must set some very clear boundaries and I need your word that you will both comply with whatever I say” Louis let out the breath he’d been holding in a rush of air and Harry grinned and jumped up to hug Ian.

“Thank you” he murmured into Ian’s ear.

Ian patted his arm. “Don’t make me regret it Harry” he replied solemnly. “I’m still not entirely convinced this is the right course of action, but we’re all out of options I’m afraid.”

Louis walked over and tentatively held out a hand to Ian. “Thank you Ian. We won’t let you down, I promise.”

It was another forty minutes of negotiation before they made it out of Ian’s office happy and exhausted.

 

***

 

“To Haz and Lou! The dream team are back together!” shouted Niall, to which the others all cheered. They raised their glasses before all downing a shot, Sophia included.

“Jesus Niall!” she wheezed. “What was in that thing?”

Niall grinned. “Can’t tell you – it’s a special one they make for me. My secret recipe, a mix of two different liqueurs.”

“It’s definitely potent” Liam grimaced.

Niall rolled his eyes. “Well that’s the point of shots, isn’t it Liam?”

They ordered their food and sat around on the deck of the pub, overlooking the water as they chatted and drank some more.

“So how’s it going to work exactly?” Liam asked.

“It’ll basically be the same as before” answered Harry. “But Ian will be supervising our sessions. He needs to be able to veto my involvement if he feels it’s in Louis’ best interests, or if any of our behaviour is inappropriate.”

Niall snorted. “All your behaviour is inappropriate!”

“But he _won’t_ be able to veto you” Louis added, glaring at Niall. “Because Haz is a first class therapist and I was doing really well before all this. He just needs to see us in action, that’s all!” He plonked himself into Harry’s lap, winding his arms around Harry’s neck and kissing him firmly on the lips.

“Ew – we don’t need to see you in action, thanks!” Niall commented. “See what I mean about inappropriate?”

Liam raised an eyebrow at Niall. “Look who’s talking. That first snog you had with Zayn at the Cock’n’Bull was pretty steamy big boy!”

Niall grinned, moving to place an arm around Zayn’s shoulders. “Pure poetry in motion that was – and romantic if I do say so myself! Not the soft porn these two put on display every chance they get!”

Zayn sniggered and leaned over to kiss Niall on the cheek. “Well said babe!”

“Hey!” Harry objected, frowning, while Louis simply smiled and shrugged unapologetically.

“We are celebrating the fact we don’t have to hide anymore” Louis replied. “It’s nice.”

“It’s painful to watch” Zayn mumbled, earning him a chuckle from Niall, Liam and Sophia.

“Hey, what about we do something cool tomorrow?” Niall asked. “It’s Sunday and we should start doing things that don’t involve movies and FIFA. Maybe we could go to Movie World? Go on all the rides and see who can go the longest without puking!”

“Oh Yuck Niall!” Sophia exclaimed. “Not doing that – but I’d love to go to Movie World. I haven’t been for ages and Louis and Zayn would love it!”

Louis giggled as he looked at Zayn’s face, which was clearly displaying his horror at the thought of another roller coaster ride. “Uh, Niall? Have you forgotten how green Zayn was when you took him on the Corkscrew at SeaWorld?”

Niall grimaced. “That’s right – I totally forgot about that day! But there’s loads of slow rides and heaps of shows to see – the stunt show is amazing!”

Zayn smiled fondly at Niall’s enthusiasm. “I’m sure I’ll love it – let’s do it shall we?”

Niall fist pumped the air. “Yes!”

“I’m in” Louis put his hand up.

“Well then, that means Harry’s in” Liam answered, laughing at Harry’s indignant look. “So I guess we’re going to Movie World!”

“I’ll drink to that!” Niall replied, raising his beer in the air.

“Oh for the love of God Niall – you’d drink to anything!” Liam rolled his eyes.

Niall looked thoughtful for a moment, before nodding and smiling. “Pretty much!”

And drink they did, till they were all more than a little wasted. Even Sophia was a little wobbly as they left the pub and jumped in a maxi taxi, which could take all of them.

They were headed back to stay at Niall, Harry and Liam’s place, but when Louis slid a hand in Harry’s hair and yanked him down into a filthy kiss right there in the cab and Harry moaned loudly, the other occupants took a vote and redirected the cab past Louis and Zayn’s place.

When they pulled up outside the house, Harry and Louis were still going at it, hot and heavy, and had to be pried apart and physically pushed from the car.

“Why are we at my house?” asked Louis, standing up from where he’d landed on the grass on top of Harry and holding out a hand to help him up.

“Because we have no desire to listen to your loud shagging all night” Niall told them out of the open door.

“Now get in there and enjoy your empty house” Liam added. “Scream to your heart’s content.”

“You’re welcome” smiled Zayn as he shut the door.

They watched the cab drive off up the street, still not quite sure what had just happened, then looked at each other. A slow grin made its way across Harry’s face as he prowled toward Louis.

“You heard them” he said to Louis in a voice that was low and husky. “Let’s go make some noise.”

He grabbed Louis’ hand and dragged him toward the front door.

 

***

Before the front door was even shut, Harry was pawing at Louis’ clothes, all clumsy hands and stumbling feet. They both giggled as he lost his balance and almost landed them both on their arses, the wall saving them from falling all the way over.

Louis slumped back against the wall and Harry placed his hands on the wall, either side of Louis’ face, looking down at him with a hungry expression.

“Been dying to get my hands on you all night, Lou.”

“Yeah?” breathed Louis, the look on Harry’s face sending a shiver through him.

“Yeah” Harry answered as he leaned down to take him in a searing kiss, laying claim to him and plundering his mouth. It was hot, wet and open mouthed, and it was glorious.

Louis broke the kiss briefly to strip off Harry’s t-shirt, quickly reaching for his jeans, yanking at them and letting out a grunt of frustration when they failed to budge past his thighs.

Harry chuckled. “I’ll get them off” he told Louis “and you concentrate on getting naked as fast as possible.”

“That, I can do” grinned Louis, already reaching for his button.

In mere seconds they were stripped down, each greedily drinking in the sight of the other, both hard and aching.

As their eyes met again, Louis leapt into Harry’s arms, making him stagger on his drunken legs. “Take me to bed Haz” he commanded breathlessly.

“As you wish my love” Harry declared with a grin, before stumbling wildly up the stairs, barely able to hold them both upright and laughing hysterically as Louis giggled.

When they reached the bedroom he threw Louis down onto the bed, taking a flying leap to land almost on top of him as he let out a squeak of surprise and then laughed out loud as Harry grinned at him with a dopey, cheesy grin.

“C’mere you” Louis murmured as he grabbed a handful of Harry’s hair and yanked him back down for another kiss, revelling in the moan Harry let out. The hair pulling had become a real thing with Harry, and Louis had only realised in the last week just how much it affected him. Now that he knew, he used it ruthlessly to get Harry worked up.

They kissed sloppily and Harry moved down Louis’ neck, biting a sucking marks all over him as he went. Their hips had started moving of their own accord and the delicious friction as they came together gave a little relief to their pulsing cocks, but not nearly enough.

As Harry pulled away, panting, he looked down at Louis, eyes blown and mouth wet and swollen, and his breath hitched.

“You’re so beautiful Lou” he panted “wanna ride you, yeah?”

Louis wasn’t capable of rational thought, so he simply nodded and Harry reached for the Bedside table to retrieve the lube and a condom.

Harry stayed on his knees, hovering just above Louis’ body. Louis coated his fingers liberally and moved a hand back, sliding the first finger in with no preamble, loving the quiver that shook Harry’s body as he took it in. Harry was so responsive and Louis loved the little noises he was making already.

By the time he’d reached the third finger, Harry was bobbing up and down on his knees, pushing down onto Louis’ fingers and moaning loudly.

“Shit Lou, I’m ready, fuck, get your fingers out!” He was already ripping open the condom and sliding it onto Louis’ painfully hard length. He wasted no time lining himself up and, without breaking eye contact, lowering himself onto Louis, inch by exquisite inch. He was whining and moaning and Louis was barely holding onto his control, still not used to the feeling of being inside Harry.

He let out a low keening noise as Harry sank all the way down, his hips thrusting up slightly on their own. Harry moved slowly at first, rocking back and forth slightly before lifting himself up the tiniest bit and sinking back down.

“Oh Yeah” he breathed as he lifted himself up again. “Jesus Lou, this feels so fucking good!” He picked up his pace, riding Louis faster and building a rhythm.

Louis stared up at him, unable to look away as his head was thrown back, eyes closed and wild hair framing his face. His mouth was wide open and emitting the most beautiful breathy moans as he bounced on Louis’ cock. He was mesmerising, intoxicating, and Louis had to remind himself to breathe.

The pleasure was intense and he found himself rocking his hips up to meet Harry as he pounded down. The change in angle ensured Louis hit Harry’s sweet spot, making him cry out. Louis kept up the pace, meeting Harry every time and Harry was soon babbling incoherently. Louis reached up and wrapped a hand around Harry, pumping and saying “come for me baby, wanna see you come all over me.”

Harry stiffened at Louis’ words, letting out a shattered cry as he came, streaks of white splattering over Louis’ chest and some on his chin. His muscles convulsed around Louis, taking him over the edge soon after.

They collapsed in an exhausted heap, then, not even bothering to clean themselves off before falling asleep.

 

When Niall and Zayn pulled up in Niall’s car the next day to pick them up for Movie World, Niall took one look at their wild hair and blissful smiles and rolled his eyes.

“I see you two fucked each other brain’s out last night, then” he drawled.

The two of them simply grinned at him stupidly from the back seat as Louis replied happily “yep! And again this morning –just to be sure.”

Zayn chuckled and shook his head as Niall screamed “too much information Louis!”

 

***  

 

They arrived at the gates and met up with Liam and Sophia, who had come in Liam’s car. Niall was buzzing, bouncing around them like an overexcited child.

“This is going to be epic!!!!” he exclaimed loudly.

“Settle down Niall, I’m worried you’re going to strain something before we even get inside” Liam told him, placing a hand on his shoulder to settle him.

Niall frowned at him. “Spoil sport” he grumbled.

Zayn chuckled and threw an arm around his waist, momentarily distracting him from the excitement.

They bought their tickets and wandered in the gate, picking up a map to see what they were going to do first.

“The stunt show isn’t until one o’clock” said Sophia, reading from the map. “So how about you go on the really big rides this morning.” She looked up and caught the look of dread on Zayn’s face, so she added “I hate those rides, so Zayn and I can have a look around at the slower ones and meet you at twelve for lunch. What do you think?” She winked at Zayn when he mouthed a silent “thank you” at her over Niall’s head.

“Sounds like a plan!” Niall replied. “Now I say the superman rollercoaster first, yeah? It’s fuckin’ insane!”

“It’s meant to take off with more G-Force than any other roller coaster in the Southern Hemisphere” Liam commented helpfully. “And I’d believe it, because I puked after my first go on it. I even think I might have had a tear in my eye – they were definitely watery.”

“I’m there!” Louis cheered. “Let’s do this thing!”

Niall and Louis charged ahead, with Harry and Liam following a little more reluctantly.

 

***

 

Sophia and Zayn walked around, looking through the stores Sophia bought Liam a Batman mug – he lost his old one, she explained. As they walked up Main Street, they stopped to watch a Marilyn Monroe impersonator, who played up to Zayn – much to Sophia’s amusement.

“If only she knew how uninterested you really are” she snorted as they walked away, the girl still waving and blowing Zayn kisses.

Zayn chuckled. “Yeah, I don’t think she’d be blowing me any more kisses” he joked.

They agreed to get a coffee and sat at the little café just a bit further up. They started talking about the Art Therapy Centre and Sophia smiled as she watched Zayn’s face light up.

“You really love it don’t you?” she asked.

“I do” Zayn nodded. “I even started looking into what courses I’d have to do to get into that sort of thing back home.”

Sophia looked at him thoughtfully. “You know, Jake mentioned that he’d dropped a few hints about you stay here in Australia and with you and Niall getting so hot and heavy, we wondered if maybe you might think about staying.”

Zayn’s face clouded over and he looked away, swallowing audibly. “I don’t think so” he murmured sadly.

“Zayn?” Sophia asked. “Is something the matter? Did I say something wrong?”

Zayn looked back at her and tried to smile, his face contorting into a grimace instead. “It’s nothing” he replied.

“It doesn’t look like nothing” she told him, eyebrows raised. “And I’ve been told I’m a great listener if you want to tell me about it.”

Zayn sighed, looking down at the table. “It’s just that, everyone keeps hinting that I should stay, but Niall hasn’t actually told me that’s what he wants – in fact, when Jake brought it up the other night, he seemed to be terrified of the whole idea” he shrugged. “I guess it just stung a little bit, knowing he wasn’t as into this as me, you know?”

Sophia looked stunned, gaping at him for a full minute before dissolving into giggles. “Oh Zayn!” she puffed “you have no idea!”

Zayn frowned. “What are you laughing for?” he asked.

Sophia calmed down and reached over to squeeze his arm. “I’m laughing because boys are so bloody bad at communicating! Look, I don’t know how he acted the other night, but I can tell you that all he ever talks about lately is how much he wants you to stay.”

“What?” Zayn asked, shocked.

“He talks to Liam and I all the time, telling us how much he cares for you and how much he wishes you could stay. He’s worried about you leaving – he knows he’ll be heartbroken.”

“But… if he feels that way, why hasn’t he told me – asked me to stay?” Zayn argued.

Sophia shrugged. “I have no idea. This is why I shake my head – boys seem to be incapable of talking about feelings!”

“Well, should I say something?” he asked hesitantly. “I didn’t before, because I was worried we weren’t on the same page.”

Sophia smiled. “Well, somebody better say something, because you’re obviously crazy about each other and you don’t want to risk losing an opportunity for something wonderful.”

Zayn smiled back at her, feeling hope blossom in his chest for the first time in days.

 

***  

 

“You alright Curly?” asked Louis as they sat strapped into the Superman roller coaster, side by side, Liam and Niall in front of them chattering loudly.

“Yeah, just, not really a big fan of roller coasters to be honest” Harry murmured.

Now that Louis looked more closely, he could see that Harry was a little more pale than usual, and was gripping the bars with a death grip.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” asked Louis, smiling fondly.

Harry shrugged. “Didn’t want you thinking your boyfriend was a wimp, I guess.”

A beat passed as they both realised what Harry had said, Louis grinning at him.

“Boyfriend, huh?” he asked.

“Well, to be fair, you have said you _love_ me – and you’ve had your dick in my arse, so there’s a pretty good argument for the use of the term, yeah.” Harry smiled.

Louis rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help the huff of laughter that escaped his mouth. “Oh My God, Haz, you’re such a romantic bastard, aren’t you?” His look turned soft as he turned back to Harry. “All joking aside though, I like the way that sounded.”

“Me too” replied Harry.

They shared a gentle smile and then Louis reached out to pry Harry’s fingers from the bar and linked their hands. “Now let me hold my wimpy boyfriend’s hand so he doesn’t get scared!”

“Hey!” Harry protested with a grin, but took Louis’ hand anyway.

When the countdown began, Harry started squeezing Louis’ hand so tightly that Louis thought he may lose finger or two to blood loss, but he didn’t have time to think about it as they shot out of the building and into the air, both screaming in a suspiciously girl-like fashion.

 

***

 

By the time they all met up for lunch, the boys had ridden three roller coasters, a giant drop and the wild west water flume ride.

“Oh My God!” Niall groaned “my stomach is churning!” He’d turned a lovely shade of puce and he sat down next to Zayn, leaning down to put his head on Zayn’s shoulder. Zayn slid an arm around his shoulders, chuckling as he rubbed his back in sympathy.

“So no lunch for you?” he asked.

Niall looked horrified. “Holy Shit Zayno! Do you not know me at all?! Of course there’ll be lunch! Nothing like a good feed to settle your stomach.”

The other three groaned. Liam shook his head. “I don’t know how you do it Niall. If I ate right now I’d be sick!”

“Me too” Harry moaned, slumping on Louis’ shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve ever ridden that many rides in such a short space of time!”

“Aww, poor baby!” Louis consoled.

 

Despite all the protests, they all managed to eat some pizza and keep it down. Afterward they headed over to the stunt show and then spent the afternoon riding the slow, and according to Niall “boring”, rides.

When they arrived back at Harry, Niall and Liam’s place, where Zayn and Louis were staying the night, they were all exhausted. By seven o’clock they were in a pile on the couch watching movies and by ten o’clock they were dragging themselves off to bed, yawning.

 

***

Louis was feeling such a mixture of emotions as they drove into SeaWorld the next morning. He was excited to be working with Harry again, and felt a lot more comfortable, but he was nervous to get back in the water after such a hard week.

Niall was driving, with Zayn in the front seat beside him, so Louis was tangled around Harry in the back seat, the hands linked and Harry rubbing his thumb over Louis’ hand softly.

He felt Harry lean in close and whisper in his ear. “I can hear you thinking from here Louis. Don’t be nervous, OK?”

Louis squeezed his hand. “I just hope I don’t continue to stagnate Haz. I need to move forward and start getting results again. I just hope I can do it, you know?”

Harry leaned down and kissed him lightly. “You can do it, Lou. Don’t lose confidence now. Think of everything we’ve achieved together so far. I believe in you – I always have. And together, we’re unstoppable, you’ll see!”

He smiled at Louis with a dopey grin and something shifted in Louis’ chest. He couldn’t help but feel a rush of affection for this curly haired boy who had turned his life upside down. He smiled softly, the smile fading as the thought popped into his head that he’d have to leave him soon and return home. He pushed the thought aside, though. He had to concentrate on getting through this treatment first – before anything else.

 

***

 

“That’s six Lou! You’re doing so well!” Harry shouted as he held Louis’ hands tightly. He could feel Louis start to get fidgety, but he was doing well. When he was almost at the seven minute mark, Harry got excited.

“Almost seven babe!” he called out so Louis could hear him. “Keep going!”

At eight minutes, Louis pulled up out of the water and whipped off the mask to grin at Harry. “We did it!” he laughed as Harry high-fived him. He felt like he was floating – it was only a small thing, but it was progress and it he was ecstatic about it. He looked over at Ian, who smiled and nodded.

“Well done Louis” he said quietly.

When he’d dog paddled for a while in the deeper water, he held Harry’s shoulders and dunked his head under, coming up straight away, and then repeating the action several times. He was feeling ten foot tall and bulletproof by the time they were sitting on the platform feeding Candy.

Ian sat with them and talked to Harry about what he had planned next, offering some adjustments and suggestions and Louis sat between them feeling an immense hope blossom in his chest for the future. He could, for the first time in a week, see the light at the end of the tunnel again.


	14. A Temporary Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So because I have the most amazing Beta EVER, I am able to post this just in time to give you some Easter weekend reading! Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> A HUGE HAPPY EASTER TO EVERYONE!
> 
> Big Love xx <3

_ _

 

_"You’re doing something to my heart_

_Some kind of motion that’s pulling it apart_

_Cos I live on the other side of the sea_

_This is temporary_

_You’re doing something, underneath my skin_

_I never meant to let you so far in_

_I keep on trying to tell myself_

_This is temporary"_

_Missy Higgins_

  


It was a confusing, swirling mix of conflicting emotions Louis battled as the next three weeks went by in a flurry of intense therapy and the bittersweet joy of time spent with Harry and his new friends.

His sessions had been a resounding success, with more progress than he would have thought possible, thanks to Harry and Ian working together. Ian provided expert advice and a guiding hand, and Harry provided the hands on support and the encouragement Louis needed.

Louis was happy, proud, and feeling a profound relief at slowly unshackling himself of his fears. He was now swimming short distances and moving freely and independently in the water for small bursts, although he hadn’t yet progressed to jumping or diving in by himself, or swimming longer distances on his own. The success they’d had left Louis elated, but the joy was always tinged with sadness as he realised that every step closer to success, was a step toward his journey home, leaving Harry behind.

The last three weeks with Harry had been a contrasting mix of incredible highs and extreme lows as he struggled to come to terms with their situation. He honestly couldn’t imagine leaving his family and his life in England, so he had told himself that this relationship with Harry would have to be temporary, would have to end, or at least be different when he returned home. He didn’t think he do long distance – it would be too hard for such a huge distance. The problem was, that it didn’t feel temporary. It felt bigger than that, so much more, and he was torn, because he needed his family, his home just as much as he needed Harry.

Every time Louis tried to imagine a return to his “pre-Harry” life, he couldn’t. The very idea was disturbing. The thought of Harry not smiling sleepily back at him as he woke each morning was something he found he didn’t want to contemplate.

So he did what he did best – he steadfastly ignored the reality of the circumstances in favour of enjoying every moment he could with Harry. Every time Harry brought up the subject, he would change it, until Harry stopped altogether. It was always there, though, no matter how much he tried to ignore it – that tightness in his chest, the underlying sadness, and of course, the silent dread.

Every time he sank into Harry’s warm, welcoming body, he felt like he was coming home and a part of him wanted to weep at the unfairness of it. Every joining of their bodies had turned into an intense moment, with Louis trying to mentally catalogue every sigh, every touch, so he could play them over and over when Harry was half a world away – and Harry holding him like he never wanted to let go.

It’s one of the reasons he had chosen not to bottom for Harry, even though he wanted to. He had a feeling it would be too intense, too much for him to bear – so like the coward he was, he avoided it. But Harry hadn’t pushed, had simply taken whatever Louis was willing to give and given all of himself in return.

Deep down in the part of him that Louis kept buried, he knew leaving Harry was going to break him, so with every step closer to his success, he closed a little bit more of himself off, trying to prepare himself for the inevitable.

 

***  

 

“Hey Haz!” Louis called out across the souvenir shop on Main Beach. When Harry walked over to him, he held up a soft fluffy dolphin toy. “I thought I might get the twins one of these each. Or maybe I could get them a SeaWorld jumper each – it’ll be winter when I get home and it’ll be proper freezing, so they’d get plenty of use out of them. What do you think?”

Harry looked back at him, expression cool and collected, but inside his lungs felt like they were filling with water, his pulse was leaping and he wanted to scream, cry, and punch a hole in the wall. He felt like his chest was being ripped open and here Louis was just casually talking about when he was leaving like it was nothing.

He wanted to grab Louis, shake him, and beg him to stay – anything to alleviate the panic in his chest as he was reminded that the day of Louis’ departure loomed closer. Instead, he bottled all of the overwhelming feelings inside, bit his tongue and pretended he was OK with the idea of Louis leaving, because Louis had made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want to talk about it.

Harry also knew that he had no right to be this hurt that Louis didn’t choose to stay in Australia. Harry was essentially putting his job first by not wanting to go back to England, so he couldn’t rationally be upset with Louis for not wanting to uproot his whole life and move here.

But emotions weren’t rational, and Harry was devastated at Louis’ choice. Even though Louis hadn’t come out and actually said no, it was pretty clear that he wasn’t going to stay. Harry could feel him slipping away more and more each day and he could do nothing to stop it. He had left himself open to such an immense heartbreak, and yet he couldn’t pull back. In fact, he found himself getting in deeper every day, and he was terrified what Louis’ leaving would do to him.

He pushed his heartache down deep and cleared his throat and put on a cheeky grin. “Jumpers are boring for little kids Lou. Girls love soft toys, get them the dolphins.”

Louis grinned back at him and Harry’s chest ached at how utterly in love with this boy he was. “You’re right – dolphins it is! What would I do without you babe?” he asked, kissing him sweetly before bouncing off to the register to purchase the toys.

Harry stayed where he was, trying to collect himself as he sadly whispered “we’ll find out soon enough, won’t we?”

 

***  

 

“Did you speak to him yet?” asked Sophia quietly on Sunday night, when she and Zayn were the only two in the kitchen. The others were out on the back deck.

Zayn grimaced. “Um, no.”

“What are you waiting for Zayn?” she scolded. “You need to get things sorted for both your sakes, and you know he isn’t going to say anything. He’s too terrified you’ll think he’s pressuring you.”

Zayn rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help the fond smile curving his lips upward. “I know, but every time I try to talk about it, people interrupt, or it’s just not the right time.”

“Then make some time and get it done” Sophia told him, her exasperation evident.

Zayn gulped and nodded. “I will, I will.”

They wandered back out to the deck, where Louis was just finishing up telling Liam about how his treatment was going.

“That’s fantastic mate” Liam replied. “I’m so happy for you! So how long before you think you’ll be done?”

“Well, it’s not an exact science” Harry replied carefully, his voice controlled. “But the usual treatment estimate is about three months and Louis is progressing really well. If he keeps up the hard work he could be finished the program in about four to five weeks.”

Liam turned to Louis, whose features suddenly looked drawn and pale. “So what will you do then?” he asked Louis quietly, and the whole group seemed to collectively hold its breath as they watched and waited for the answer Louis would give, all curious.

There was an awkward moment of silence before Louis’ face adopted his trademark cocky grin. “Well, for a start, I thought I’d see about joining a deep sea diving exhibition. Then maybe I’ll have a go at the channel swim. There’ll be no stopping me now Li” he winked, before draining his beer and escaping to the kitchen to get a refill.

When he left, everybody turned to Harry, who was looking at the ground, bottom lip pulled between his teeth and eyes welling up.

“Haz?” Niall sat beside him, a hand on his shoulder. “You OK mate?”

Harry huffed out a humourless laugh. “Yeah, I’m fine” he mumbled sarcastically, voice cracking. He ran a hand through his hair before excusing himself and following Louis inside.

 

He marched into the kitchen, where Louis was standing at the sink, idly gazing out the window, and crowded up behind him at the bench, trapping him against it with his body. He caged Louis on either side with his arms and felt him shiver as he leaned down and hovered his mouth just above Louis’ neck.

Louis’ reaction was what he was searching for, what he needed, and he felt a primal satisfaction that even though he couldn’t stop Louis from leaving, he was able to control how he reacted, had the power to make him let go and come apart under his touch.

When they were together like this, it was the only time he felt like Louis wasn’t guarded, wasn’t holding back. It was real and honest and he could forget in those moments that this wasn’t forever, that it was temporary. He was able to close his eyes and pretend, and he found himself suddenly feeling a desperation to do just that – to lose himself in Louis’ touch, to feel Louis moving inside his body. A tangible proof that what they had was real.

He spun Louis to face him and cupped his face in his hands, framing it with his thumbs and caressing him lightly. For a long moment he said nothing, just gazing into Louis’ eyes. Louis stared back, breathless and unable to look away from the yearning in Harry’s eyes, the tenderness in his touch. Then, with an aching slowness, Harry lowered his mouth to Louis’ and kissed, a long slow, lingering kiss that sent warm shivers through both of them and ignited a spark that quickly turned into a raging inferno.

Harry moved closer, deepening the kiss and stroking his tongue along Louis’ bottom lip as his arms came down to frame Louis’ body, trapping him to the bench. Louis opened to him immediately with a tiny whimper, the kiss turning hungry and primal. Harry was pushing against Louis’ body, causing the bench at his back to dig into it, but Louis barely noticed, pulling Harry in roughly, hands fisted in his t-shirt. Before they knew it, they were rutting against each other right there in the kitchen, lost to everything but the familiar rush and the ripple of heat running through them with every touch.

When they finally pulled apart, gasping for air and Harry leaned down to suck on Louis’ neck, Louis choked out a strangled moan, before ordering Harry to his bedroom. They made their way down the hall in a tangle of limbs, each barely able to keep their hands from the other.

As Harry entered the room and closed the door, he all but shoved Louis against it, immediately taking control, needing to have it. He made short work of Louis’ clothes, then shed his own just as quickly, before falling to his knees and wrapping a hand around the base of Louis’ cock as he slid the head into his mouth, sucking lightly and running his tongue over it slowly.

Louis’ hands immediately found Harry’s hair, sliding in and tugging extra hard, drawing a throaty moan from Harry as he slid down Louis’ shaft, swallowing him all the way down. He loved the taste of Louis, loved the slightly musky smell of him and he couldn’t get enough. He could spend hours just sucking on his smooth silky cock.

When Louis tugged his hair again, pulling him ever so slightly closer and pushing himself further into Harry’s mouth, Harry had to reach down with his free hand and hold himself tightly to stop himself from coming. He was letting out a moan on every thrust Louis made into his mouth, taking him all the way down and relishing the feeling of Louis filling him up. He let his hand drop from Louis’ cock and moved it around to his buttocks, pushing lightly to let him know he could take it.

Louis saw stars and felt a jolt of heat shudder through him as Harry pulled him in closer, squeezing his arse cheeks hard as he let him fuck his mouth. Harry’s mouth was pure heaven, his tongue teasing and laving as he sucked harder and harder. He was taking Louis deep with every thrust and making small low noises like he was loving it. Louis loved his enthusiasm, his responsiveness, and he could feel the familiar heat building.

“Haz” he panted “gonna come if you don’t stop!”

Harry simply moaned, pulling him in and running his tongue hard along the length of him.

“Oh Jesus” Louis breathed, hips flicking forward quicker, thrusting into Harry’s mouth as he felt his climax approaching. He had Harry’s hair in a death grip now, but he couldn’t unclench his fingers – and by the way Harry was moaning and stroking himself, he wasn’t too worried.

“Oh fuck Harry… God, your mouth… shit… oh… oh…Harry!” He spilled hard into Harry’s mouth, unable to help the way his hips kept thrusting through his orgasm, Harry choking slightly but swallowing it all, some saliva and come leaking from the side of his mouth as Louis’ movements slowed.

Harry’s strokes quickened as he swallowed around Louis, and when he pulled off, he let out a hoarse cry as he came, spilling onto the carpet and then slumping forward, forehead against Louis’ thigh as he tried to catch his breath.

“Shit” he wheezed.

“Yeah” Louis panted from above, his hand finding its way back to Harry’s hair – this time to gently run through his curls, making him let out a hum that sounded like he was purring.

“Gonna have to clean that carpet now” Harry sniggered.

“Oh my God H” Louis snorted. “We didn’t even make it to the bed – I don’t wanna know what that says about us.” He then leant down, sliding his hands under Harry’s shoulders and hoisting him up on wobbly legs. “C’mon darling” he said softly. “Let’s get more comfortable, we’ll worry about the mess later.”

He led Harry over to the bed, both of them falling onto it and immediately reaching for each other. They then adopted their favourite position, laying on their sides, each facing the other, hands linked between them. Neither spoke, the silence filled with all of the things they’d left unsaid and all of the things they had.

“Lou?” Harry eventually whispered. “Will you…“

“Shhh” Louis pressed a finger to Harry’s mouth. “Let’s not talk, yeah?” He leaned forward and kissed Harry softly, with an aching tenderness that made Harry want to cry.

 

Long after Louis’ breathing became steady and he slept peacefully, Harry lay awake. He watched Louis sleep and marvelled at how peaceful and childlike he looked in slumber. He felt a stabbing pain in his chest at the thought of losing this, of losing Louis.

Eventually, he couldn’t stay still with all the emotion churning around in his body, so he got up, threw on some shorts and crept out of the room. They must have been in there a while, because the house was quiet, everyone else having gone to bed.

He grabbed his phone and went outside to sit on the deck, enjoying the cool breeze and pulling up Gemma’s number. It was morning in the UK and he was pretty sure she’d be up, so he pressed call and couldn’t help but smile when her familiar voice answered a few rings in.

“Good morning loser” she chirped. “Is this the brother who has forgotten he actually has a family and hasn’t called in, like, FOREVER?”

He grimaced. “Guilty as charged, although I object to the title of loser.” He sighed. “I’m sorry Gem.”

“It’s alright squirt” he could hear the smile in her voice “just missed you, that’s all. So how’s things?”

Harry didn’t know what he had intended to say when he made the call, just knew he needed to hear Gemma’s voice. But he couldn’t help the tears that immediately welled up in his eyes and the lump that formed in his throat and he was embarrassed at how just a simple “how are you” from Gemma had brought him undone. When he remained silent, unable to speak, but letting out a small sniffle, Gemma was immediately concerned.

“Harry? What is it? Are you OK?” she asked.

He squeaked out a “no” before the floodgates opened and he broke down. When he’d calmed enough, he told Gemma everything about Louis, about how he’d felt from the moment he’d met him, his treatment, and how he’d ultimately asked him to stay.

“He doesn’t think he can leave his whole life and family behind to move here and be with me, and I understand that, but I can’t bear to think about him leaving. What should I do Gem?”

“You love him?” she asked.

“I do” Harry answered, a broken sob escaping.

“Then you need to do everything you can to let him know that, and hope it’s enough to change his mind” she said.

“But, what if it’s not?” he asked quietly.

“Then maybe it’s not meant to be forever Harry, but just for a little while” she replied softly. “If that’s the case, you’ll have to let him go when the time comes.”

When he’d finished the call, thanking Gemma and promising to call back and update her, he tip toed quietly back up the hall and slid back into bed beside Louis.

As Louis stirred and reached out in his sleep to link his fingers with Harry’s, leaning down to kiss their linked hands softly, Harry snuggled into him, terrified that Gemma was right, and that it just wasn’t meant to be forever – only temporary.

 

***

 

Zayn knocked on the feed room door on Monday, looking for Niall, but finding Barb instead.

“Oh, hi Zayn!” she smiled as she weighed some fish pieces. “He’s outside with Bart. Go on through.”

Zayn quietly walked outside and stopped in the doorway to watch the scene in front of him with a fond smile.

Bart was lying on the ground, Niall lying beside him, sliding him a piece of fish occasionally and murmuring to him quietly. Every time Niall spoke, Bart seemed to grunt in reply, earning him another piece of fish.

Zayn stood motionless for several minutes, just drinking it in and grinning from ear to ear. Niall was so beautifully endearing and he felt something in his chest shift as he watched the two of them interact.

Eventually he cleared his throat and Niall looked up, grinning as he saw it was Zayn.

“This is why you always smell like dead fish” Zayn chuckled. “You spend all day cuddling up to a sea lion.”

Niall laughed, and hopped up, walking over to Zayn, Bart waddling along behind him. “Don’t pretend you don’t love my scent. It’s manly and intoxicating!” He wrapped his arms around Zayn, ignoring his squeak of protest and hugging him tightly.

“It’s revolting, and sometimes it makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit” Zayn replied, giving up the fight and hugging him back, breathing in the unique scent he had come to associate with Niall. It was a mix of salt, fish and a citrus aftershave that somehow tied it all together.

Niall grinned, planting a kiss on Zayn’s lips. “That’s a lie!” he answered. “You can’t deny you love it!”

“I love _you_ ” Zayn told him quietly, his face tender as he smiled softly. “Does that count?”

Niall fell silent, the grin dropping from his mouth and his mouth gaping open in shock.

“You love me?” he asked, his smile returning and spreading across his cheeks.

“Yeah” Zayn nodded. “I really do Ni.”

“I love you too Zayn” Niall replied earnestly. “Like, crazy mad for you, you know?”

“Then why haven’t you asked me to stay, to move here with you?” Zayn asked softly.

Niall was taken aback. “Uh… well, I didn’t want to put pressure on you and make things awkward. I was scared of messing things up between us and I wasn’t sure where we stood – whether you were as serious as I was.”

Zayn shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“Obviously, I need to spell it out because you’re completely daft” he teased, taking Niall’s face in his hands. “Niall, if you want me to, I’d love to move here and be a part of your life. Is that clear enough?”

Niall nodded, still in shock, before recovering himself and letting out a cheer as he picked Zayn up and twirled him around.

Bart seemed to sense something important was happening, because he let out a barking sound and bounced on the spot, both boys dissolving into giggles at him.

 

***

 

Louis was grinning ear to ear. He’d been waiting for this day for so long and it was finally here! Harry shot him a fond smile as he bounced up and down beside the pool.

“I think she can feel your excitement” he told Louis, nodding his head in Candy’s direction, where she was gliding back and forth in the water in front of them.

“She’s just as excited as me” Louis chuckled. “We’ve been working hard to get to this haven’t we love?” he cooed at Candy, sitting on the edge as she swam up and nudged his hand with her nose.

Ian joined them then, smiling at Louis. “All set?” he asked.

“Absolutely!” Louis grinned “let’s do this!”

He climbed into the water, standing in the waist deep water next to Harry as he signalled Candy to approach. She slid up to them, coming to a halt just in front.

“Right” Harry exclaimed “come here then” he crooked his finger and beckoned Louis over with a smile.

Louis moved closer and Harry showed him where to place his hands on her fin. When Louis was holding on, Harry moved to put one hand over Louis’ and the other arm around his waist.

“Ready?” he asked.

Louis simply nodded and then Harry gave Candy the signal to go. She took off through the water and Louis let out a small squawk of surprise, but maintained his grip. He and Harry laughed out loud as they were pulled through the water and Louis felt an amazing rush of euphoria as he let out a “whoo-hoo!”

After a small lap of the pool, Candy returned to the same spot, coming to a halt. The boys let go of her fin and Ian threw her some fish pieces.

“Oh My God Haz!” Louis cried excitedly. “That was amazing! What a rush!”

Harry grinned back at him and felt an ache in the centre of his chest. Louis was radiant, his smile capable of lighting up a small country and his eyes were sparkling. He’d never looked more beautiful and yet Harry knew it was just another step closer to the end.

 

***

 

Louis came out of the change sheds afterward to find Harry high fiving little Lux and smiled. He had gotten to know her quite well over the last few weeks and she was completely adorable.

“Louis!” she cried when she saw him, running over to give him a hug.

“Hello Miss Luxy!” Louis replied, picking her up and balancing her on his hip. “How are we then?”

“Harry said you rode Candy today!” she squealed. “Was it fun?”

“It was wonderful” he told her. “And it won’t be long before you get to have a ride – I hear you’re doing well, young lady.”

“I asked if I could do it today too” she replied, pouting. “But Harry said no.”

“What a meanie!” Louis exclaimed loudly, pretending to glare at Harry before turning to wink at Lux. “I’m sure it won’t be long sweetheart – and when you do I’ll be there to watch you, OK?”

“Promise?” she asked.

“Absolutely!” he replied. “Now run along and get your swimmers on, and make sure you work hard in your lesson today, yeah?”

“OK Louis!” Lux answered as he put her down. She ran back over to her mother to get changed and Harry wandered over, having watched the exchange between Louis and Lux fondly.

“She adores you” Harry sulked. “I’ve never had competition before!”

“Ah, dear Harold, you poor deluded boy. Don’t you know you could never compete with me? I would win every time – I have four younger sisters at home, and years of practice at charming them! You never stood a chance against the Tommo charisma!”

Harry was about to reply when Lou called out to him. “Harry! I’m so sorry – I’ve left her swimmers at home! I’ll just duck home and grab them. I’ll only be twenty minutes or so. Will that be OK?”

“Yeah, of course” Harry replied. “Why doesn’t Lux stay here and help me feed some fish to Candy while you race home?”

“Are you sure?” Lou replied, and Harry nodded.

“Yeah, she’s fine – Louis and I will keep her entertained, so take your time!”

“You’re a life saver Harry!” she called out as she ran for the exit.

 

Lux sat between Harry and Louis, feeding fish to Candy and chatting with them animatedly. They both doted on her, good-naturedly competing for her attention and trying to make her laugh.

While she and Harry threw pieces of fish to Candy, Louis slipped his phone out of his pocket, snapping photos of them. When they realised, they started posing and making funny faces for the camera. By the time they posed with Harry pretending to feed Lux a piece of fish, Louis was giggling so hard he could barely hold he camera.

When they were finished, they walked to the office to wash their hands and grab an ice block from the fridge, all sitting outside on the grassed hill to eat it. Lux sat between them, leaning against Harry’s side and placing a small hand on Louis’ leg.

For a moment, their eyes met over the top of Lux’s head and it was clear they were both thinking about what it would be like if this was their future – a family, a child of their own. The look was warm and fond, their smiles soft, until Louis’ face turned bleak and he tore his gaze away. The thought was simply too painful.

 

***

 

After Harry’s session with Lux, the boys met up as usual for lunch at the café. While Zayn and Niall were busy saying goodbye, Harry reached out and circled Louis’ small wrist with his large hand.

“Can you come back at the end of the day?” he asked. “I’ve arranged something cool – a bit of a surprise, I guess, for after the park closes.”

Louis smiled. “What kind of surprise?” he asked. “What are you up to Curly?”

Harry grinned, his cheeks dimpling and his eyes dancing as he shook his head. “Nope, not telling! You’ll have to just wait to find out.”

“Well, now I’ll have to come back” Louis replied “I’m intrigued!”

 

***

 

When he arrived back at five o’clock, the last of the guests were making their way out of the gates. Louis waved to the security guard, who he’d gotten to know, and slipped inside. He headed to Harry’s office and found it empty, so he wandered out to the back pools, where he spotted Harry hosing down the cement. Every now and again he would point the hose at the water, squirting Candy and she would splash and squeak in response. Louis couldn’t help but grin.

They had such an incredible bond, Harry and Candy. It was one of the many reasons he knew Harry couldn’t leave his job. He’d be unhappy doing anything else. He needed to be here, doing what he loved. And Louis needed to be near his family, not half a world away from them. It was an impossible situation.

Harry looked up and his face immediately broke into a huge grin, causing Louis’ breath to hitch. He really was gorgeous. He smiled fondly back at him and wandered over.

“So this is my surprise?” he drawled. “I get to help you clean up?”

Harry giggled. “Yep, it’s all part of my master plan to exploit unpaid foreign workers.”

Louis laughed. “Not sure you picked the right person to exploit – I’m shit at cleaning!”

“Yeah, but you’re pretty to look at, so it’s a win for me either way” Harry winked at him. “But seriously, I do have a surprise for you. I just need to finish these jobs and then have a quick shower. Don’t want to stink of fish.”

“OK” Louis replied. “While I’m here I may as well give you a hand then. What can I do?”

They cleaned everything up, fed the other dolphins and then Louis helped Harry put away the rest of the gear. As the sun was setting, they walked back toward the office. The park seemed so empty now, only the odd person walking around, and their voices echoed in the quiet as they wandered along the walkway.

When they arrived back at the office, Harry walked through to the change rooms and quickly showered. Louis was sitting at Harry’s desk, idly doodling on a piece of paper, when Ashton bounded into the office, pulling up short when he saw Louis, and his eyes widening comically.

“Uh… Hi Louis. Is Harry here?” he asked, looking strange.

“Yeah, he’s just having a quick shower” Louis replied. “Everything OK?”

“Oh… yeah, yeah, no worries, just… um… can you tell him I finished that job he asked me to do?” Ashton mumbled awkwardly.

“Yeah, sure” Louis replied easily.

Ashton nodded, thanking him before bidding him goodnight and heading out.

When Harry entered the office a few minutes later, he was shirtless, dressed in bright pink swim shorts, and his long hair was hanging in soft wet curls around his face.

Louis let his eyes wander the length of him, greedily drinking in every inch of his body, remembering how it felt and tasted. He felt a familiar pull in his abdomen, a building of heat as desire rippled through him and he felt it to his toes. Harry cleared his throat with an amused look on his face, bringing Louis back to awareness and making him blush.

“Like what you see?” Harry asked, his voice raspy and a little unsteady, clearly affected by the look on Louis’ face.

Louis nodded, walking over to where Harry stood and sliding his arms around Harry’s neck. “Always. You’re so beautiful H” he murmured, pulling Harry in for a tender kiss.

The kiss didn’t take long to ignite the desire that always simmered just below the surface between them, and when they pulled apart, both panting heavily, Harry stepped back, trying to put some distance between them.

“No distracting me Tomlinson!” he waggled his finger at Louis. “We have somewhere we need to be.”

“We do?” asked Louis.

“Uh huh” Harry replied, reaching out and linking their hands, dragging Louis toward the door. “Follow me.”

They retraced their steps from that afternoon, but this time they kept walking to the large show pool at the rear of the others. It was where the dolphin shows were held and was surrounded by beautiful landscaped gardens, palm trees and a fake beach. It was also lit up by coloured underwater lights, making it appear ethereal – like a fantasy world come alive.

It was on the fake beach that a picnic had been set up, surrounded by burning tiki lanterns. Harry was watching Louis’ face as he took it all in and then the moment when he registered the picnic laid out. As his eyes widened, Harry smiled, and as he turned to Harry with a grin from ear to ear, Harry felt his heart skip a beat.

“A picnic?” Louis asked, delighted.

Harry nodded. “And a night swim too, if you want to, of course.”

Louis jumped into his arms, kissing his cheek and murmuring “Sounds perfect Haz.”

 

***  

 

They walked across to the picnic blanket, but before Louis could peek inside the basket or the esky, Harry pulled him in, kissing him and peeling his t-shirt off.

“Swim first – there are beers in there and I can’t let you drink and swim – just in case.” He tossed Louis t-shirt onto the blanket and Louis smiled and stepped back into his embrace, placing a quick kiss onto his mouth, before walking toward the water, swinging his hips when he saw that Harry was staying put and watching him walk.

He was almost at the edge when he looked back over his shoulder. “Well c’mon then!” he called out. “Getting lonely over here!”

Harry grinned and ran toward him, scooping him up in his arms, Louis letting out a loud squawk and wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck. Harry carried him into the water until they were about waist deep and then let Louis down.

The cool water was refreshing in the sticky heat of the night and Louis sighed as he floated on his back. He revelled in being able to do this, when a few short weeks ago, it seemed like an impossible task. With Harry’s help he’d come so far from the boy paralysed with fear that he had become after the accident.

He swam over to Harry, who was floating nearby. “It’s so surreal being here with you and nobody else around. The lights shimmering under the water make it feel like a dream.”

Harry hummed his agreement. “Yeah, I love it here at night. It’s nice to have someone to share it with.” He placed a palm along Louis’ cheek and ran a thumb over his bottom lip. “I’m so glad you’re here Lou” he murmured, leaning down to kiss him gently.

When they pulled apart, Harry smiled at him. “So, you gonna get your hair wet?”

“You want me to go under?” Louis asked.

“Yep” Harry replied. “Might as well test yourself outside the therapy pool, yeah?” He was speaking in a casual tone, but Louis could sense he was sweating on Louis’ answer.

Louis shrugged. “Bring it on!”

Harry let out the breath he was holding and grinned at Louis. This was the first time he’d entered any environment outside the therapy pool and it was such an important step. Harry had wanted it to be as stress free as possible and that had resulted in the planned evening picnic. Ian had been sceptical at first, but in the end, Harry had convinced him it was a good idea.

When Louis reached for Harry’s hands, Harry stepped back a little, just out of his reach. “I tell you what” he said. “If you swim to me under water, you get a reward.”

Louis raised an eyebrow. “What kind of reward?” he asked.

Harry smirked. “The good kind.”

Louis narrowed his eyes, but couldn’t contain the chuckle that bubbled up at the look on Harry’s face. “Alright then curly” he replied. “Here I come!”

He bobbed under the surface and swam toward Harry, who was perhaps three metres away. Just as he approached, Harry slid down into the water and kissed him, right there underwater. It only lasted a few moments before they both surfaced, laughing, but it was wonderful.

“So that was my reward?” Louis giggled.

“Nope” Harry said in a low drawl, sliding a hand just inside the waistband of Louis’ shorts. “Your reward is still to come.”

Louis shivered at the promise in Harry’s voice, but Harry pulled away, smiling like he knew what a tease he was being.

“Let’s eat, shall we?” he suggested, already walking toward the picnic.

Two hours later after a big feed and a lot of heavy making out, they reluctantly packed up and headed back to Louis’ place.

They slipped into the shower together, hands washing each other’s bodies and eager mouths exploring each other.

As they lay in bed afterward, Harry rolled over Louis, pinning him to the mattress as he whispered that it was time for Louis’ reward.

He then proceeded to take his time, slowly worshipping Louis’ body and taking him apart with his mouth and hands, till he was begging for release. Only then did Harry bring him to climax, giving him the release he needed so badly. When Louis shuddered beneath him, utterly wrecked, with Harry’s name falling from his lips in a broken cry, Harry had never seen anything like it.

Louis barely paused to catch his breath before he pushed Harry back, rolling them over so he was on top. He grinned down at Harry, looking absolutely debauched.

“My turn” he breathed, working his way down every inch of Harry’s skin until he had Harry twitching and jerking beneath him, letting out breathy, needy sounds as he shamelessly begged for more. Louis felt himself growing hard again, so turned on by Harry’s responsiveness, his complete inhibition.

“Need you Louis” Harry gasped, his head thrashing from side to side. “Need you in me, wanna feel you inside me, Lou…” he was bucking his hips up now, worked up and getting frantic.

“Shhh baby, it’s OK, slow down” Louis soothed, reaching for the lube and a condom and coating his fingers quickly. He opened Harry up as fast as he dared, Harry getting louder as he thrust back onto Louis’ hand in a series of impatient, demanding movements.

“M’ready” he bit out on a low moan. “Now Lou!”

Louis removed his fingers and Harry whimpered, still squirming under Louis as he slid on the condom and slicked it up. Harry was desperate now, whining for Louis to hurry up.

As Louis slid into him, Harry felt wave after wave of sensation crash through him. He clutched at Louis as the pressure inside him built and built with every thrust Louis made. As Louis hit his prostate dead on, he let out a scream. Louis increased his pace, slamming into Harry with abandon now as he felt himself approach another climax.

“Jesus Harry!” he moaned, his thrusts becoming sloppy as he lost all rhythm and control. “Oh fuck!”

Harry’s whole world narrowed and then blurred, before splintering and exploding into a thousand pieces, all shooting pleasure through him. He bucked and shuddered under Louis and as he clenched around him, and Louis stiffened and cried out, before collapsing onto his chest in a heaving mess of limbs.

It was a long time before either of them got their breathing back under control.

“Best. Reward. Ever” Louis finally panted out, and they both dissolved into giggles, delirious and completely boneless.

 

***  

 

Louis woke the next morning to find himself tucked firmly into a warm naked body and smiled before opening his eyes. He lay there, warm and sleepy and utterly content. He watched Harry’s soft breathing and slack features, taking in every detail. He seemed so much younger, so vulnerable in sleep. He looked at Harry’s beautiful full mouth and thought about what it had done, how it had made him feel. Even as he recalled their love making, he felt a tiny shiver go through him, a faint echo of what they’d shared. He hadn’t even dreamed it could be like that – so extraordinary; so sublime; so perfect.

Languorous and sated, with a bubble of happiness lodged in his chest, he cuddled into Harry, savouring the feel of his body against his own and ignoring the niggling sadness that lay just beneath the surface of his contentment.

 

***

 

“I’m moving here” Zayn blurted out to Louis the following afternoon, as they walked around the supermarket, stocking up on groceries.

“What?” Louis asked, his face showing how shocked he was. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that I’m moving here, to live with Niall” Zayn replied.

Louis was completely thrown. “But… but… I didn’t know you two were that serious” he stammered. “You never let on you were even thinking about it.”

Zayn shrugged. “Yeah, well, I wanted to make sure we were both on the same page, so we finally talked about it and yeah – I’m looking into a visa.”

“Right” Louis answered, still shell-shocked.

“I’ll still come home with you” Zayn said quickly. “You can’t apply for the visa from here – you have to apply in the UK and then come back once it’s issued, but, yeah. Anyway, I’ll have to go home and tell the family and pack up my stuff, but then I’ll come when the visa is approved.”

Louis didn’t reply. He simply stood there staring at Zayn, face expressionless.

“Please be happy for me Lou” Zayn pleaded. “I know you decided you couldn’t do it, but I want to give it a try, yeah? I think I could be really happy here and it feels so right with Niall. Jake also offered me a job at the Art Therapy Centre and I love it there Lou – I love helping people and this could be something I’m really happy doing. I was kind of drifting at home, looking for something more besides just doing my art, and this is perfect for me. Please don’t be upset! Louis?”

Louis shook himself, his face immediately clearing and a smile appearing on his face that didn’t reach his eyes. “Of course mate – of course I’m happy for you! Just shocked is all. Don’t know what I’ll do with my best mate gone. It’s gonna be weird.”

“Yeah, I guess it is. We’ve seen each other almost every day since kindergarten, haven’t we?” Zayn replied, his voice soft.

Louis nodded, not trusting himself to speak with the lump in his throat. In silent acknowledgement, they continued shopping and then walked home, not mentioning anything more about it.

 

***  

 

Louis felt like the ground was shifting beneath his feet. His world was changing and he hated how much it scared him.

Zayn deciding to move to Australia was a huge shock and he was struggling to decide how he felt about it. He was happy for both Zayn and Niall, of course, but he despised the idea of is best friend moving to the other side of the world. He was also a little bit jealous, which he knew was petty, but he couldn’t help it. He felt a little like Zayn was abandoning him for Niall and it felt like a betrayal, even though he knew it wasn’t.

It had also thrown into the spotlight his own relationship with Harry and he found himself asking whether moving here was something he could do if Zayn was here too. He couldn’t deny that it definitely made it seem less scary, but the idea of living so far from his family – his sisters, was still so incomprehensible to him, that he couldn’t see how it would ever work.

It was an impossible choice.

He knew why Harry couldn’t go home to the UK. He knew he’d never have the kind of job he has here, but he found himself wishing for it just the same. He desperately wished he didn’t have to choose. It was so unfair.

When Harry and Niall turned up later in the evening, freshly showered and just in time for dinner, Louis could feel Harry’s eyes following him, felt the weight of his gaze and he knew Niall must have told him. He knew Harry was wondering where that left them – whether Louis would now change his mind, but Louis had no answer to that question.

 

***

Harry was on edge. So tense that he literally couldn’t sit still. He washed up, then tidied Louis’ room, and finally grabbed his iPod, heading out for a run.

The steady pounding of his feet on the pavement settled him slightly and he concentrated on keeping his breathing as controlled as he could.

When Niall had told him Zayn had decided to make the move to Australia, Harry had felt a surge of irrational jealousy that he immediately felt guilty for, followed by a sliver of hope that maybe this would change Louis’ decision.

He doesn’t know what he expected when he arrived at Louis’ place tonight, but when Louis didn’t even bring it up, obviously intending to avoid the subject as usual, Harry felt the hope drain away, leaving a hollow sadness in its wake. The effort of having to keep the words trapped in his throat and not say them, was making him crazy. He wanted Louis to stay and be with him so badly it was killing him.

He ran and ran, until he was completely exhausted and only then did he return to the house. Louis was sitting on his bed when Harry returned, scrolling through Facebook and chatting with Stan back home, who had just woken up. He looked up when Harry walked into the room and they simply stared at each other, not speaking for several moments before Louis broke the silence.

“I know what you’re thinking Haz” he said quietly.

“You do?” Harry asked softly. “Then tell me Lou, what am I thinking?”

“You’re wondering if Zayn staying will change my mind” Louis replied.

“And did it?” Harry asked.

“How can I answer that Harry? I haven’t even made up my mind yet!”

“I think you have Louis” Harry answered. “I think you’ve already decided you can’t leave your life in the UK and be with me and I get why you can’t, I do. I think you just didn’t want to say it out loud because it feels too final.”

He looked over at Louis, but Louis looked away, unable to meet his eyes. He didn’t say anything, didn’t rush to tell Harry he was wrong. Eventually he spoke.

“You’re not the one giving up your life to move across the globe Harry. You’re asking me to move away from my family, who I’m very close to. You’re asking me to make an impossible choice.”

And there was his answer. “I know” he replied, knowing in that moment that Gemma had been right. Some things aren’t meant to be forever.


	15. Our Armageddon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK, so for the first time ever I made you wait a whole week for an update - sorry! In my defence, this chapter is just about 10K words, so it was a biggie - and because my Beta is so incredibly fantastic, she took a break from her coursework to review this so we could get it out today - Sassy, you are so awesome!!! <3<3<3
> 
> I apologise in advance for the excess amount of mush in this chapter - I think I was listening to too much James Bay and got emotional! LOL
> 
> Thanks to everyone giving this a read and for your lovely comments and kudos. xxx

 

_ _

 

_“So tonight I’m gonna love you like it’s the last day on the earth_

_It’s the last time I’ll get to show you all that you’re worth_

_Like there’s no going back, before the sky turns to black_

_I’m gonna love you so there’s no regretting_

_Like it’s Armageddon”_

_Guy Sebastian_

 

When he answered Stan’s Skype call, he didn’t even get a chance to say hello before Stan was talking at him without even so much as a hello.

“So when were you going to tell me you were in love with your therapist?” he asked bluntly.

“Well, hello to you too Stanley” he replied dryly.

“Lou” Stan answered impatiently “answer the damn question!”

“So Zayn told you?” Louis asked.

“Yes. What I want to know is why you didn’t tell me?” Stan raised an eyebrow at him. “We’ve been friends forever Lou – and besides, I’ve already seen your posts on Facebook, so it wasn’t a huge shock.”

“What do you mean?” Louis responded, frowning. “I’ve never said anything on Facebook!”

“Didn’t have to mate.” Stan gave him a pitying look. “Written all over your face in the photos and videos – and then there’s the comments.” He put on a besotted voice as he repeated some of Louis’ words back to him. “Great day with Haz, Haz is so funny, What an amazing therapist… shall I continue? “

“Kindly fuck off” Louis replied, sulking. “He’s a good mate and he’s really been helping me.”

“He sure has” Stan snorted. “Shagging your brains out daily if Zayn is to be believed. So why didn’t you tell me? I waited and waited, but no, nothing! I had to get updates from Zayn, Lou, and that hurts.”

Louis shrugged. “Didn’t tell anyone at first, because we were trying not to get caught – it wasn’t exactly ethical sleeping together, so we kept it on the down low. Then I guess I didn’t want to have to talk about it to anyone, I wasn’t ready to confront the fact that I’ll be coming home soon. Everyone keeps asking what we’ll do and I don’t have any answers. I didn’t mean to keep it from you Stan, I just wanted to keep it in our little bubble, you know?”

“I get it Lou, I really do” Stan replied. “But Zayn reckons you’re pretty close to completing your therapy, so you’ll have to face it sooner or later.” He paused, hesitating before he continued. “Zayn said you’re in love with him. Is it true?”

Louis nodded slowly, his face a mask of misery. “I do. I’m fucking crazy about him. And part of me is just screaming to throw caution to the wind and tell him that I’ll move here and be with him, and the other part of me is horrified at the thought of leaving my family – being away from the girls, and Mum and Dad. I’d be giving up my job, my friends, all except Zayn, and my family, and relying on one person for my happiness. That’s terrifying, if I’m honest – even if it is Harry. I mean, what if I moved here and it didn’t work out and I’ve disrupted my whole life. His would go on as normal, but I’d have to find a new job back home and relocate again. He’s not just a few hours away, he’s in bloody Australia!”

Stan listened silently, nodding now and then. “I understand mate, it’s a big decision. It’s also a hard decision and nobody can tell you what to do – you just have to hope that you’ll know what the right thing is at some point, I guess.”

“Yeah, but it just seems like an impossible choice! Whenever I try to make a definite decision, it never feels right either way. Like, back there is my home and I feel like I just couldn’t be away from it for years and years – maybe forever. I can’t imagine not being part of the girls’ everyday life, you know? But then leaving Harry feels so wrong too. Every time we’re together, I can’t imagine us _not_ being together like that every day. Ugh! I’m so torn – what am I going to do Stan?”

“I really don’t know what to tell you Louis. It’s such a difficult decision – and either way you’ll lose in one way or another. Have you spoken to your Mum about it?”

Louis shook his head. “No – she doesn’t know about any of this. That’s why we didn’t go public on Facebook or anything. Plus, I didn’t want her to worry about the treatment being compromised, so I just kept it quiet.”

“Yeah, I suppose that’s best when you think about it” Stan replied.

There was a knock at the door and Harry popped his head into Louis’ room. He’d just got back from work and apologised when he saw Louis was on Skype.

“No it’s OK H – actually I’d love you to meet Stan. Come here and say hi.”

Harry suddenly looked nervous, running a hand through his hair trying to tidy his unruly curls and it was endearing that he was worried about making a good impression. Louis smiled as he walked over, trying to reassure him.

Harry sat down next to Louis, awkwardly waving a hand and giving Stan a small smile.

“Hiii, I’m Harry.”

“Great to meet you mate” Stan smiled warmly. “Feel like I know you already, what with Facebook. Louis and Zayn have also told me a lot about you.”

Harry wasn’t sure how to respond, looking at Louis nervously. He knew Louis hadn’t told people back home about them, particularly his parents. “Oh…“

“It’s alright Haz” Louis told him with a soft smile. “He knows everything. Apparently Zayn can’t keep his big mouth shut.”

“Hey!” replied Stan, offended. “I’m not just anyone Louis!”

“I know love” Louis soothed with a smile. “I was only joking.”

Harry watched the interaction between Louis and his friend fondly. Stan seemed like a nice guy. If there was a tiny niggle of jealousy over how close the boys obviously were, he quickly dismissed it, embarrassed at his own possessiveness.

“So Harry!” Stan’s voice drew him back to the conversation. “Thank you for taking such good care of our boy. It seems he’s making great progress.”

Harry grinned. “He sure is. He’s been working really hard. I’m incredibly proud of him.”

Stan smiled back at him. “I saw that photo on Facebook of him with the dolphin the other day – that was sick!”

“It was awesome!” Louis answered before Harry could speak. “We swam around the pool on her back, holding her fin.”

“Brilliant!” Stan answered. “I suppose you do it all the time Harry – what a great job!”

“Yeah, I’m pretty fortunate to do what I do. I love my job – it’s why I moved here. I’ve always wanted to work with dolphins and SeaWorld is fantastic. The therapy is only one of two places they do it in the world, so it’s pretty unique.”

Louis felt his heart drop into his stomach at Harry’s words. It was clear that Harry would never leave Australia, never leave his job, and who could blame him? Louis could never take him away from something he loved so much.

“Anywaaay” Harry added, into the awkward silence following his comments. “I’ll leave you two to finish chatting and go take a shower. It was nice to meet you Stan.”

“Yeah you too mate!” Stan grinned. “Hey, I’ll send you a friend request on Facebook!”

“That’d be great” Harry replied with a grin. “Bye.”

Harry ruffled Louis’ hair and headed off to the bathroom. Louis watched him go, an affectionate goofy grin on his face, before turning back to see Stan watching him closely.

“It’s obvious he’s crazy about you too, you know” Stan told Louis.

“He’s so good to me Stan, and I know he loves me” Louis replied. “But it doesn’t change our situation, does it? Sometimes love just isn’t enough to make it work.”

 

***

 

Harry came back from his shower just as Louis was packing away his laptop. He looked up and smiled, his eyes roaming down Harry’s bare torso, his skin still glistening and moist from his shower. He felt his mouth go dry as he took in the lithe body, the curves and dips of muscle and sinew, the tattoos scattered across his body and felt the familiar wave of desire. Arousal seemed to be his default setting whenever Harry was in the same room these days, and as he looked up into Harry’s eyes he could see the hunger he felt reflected there.

Their passion for each other had only become stronger over the last few weeks – still as insatiable as they’d been from the start, but now tinged with an underlying sense of desperation as their time together dwindled away. Every touch, every word, had taken on a new significance as they came closer to the time Louis had to leave. Their impending separation gave every single moment a new clarity, as if they were trying to remember each tiny detail – which was exactly what they were doing, cataloguing every detail and greedily storing it away to bring out and dust off at a later, lonely time in the future.

Without breaking eye contact, Harry slowly shed his towel, not moving closer, just standing naked in front of Louis, letting him look his fill. Louis let his eyes eagerly roam Harry’s body and licked his lips as he swung his legs off the side of the bed, sitting himself on the edge. Harry walked over to him then, letting Louis slide his hands around the back of his thighs and pull him in, placing a tender kiss on his stomach, right where the butterfly sat, which was appropriate, thought Harry, because his stomach was fluttering with anticipation as Louis brought a hand up to circle his half hard length before leaning down to suck a mark into Harry’s hip bone. He used his teeth, Harry gasping at the delicious pain, his hips thrusting forward a little of their own accord.

Louis looked up and locked his gaze with Harry’s once more as he licked slow and hard up the length of Harry’s shaft, now rock hard. Harry’s eyes fluttered closed before opening again, heavy lidded and pupils blown. His mouth was open and his breathing was already laboured. Louis loved him like this, turned on and so responsive. It made Louis feel so desired, so powerful.

Harry felt like a horny teenager. All Louis ever had to do was look at him and he was gone, lost in a haze of lust and desire. He couldn’t imagine ever not wanting Louis like this, with a burning need and an urgency that overwhelmed him. It was wonderful and terrifying all at once.

Louis was hard, aching, as he opened his mouth over the head of Harry’s cock and sank down slowly, his tongue sliding along the shaft as he did. Harry moaned loudly, already feeling heat pool in his belly as Louis’ mouth closed around him. It didn’t matter how much they did this, it could never be enough for him. Louis was like a drug and the more he tasted, the more he craved. Louis reached his free hand up, cupping his balls, letting a finger slide along his perineum and Harry felt a white hot flash of pleasure shoot through him.

“Ohhhh… yes Lou… oh…” he whimpered, running his hands through Louis’ hair and lightly tugging. He looked down, captivated by the sight of his cock sliding in and out of Louis’ mouth, Louis’ lips stretched and wet with saliva.

As Harry began to make small whiney sounds on every stroke, the pleasure building, Louis increased both his pace and his pressure, moaning around Harry as he slid up and down, faster and faster. He moved his hand from Harry’s balls through to his puckered hole, applying just a tiny bit of pressure as he sucked hard and Harry saw stars as his release hit him out of nowhere. He made a choked cry, spilling into Louis’ mouth and Louis gently sucked him through it before sliding off, panting heavily.

Harry moved forward immediately, forcing Louis backward onto the bed and crawling over him in a predatory movement as Louis scurried up the bed so he was lying fully on top of his duvet. He made quick work of Louis’ shorts and briefs and paused for a moment to mouth over Louis’ bulging, leaking cock, before leaning over to grab the small bottle of lube from the bedside table. Louis protested the removal of his mouth, hips bucking up as he groaned.

Harry coated his fingers before leaning down to take Louis’ cock into his mouth, sliding all the way down until it touched the back of his throat as he simultaneously slid a finger into Louis. Louis let out a long, loud moan.

“Aaaaahhhh… God Harry, that feels so fucking good baby… so good” he panted out.

By the time Harry inserted a second finger, keeping the same, slow, maddening pace his mouth was moving at, Louis was incoherent and squirming underneath him with impatience.

“Please Haz, need it faster, harder” he pleaded.

Harry complied, increasing the pace of both his mouth and his fingers, but still staying away from Louis’ prostate, teasing him with each stroke, just brushing close but not close enough.

“Ugh… ngh… don’t fucking tease H!” he whined, tilting his hips a little in protest.

Harry chuckled around him before crooking his finger and sliding determinedly across the spot Louis needed him to touch.

Louis arched up off the bed, letting out a raspy moan. “Oh fuck yes! That’s it Haz, right there!”

Harry added the third finger, this time sucking hard and fucking Louis fast with his fingers, catching his prostate on every single thrust.

Louis was all over the place now, his body trying to simultaneously thrust up into Harry’s mouth and down onto his fingers and he was babbling nonsense as the pressure built and built.

Louis felt like every nerve ending in his body was tingling and it kept growing more intense until it finally exploded into shards of sensation that ran along his body. The climax hit with force, and he found himself shuddering and convulsing as he rode the waves of pleasure engulfing him, coming into Harry’s mouth with a loud shout.

They lay in the aftermath, limbs intertwined and exchanging soft touches and whispers. It was a quiet moment of bliss that was suddenly broken by a loud bang at the bedroom door.

“When you two loud fuckers are quite finished, there’s pizza downstairs getting cold!” Niall called out.

The boys looked at each other before dissolving into hysterical laughter and finally getting up to slip on some clothes and head down for dinner, where they were met with two very unamused faces.

“Seriously, you two, do you have to get so fucking loud?” Zayn asked, shaking his head.

“Oops!” Harry grinned.

“Yeah sorry about that” Louis snorted, looking anything but sorry. “We’ll try to keep it down from now on.”

Niall and Zayn exchanged a glance, rolling their eyes and having a wordless conversation. Their relationship had become a stark contrast to Louis and Harry’s in the past few weeks. For Zayn and Niall, it was a time for making plans, for getting excited and for relaxing into the idea of spending a future together. They were more settled than they’d ever been, comfortable with the knowledge that they were both eager to get started on their new life together. It had brought them closer and cemented their bond, taking their relationship to a whole new level. There was none of the urgency that clouded every interaction Louis and Harry had.

While Louis was happy for Zayn and Niall, it had made him avoid being around them too often. It was too stark a reminder that he and Harry weren’t making the same plans, weren’t in the same place – and it hurt. He was also a little jealous, but he would die before he’d admit that to anyone.

 

***  

 

They stood on the edge of the pool, hands linked as they looked down into the water.

“Ready?” asked Harry.

Louis felt a ripple of unease, which was probably to be expected, but otherwise felt pretty good. “Yeah, I’m ready” he answered truthfully.

“OK, well I’ll count to three and we’ll jump in together” Harry told him. “Remember what we talked about? The water will be rushing and swirling around you and it may feel scary, but you need to picture yourself breaking the surface and keep calm. I’m right beside you, alright?”

Louis nodded, his stomach churning, but a determination to succeed taking over. “Let’s do it” he replied.

Harry counted them down and they took the leap, Louis’ heart in his throat as they flew through the air. When they hit the water, he wasn’t aware of anything, the sound of his heart pounding in his ears too loud for any clear thought. The water rushed up over his head and swirled around his face and body, the splash of their entry making everything cloudy. His immediate reaction was panic, but he kicked his legs, pushing himself upward frantically. As he broke the surface, coughing and spluttering, he felt a profound relief wash over him, followed by an overwhelming euphoria. The first thing he saw was Harry’s grinning face and he forgot all else as he grinned back at him, laughing as he realised he was OK.

This was a major step, and one of his last before graduating the program. He would spend the remainder of his time practicing diving and jumping into the water, followed by swimming longer distances.

Then he was done. It would be finished.

 

***

 

Louis smiled at the laptop screen as Phoebe and Daisy told him all about the happenings in their lives since he’d been gone. It was very late evening and Harry was asleep on the couch across from where he was sitting on the recliner with his computer in his lap.

“… and then Margaret Pinkerton, you know her Lou – she’s the one that loves herself stupid” explained Phoebe. “Well she told Mrs. Stanton that Daisy took her pen but she didn’t! So Daisy got…“

“I got a detention!” Daisy interrupted, comically indignant at the injustice.

Louis simply stared fondly at his two cheeky monkeys, his chest bursting. He’d missed them so much and had hardly managed to speak with them due to the time difference. They were completely adorable and he ached to see them and give them a giant hug.

“Oh how rude!” Louis told Daisy. “Would you like me to have a word to this teacher then – or maybe a quiet word with young Margaret?”

“No need” replied Daisy happily. “Phoebe pushed her off the swing at the playground after school and told her if she ever picked on me again, she’d be sorry.”

Louis was trying very hard not to laugh because he knew he shouldn’t condone Phoebe’s behaviour, but he couldn’t help it. They may be opposites, but you don’t mess with the Tomlinson twins – they had each other’s backs. Louis loved that about them and he wasn’t about to discourage it, even if he didn’t quite agree with the methods.

“Sounds like Pheebs has it all under control then” he chuckled.

“Lou?” asked Daisy quietly. “Is it true you’re getting better?”

“It sure is princess” he smiled. “I’m doing really well and I’m almost finished my therapy.”

Daisy visibly relaxed. “I’m so glad Lou. I didn’t want you to be sad because of me.”

“Oh Daisy” he replied. “It wasn’t your fault – the whole thing was an accident and I just had to get some help to get over it, but I’m fine now – I promise!”

“Are you coming home soon?” she asked hopefully.

“Yeah, we miss you Louis” added Phoebe.

“I miss you too guys” he answered. “I’d better get a big hug when I get home, OK?”

“Definitely!” Daisy smiled.

“The biggest!” Phoebe promised.

Jay then appeared, shooing the girls off and chatting with Louis, smiling as he told her how his treatment was going.

“Everything alright Boo?” she asked. “You seem a bit flat.”

“I’m fine Mum” he replied. “It’s just really late and I’m exhausted. I’d better call it a night yeah? I’ll call in a couple of days.”

“Alright love, we’re very glad it’s almost time for you to come home – we’ve all missed you so much Louis.”

“I’ve missed all of you too Mum” he smiled softly.

As they said their goodbyes, Harry lay still in the dark, a single tear trickling down his cheek as he realised just how close to his family Louis was and how much they needed him. How did he ever think he could make Louis stay? He had been lying on the lounge, pretending to sleep while silently listening to Louis’ conversation with his sisters, then his mother, and one thing was clear – they were such a tight knit family and Louis would never leave them to be with him and he’d be wrong to ask him to.

 

***  

 

Louis lay back on his towel, basking in the warmth of the afternoon sun, Harry dozing beside him as Niall, Zayn, Liam and Sophia swam in the surf. They’d decided to make a visit to their favourite beach, this time for the purpose of Louis actually going into the water. He had yet to go in but Harry wasn’t pushing, content to lay here with him, relaxing in the hot sun.

“S’pose I should get it over with” Louis mumbled sleepily.

Harry propped himself onto his side, looking down at Louis. “If you want to, then, yeah, it’s probably best to just do it.”

Louis nodded so Harry hopped to his feet and held out a hand to Louis. “Wanna come swimming with me baby?” he asked.

Louis slipped his hand into Harry’s and let Harry pull him to his feet. “Always” he replied fondly, leaning up to kiss Harry’s lips softly.

They walked down to the water’s edge and as the cool water hit then sun-warmed skin, Louis let out a gasp. “Holy shit that’s cold!” he whined as Harry chuckled.

A small wave rolled in and Harry looked at him. “Let’s dive under this one, yeah?”

Louis smiled and nodded, diving under the swell. As he glided through the crystal water and came up on the other side of the wave, he felt the exhilaration of the moment, the rush of excitement that had gradually replaced the fear. He laughed as he let out a yell of triumph and the others all cheered, chanting his name.

When he turned to Harry, reaching automatically for his hand, the look of unadulterated happiness on his face made Harry’s chest contract. Louis was radiant, glowing, and he had never looked more alive, more beautiful. Harry couldn’t be happier for him, despite the current of sadness flowing just beneath the surface of his skin, running through his veins like ice water.

 

***

 

The final weeks of Louis’ treatment flew by at a disturbingly fast moving pace and as the end approached his confidence in the water grew and grew. Harry watched with pride as he swam with ease, the memories of his love of water returning to him as the effects of the accident receded.

On the afternoon of his final session, he and Harry swam around the pool, playing with Candy. They tossed her the ball and caught it in return and then they floated around, simply enjoying the water and the interaction.

Harry then sat on the side of the pool taking photos as Louis played with Candy and shot a beautiful picture of Louis holding on to her fin and grinning up at the camera. He immediately posted it on Facebook.

**_So proud of this amazing lad! Well done Louis and congratulations!_ ** **_J_ **

 

They all went out to celebrate Louis finishing his treatment that night, starting with dinner at the pub, then out clubbing.

While Harry was happy for Louis, and proud of him, he didn’t quite feel like celebrating. In fact, the end of Louis’ treatment made him feel the exact opposite. He felt a rising dread at Louis’ imminent departure, a sadness that permeated every inch of his body.

However, Louis was bouncing with joy, as the boys took turns in toasting his greatness, and Harry didn’t want to ruin his night, or take anything away from his achievements, so he drank a few shots to loosen himself up. He quickly chased them down with a couple of beers and was soon feeling a lot more sanguine and trouble-free.

By nine o’clock, they were already pretty pissed, by eleven, they were wasted and on the dance floor and Harry could feel the bass thrumming through his body. He had Louis in his arms, grinding against him and life was good. Life was _great,_ actually, because right now he could forget all about the future and just close his eyes and pretend this was how it could be forever.

He gripped Louis’ hips tightly as Louis gyrated against him with his arse. He could feel himself growing hard immediately, both of them hidden in the sea of sweaty bodies. He pulled Louis in, pressing against him and letting him feel how hard he was, how much he wanted him. Louis threw his head back with a gasp, moving back to rest his head back on Harry’s chest. Harry leaned down, sucking a mark into his neck as he writhed against Harry’s crotch. When Harry pulled back, smirking at the already dark bruise on Louis’ neck, Louis turned in his arms, sliding a hand behind his neck and pulling him in for a rough, dirty kiss, all tongue and teeth and hot breath. When they pulled apart panting, Harry wheezed out “bathroom” before turning and leading Louis out of the throng and toward the toilets.

They fell into the first vacant stall, ignoring the looks from those in the bathroom and clicking the door shut against the world as they pounced on each other, mouths meeting in heated exchange. They wasted no time in getting their hands on each other, simultaneously bringing each other off loudly and ignoring the banging on the stall door and the protests of the other occupants.

When they stumbled out of the bathroom, clothes askew, hair sticking up every which way and pants only half done up, it was more than clear what they’d been doing. They walked back to their booth, goofy grins on their faces and their hands entwined, and Sophia looked up first, laughing out loud as she took in the sight of them. Liam followed her gaze and his mouth fell open as he shook his head but smiled fondly.

Niall cackled, but Zayn let out a groan. “Please tell me you didn’t just fuck in that disgusting toilet!”

Louis and Harry looked at each other and sniggered before Louis turned back to Zayn, answering in a loud drunken voice. “Don’t be silly Zayn – we just gave each other a hand job to tide us over till we get home!”

A few people standing near them gaped at Louis and Liam stood up. “Time to go!” he declared, dragging a very tipsy Sophia toward the door, the others following. Liam, Sophia, Niall and Zayn got into one cab, headed for Liam, Niall and Harry’s place. Harry and Louis headed back to Louis’ in their own cab, as was their usual habit after a night out now.

They tumbled out of the cab and staggered up the front path, giggling and pausing every few steps to kiss.

They had talked a good game, but after the hand job at the club and the alcohol they’d consumed, they were actually dead on their feet. They showered together, lazily sharing kisses and gently washing each other, before falling into bed wrapped around each other as always.

They fell asleep quickly and never woke till lunch time the following day. Harry had taken several days’ leave to spend the time with Louis before he went home, so they had nowhere they needed to be.

When they finally stirred the next morning, both were feeling rough and Louis groaned at the pain in his head.

“Oh fuck, I feel like shit!” he declared.

Harry moaned in agreement, unable to open his eyes. “My eyeballs hurt – is that an actual thing? Like can drinking affect your eyeballs?”

Louis giggled. “I think it’s just the sunlight, love. A hangover makes them sensitive to the light.”

Harry grunted, pulling a pillow over his face and promptly going back to sleep. Louis got up, grabbed two glasses of water and some painkillers, taking two and leaving some beside the bed for Harry, before curling up beside him and drifting back off to sleep.

When Louis stirred again at two in the afternoon, Harry was already up and Louis could hear him pottering away in the kitchen downstairs. His stomach growled at the mere idea of food, so he threw on some shorts and headed downstairs.

When he reached the kitchen door, he paused, smiling at Harry, who was wearing his underpants and nothing else, dancing around the kitchen, humming to a song only he could hear. His hips swayed as he cracked eggs into a bowl, whisking the mixture before tossing it into a pan.

When Louis murmured a greeting, Harry nearly jumped through the roof. “Shit! Lou, you scared me! Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“I was hardly sneaking” Louis replied, grinning fondly. “You were just too busy doing your Justin Bieber impersonation to notice me coming down the stairs.”

Harry grinned. “Don’t be silly” he answered indignantly. “M’way better looking than Bieber.”

“Oh ho! Look who’s getting a big head, eh?” Louis teased.

Harry pretended to pout. “So you think Bieber is fitter than me?”

Louis walked over and wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss, morning breath and all. “Nobody’s fitter than you babe” he mumbled into Harry’s mouth.

Harry hummed, smiling and kissing him again, before shooing him away. “Omelette is almost ready – go and make the tea!”

Louis sighed loudly. “You only love me for me tea making ability.”

“Yeah” Harry grinned, slapping him on the bum. “That and you give great head!”

Louis looked at him blankly for a moment before shrugging. “True” he replied.

When they’d finished breakfast and were curled up on the lounge with their second cup of tea, Harry grabbed the remote and turned the telly off, waiting for Louis to turn and face him before speaking.

“So, you’re leaving in five days” Harry said quietly.

Louis nodded, not looking at him. “Harry, I…“

“How would you feel about getting out of here for a couple of days?” Harry asked.

“What?” Louis replied, thrown off-guard by Harry’s question. He’d expected Harry to bring up the idea of him staying, not this.

“Well, I was thinking that I’d like to have you all to myself – just you and me – for a couple of days” Harry answered. “I mean, it’s OK if you wanna spend it with the boys, I just…“

“No!” Louis interrupted. “That sounds perfect Haz – I’d love some time with you, just us.” He grinned at Harry and Harry, not for the first time, forgot how to breathe.

He had no clue how he was going to say goodbye to this beautiful boy, but he knew he had to find a way to let him go. In the meantime, he intended to make some memories that would last forever. If Louis was going to leave, then Harry wanted to make sure that when he did, he would never forget how much Harry loved him.

“So what did you have in mind?” Louis asked.

“Just a little surprise to celebrate finishing your treatment” Harry said cryptically. “Leave the arrangements to me.”

 

***  

 

“What do I pack?” Louis asked Harry, phone balanced between his neck and his ear as he laid out some clothes on his bed, trying to determine what he needed – which was difficult since Harry refused to give him any details.

“Just pack the same as you’d wear here – shorts, t-shirts, swimmers and towel. Oh! And pack something to wear to dinner on one of the nights – like smart casual type stuff.”

“Can you give me a little hint?” Louis whined.

“Nope!” Harry replied gleefully. “It’s a surprise Lou. Just be patient.”

“You know I can’t be patient H – pleeease can you tell me?”

“Uh-uh” Harry answered. “Sorry – you’ll just have to wait!”

“I hate you” Louis pouted.

“No you don’t” Harry sing-songed. “You love me.”

“I do love you” Louis replied softly. “I love you so much Haz.”

“Then hurry up and finish packing so I can whisk you away. Niall and I will be there in half an hour.”

 

***

 

“The airport?” Louis asked, confused, as they pulled up at the departures terminal at Gold Coast Airport. “Where exactly are we going Curly?”

Harry grinned. “You’ll see! Now hurry up or we’ll miss our flight!”

They grabbed their luggage from the boot of the car and hugged Niall and Zayn goodbye.

“Have fun!” Zayn called out as they headed for the door.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Niall called out with a wink.

Harry rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t leave much, does it Nialler?”

 

They approached the check-in desk at Qantas and Harry handed over their booking details. Louis was craning his neck to see as the woman looked them over but Harry was blocking his line of sight.

He let out a small frustrated noise, but gave up trying to see anything.

“Ok Mr Styles, Mr Tomlinson” the woman smiled. “Your flight will depart from Gate 15 in about an hour. Please be at the gate fifteen minutes before take-off.”

Harry thanked her and checked through their bags, before they made their way through security to the terminal.

They grabbed a coffee and looked at the small shops lining each side of the terminal, before heading to the gate to wait. They sat chatting at the gate until the door opened and the stewardess came out to the desk. She announced boarding was about to commence for the flight to Cairns and Louis looked at Harry.

“You’re taking me to Cairns?” he asked, smiling.

Harry shrugged. “Sort of.”

“Sort of?” Louis replied. “What do you mean, sort of?”

Harry grinned, obviously enjoying all the mystery. “I mean sort of. Now just get on the plane, will you?”

 

***  

 

It turned out that Harry was being perfectly honest when he told Louis he was “sort of” going to Cairns. After they landed, they were quickly transferred to the smallest plane Louis had ever seen. It seated approximately eight people and Louis was not convinced they’d make it to their destination alive.

“I’m telling you Harry, these little things crash all the time and nobody ever survives” he murmured as they approached the plane, trying not to let the other couple travelling with them hear him. “They’re a death trap. We are going to die and they’ll have to identify us by our dental records, mark my words.”

“Stop being melodramatic Louis” Harry replied, fondly rolling his eyes. “I’ve flown in planes just like this many times. It’s fine.”

Harry’s words didn’t convince Louis of the plane’s airworthiness and he remained sceptical, pulling his seatbelt tight and asking the stewardess where the life jackets were kept – just in case. Harry smirking at him.

Before long they were in the air and Louis was clutching to Harry for dear life, while simultaneously peeking out the window curiously as the water below turned turquoise and they headed off the mainland.

“Can you tell me where we are headed now?” he asked Harry.

Harry smiled. “It’s called Lizard Island” he replied. “It’s an island on the Great Barrier Reef System and it’s amazing.”

Louis’ eyes widened and a slow grin spread across his face. “The Great Barrier Reef?” he asked. “Oh my God Haz! Are you kidding me?”

Harry was thrilled Louis was so pleased. “It’s like, this luxury resort that only takes a small amount of people at a time and normally I wouldn’t be able to afford anything like this, but SeaWorld do a lot of research from the island and Ian knows the owners really well, so he pulled a few strings to get us a villa for two nights. They’re pretty incredible Lou – got a private plunge pool and all.”

“Holy shit!” Louis replied. “Haz, that’s amazing!” He was bouncing in his seat with excitement and Harry beamed at him, thrilled with his reaction.

“I got us a trip out to the reef to go snorkelling too – thought it’d be a fitting finale for your treatment, you know? I mean – only if you want to.”

“Are you serious?” Louis answered. “Who doesn’t have the Barrier Reef on their bucket list? That’s so fucking brilliant Haz! Thank you so much, babe, this is the best surprise ever!”

Harry’s heart swelled as Louis thanked him. He’d been so excited about planning this trip and was beyond delighted that Louis was so happy. He wanted these days to give them memories to last a lifetime. He wanted to give Louis something he’d always associate with Harry, always remember as theirs.

 

***  

 

Louis stood frozen as the hotel staff unloaded their bags and brought them inside, moving around him as he stared about him in silence.

When they had left, he turned to Harry. “Oh. My. God” he drawled. “Haz, this is… this is just… oh my God!”

Harry snorted. “I take it you like the villa then?” he replied dryly.

“I feel like a fucking movie star!” Louis exclaimed, throwing himself backward onto the four poster king bed, hung with sheer fabric, shifting softly under the afternoon breeze. He didn’t stay laying down for long, though, jumping up to run over to the ceiling to floor glass doors and walking out onto their private balcony, complete with infinity plunge pool. “Look at this view Harry!” he called out, and Harry followed him outside, walking up behind him and sliding his arms around his waist, looking out over his shoulder.

“It’s beautiful” he murmured. “But not as beautiful as you.”

Louis turned to face him and wound his arms around Harry’s shoulders. “Oh Curly” he mumbled in a sultry voice. “You are so getting laid tonight.” He pulled Harry in for a kiss and it was barely a minute or two later that they started to shed their clothes, and by the time they made it back inside and over to the bed, they were both completely naked and hungrily reaching for each other.

“Wanna fuck you Harry” Louis panted, already reaching over the side of the bed and into his bag for the bottle of lube.

Harry didn’t answer, simply lay back on the bed, slowly stroking himself as Louis rustled through his bag, muttering as he searched impatiently for the lube. When he leaned back up, he sat back for a moment and just watched as Harry continued stroking himself at the same slow pace, eyes watching Louis from under heavy lids and mouth slack. He already looked wrecked and Louis was hard just looking at him. God he was a stunning sight, his lean toned body on display for Louis, touching himself, and all at once, Louis abandoned the idea of fucking him. Instead, he wanted nothing more than to watch Harry bring himself off.

He poured some lube into his hand and reached over, his hand sliding under Harry’s as he slicked him up. “Keep going” he whispered hoarsely, before reaching down and running his wet hand down his own aching cock, spreading the lube and sliding a thumb over the head, trembling at the ripple of sensation that went through him.

He spread Harry’s legs, kneeling between them, eyes locking with Harry’s before travelling down and watching transfixed as Harry’s hand stroked and squeezed his own pulsing shaft. Louis’ hand started mimicking Harry’s movements on his own dick and he let out a small whine at the pleasure. He saw Harry lick his lips and his eyes flutter closed in reaction to the noise.

Harry bucked his hips up slightly and his pace increased. “Fuck Lou, don’t know if I can last” he muttered, gasping as he felt the heat building. Having Louis watch him was such a turn-on and he knew he wouldn’t be able to last much longer with Louis looking at him like that.

“Christ, me either!” Louis choked out. “You look so fucking hot Harry.”

They both became frantic, Harry throwing his head back and groaning loudly now. Louis was up on his knees, furiously working himself as he watched Harry writhe beneath him.

When Harry reached down with his other hand and slid a finger just inside himself, crying out and spilling over his stomach and chest, Louis felt his climax slam through him, and he let out a low moan as he shuddered, shooting white streaks of come over Harry, now laying limp beneath him.

He fell on his back beside Harry on the bed, both of them breathing heavily and reached over entwining their fingers. “New record” he huffed out a giggle. “What was that? Like, four minutes?”

Harry chuckled. “Probably less, embarrassingly.”

Louis propped himself up onto his side and looked down at Harry, wiggling his eyebrows. “Fancy a skinny dip in our private plunge pool?”

“Absolutely” Harry grinned. “I’ll just get a washcloth to clean us up, yeah?”

 

***  

 

They didn’t leave the villa that evening, preferring to have dinner delivered and eating by candlelight on their deck as the sun sank down in the sky. When they’d finished eating, they grabbed what was left of their bottle of wine and their two glasses and curled up on the giant love seat, enjoying the soft breeze, the soothing sound of the ocean and the tranquillity of having nobody close by. They watched as the last of the burnt orange sunset faded to black, Louis’ head on Harry’s shoulder, and Louis felt a bone deep contentment settle over him as Harry gently stroked his hand up and down Louis’ arm, humming softly.

“This is lovely” Louis murmured lazily. “Thank you so much Haz.”

“I’m glad you like it” Harry replied. “I wanted us to have some time alone before…“

He let the sentence drift off, couldn’t bring himself to say it, a lump already forming in his throat.

“Before I go home” Louis whispered, finishing his sentence for him.

Harry nodded wordlessly, his eyes welling up and he forced down the tears before they spilled over. He was not going to ruin this by getting weepy – he was not.

_Pull yourself together_ , he told himself. _You want this to be perfect – only happy memories_.

He took a deep breath to steady his voice, before rolling over and pinning Louis to the love seat, pasting a cocky grin on his face. He leaned down, lips brushing Louis’ ear and sending a shiver down his body as he whispered “it’s getting cool out here Lou. Wanna come inside and help me get warm?”

Louis nodded. “God yes” he breathed out, already half hard.

Harry dragged him back inside, peeling his clothes off slowly and worshipping every inch of his skin until he was on fire. Louis then took charge, reducing Harry to a squirming, sweating mess, before sliding into him over and over, their bodies meeting on every thrust until they cried out in unison, their bodies quivering as they climaxed together.

They fell asleep almost immediately, unable to tell where one body ended and the other began.

 

***  

 

“Lou” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear. “Time to wake up.”

Louis mumbled something unintelligible and rolled onto his side, snuggling further under the soft duvet.

Harry smiled fondly down at the grumpy face on the pillow in front of him, eyes squeezed shut as Louis resisted waking up.

“You need to wake up Lou, we’re snorkelling the reef today. The boat leaves at 8.30.”

Louis groaned, but opened his eyes, stretching and smiling as Harry rolled over him, laying down his front and peppering his face with small, soft kisses.

“Good Morning” Harry breathed as he kissed every part of Louis’ face and neck.

“Yes it is” Louis replied in a low croaky voice. “Any morning I get woken up like this is a good morning.” His eyes darkened. “You know what would make it a _great_ morning?” he drawled seductively.

“Lou” Harry warned. “We don’t have time.”

Louis pouted. “Not even one tiny little blow job in the shower?”

“Absolutely not” Harry replied firmly.

Exactly six minutes later, Louis stood flat against the tiles in the shower, gasping and moaning as Harry sucked him off, a soapy finger sliding through to his hole and pushing inside, crooking just right and brushing Louis’ prostate.

“Oh… fucking yes! Gonna come Harry. M’close!” he moaned. When Harry brushed his prostate for a second time, he stiffened, spilling into Harry’s mouth as he let out a loud keening noise. He slid down the tiles, panting as he sat on the floor of the shower, pulling Harry to him and wrapping a hand around him, stroking him until he shuddered, Louis’ name falling from his lips as he climaxed.

 

***

 

They ran down the jetty, breathless, just making it in time for departure and grinning like idiots as they were welcomed on board by a guy who smiled knowingly at them both, smirking like he knew what they’d been doing.

Louis looked across at Harry and sniggered as they took their seats at the front of the boat. His curls were wild, his lips were swollen and red and his eyes were glazed over. He looked well and truly wrecked and Louis knew he probably didn’t look much better, but he couldn’t find a single fuck to give. He was so incredibly, overwhelmingly happy and he felt his chest swell with all the love he felt for the boy smiling back at him.

They were approached by another one of the staff then, who explained how the day was going to go, and what part of the reef they would be snorkelling.

Harry barely heard anything she was saying, too enthralled with watching Louis’ face as he listened intently, eyes alight with excitement. When he unexpectedly turned to Harry, his face beaming and eyes crinkling at the corners, Harry was unprepared, and he felt like he’d taken a blow to the gut, his breath hitching as he felt the full force of Louis’ radiance. He smiled back at Louis, but there was a tightness across his chest as he wondered how on earth he was going to survive Louis leaving.

 

***

 

They held hands as they navigated the stunning Hastings Reef, multi-coloured coral blooming beautifully beneath the sparkling sun glazed surface of the crystal water. They were surrounded by fish of every shape, size and colour as they glided around at a lazy pace, each pointing excitedly at the different species. There were parrotfish galore, as well as butterflyfish drifting gracefully past, with small curious reef sharks flitting around beneath them but not coming too close.

Giant clams were opening and closing with the ebb of the tide and Louis was filled with a sense of wonder as he took it all in, his hand safely tucked in Harry’s. Harry hadn’t left his side and Louis was grateful for his quiet support, in awe that Harry had gone to the trouble of giving him this gift. He was loving every minute of it, soaking it up, filing away every tiny detail in his memory.

When they finished snorkelling and headed back to the boat, Harry helped Louis out of his wetsuit, pausing to place a gentle kiss on his forehead before turning away to hand off their gear to the staff members who were collecting it.

Louis stood watching Harry, heart fit to burst at the tender way Harry cared for him – not only today, but from the day they’d met. From his first session, Harry had been taking care of him, supporting him, encouraging him and believing in him. Louis vaguely wondered what it would be like to have that in his life on a permanent basis and felt the hollow sense of loss that accompanied the realisation that he was going to lose this very soon.

 

***  

 

They were tired when they returned in the late afternoon, dozing lazily on the love seat, the orange sky once again fading in front of them as they lay wrapped around each other.

Louis must have dropped into a deeper sleep, because he found himself being prodded awake in the dark a little later, groggy and disorientated.

“Lou?” Harry whispered, leaning close to his ear. “You’ve got to get up.”

“Why?” Louis grumbled sleepily. “Comfy here.”

“I know babe, but I have a surprise for you” Harry replied quietly.

Louis sprang one eye open. “A surprise?” he asked with a small smile.

Harry chuckled. “Oh my God, Lou, you’re such a bloody child! Yes, a surprise, now get up and get dressed. We’re going to dinner.”

“What kind of clothes do I wear? Where are we going?” Louis asked.

“Um” Harry pondered. “Well, a nice shirt with some shorts should do – and shoes you can take off.”

Louis frowned. “What kind of restaurant are we going to that requires the removal of footwear Harold?”

“You’ll see” Harry grinned. “Now hurry up or we’ll be late!”

 

***  

 

As they wandered down a pathway, lined with lush gardens and lit by small lights, Louis was firing questions at Harry, trying to get him to tell him where they were having dinner, but Harry was remaining tight lipped, simply smirking as Louis begged for details.

As they approached the end of the pathway, it spilled out onto a private beach, where a white clothed table was set for dinner, lanterns burning around it creating a scene like something out of a movie. Louis stopped in his tracks, taking in the sight before him. The table was set with silverware and crystal, an ice bucket with champagne chilling in it was sitting next to the table, and a butler stood at attention, smiling at them and ready to serve them.

Louis looked over at Harry, who was watching him, smiling softly. “You organised all of this?” he asked incredulously.

Harry nodded, blushing adorably and smiling in earnest now. “Mhm” he mumbled. “Wanted us to have something really special for our last night here.”

Louis walked over, grabbing Harry and pulling him in for a fierce hug, squeezing him tightly as he breathed out a thank you. When he pulled back and looked up into Harry’s face, Harry was looking back at him with such open affection, such love, that he felt his eyes well up and he pulled away before he embarrassed himself and started to cry.

 

The meal was sensational. A succession of dishes, each more impressive than the last, with wine to match. They lingered over the meal, taking their time and talking as they enjoyed the simple pleasure of just being in each other’s company. The gentle sound of the waves rolling in provided the perfect background and when they were finished eating, they stood in the sand, water gathering around their feet as Louis stood in front of Harry, leaning back into his body and Harry’s arms wrapped firmly around him from behind.

“I love you” Louis said quietly, so quietly it was almost swallowed up by the sound of the waves.

Harry’s arms tightened as he breathed “I love you too.”

Louis closed his eyes and thought he could happily live in this single perfect moment forever as Harry bent down and placed a kiss on his head before laying his cheek next to Louis’ forehead.

 

***

 

They were both flushed and a little tipsy as they finished up and wandered slowly back to the villa, hand in hand, not feeling the need to fill the comfortable silence.

When they entered the villa, the air suddenly felt heavy as they stopped and simply looked at each other, weighed down with all the things they were feeling, all the things they weren’t saying. The room was thick with tension and Louis felt his breath quicken under Harry’s intense stare.

As always, Louis’ entire body was drawn to Harry and he felt an all-consuming need hit him as Harry stalked across the room slowly, taking him in his arms so carefully, so gently, like he was afraid to break the moment.

Harry looked at him for a long moment before leaning down and taking his mouth in a heartbreakingly tender kiss – a kiss that conveyed all the love, joy, lust and sorrow he was feeling. Louis felt himself responding, slipping his arms around Harry’s neck and tugging him closer, their mouths opening as the kiss deepened.

It was so much more than just a physical encounter. It was a poignant moment that held all the closeness they’d built, all the joy they’d found in each other, and all the desperation of their heartbreak as it all came to an end.

Harry had given him such a gift – both with this trip and with his very presence in Louis’ life. He’d enriched it in every way and made Louis feel things he’d never thought possible – made him happier than he’d ever thought he could be. As he realised the depth of his feelings for Harry, Louis found himself incredibly moved. And moved was such a bland word, really. Completely inadequate to describe the way his insides shifted, the way his world changed forever in a single moment, but moved was what he was.

When Harry walked him slowly backward, laying him down on the bed, Louis realised he’d been holding a part of himself back, protecting himself from hurt, and in neglecting to share his whole self with Harry, he’d also robbed himself of those moments, those memories. Harry had given himself completely to him, had given him everything, and he’d held back. He knew then and there that he wanted Harry to be the one, the first. He wanted to give Harry everything Harry had given him, wanted to give him all of himself.

“Harry” he breathed out, his voice hoarse. “Make love to me.”

Harry stilled, frozen in the midst of sucking a mark into Louis’ neck. He looked up, his eyes searching Louis’ to make sure he’d heard correctly. “You mean…“

“I mean” Louis replied nervously “that I want you inside me. I want you to be the one – I want to have everything with you.”

“Louis” Harry answered “you…“

“Haz” Louis interrupted, taking Harry’s face in his hands. “I love you, alright? I love you like I can’t imagine loving anyone else ever. And I may have met you in the wrong place, at the wrong time, but that changes nothing about the way I feel. And if I can’t have forever with you, I can have this. I want this, I want to give you all of me. I want to know how it feels with you and I want to leave with no regrets – nothing unsaid, nothing undone. Let’s leave it all here tonight, holding nothing back.”

Harry’s eyes welled up as he nodded. “Yeah, yeah I want that too Lou.”

“Then kiss me” Louis whispered and Harry bent down, doing just that.

There was no heated frantic rush this time. Instead, they took their time, every touch deliberate and purposeful as they lay claim to each other’s bodies.

Louis was gripping the sheets as Harry opened him up, sliding first one, then two fingers into him, before adding the third as he was coming apart underneath him.

When Harry finally rolled on the condom and slowly entered him, Louis felt the most amazing connection to this boy looking down at him so lovingly. As Harry thrust in and out of him, achingly tender in his slow movements, Louis felt almost overwhelmed by the sensation of having Harry inside him, part of him. It was such a perfect moment, such a beautiful connection. He felt a tear slide down his cheek as he smiled up at Harry and Harry was equally choked up, leaning down to kiss away the tear and whisper endearments into Louis’ ear with a shaky voice.

As the pressure built and built, the heat stretching out to his fingers and toes. Louis thrust upward, meeting Harry every time as they chased their release, faster and faster. Both of them had sweat beading on their foreheads as the tension stretched and when it snapped, Louis’ orgasm was earth-shattering. Every nerve ending in his body exploded as his climax burst through him, spreading from his core outward and washing waves of pleasure over every part of his body. He trembled as he rode it out, vaguely aware of Harry letting out a shattered cry as he followed him over the edge.

As the pleasure dissipated, the intensity of what had just happened, along with the realisation that he had to leave Harry in just a couple of days, ripped through Louis and he felt winded as his chest tightened and the tears started flowing.

“Lou?” Harry croaked out, voice raspy. “Baby, what’s wrong?” He was using his hands to wipe away Louis’ tears as they fell. “Please tell me you’re not sorry. I couldn’t take it if you regretted this.” His own eyes were filling now as he looked down Louis’ desolate face.

Louis quickly shook his head. “No Haz, of course I don’t regret it. It was so incredible, but it just hit me that I have to leave, and I just…” he sobbed loudly “I just don’t know how I’m going to say goodbye.” He was crying in earnest now and Harry let his own tears fall as he took him in his arms, rolling backward and taking Louis with him, settling him on his chest and wrapping his arms around him tightly.

“Shhh, Lou, it’ll be alright. I promise” he whispered, but he couldn’t really promise that, and they both knew it.

 

 

 


	16. No Good In Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is now officially the longest thing I've ever written, and we're not even finished yet! I could not have managed it this far without my wonderful, amazing beta, Sassy_Boo_Bear, so thank you beautiful!
> 
> Well, here it is - the goodbye. I apologise in advance for the emotional roller coaster, but I promise it will be worth it. I also promise that we will get the next couple of chapters out quickly so we don't prolong the pain!
> 
> Also - it feels like there is a lot of smut in this chapter (don't really want to know what that says about me, LOL), but be warned! 
> 
> A huge THANK YOU to everyone reading, commenting and leaving kudos - you are so wonderful :) xxx

 

_ _

 

_“You’re setting off, it’s time to go the engine’s running_

_My mind is lost, we always knew this day was coming_

_But now it’s more frightening than it’s ever gonna be…”_

_James Bay_

 

Louis woke in the villa the following morning to find Harry still sleeping soundly beside him, and he took a moment to let his eyes roam the features he’d come to love so much.

His curls were in complete disarray and his full, pink lips were parted, soft snuffling breaths huffing out between them and making Louis smile fondly. His long, thick eyelashes fanned out just above his cheekbones, his face untroubled and looking peaceful as he slept. He was beautiful, and Louis felt a rush of affection for this extraordinary man who had given him so much.

Louis shifted slightly and immediately felt the effects of the night before, the slight soreness a reminder that flooded his memory with images of their lovemaking, causing his body to respond and his dick to twitch. The discomfort resulting from last night was minimal and he welcomed it. In fact, Louis felt an overwhelming urge to do it all over again, to feel Harry claiming him, filling his body. He’d felt so connected to Harry last night, so profoundly changed by what they’d shared. Nothing had ever felt so right before.

He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Harry’s bottom lip before swiping his thumb gently across it. Harry gave a low murmur as he stirred and then his eyes fluttered open and he gave Louis a crooked sleepy smile.

“Morning” he croaked out and Louis would never get tired of that raspy morning voice. It was incredibly sexy and he felt himself growing even harder at the sound.

“Good Morning” he replied quietly, running a hand down Harry’s chest and continuing down to where Harry was already rock hard.

“So that’s how it is, eh?” Harry teased. “No good morning kiss, no ‘how are you?’ – just straight for the dick! What’s happened to you Lou?”

Louis rolled over him and lay along the length of his body, rolling his hips so their cocks rubbed together, Harry making a low throaty noise at the friction. “I got thoroughly fucked last night, that’s what happened to me” Louis replied in a sultry voice. “I now realise what I’ve been missing and it’s made me a bit keen to make up for lost time.”

Harry bit back a grin. “Is that so?” he drawled, before turning serious for a moment. “So you’re not sorry?” he asked quietly. He’d been hoping Louis wouldn’t wake up with regrets.

“How could I be sorry Haz?” Louis replied earnestly. “The only regret I have is that I waited too long when I could’ve been getting that every night!” He leaned down to kiss Harry – an open-mouthed clashing of tongues that left them both panting. “Now how about we get started on making up for all my lost time and you fuck me again, yeah?” He rolled his hips down and Harry moaned loudly before flipping them over and proceeding to suck a mark into Louis’ collarbone as Louis squirmed beneath him.

When he’d finished, he moved slowly down Louis’ body, leaving a trail of fire with his mouth before reaching for the lube. As he coated his fingers he mouthed along the crease where Louis’ thigh met his groin, Louis thrusting his hips upward in protest at the teasing.

“C’mon H, I won’t need much opening up after last night, just get a move on!”

“Tsk, tsk Lou” Harry scolded with a smile. “So impatient!”

Louis made a growling noise, before taking charge and using his body weight to throw Harry off him and onto the mattress, straddling him with a smirk. “I am impatient, so I think I’ll be in charge from now on” he told Harry, pinning his hands above his head, his grip on his wrists tights as he held them there. Harry’s loud groan, his eyes closing and hips bucking up, took them both by surprise and a slow grin spread across Louis’ face.

“You like that?” he panted as he looked down into Harry’s face, pupils blown and mouth slack. “You like me taking charge?”

Harry nodded. “Fuck yes” he bit out, hips thrusting up again.

Louis looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. “Wait here” he said after a moment of consideration. As he dug through Harry’s bag, Harry whined at the interruption, but quickly stopped when Louis held up two of his head scarves, his eyebrow raised in silent question.

Harry’s mouth went dry as he nodded furiously.

Louis returned and straddled him again. “You sure?” he asked once more.

“Yeah” Harry breathed out, his cock now achingly hard and leaking at the thought of being tied up. “Lou, can you… can you fuck me? I know you wanted…“

“Yeah” Louis interrupted quickly, his breath hitching. “Yeah, I want to. Gonna wreck you baby.”

Harry moaned again, his hips moving impatiently.

Louis quickly tied Harry’s hands to the bed head, ensuring it wasn’t too tight and reminding Harry that he could tell him to stop any time. Harry nodded but was already worked up, breathing heavy and still moving his hips, desperately searching for some relief. He was so turned on and it made Louis’ pulse leap as he saw how affected Harry was already.

He spread Harry’s thighs and settled himself between them, mouthing down his body as Harry moaned at even the slightest touch. He coated his fingers till they were slick and as he took Harry’s cock into his mouth, sliding down the shaft smoothly, he slid a finger into Harry, making him whine out a long low moan.

Louis continued to leisurely suck Harry off as he opened him up slowly and thoroughly, until Harry was writhing beneath him, incoherent with need.

“Louis, fuck… I want… ohhhhh fuck…“

Louis pulled off, his fingers pumping in and out at the same maddening pace. “What do you want baby?” he murmured. “Tell me what you want.” He crooked his fingers then, catching Harry’s prostate and he let out a broken cry.

“Ahhhh… want you to fuck me Lou!” he shouted. “Need it… please Lou!” he added with a gasp as Louis brushed his sweet spot again and again.

Louis removed his fingers and Harry whimpered, his hips again bucking up at nothing as he waited for Louis to roll on the condom and move over him. When Louis finally pushed into him, rocking his hips back and forth as he worked himself all the way in, Harry groaned, eyes closing and his head tipping back.

Louis could already feel Harry tightening around him and the sensation was unbearably intense. He pulled himself out and slid back into Harry in one long smooth movement, burying himself to the hilt, both of them moaning at the pleasure tearing through them.

“Oh Jesus Harry, this is gonna be the shortest fuck in history” he panted.

Harry didn’t answer, just let out another throaty noise as Louis pulled back out. When Louis drove back into him, Harry cried out, lifting his hips to meet Louis and wrapping his legs around his waist.

“Harder Lou!” he commanded loudly. “Wanna feel it for days.”

“Fuck” Louis breathed shakily, before starting to pound into him at a faster pace.

Harry was a mess, crying out on every thrust and moaning Louis’ name over and over as Louis continued slamming into him. They were both close to the edge and before Louis could even get a hand on him, Harry was letting out a broken scream and spurting over himself as his climax tore through him violently. He clenched firmly around Louis as he came, and Louis let out a ragged moan at the pleasure shooting through him. He didn’t let up, although his thrusts became sloppy and disjointed as he chased his own release, and after only a handful more, he made a choked cry as it hit him and then he kept rocking his hips gently as he rode it out. When he finally stopped trembling, he collapsed onto a boneless Harry, barely able to move or form a coherent thought.

When Harry shifted under him a few minutes later, Louis remembered he was still tied up. He gently slid out of him, Harry hissing at the slight discomfort and untied the scarves, placing a tender kiss on the slight red marks on his wrists, where he’d been pulling against the bindings. He frowned down at Harry, concerned that he’d maybe got a bit carried away in the heat of the moment.

“Are you alright baby?” he asked quietly, reaching down to palm Harry’s cheek. “Was I too rough?”

Harry smiled softly, nuzzling into Louis’ hand. “I’m fine Lou, better than fine in fact. It was so good babe, I came so hard.”

Louis’ face relaxed as he curled up onto Harry’s chest, Harry’s arms coming up around him. “Me too, _fuck_ Harry, you make me so crazy I can’t even think straight.”

They drifted back to sleep then, sticky and sated and tangled together contentedly.

 

***  

 

On the plane trip back to the Gold Coast, the bliss of the trip started wearing off as reality set in and Louis’ imminent departure loomed large. They were both quiet, hands clasped together but saying very little as each got lost in their own thoughts. Before long, they were landing and when they exited, it was to find Zayn, Niall, Liam and Sophia all waiting for them.

“Thought you may need some extra support tonight” Zayn mumbled into his ear as Louis fell into his arms, grateful beyond words. His heart swelled at his friend’s thoughtfulness. He loved Zayn so much and was so pleased to have him right at this moment. He swallowed around the lump in his throat and whispered a small thank you, before hugging him even tighter.

“Hey there you two” Niall bellowed. “What’s a guy gotta do to get in on the love, eh?”

Zayn didn’t say anything, simply lifted his arm, inviting Niall to join their embrace. Niall made a delighted noise and pummelled into them, wrapping his arms around them both. Before long, Harry was joining them and Liam and Sophia wriggled between all the bodies as well. They broke apart, laughing, and headed out to their cars.

“We’ll meet you guys at the pub later” Liam called out as he and Sophia drove off, and Niall informed Harry and Louis that they’d decided to have dinner at the pub to celebrate Harry and Louis’ return, as well as give Louis and Zayn a send-off to remember.

“I’m not sure you getting back is cause for a celebration though” Niall added. “Zayn and I have enjoyed having your place to ourselves these past two nights, if you know what I mean.” He winked and waggled his eyebrows, making Louis groan.

“Ewwww Niall!” he whined. “I did not need to know that you’ve been having a shagfest in our absence!”

“At least we waited for your absence!” Niall protested. “You two don’t even care who has to hear your constant shagging. That shit can scar people!”

“Yeah” Zayn agreed. “It’s like a soundtrack to some dirty porno that’s on repeat at full volume and you can’t turn it off! It’s pretty fucking disturbing.”

“Now, now” Louis replied. “You’re just being all petty because you’re jealous. We can’t help it if we’re incredibly hot in the bedroom, boys.”

“True” Harry nodded. “Don’t hate us ‘cause we’re sex gods.”

Zayn and Niall both gave them unimpressed looks before Zayn shook his head. “Just get in the car, you giant knobs!”

Louis and Harry giggled as they jumped into the back seat of the car, their hands immediately searching for each other and their fingers tanging automatically.

As Niall turned the car out onto the freeway, Zayn turned in his seat. “So? How was it, tell me everything!”

Harry watched fondly as Louis’ face lit up and he described the island and the reef in detail. He was animated, his free hand waving about as he told Zayn all about their villa and about the snorkelling trip. Harry was pleased beyond words that Louis had loved it so much. He wanted to spend his life doing things to make Louis happy, to keep this look on his face always. He frowned as he realised that wasn’t an option, that they now had less than 24 hours till this was all over. As Louis looked across at him, face glowing and grinning ear to ear, he quickly pasted a smile on his face and grinned back at him fondly.

Inside, he felt his chest breaking in two.

 

***  

 

They had a couple of hours till dinner, so they unpacked Louis’ bag and put on a load of the clothes that he wanted washed before he left the following day. They then quietly sifted through the pile of belongings in the room, sorting Harry’s from Louis’ so Harry could take his home and Louis’ could be packed.

It seemed like a fitting metaphor, really, for the separation of their lives that was about to occur and they both felt the cloud of melancholy that descended on them as they worked. They didn’t speak for a long while, neither sure what use words would be.

As Louis picked up a hoodie of Harry’s that had been a particular favourite of his to steal, he felt his eyes well up, lifting the jumper to his face and breathing deeply. It still smelled faintly of Harry, but was now more a mix of the two of them and it made Louis’ heart stutter as a stab of pain hit him in the chest. He let out a small sob, barely audible as he buried his face in the folds of material to hide it from Harry.

Harry had been watching Louis closely and when he’d lifted the jumper to his face it had made Harry feel like his lungs were filling with water, struggling to breathe. When Louis made the small noise, he strode across the room, wrapping his arms around him and biting back the plea for him to stay that was on the tip of his tongue. He reminded himself yet again that it wouldn’t be fair to put it all on Louis, asking him to give up everything.

“Keep it” he whispered instead, his voice cracking. “Keep it and wear it all the time. When I see photos of you in it on Facebook or Instagram, I’ll know you were thinking of me.” A single tear trickled down his cheek as he spoke.

Louis looked up at him, his face desolate as he nodded, reaching a hand up to wipe away the tear. They stood staring at each other, their eyes conveying all the things their mouths were holding back. Louis’ tongue felt heavy under the weight of the words he wanted to say, but couldn’t. He could feel them sitting there, on the verge of being uttered, but was unable to say them. He wanted to tell Harry that he couldn’t live without him, that he’d come back with Zayn and they could be together – wanted it so much he could taste it, and all he had to do was let the words fall from his mouth. But even as he opened his mouth to say them, fear kept them trapped inside him.

Harry could sense the inner turmoil, the battle Louis was waging with himself and he watched as Louis opened his mouth, hope unfurling as he waited for Louis to say the words he selfishly longed to hear. He knew it was wrong to want it, but he was weak and he was scared of what losing Louis was going to do to him. Then, just as quickly as he had opened his mouth to speak, Louis’ eyes turned bleak and he closed his mouth without a word and Harry knew it wasn’t to be.

In desperation, he reached for Louis, cradling his face and crashing their mouths together, trying to forget, for just a moment, that his world felt like it was about to end.

Louis responded instantly, throwing himself at Harry and kissing him back, just as frenzied, as their tongues and teeth clashed in the heated exchange. They frantically shed their clothes, their mouths barely separating unless it was absolutely necessary, before they came together again, skin to skin and Harry lifted him up, walking over to the bed and letting them both fall onto the mattress, already reaching for the lube on the beside drawer.

They were both breathing heavily, hands constantly moving, urgently roaming each other’s bodies, needing to touch, to feel. Harry wasted no time before pushing his first finger into Louis, stroking him as he sucked at his neck, using his teeth and tongue to set Louis afire with sensation.

Louis squeezed around his fingers as he added the second one, moaning and pulling Harry to him with a hand clenched in his hair, gripping tightly and causing Harry to rut against the sheets beneath him as he bit down harder on Louis’ neck. Louis pushed back onto his fingers, letting out another loud throaty moan.

Harry added the third finger as he moved down and took one of Louis’ nipples into his mouth, sucking hard and drawing a gasp from him. He crooked his fingers up on the next thrust, catching Louis’ prostate, and Louis saw stars, whiting out as a wave of pleasure shuddered through him.

“Ohhhh! Haz, I’m ready, I’m so ready, get in me… ugh… now!” he ground out between gritted teeth.

Harry’s hands were shaking as he tried to roll the condom on and it took a couple of attempts to get the job done and then he was positioning himself above Louis. He looked down into Louis’ wide eyes and Louis stared back at him, neither breaking eye contact as Harry entered him slowly, pushing till he was buried to the hilt. They were both breathing deep ragged breaths, eyes still locked. For a moment, everything else stilled and faded away until it was just the two of them, fused in both body and soul and there had never been anything more real or right in this world.

Then Harry moved, and the perfect moment dissolved into a perfect joining as their bodies moved in flawless harmony. Their hips met on every thrust and they were lost to the feeling, lost to the pleasure.

Harry buried his face in Louis’ neck as he increased his pace, emotion threatening to overwhelm him as he sank into Louis’ tight heat. He never wanted this to end, never wanted to leave the cocoon of Louis’ body, and yet he knew that this ecstasy was fleeting, that it would soon be over for them, and while his body was feeling the pleasure of being inside Louis, his heart was already mourning the loss.

Each time Harry filled him, Louis felt such a conflicting mix of euphoria and sadness and he couldn’t help the tears that flowed, even as he felt the delicious curl of heat spreading out from his core to flood his body. It was heaven, and it was torture, all at once. The intensity of his climax, when it came, was devastating, leaving him shaking and quivering as he felt Harry stiffen above him and choke out a small sob as he rode through his orgasm.

When he finally lifted his head to look at Louis, it was clear Harry had also been crying and Louis’ eyes filled yet again as he reached up and wiped at the wet tracks on Harry’s cheeks.

“Oh Babe” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “Are you OK?”

Harry’s bottom lip trembled as he shook his head, more tears spilling. “No” he sobbed, burying his face back into Louis’ neck as he wept.

Louis held him tightly, his own tears flowing freely now as well. They lay there for what felt like an eternity, their sniffling the only sound breaking the silence, before Harry rolled to the side, taking Louis with him and Louis draped an arm around him, snuggling into his side.

He wiped his eyes roughly with the back of his hand. When he spoke, his voice was croaky and wobbly with emotion. “I’m not ready to say goodbye Harry. I can’t…“. His voice broke and he couldn’t finish the sentence.

Harry tightened his hold, kissing him gently on the forehead. “So don’t” he told Louis, his pulse quickening. “Don’t say goodbye.”

“Harry” Louis answered sadly.

“No Lou, hear me out!” Harry replied, pushing Louis back to sit up and face him. “Why does it have to just be black or white? Why do we have to be all or nothing?”

“What are you talking about?” Louis asked with a confused frown.

“I’m talking about us” Harry’s heart was pounding now as his thoughts started gaining clarity. “Why does it have to fit in a neat little box? I love you Louis, and it’s a messy, imperfect, impossible situation we are in, but none of that changes how I feel about you. Why should I say goodbye to you when I don’t want to? Why do we have to define what we are? Why can’t we simply say we love each other and let that be enough?”

“Because it isn’t enough Harry!” Louis replied. “I am in love with you too, but if I can’t have you, if we can’t be _together_ , then we have no choice but to end things. You can’t sustain a relationship over the kind of distances we’re talking about, it’s just not possible.”

“But you said yourself that you aren’t ready to end things, Lou” Harry took his hands. “And neither am I, so let’s just not! Why can’t we be two people who are in love, but who need to be apart for a while? It’s not like I’m gonna look at anyone else anyway – I couldn’t.”

“Because it’s not just a while, is it? It would be dragging out the inevitable ending and I think that may just kill me” Louis told him quietly, a single tear tracking its way down his cheek. “We both know how this ends Harry, so let’s not make it any worse by prolonging the pain.” He got up off the bed and walked across the room tentatively, still sore. “I’m taking a shower” he mumbled before retreating to the bathroom, where he used the sound of the running water to drown out the sound of his sobbing as he sat on the floor of the shower, weeping until there was nothing left.

When he finally emerged from the bathroom, Harry took one look at his red, puffy eyes and crossed the room to take him in his arms. “I’m sorry Lou. I didn’t mean to make it harder. I just…“

“It’s OK Haz” Louis sighed, sinking into his arms and holding him tightly. “It is what it is. Was always going to be awful saying goodbye, wasn’t it?”

Harry nodded, chewing on his bottom lip and looking as miserable as he felt.

“So let’s leave the goodbyes until tomorrow and try to enjoy tonight” Louis smiled a little too brightly at him, all teeth and dead eyes. “I’d like to have one last fun night with you and not think about tomorrow, OK?”

Harry nodded, pasting on the most ridiculous smile – one that didn’t reach his eyes – as he pulled Louis into another quick hug before excusing himself to take a shower.

He stood under the stream of scalding hot water, staring vacantly at the tiles and willing his heart not to break into a thousand pieces, trying to pull himself together so he could get through the next twenty four hours before he fell apart.

 

***

 

When they walked into the pub, it was already getting crowded and they had to fight their way through to find a table. They ordered their meals and Harry and Liam went to the bar to order the first round.

Sophia reached across the table to squeeze Louis’ hand. “How are you holding up Lou?” she asked kindly.

Louis gave her a tight smile, already hating the way everybody was watching he and Harry like they were waiting for them to break. “I’m OK, considering” he shrugged. “It is what it is, right?” he added almost automatically. These words had become his mantra over the past few weeks, reminding him that he shouldn’t fight against what he can’t change.

Sophia leaned in to give him a hug. “Oh Lou, I’m so sorry” she murmured and he hugged her back tightly for a few seconds, willing the tears not to come. He quickly pulled back as Harry and Liam returned to the table, Harry’s concerned gaze sweeping over him intently. He shot him a quick reassuring smile and grabbed his drink, a large fruity cocktail, and taking a large gulp. _Perhaps a couple of drinks will help_ , he thought.

 

***  

 

“I love you Liam!” Louis exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Liam’s neck, sitting perched on his lap. “I really do, I love you man!” He’d lost track of the amount of rounds they’d had, but it was considerable and they were all pretty drunk. They’d left the pub and were at a nightclub on the main strip now, music just beginning as the dance floor started to fill.

“I love you too Louis!” Liam answered enthusiastically, tipsy and giggling as he wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist, squeezing. “Gonna miss you mate!”

“Awww, Li, you big softie! Gonna miss you too mate!” he answered, slurring a little.

Sophia was laughing at the display of affection between the two, as were Zayn and Niall, but Harry was scowling across the table as Louis cuddled into Liam further. His mood was darkening as possessiveness reared its ugly head. He knew he was being unreasonable, but he couldn’t control it. He had so little time left with Louis and he wanted his attention to be on him and nobody else. The trouble was, Louis wasn’t draped all over him like he usually was. He wasn’t blind to everyone else the way he usually was when he was around Harry and Harry didn’t know how to deal with that.

When Louis then dragged Niall up to dance, arms around Niall’s waist from behind, Harry felt a white hot jealousy surging through his veins. He watched them head over to the dance floor with barely concealed anger, his leg twitching as he became more and more agitated. He was so caught up in his intense staring, he didn’t notice Zayn plonk down into the seat beside him.

“You realise you have nothing to be jealous about, right?” Zayn asked him.

Harry shrugged, glowering at Louis’ body grinding up on Niall’s.

Zayn rolled his eyes. “Harry! Look at me!” he pulled Harry’s face around to him. “He’s saying his goodbyes in his own way. Niall and Liam have become his friends too, you know.” He gestured toward the dance floor where Louis and Niall were now jumping about with flailing limbs and manic laughter. “This is him saying goodbye. Give him the space to do it.”

“What about me?” Harry asked sadly. “Why is he ignoring me? He’s leaving me tomorrow too – where’s _my_ goodbye?”

Zayn looked back at him with pity. “You’re the goodbye that’s too hard Harry, so he’s avoiding it. It’s how he copes.”

“Yeah, well that’s not good enough” Harry spat out, standing up and making his way outside for some fresh air. He stood leaning against the wall, head tipped back and suddenly feeling really tired.

“Well, well, they’ll let anyone into this place these days!” a familiar voice teased, and Harry grinned as he opened his eyes to find a smiling face in front of him, eyes dancing.

“Brad!” he exclaimed, launching himself forward for a hug. “I didn’t know you were back! Why didn’t you call me?” He’d gone to Uni with Brad and they’d become very close friends. He’d been up north, working on the outer reef with a research and conservation group and they’d kept in touch, but it had been ages since they’d seen each other. Brad’s fiancé, Erica, had been another of Harry’s close friends and he’d set them up, knowing they were perfect together.

Brad laughed, hugging him back. “I literally got back today – I’m here for a mate’s buck’s party, so only in town for the weekend. I was going to swing by tomorrow and see you, I swear!”

They pulled back, but were still in a semi-embrace when Louis walked outside looking for Harry. When he saw Harry smiling so affectionately at Brad, clutching his arms as they pulled out of a hug, he felt a rush of jealousy so powerful it nearly winded him. He marched over, ignoring Brad’s cry of protest as he pushed Harry backward with a strong shove to the chest.

“What the fuck, Harry?” he shouted drunkenly. “I haven’t even left yet! Are you kidding me right now?”

“Lou…”

“Whoah mate!” Brad shoved Louis against the wall. “What is your problem?”

Louis rounded on him, shoving him in return and almost losing his footing as he swayed on his feet. “My problem, asshole, is none of your business! But how about you go find your own boyfriend, and get your paws off mine, yeah?”

As Brad’s mouth dropped open in shock, and he burst out laughing, making Louis frown at him, Harry moved to stand in front of Louis, hands on his hips. “Oh, so I’m your boyfriend now?” Harry bit out angrily. “I thought you’d forgotten – and by the way, this is Brad. We went to Uni together and are old friends. I actually introduced him to his fiancé, who is delightful, blonde and very much a _girl_ you twat!”

Louis looked from Harry to a grinning Brad as Harry’s words permeated his alcohol addled brain. His lips formed an “oh” and he had the decency to blush. “Um, well. I’m sorry, I just thought…“

“Well you thought wrong!” Harry told him bluntly.

Brad smiled warmly, ignoring Harry and holding his hand out to Louis. “No harm done Louis, it’s nice to meet you mate.”

Louis sheepishly shook his hand before turning to Harry, who was quite clearly still angry, his face scowling as he returned Louis’ gaze.

“Well, um, it was nice to meet you Brad” Louis mumbled, before he turned and stomped back inside glumly. Brad turned to raise an eyebrow at Harry.

“What was that about?” he asked.

Harry sighed. “It’s a long story” he answered.

“One I’ll definitely want to hear sometime soon” Brad replied. “But right now I’d better find my group. I’ll call by tomorrow evening, alright?”

“Yeah, great” Harry smiled. It’s not like he’d be doing much anyway, besides moping around the house feeling sorry for himself.

 

***  

 

When he walked back inside, Louis was standing next to their table, drinking another fruity cocktail and Harry marched over to him.

“What the hell Louis?” he asked. “You ignore me all night like I’m nobody and then I greet an old friend and you lose your shit like that?!”

Louis looked up at him, miserable. “I’m sorry Harry. I didn’t mean to ignore you, it’s just, they’re all watching us, waiting for us to fall apart and treating us like we’re fragile, like we’re about to break. And I didn’t want to cry or be sad tonight. It made me unsure of how to act around you – it’s like they were expecting me to mope about all night or something, and I just couldn’t take it. I just wanted to have fun tonight, and instead I’ve spent the whole night all awkward around you, which was horrible. Then when I came outside and saw you and him, I just felt so fucking cut up, so jealous. I don’t even know if I have the right to feel that anymore when I’m leaving tomorrow, Jesus! It’s so fucked up! _Fuck_! I’m not even making sense right now.”

Harry grabbed his wrist, dragging him outside and hailing a cab without a word.

“Harry, what about…” Harry pressed a finger to his lips, so he stopped speaking.

Harry continued to remain silent for the whole cab ride home and Louis didn’t speak either, the alcohol and his heightened emotions starting to take their toll.

When they were finally inside the house, Harry closed the front door and crowded Louis against the wall. “We’re home now, Lou. There’s nobody else around – it’s just you and me, so you don’t need to pretend anymore. There’s no right way to act, to feel, it’s our story to write, so let’s just be together until we can’t. You’re leaving tomorrow and it’s going to hurt like hell, but I won’t let you pull away from me until you have to. Forget everything else and just love me one last time. Please Lou.”

He leaned down and took Louis’ mouth in a sweet kiss, before leading him upstairs to his bedroom and making love to him slowly and tenderly, Louis arching beneath him as he came apart, crying out Harry’s name on a choked sob.

Later, as he listened to Louis’ breathing become steady, lying wrapped in Harry’s arms and head on his chest, Harry felt the emptiness start to descend, a sense of dread filling him at the thought of the following day. He felt the panic rise, engulfing him, and he was struggling to breathe.

He just couldn’t do this. He couldn’t watch Louis leave.

 

***  

 

Niall, Zayn, Liam and Sophia were gathered around the kitchen table the following morning, steaming mugs in hand.

“Do you think you should wake them?” Liam asked Niall.

Niall looked at Zayn, who shrugged. “It’s not going to be any easier if we let them sleep. May as well get it over with – like ripping off a band aid.”

“Right then” Niall sighed, before heading upstairs with a heavy heart. They all knew how hard this was going to be and all felt so much empathy for both the boys.

They sat drinking tea and chatting quietly and Niall finally came downstairs, looking grim.

“Alright Niall?” Zayn asked, immediately concerned by the look of blue murder on Niall’s face.

Niall tossed a piece of paper on the table angrily. “Harry’s done a runner” he announced, running a hand through his hair and starting to pace the room.

“What?!” replied Liam and Sophia, as Zayn grabbed at the paper, eyes skimming over Harry’s words.

 

_Forgive me Lou. I’ll always love you but I can’t watch you leave._

_Yours always, Harry._

 

“That’s it?” Zayn asked, furious. “That’s all he wrote? That’s all Lou gets after everything? Fuck that! Fuck Harry! What a fucking coward!” He threw the paper onto the table and ran up the stairs to Louis’ room.

When he swung open the door, he found Louis sitting on the floor, back against the bed as he stared ahead, tears streaming down his face. Zayn sat down beside him, taking him in his arms.

“He’s a bastard for doing this Lou!” he declared angrily.

Louis didn’t answer, just wept until there was nothing left.

When they came downstairs with their bags, Sophia, Liam and Niall were talking quietly in a group. They immediately stopped speaking and Sophia walked over with a package in her hands, handing it to Louis.

“No opening it until you get home” she said quietly. “It’s just a little something to remember us all by.”

Louis nodded, thanking her blandly as he slipped the parcel into his suitcase.

 

***  

 

The ride to the airport was a quiet one, everyone subdued. Niall and Liam had both tried calling and texting Harry to no avail. He was avoiding any and all contact and nobody had seen or heard from him.

Louis and Zayn checked their baggage and they all stood huddled at the entrance to the boarding gates.

Niall and Zayn were hugging, whispering to each other and making arrangements to speak again soon, while Liam and Sophia hugged Louis, promising to keep in touch.

Louis went through the motions of saying goodbye, trying to smile and play his part, but he felt hollow inside, empty. He was fairly sure there wasn’t even a stray tear left inside him to cry. It felt awkward and stilted and he couldn’t even find the energy to care.

Harry had left.

He’d left Louis to suffer through their goodbye on his own and Louis was heartbroken he hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye. He hugged Niall, managing a small smile as Niall promised to beat some sense into his best friend.

“He’ll be sorry Louis, and I know it’s no comfort, but he’ll be devastated when he realises what he’s done.”

Louis just nodded, unable to speak about Harry right now. He and Zayn picked up their hand luggage and said their goodbyes one last time.

“Thanks again for everything” Louis told them as he and Zayn turned to make their way to the security checkpoint. As he was laying his bag on the conveyer belt, Louis heard his name being called out and looked back at where their friends were standing, only to see them looking across the terminal. He followed their line of sight and his mouth fell open at the sight of the figure running full pelt across the crowded floor, screaming his name.

 

***

 

“Louis!” Harry yelled, frantically trying to get to him before he went through the security checkpoint. He was crying and he was sure there was snot running from his nose, but he didn’t care. He had to get to Louis. When he’d arrived at Ian’s house and explained what he’d done, Ian had made him realise what a mistake he was making. He had charged back to the house to find them gone and had broken down before calling a cab and chasing them to the airport. The cab driver had been eyeing him warily all the way, asking him if he was alright. He had admittedly been a sobbing mess, so he understood the cabbie’s concern. When they’d pulled up at the airport, he’d blindly thrown what was probably too much money at the cab driver and ran, heading for the terminal and praying he wasn’t too late.

“Louis!” he screamed again as he saw Louis look over at him, shock plain on his face.

Louis slowly picked up his bag again, walking toward Harry slowly, his heart stuttering at the sight of Harry running toward him. Just before Harry reached him, though, both Zayn and Niall stepped in his way. Harry tried to push his way past them, eyes red and watery and nose running.

“Lou please!” he begged brokenly, fresh tears falling, and Louis dropped his bag, launching himself between Zayn and Niall and into Harry’s arms, clutching tightly as Harry murmured a string of apologies.

“I’m so sorry baby, I’m so sorry! I panicked. I didn’t think I could watch you go and then I realised what a mistake I was making and…“

“Shhh” Louis soothed, pulling back and taking Harry’s face in his hands as the other boys moved back to give them space. “You’re here now Harry, and I’m so glad you came.” Louis was crying now too and they were causing quite the scene as people walked around them to get to the security area.

“I love you Louis” Harry sniffed. “I always will. And I don’t care how, but I need to have you in my life. If friends is all we get, then I’ll take it gladly. Just don’t forget me Lou, don’t shut me out, please.”

“I love you too Harry” Louis smiled. “I could never forget you. We’ll be friends forever – best friends.”

He stood on tip toes and kissed Harry gently. “Goodbye Haz. I’ll call you as soon as I get home, OK?”

Harry nodded, pulling him in for one last fierce hug, before stepping back into Liam’s arms, head buried in his neck as he cried in earnest.

Zayn took Louis’ bag from him and placed them both on the conveyer belt as Louis followed him through the checkpoint, looking back only once to give Harry a watery smile and whisper “goodbye”.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know - the next chapter will be up soon! :) xx


	17. Can't Give You Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, but this turned into quite a difficult chapter for me to get right! I actually had to go back to the drawing board, and would have been completely lost without my BRILLIANT and TALENTED beta, who pushed me to get it right and helped me so much - she is amazing! 
> 
> The result is 11K of angst and fluff (officially the longest chapter I've ever written!)
> 
> I hope you like it & thanks again for reading!
> 
> Big Love <3 xx

 

 

_ _

 

_"Even if I leave you now, and it breaks my heart_

_Even if I'm not around, I won't give in, I won't give up on this love.."_

_The Veronicas_

 

When Brad had arrived at the house the evening Louis left, Harry had forgotten he was even coming. Looking back, he could cringe at the state he was in when Brad arrived – curled up between Liam and Niall on the couch, working his way through his second box of tissues, with red puffy eyes and a running nose – it wasn’t a good look.

When he’d broken down and told Brad everything that had happened with Louis, Brad had looked confused.

“I don’t get it” he’d stated.

“What?” Harry asked.

“Well, you love him, yeah?”

“I do” Harry nodded. “So much.”

“Well, what are you doing here then?” Brad had asked.

“What do you mean? I asked him to stay and he wouldn’t, and I can’t just up and leave my job – it’s not something I can do just anywhere. I need to be here, you know that.” Harry replied.

Brad shrugged. “All I know is that if I had to choose between Erica and a job, it would be a no brainer for me, mate. A job is, well, it’s just a job. I’d clean toilets if it was the only option for being with her."

“That’s easy to say when you didn’t _have_ to make the choice, though, isn’t it. And I’m calling bullshit on the toilet cleaning” Harry replied with a raised eyebrow, making Brad chuckle. “My job isn’t just a job to me, Brad. It’s my whole career, it’s what I’ve worked for, I love it and I don’t want to do anything else. I can’t do this back home, it has to be here. I was kind of hoping Lou would move here – he can teach anywhere, you know? I want to be with him, but I can’t just give up everything to do it. It wouldn’t work.”

“Well Louis staying here would have been ideal, yeah. But he didn’t, so the way I see it, you have two choices – accept that decision and move on, or decide that he’s worth giving everything up for. Obviously, the decision has to be one you can live with, so you need to be sure.”

“But I don’t like either of those options” Harry had whined. “It’s such a difficult choice!”

“If it’s a difficult choice, then there’s your answer – it should be an easy one, mate” Brad had told him. “The leaving here may be hard, yeah – but the _decision_ to go should be easy.” When he’d left, he’d hugged Harry tightly. “I hope you work it out buddy. I hate seeing you so miserable.”

 

***

 

In bed that night, Harry had tossed and turned, Brad’s words echoing in his mind and not letting him rest. It wasn’t as simple as Brad had made it out to be. It was all well and good to say the decision should be easy – in theory that may be right, but in reality, it was oversimplifying things. It was more complicated than that.

Harry loved his job. He didn’t want to leave it. That was something he was sure of.

Or, at least he’d been sure about it before Louis left. Now he wasn’t sure of anything, only that everything felt wrong without Louis here. The bed was too big, too cold and too empty – a fitting metaphor for how his life suddenly felt. He was struggling to imagine going back to the way things were before Louis exploded into his life. In such a short time, Louis had burrowed under his skin and somehow made himself essential to Harry’s happiness. Now he was gone for less than twenty four hours, and Harry was floundering to regain any sense of normality. Instead, it felt like his world had ended.

He even tried to imagine the kind of jobs he could do if he moved back home to England to be with Louis and found that he couldn’t really imagine himself doing anything other than what he was doing now and being happy with it.

The problem was, he was unhappy without Louis too.

It was early days though, he told himself. And maybe it was too soon to tell if he could move on or not. He decided that maybe he should give himself some time to get used to being without Louis before making major decisions about his future.

He kept going round and round in circles in his mind until he was too frustrated to stay in bed, and pulled out his laptop. Louis would still be on the plane, and Harry wondered if he was feeling the same emptiness that he was feeling – if he was missing Harry as much as Harry missed him already.

He pulled up his photo gallery, a small smile materialising as he scrolled through photos of the two of them, as well as the many he had snapped of just Louis. He ran his fingers over Louis’ features, at the smiling eyes and the face that had become so dear to him. As he pulled up one of his particular favourites, one of Louis and Lux, making a funny face at the camera, he felt his wounded heart give a painful stutter. God he loved this man, loved him with everything he had, with every fibre of his being.

He just wasn’t sure he could give up the career he loved to be with him. _Could he?_

He made himself a tea and showered, still no closer to the answer. He decided to put it in the “too hard” basket for now and got dressed for work.

After breakfast, which he neglected to eat, Niall drove them to work and Harry stared out the window, lost in his own thoughts. Niall was side-eyeing him warily, but refrained from asking him if he was alright – he knew he wasn’t. It was going to take some time, so he let his friend be.

After walking Harry to the office, Niall gave him a tight hug before he proceeded to the feed rooms. “It’ll work out Harry” he said softly. “Chin up, yeah?”

Harry nodded sadly and headed into the office to get ready for his day. Ian was there, and greeted Harry with a sympathetic smile. Harry had sent him a text the night before, confirming he’d made it to the airport in time and Ian had offered for him to take today off, but he’d decided it would be better to be at work and try to take his mind off things.

“How are you Harry?” Ian asked.

Harry shrugged. “Not sure really. I’m a bit numb right now, I guess. I miss him already though.”

Ian nodded. “That’s understandable Harry, give it time and things will ease, I’m sure.”

Harry murmured a non-committal response and proceeded into the change room to get ready for the day. Ian watched him go, sighing at how pale and drawn he looked.

When Harry had changed into his wetsuit, he headed down to Candy’s pool and couldn’t resist a small smile when she sped over to swim alongside him as he walked along the boardwalk.

“Hey girl” he said as he kicked off his thongs and lay down on the deck, head resting on his hands as he leaned his forehead out over the water. Candy swam up, almost bumping him on the nose and squeaking at him.

Harry sighed. “I miss him Candy” he told her. “I miss him so much it hurts.” He flicked his fingers back and forth lazily through the water as he spoke.

Almost as if she could sense his sadness, she let out a low whistling sound, before laying back and presenting her tummy to him. He smiled softly and stroked her underside lightly back and forth.

“You’d never leave me, would you girl?” he asked stroking her and then lifting his hand as she spun upright again.

When he lay there getting lost in his own head again, Candy swam away, returning a moment later to splash him with her fin as she sped past.

Harry squealed and chuckled, standing up slowly, pushing a hand through his now saturated curls.

“Alright, alright, you have my undivided attention now! Let’s get you some fish you demanding drama queen!”

He made a concerted effort then to put Louis out of his mind and focus on his work. It wasn’t until the day was over and he was packing up to head home that he checked his phone, his pulse leaping as he saw he had a message from Louis. He quickly opened it to find a text, telling Harry he’d skype him in an hour.

As much as he knew it would hurt to see Louis, he couldn’t wait and was already counting the minutes till he did.

 

***

 

Louis disembarked the plane feeling completely wrung out and weary. While Zayn had managed to sleep soundly for a good deal of the trip, he’d been unable to relax, twitchy and out of sorts. His mind kept returning to Harry, which wasn’t surprising. He missed him already – and not like a wish-you-were-here type thing, but like an actual missing limb that had been lopped off. He definitely felt like he was suffering from phantom limb syndrome – he kept looking over, expecting Harry to be right beside him and then realised he wasn’t. It was obviously going to take some time to get used to the idea of him and Harry just being friends and living on opposite sides of the world. Right now, that felt like a herculean task, one he wasn’t sure he was up to.

They made their way through customs and when they emerged from the gate, all other thoughts were set aside as he was wrenched into a group hug by his family. He felt the tears well up instantly, suddenly confronted with just how much he had missed them. His sisters were all laughing and hugging him, and Daisy promptly burst into tears, overcome with emotion.

Louis hugged her tightly. “Oh princess, please don’t cry – you’ll make me bawl too if you start that!” he teased.

“I just missed you so much Louis” she sniffled. “Please don’t go away for so long again!”

Louis felt something twist in his chest at her words. This was the reason he couldn’t move to Australia – this was why he had made the decision he’d made.

“I promise I won’t sweetheart” he told her, wiping her tears and smiling at her. “Now help me out to the car, because I am dying for a cup of tea!”

 

***  

The morning was spent in a loud, messy chaotic whirlwind, the kind Louis normally loved, and while he was happy to be surrounded by his family once more, there was an underlying sadness that tainted even the most happy moments and he found himself needing to escape to the solitude of his room, to just catch his breath after breakfast.

Jay knocked on Louis’ door later in the morning, entering and finding him sitting on the bed, his phone out as he shot off a text to Harry to let him know he’d arrived home that morning and that he’d Skype in an hour – which was evening over in Australia.

He looked up and smiled, albeit not very convincingly, as Jay sat down on the bed beside him. “Everything alright Louis?” she asked. “You’ve seemed a little off all morning.”

“Yeah of course” he replied with another wan smile. “I’m just so tired from the flight. Bit of jet lag, I guess.” _Or a broken heart that I may never recover from_ , he added mentally.

Jay looked at him, assessing his words, before nodding. It was obvious she wasn’t buying it, but she let it go. “Ok, well, I know you won’t feel like it, but can I have your dirty clothes? I’ll get them washed and you can unpack your things.

“Yeah, sure” he answered. “I’ll do it now.”

Jay left and he sat on his bed listlessly for a minute, staring into space. He felt strangely disjointed – like he wasn’t himself, and then he realised he wasn’t – not the old self anyway. The past three months had changed him in so many ways. Harry had left an indelible mark on him.

He had been thrilled to see his family again, of course, and hearing about everything he’d missed in their lives while he’d been away. Daisy in particular, had shadowed him for about an hour, not letting him out of her sight, and he had made sure to give her plenty of hugs. She seemed to have suffered the most by his absence, so he made a mental note to spend some quality time with her over the coming weeks.

But, although he didn’t want to admit it to himself, something had shifted. All of a sudden, his home didn’t feel like home as much as it used to and that left him reeling, because no matter what – this had always been his sanctuary, his soft place to fall.

He told himself that what he was feeling was probably to be expected after spending three months in another country and then having to leave Harry behind. It would dissipate with time, he was sure. He just needed to get used to the idea of he and Harry not being together anymore. But at least he still got to have Harry in his life – it would simply take some adjusting to the new nature of their relationship.

He opened his suitcase to dig out his dirty clothes and the parcel Sophia had handed him at the airport tumbled out. He’d completely forgotten about it and he wondered what it could be. When he unwrapped it, he found a small scrapbook style photo album inside. He stared down at it for a long moment and when he slowly flipped open the cover, he couldn’t help but smile.

On the very first page was a group selfie, taken on one of their trips to the beach. It was all five boys together and they were smiling goofily at the camera. Louis remembered the day it was taken, how happy he’d been. As he flipped through the following pages, there were so many memories that had been captured there, making him chuckle. There were photos of Louis with each of them – he and Niall drunk at the club, he and Liam playing beer pong, a selfie of he and Sophia at Movie World and a photo of Zayn and him at Sea World. The photo of he and Harry was the last one, and it made his stomach give a little flutter as his eyes moved over it, taking it in.

Louis was smiling at the camera, eyes crinkling at the corners as he laughed. Harry was beside him, arm around his shoulders and grinning down at him, looking at him with such fondness, such love, that it caused a warmth to spread out from his chest to his extremities and a sharp pain inside his ribcage.  

He quickly turned the page again, blinking away the tears that had threatened, to discover a pictorial diary of his time in Australia. Sophia had gone to so much trouble, filling the pages with photos of all the times they’d spent together. Around the edges of these photos, Niall, Liam, Sophia and Harry had hand written little inside jokes, comments and teasing remarks, making him both giggle and bite his lip to hold back the now imminent torrent of tears building up in his eyes.

The very last page was a collection of photos of just he and Harry and it hit him the hardest. He slowly ran his fingers over each one, his heart in his throat, before reading Harry’s hand written notes next to each photo. At the bottom of the page was a final scrawled note.

 

_Lou,_

_You came into my life so unexpectedly – and what a beautiful surprise!_

_You have given me so much joy and your presence in my life has been nothing short of a gift._

_I will never forget the time we spent together and I will always love you._

_Your Best Friend,_

_Harry <3_

 

 

Nothing could hold back the tears then, as he read Harry’s words, so he let them come – welcomed them even, because they made him feel connected to Harry, even if it was only through grief. When the tears finally dried, he sat staring at the pictures that documented his time with Harry and allowed himself to miss him, to mourn for him for just a few more moments, before closing the book and wiping his eyes.

He took a deep breath, pulling himself together and putting the album in his bedside drawer for another time. He unpacked his bag and put his dirty clothes in the hamper. When he pulled out the hoodie of Harry’s that he’d kept, he immediately slipped it on and took comfort in the smell and feel of it, and in the way it made Harry feel closer somehow. He lay on his bed and listlessly watched the minutes tick by. He only had twenty minutes till his Skype call with Harry now, and the anticipation was thrumming through him. He needed to see Harry, to speak with him, like he needed oxygen, even if it hurt to see him. Each minute took an age, but eventually it was time and he opened his laptop on the desk and logged in to call him.

 

***

Harry picked up after only a moment, already grinning at Louis with a crooked, goofy smile. His eyes were instantly drawn to the hoody Louis was wearing and he smiled even wider.

“Hi” he breathed, and Louis felt like his lungs were collapsing as he struggled to breathe.

“Hi” he squeaked out, his heart in his throat.

After simply taking a moment to grin at each other stupidly, Harry broke the silence to ask how he was and they launched into a discussion about Louis’ trip, how his family was and the fact that Zayn was able to sleep for over half the trip, while Louis didn’t sleep for the entire flight.

“I swear Haz, I wanted to punch him every time he snored!” he whined.

Harry filled Louis in on his day at work and told him that Niall had cried a little after he and Zayn had left. “But that’s supposed to be a secret” Harry added with a grin.

They chatted for over an hour, neither mentioning, even once, how much they were suffering, how hard it had been. They studiously ignored the elephant in the room, determined not to upset the other, and while it was painful, everything felt right for the first time since Louis had left Australia – despite the dull ache in his chest. Louis didn’t want to make it awkward, didn’t want to distress Harry with the tears that were waiting just below the surface, threatening to fall out at any given moment. So he sucked it up and kept his smile firmly in place.

Later, as they said their goodbyes, Harry hesitated.

“Lou?” he asked. “I know we’re… just… I love you, you know? And I still want to be able to say it.”

Louis felt a lump in his throat as he swallowed audibly. “I love you too Haz” he said, reaching out and gently running his fingers down the screen. “I know it’s going to be hard for a while, but it will get easier with time, I promise. We just have to get through this tough part and we’ll be OK. I miss you so much – but as long as I still have you in my life, it’ll be fine.” He smiled at Harry with a certainty he definitely didn’t feel, determined not to break down.

Harry’s smile was equally forced. “Yeah, of course, same here. Will we speak tomorrow?”

Louis’ smile was more genuine as he replied “I’d love that.”

They hung up and as Harry’s face disappeared from the screen, Louis’ heart started pounding as he felt an overwhelming urge to call him back and tell him he lied. To tell him that he didn’t want to be just friends – that he wanted to wake up beside him every day, his curls tickling Louis’ nose and his freakishly warm body wrapped around him. He wanted to cry and scream and rail at the gods, and he wanted to beg Harry to come to the UK and just be with him. But he knew that would be selfish. It wouldn’t help them get past the pain if he made it harder than it already was.

So instead, he took a deep breath, blinking back the tears and headed back downstairs to join his family.

 

***

 

Harry hung up and exhaled loudly as he was overcome with emotion, his eyes immediately welling up. The high of seeing Louis and speaking to him faded away and left an intense sorrow in its wake and he put his face in his hands as he quietly wept. It had taken every bit of resolve he had to hold it together for the duration of the call, but now he let go.

He didn’t hear the door to his bedroom open, only felt the hand squeezing his shoulder and looked up at Liam, who was looking back at him, eyes filled with pity. Without a word, he knelt down and took Harry in his arms, and Harry fell against him, sagging into his arms and weeping miserably.

Liam held him until he’d cried himself out, then sat on the bed. “So I don’t need to ask how you’re coping” he said quietly. “Was that Louis then?”

Harry nodded. “It hurt so much to see him and yet I already want to call back because I miss him. Fuck Liam, this is so hard!”

“It was never going to be easy Harry, this is a horrible situation” Liam replied sadly. “I’m so sorry for both of you. I know how much you care about each other.”

“I love him so much Li” Harry sniffled, wiping his eyes. “I’ve even been thinking about just chucking it all in and following him home, you know, but I just don’t think I could be happy doing something I don’t love the way I love my job here. So I didn’t say anything to him, because I don’t want to get his hopes up and then let him down if I just can’t do it. He’s so determined that we’ll get over this that I don’t want to stand in the way of that.”

Liam nodded. “I think that’s wise – it’d be cruel to tell him you were thinking about it and then decide not to go. It’d be like losing you all over again. Take some time to really decide what you want and make sure it’s the right decision.”

Niall wandered into the room then, sitting down next to Liam on the bed and giving Harry a small smile. “You’re not looking too good there Haz” he told him softly. “How about we get out of here and grab some burgers at the pub for dinner?”

It was the last thing Harry felt like to be honest, but he nodded anyway, hoping it would distract him from his misery.

***

 

The kitchen was a hub of activity as Louis entered, his mother preparing a welcome home lunch, assisted by the girls. He sat at the bench as his mum poured him a cup of tea, and just let their chatter flow over him as he watched them all interact, with everyone talking at once. He felt like an outsider looking in, not really sure where he fit anymore. Once upon a time he would’ve been in the thick of things, now he sat on the periphery.

It was only a moment before Daisy was sidling up beside him and climbing into his lap.

“Hello sweetheart” he murmured, squeezing her tight.

She reached up, sliding a hand into his hair and twirling it around her finger. “Lou?” she asked quietly. “Are you going to go swimming again now you’re all better?” She was nervously chewing her lip and Louis realised she was searching for confirmation that he was indeed recovered. He gave her his biggest smile.

“Yes I am, I promise. Actually, I was thinking it might be fun if we made a visit to the indoor pool and had a swim together.”

Her face cleared and she grinned at him. “That would be so awesome Lou!” she cried happily. “I’ll go see if I can find my goggles!” She jumped down from his lap and tore off up the stairs.

Louis turned to his mother, who was watching with a smile. “So that’s why she was hanging off me?” he asked. “Because she was worried I wasn’t better?”

Jay grimaced. “I think she’s been blaming herself and it’s weighed on her. When she sees you in the water, she’ll be relieved, I think.”

“Poor chicken” he replied, feeling guilty. “I hate that she’s been so worried about me.”

Jay reached out and stroked a thumb over his cheek. “She’s not the only one, you know? We’ve all been worried about you. It’s good to have you back baby.”

He smiled, but he was both happy and yet inexplicably sad at his mother’s words. “Thanks mum. It’s good to be home” he told her, but there was a part of him that didn’t feel happy to be home, and it made him guilty to think that a traitorous part of him wanted to be back in Australia with Harry.

 

***

 

Harry sat at the pub, the music and laughter bustling around him unnoticed as he picked at his food. He wasn’t hungry – his stomach was churning and he didn’t think he could eat even if he wanted to, but he tried to at least look like he was eating by shuffling it around on his plate.

The boys tried to engage him in conversation, but he could hardly muster a response and in the end they gave up, speaking to each other and leaving him alone with his thoughts, while shooting him concerned glances.

When they got home, he excused himself and went straight to bed, sleeping fitfully as he dreamed of the loud, brash boy with blue eyes and soft lips. He woke several times in the night, sweating and writhing in his sheets as he imagined Louis there with him, his mouth working its way down his skin, only to find himself alone.

When he woke the next morning, he hopped into the shower, slumping against the tiles, exhausted from lack of sleep and completely drained. It had only been two days since Louis had gone and it felt like an eternity already. He let the hot water run over his tired eyes and prepared to face the day, wondering if it would ever stop hurting like this.

When he arrived at work, he smiled for the first time as he checked the day’s schedule and saw that Lux was in for a session that day. Spending time with Lux always made him happy. He went out to the pool to get set up for her arrival at ten o’clock.

When she called out his name a little while later, running up the boardwalk and jumping into his waiting arms, he laughed for the first time, twirling her around in the air.

“How’s my favourite girl?” he asked.

“M’good Harry!” she replied excitedly. “You said I could ride Candy today!”

Harry nodded. “I did! We’re going to ride her together, ok?”

She squealed with excitement and bounced in his arms, wriggling till he let her down. She ran back to her mum to get changed and returned with a pink plastic toy camera.

“What’s this for?” Harry asked, amused. “Do you want me to take some photos?”

Lux nodded. “Louis promised he’d be here to watch, but he had to go home, so I want to send him some photos of me riding Candy!”

Harry wasn’t prepared for the casual mention of Louis’ name and he felt like he’d been winded. He couldn’t speak for a moment and felt the familiar lump in his throat rising.

 _Oh God_ , he thought. _I’m going to cry_.

He rapidly blinked the tears away, hauling in a laboured breath as he pasted on a smile for Lux.

“I tell you what” he told her in a shaky voice. “Why don’t I grab my phone and we’ll get your mum to take some video – then I can send them to Louis straight away, alright?”

“Oh yes please!” Lux replied, racing over to her mum to make the request while Harry went and retrieved his phone from the office, trying to compose himself.

 

***

Louis was sitting on the couch late that afternoon, half-heartedly giving his attention to a repeat of an old Survivor episode, when Lottie flopped down beside him.

“How goes it big brother?” she asked.

“Good love” he replied with a smile. “And how about you?”

“I’m alright I guess – better than you at any rate” she answered, and Louis looked at her with a frown.

“What do you…” he started to ask, before she interrupted, rolling her eyes.

“Please don’t insult me by pretending that you aren’t completely pining for whoever you left back in Australia – my money is on the hot therapist guy, Harry by the way – I can smell the sad on you from a mile away. So what gives? Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Not much to talk about” Louis replied, looking down at his hands. “He’s there and I’m here and that’s all there is to it, really.”

She reached across and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry Lou – that sucks.”

“It does, yeah” he huffed out a humourless laugh, as he squeezed her hand back. “But I’ll get over it.”

Even as he uttered the words, there was a part of him that felt like he may be lying, that he may never, ever get over Harry. Lottie still looked worried, so he smiled. “Either that or I’ll become a crazy old hermit who has ten cats, who knows?”

Lottie laughed, and sensing Louis wanted to drop the subject, she asked him when he was going to see his therapist, Anna, again.

“Next week” he replied. “Thought I’d take a week to recover from jet lag and settle back into things here and then go and see her. I’m going back to work the week after that, and I’m really looking forward to seeing my students again.”

Just then, Stan and Zayn walked through the front door, calling out as they walked up the hallway.

“In here!” Louis called out.

“Alright Lou?” Stan greeted him.

“Yeah mate” Louis replied. “What are you two up to?”

“Just heading down the pub” Zayn answered. “Thought you might like to come with?”

“Nah” Louis replied. “Think I’ll stay in – still a bit tired, so I’ll get an early night in tonight.”

Zayn and Stan shared a glance before Zayn asked “You sure mate? Could be good – there’s a band at the Crown this afternoon.”

“No, I’m not really in the mood Z – but you two have fun yeah?” he told them.

Zayn sighed. “Alright, we’ll catch up tomorrow then.”

“Yeah, yeah” Louis replied. “That’d be good.”

When the boys had left, Lottie turned to him with an eyebrow raised. “What was that you were saying about becoming a hermit?”

“Ha, Ha, very funny!” he drawled as his phone buzzed. He pulled it out and his heart leapt as he saw he had a text from Harry. He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face and Lottie immediately called him on it.

“He just messaged you, didn’t he?” she teased. “I can tell by the look on your face!”

He didn’t answer, too busy opening the message, which contained a video. As he pressed play, he instantly recognised Lux, standing looking into the camera on Harry’s phone.

“Hi Louis!” Lux waved, smiling widely. “You said you’d be here when I rode Candy, but since you had to go home, Harry said we could video it and send this to you so you can see me!”

“Ooh, she’s adorable!” cooed Lottie, watching over his shoulder.

He could hear Harry’s voice as he passed the camera to someone – presumably Lou – and then he moved into the screen and waved at the camera, dimples on full display and eyes shining.

“Hi Lou” he grinned.

“Bloody hell, he’s gorgeous” Lottie sighed. “I’ve been stalking your Facebook pictures by the way, because he’s hot!”

“Eww, Lottie!” he replied. “That’s my boyfr-“ He stopped, realising that it wasn’t his boyfriend anymore. “That’s my friend” he corrected himself. “Besides, he’s gay, so you have no chance.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t like to look!” Lottie replied, ignoring Louis’ slip up.

“Stop talking now!” Louis commanded, before turning his attention back to the screen, where Harry and Lux were now climbing into the water and Harry was calling Candy over to them.

As they watched, Harry positioned himself and Lux onto Candy’s fin and then they were off and Louis couldn’t help but giggle at Lux’s little squeal of joy and the grin on both of their faces.

“I can’t believe you got to do this as well” Lottie whined. “I’m so jealous Lou!”

“Yeah” he replied, eyes never leaving the screen. “It was something else, that’s for sure.”

When they’d finished and climbed out of the pool, the video ended with Harry and Lux coming close up to the screen and blowing Louis a kiss.

“Bye Louis!” they called out, and Louis thought he could probably hear his heart breaking down the middle if he listened closely enough.

He recorded a video message for Lux, telling her how proud he was of her and telling her to keep up the good work, and then sent it back to Harry to show her.

And if, in the privacy of his room, he watched the video Harry had sent him a few more times, a few tears tracking down his cheeks, well it really was nobody’s business.

 

***

 

“So what are you doing today?” Harry asked him a few days later on Skype.

“I’m going swimming, actually” Louis chuckled.

Harry grinned. “You are? Well good for you! I’m proud of you Lou.”

Louis told Harry about Daisy and why he felt he needed her to see him swim and then they chatted about anything and everything, updating each other on their lives. They talked and talked and the time flew by so quickly. The next thing they knew, they realised they had been talking for an hour and a half.

“Oops!” Harry laughed. “Guess I’d better let you go then” he added his smile faltering.

“Yeah, I have to get ready, so I should get going” Louis replied reluctantly. This was always the part he hated, the part that cut him up – saying goodbye. He decided it was like ripping off a band aid – best done quickly, and so he made his excuses and said his goodbyes.

As they were about to hang up, Harry again told him he loved him, just as he’d done on every call so far, and Louis was barely holding it together as he replied that he loved him too. It was both wonderful and dreadful – and it got harder every time.

When they’d hung up, he put his head in his hands for a moment, breathing deeply as he tried to compose himself. When he knew he had himself under control, he went to find Phoebe and Daisy, telling them to be ready to go to the pool in ten minutes. Jay was also coming and Louis suspected Daisy wasn’t the only one that wanted confirmation that he was OK.

 

***  

 

As he slipped off his t-shirt at the pool and followed Daisy and Phoebe over to the water’s edge, he was surprised at how strange it felt to be getting in the water without Harry beside him. He’d come to associate swimming and water with Harry and he felt a slight quiver of unease at having to face the water on his own, but he was determined for Daisy to see him confident and strong, so he ruthlessly stamped down any nervousness and ran past her, yelling as he jumped into the water, making both girls giggle.

Just before impact, he braced himself, preparing for the slight feeling of panic, and as he plunged under the water, he calmed himself in the same way he always did, by picturing Harry beside him, waiting for him to hold out his hands, which he did by habit, even though Harry wasn’t there to grasp them. He kicked his feet and broke the surface of the water, gasping but fine.

Daisy and Phoebe were cheering and Louis looked over to see his mother sneakily wiping a tear from her eye as she watched from a nearby seat. He hadn’t realised how many people had been affected by the accident and by his trauma and he was happy he could give them some peace of mind now. His first thought was to share this moment with Harry, but it would have to wait for the following day.

 

***

 

As the bitter cold set in over the next few weeks as Christmas approached, Louis felt like it also took up residence inside him. He tried hard to settle back into a routine at home, and while his life outwardly appeared to be exactly the same – it wasn’t. He was different. He was irrevocably changed – and at times he felt completely disconnected from what was happening around him, going through the motions on autopilot. His heart was heavy, weighed down by missing Harry, the grief almost overwhelming him at times.

He was doing all the things he used to do – he had returned to his classes and was welcomed back by his students, he spent time with the girls, he went to the pub with his mates, although that had become less and less frequent as he withdrew into himself.

But no matter how he filled his days, they still felt empty. The only time he felt whole was the time he spent talking to Harry on Skype, or messaging back and forth. It was the highlight of his day, if he was honest, and if there was a little cloud of melancholy that descended at the end of each call, well that was a small price to pay.

He had found himself daydreaming about packing up and surprising Harry, telling him he’d move to Australia and be with him, and the words sat precariously on the tip of his tongue every time they skyped, just waiting to spill out. But he stubbornly held them in, knowing he couldn’t go through with it.

One of the main things that stopped him was watching how much Daisy had responded to his return, how much happier she had been, and he knew he needed to be here with his family. She’d been so upset when he returned and he just couldn’t do that to her. He also knew he’d miss them all terribly if he moved.

So he suffered in silence, smiling through the pain whenever he and Harry spoke, telling himself that speaking to Harry every day was enough to sustain him. But somewhere in the darkest recesses of his heart, he knew that was a lie. It would never be enough.

 

***

 

Harry sat at his desk, the air conditioning blasting as he hid in his office to escape the heat and humidity outside. He was staring into space, ignoring his morning tea as he got lost in his own thoughts.

It had been several weeks, and he still hadn’t managed to settle back into his old life, his old routine. He could barely remember what his life was like before Louis, everything having changed so much. Louis may only have been there for three months, but it felt like it was so much longer. He had permeated every single part of Harry’s life and made a home for himself, and the evidence of that still lingered. Everything seemed to echo with the ghost of Louis’ presence.

No matter how much they spoke, it was never enough for Harry and after each Skype call he felt a mixture of intense joy and blinding pain.

Ian strode into the office and over to Harry’s desk, gesturing to the seat and asking if Harry would mind if he sat down. Harry shook his head.

“Please, sit” he told Ian, flicking him a small smile.

Ian sat and eyed him curiously for a minute, as if he was debating whether or not to say what he had on his mind. In the end, he must have decided to speak and he let out a sigh.

“Harry, you’re one of the brightest young men I’ve had the pleasure to work with. You have earned both my respect and admiration for the contributions you have made here, and I think of you as the son I never had. So obviously, I hate to see you unhappy – and that’s what you have been, my friend. Desperately unhappy.”

Harry felt his throat tighten at Ian’s words and he simply nodded in agreement, not trusting himself to speak.

“So I guess my question is this – if you are so unhappy without Louis, then why are you continuing to torture yourself like this?”

“Because I love this job Ian!” Harry replied. “You know how much I love what we do here, and I don’t want to give it up. That’s the problem.”

Ian nodded. “Look Harry, I understand – I do. I don’t think I could give up this job for anyone else, but then I don’t know if I’ve ever felt for someone what you felt for Louis. Perhaps you could look into working at the London Zoo – they have seals and dolphins in residence. I don’t know what other parks are in the UK, but maybe it’s time to start investigating. I’d hate to lose you, Harry, but I want you to be happy.”

“Thank you Ian” Harry answered, his mind already toying with the possibilities. “I will certainly give it some thought.”

“Let me know if I can help in any way, OK?” Ian replied softly.

Harry nodded, already pulling out his laptop to google animal parks and aquariums in the UK.

 

***

 

“I’m telling you Z, he’s in a bad way” Niall and Zayn were talking on the phone early that afternoon because Zayn had been unable to sleep and had called him while he was at work. That chatted about their plans for January, when Zayn would be moving. He had wanted to stay at home for Christmas with his family before he relocated. The subject of Harry and Louis had then come up and they’d been discussing how unhappy both boys were without each other.

“Lou’s no better” Zayn replied. “He’s withdrawn and just so _sad_ all the time! It’s fucking depressing to watch. You think all that misery would make you realise you needed to be together, you know? They won’t be happy until they’re together for good, but I don’t know if Louis will change his mind – he’s so stubbornly convinced that the girls need him here and that he couldn’t leave.”

“I know” Niall agreed. “And Harry keeps saying he wouldn’t be happy doing any other job – but he’s miserable anyway, so what’s the difference? I want to facepalm both of them and shake them till they see sense! It’s so frustrating!”

“Well, not everyone can communicate as awesomely as we did” Zayn grinned. “And those two can be a bit thick sometimes.”

Niall chuckled. “Agreed. Hey – what about if we gave them a little nudge in the right direction?”

“What do you mean?” Zayn asked.

“Well, they’re always sprouting off about how they aren’t together anymore, but for all intents and purposes, they really are. They don’t see other people and they still talk every day. How is that different from an actual relationship?”

“True. Go on” Zayn responded curiously.

“Well, what if we forced them to admit they were still holding out for each other? We could like, plant the seed that there was a possibility of the other one moving on with someone else – it may make them realise they don’t want to lose each other, yeah?”

“Or it could backfire” Zayn suggested.

“But it’s worth a try isn’t it?” Niall asked. “God knows we need to do something. Harry’s so depressing to be around right now and I hate seeing him so despondent.”

Zayn sighed. “Yeah, I’m worried about Louis too. Alright, let’s do it! I actually have an idea.”

 

***  


The following evening Louis checked his watch for about the thirtieth time in the last ten minutes, before grinning and making for the stairs, taking them two at a time. It was finally time for his Skype call with Harry and he’d been waiting all day for it to be morning in Australia. He’d been pretending _not_ to be waiting, of course, but he’d been waiting. They’d changed their calls so it would be Louis’ evening, because he started earlier now he was back teaching and would leave for work before Harry got home each day.

He dialled Harry’s number and it picked up on the first ring, Harry uttering his usual breathless “Hi” as he smiled at Louis. He looked beautiful – he always did, but there was something about him tonight. His hair was pulled back in one of his headscarves and his tanned skin was glowing. He looked so stunning it made Louis’ breath hitch.

“Hey yourself” Louis replied softly, reaching out to poke one of Harry’s dimples on the screen, wishing with everything in him that he could touch them for real.

For a heartbeat they just grinned at each other, as they usually did at the beginning of their calls. Then Harry broke the silence with a knock-knock joke, and they fell into the usual easy conversation. Louis asked about Niall, Liam and Sophia. Harry asked about Louis’ family and Stan and Zayn.

Louis was sprawled on his bed, arguing the merits of Manchester United’s latest signing, Harry simply listening and nodding at regular intervals, because he literally knew nothing about it, when Zayn and Stan barged into Louis’ room.

“Oi!” Louis exclaimed. “Don’t you lot know how to knock?”

“Since when have we ever knocked?” Zayn replied. “We’ve known you since we were toddlers and we’ve never once knocked.”

“Yeah” Stan agreed. “Not about to start now.”

Harry giggled and waved hello, both boys sitting down to chat immediately. Louis knew he should be pleased that Harry and his friends got on so well, but right now he was unhappy at having to share his precious Harry time with anyone else.

“We’ve come to drag old Mr. Anti-social here out for a night on the town” Stan was telling Harry. “He’s been a bit of a hermit since he got back from Australia and he needs to get out and shake off the cobwebs. Can’t have him pining away after you Harry, can we? He needs to get back out there!”

Louis wondered if he imagined the way Harrys face fell at Stan’s words, the way his jaw clenched. He couldn’t quite tell because Harry’s features quickly schooled themselves into a smile, albeit a strained one.

“Sounds epic” Harry told Stan stiffly.

“Should be” Stan replied happily. “You should try and get back out there too Harry. Find yourself some buff Australian surfer bloke!”

And no. No, no, no. A thousand times no and hell to the no. Louis was suddenly very unhappy with how this conversation was going. He glared at Stan, gritting his teeth as anger flared.

“Yeah, maybe” Harry answered vaguely. “I’ll let you go then. Have fun Lou, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” he teased half-heartedly, although something was definitely off with him.

“Doesn’t leave much” Louis teased back with a strained smile, before adding “it won’t be the same without you Haz.”

Harry smiled sadly. “Of course it won’t – I’m awesome” Harry tried for a light tone “but go and have fun anyway, yeah?”

Louis nodded, trying to ignore the way the other two boys were watching him closely. “I will. Goodbye Haz, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Lou. Love you.”

“Love you too H” he replied softly, reaching out and running a hand over the screen lightly as he had at the end of every call, before hanging up. He sat staring at the blank screen for several long seconds, before turning to find both boys looking at him with amused expressions.

“What?” he asked irritably.

“Nothing” Zayn replied, holding his hands up. “I’m saying nothing!”

“Good!” Louis answered. “Now what’s this rubbish about going out tonight? I don’t want to go out and you bloody well know it!”

“Yes – we know you’d rather sit here brooding about Harry all night” Zayn replied. “But it’s not healthy, so we’re taking you out on the town.”

“Yep, it’s for your own good” Stan added. “It’s about time you got drunk, and shagged, in that order. You won’t get over Harry if you don’t put yourself out there.”

Louis frowned. “I’ve been home for barely a few weeks! Harry and I have only been apart for that long – I have no interest in shagging anyone right now, you know that!”

The two boys shared another smirk and Louis snapped. “What? What the hell are you two smirking about?”

“So” Zayn drawled. “Let me just clarify here. You’re not together anymore?”

“You know the answer to that Zayn” Louis replied irritably.

Zayn nodded, murmuring his agreement. “It’s just…“ He let the sentence trail off, so Louis looked at him expectantly.

“What Zayn?” Louis prompted.

“What Zayn is getting at Lou” Stan replied. “Is that you say you’re not doing the long distance thing, but you spend all your time on Facebook, Instagram or Skype with him, and when you’re not, you’re counting the minutes till you are. No!” he held up a hand at Louis’ sound of protest “don’t even try to pretend you’re not!”

“You don’t go out because you’re always talking to Harry, and you end every call with “I love you” – which is not normal, Lou – not the way you mean it” added Zayn. “And now you’re telling us you have no interest in shagging anyone else? Sorry to break it to you mate, but you’re in a long distance relationship, even if you haven’t realised it yet.”

“Yeah” agreed Stan. “You can dress it up any way you like – but you, my friend, are in a relationship.”

Louis sat staring at Zayn, his mouth opening and closing for a full minute as Zayn’s words sank in. Finally, he sat back, staring into space.

“Jesus” he breathed. “I am aren’t I?”

He looked up and the other two boys nodded. “So why don’t you have a little think about that” Stan added. “Because if you don’t claim him, it won’t be long before someone else does!”

Zayn reached out, squeezing his shoulder. “You said it was too hard, Lou, but guess what? You’re already doing it. Look, I think you have some soul-searching to do mate” he told Louis. “Because if you’re honest, you and Harry were never going to be able to be just friends. You love each other too much. It was always going to be all or nothing with you two, that’s how it was from the beginning, and that’s the way it will always be. So you have a decision to make – and by that I mean that you need to decide once and for all if you want to be with him or not. Because at the end of the day, that really is all that’s important. I know you’re scared Lou, but everything you need to be happy is just on the other side of that fear – you just have to decide you want it badly enough and take a chance.”

Stan leaned down and hugged him. “We want you to be happy Lou, and I don’t think you are. Just think about it, OK?” He pulled back and Zayn wrapped his arms around Louis then.

“We’re here if you need to talk” he told Louis softly, and then they left, closing the door behind them with a quiet click.

 

***

 

Harry hung up from Louis and as he sat at his desk, he could hear the blood pounding in his ears. He was angry and he was upset, but most of all, he was panicking. He’d refrained from telling Louis he’d been investigating possible jobs in the UK, because he didn’t want to get his hopes up until he knew more about what was available – but he’d made some preliminary enquiries and was giving serious thought to relocating to be with Louis.

Now bloody Stan and Zayn were sticking their big fat noses in where they weren’t wanted and Harry was furious. He was also, unreasonably, angry at Louis for not telling them to shove it, even though he had no reason to. God, what a mess!

He went downstairs to get a drink, stomping through the kitchen, grabbing a cup out of the cupboard and slamming the door closed. He stalked to the fridge, opening it and surveying the contents before slamming it shut with too much force, not even getting anything out to drink. He ran a hand through his hair, pacing and muttering to himself, before noticing that Niall was sitting at the kitchen table, staring at him.

Niall had been watching his little tantrum with raised eyebrows. “What’s up your arse?” he enquired.

Harry was pacing back and forth, agitated and now he exploded. “He’s been home for a few weeks, Niall – _weeks!_ – and Zayn and Stan are dragging him out for a night on the town already, trying to get him laid! He only just got home, for fuck’s sake! And we only just broke up! We still love each other – he doesn’t need to go out clubbing and getting hit on already!”

“You don’t know that – he might not get hit on Harry” Niall told him, trying not to look amused. Their plan had worked brilliantly by the look of it – and if they’d done it properly, Louis would be similarly distressed at his end, but it was all for a good cause.

Harry rolled his eyes. “C’mon Niall, you’ve seen him. He’ll be getting hit on for sure – and what if he gets pissed and goes home with someone?”

Niall shrugged. “Well that would be none of your business Harry” he said quietly. “You’re just friends, remember? If you didn’t want him to be with anyone else, then you should have made sure he was taken, yeah?”

Harry glared at him, opened his mouth, and then closed it. He stood there, immobile as Brad’s words came flooding back to haunt him.

 _The decision should be easy_.

He sat down at the table. “Oh Niall” he muttered. “I’ve fucked everything up – I need to get him back!”

“I agree” Niall replied happily. “So here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to drive to work, request that Ian give you some well-deserved annual leave and then open your computer and find you the next available flight to the UK.”

Two hours later they were trawling the internet for the next available plane ticket out of Brisbane. He had no clear plan. He was winging it, with just a fire in his belly and a fervent hope he wasn’t too late, and yet it felt more right than anything else in the past few weeks.

It took most of the day to organise his leave with Ian and get himself packed, and by six o’clock that evening, he was checking in at Brisbane airport, his stomach fluttering at the thought of what he was doing. When he’d checked his bag, Liam and Niall both crowded into him for a group hug.

“Go get your boy Haz” Niall grinned.

“Good luck Harry” Liam smiled. “Give Louis a hug from us.”

When Niall and Liam had finished waving Harry through the gate, Niall pulled out his phone to text Zayn and warn him that Harry was on his way.

 

***  

 

Louis sat staring into space for half an hour after the boys left, their words echoing around in his head. He had realised two things with absolute clarity as he sat there staring at the screen where Harry’s face had been just moments earlier.

The first was that he had completely and utterly fucked things up. No matter how much he had protested being in a long distance relationship, he was behaving exactly like somebody that was in one – and more importantly, he _wanted_ to be in it.

The second was that the boys were right. He and Harry would always be all or nothing, and he knew he’d never be happy with anything less than all-in. How had it taken coming all the way home for him to realise it? What an idiot he’d been!

He was madly, stupidly, irrevocably in love with Harry, and home had somehow become wherever Harry was. That realisation made his pulse quicken, because he knew what he had to do.

He did, indeed have some soul searching to do, and he knew just who could help.

 

***  

 

“Do you think it worked?” Stan asked Zayn as they sipped on their pints at the pub later that night.

Zayn shrugged. “Dunno, he’s pretty bloody stubborn. I hope so though – they’re perfect for each other. He just needs to get out of his own way, you know? He’s so scared to give it a go – that’s the real issue here. He’s always been like that, guarding his heart. He needs to realise it’s too late for that – he was already in too deep with Harry. Just saying it had to end doesn’t mean anything. The heart wants what it wants man.”

“That’s fucking poetic Z” Stan told him with a grin. “You should write a book about love, seeing as you’re now an expert and all.”

“Fuck off” Zayn told him, grinning despite his efforts not to. “Hopefully we at least called him on his bullshit and made him face up to things. The rest will be up to him.”

Zayn’s phone buzzed then, and he grinned down at it, causing Stan to make a gagging sound. “God you’re revolting now you’re in love – I can tell that’s him, you know, just by your face. It really is sickening.”

Zayn simply gave him a shit-eating grin as he opened Niall’s text. When he looked down, his eyes widened and he whistled. “Holy Shit!” he breathed out, before turning the phone around to show Stan the message. “Looks like we got a reaction out of someone at least!”

Stan grinned as he replied “Holy Shit is right! Should we tell Louis?”

“No way” Zayn answered with a grin. “Don’t wanna spoil the surprise!”

 

***  

 

Jay was making tea when Louis entered the kitchen and she looked up and smiled. “Cuppa Lou?” she asked casually.

“Yeah, that’d be great mum, thanks” he replied, taking a seat at the bench.

When she’d made the tea, she brought both cups over to the bench and placed one in front of him. She waited, watching as he took a sip and he looked down, plucking at a loose thread on his pants, not knowing quite where to start.

Jay sighed. “So, is this where you finally tell me you’re in love with Harry?” she asked.

Louis’ head shot up and he looked at her with a shocked expression, making her snort out a laugh. “Oh Boo, did you really think I didn’t know?”

“But, how?” he asked.

“I knew before you even came home, love” she smiled fondly at him. “Every time we skyped you in Australia, your face was glowing when you spoke about him, and when I met him on Skype I could see he felt the same about you. I wasn’t sure how serious it was, but it became obvious the minute you arrived home. You have a little aura of sadness about you now – the only time you light up is when he calls or texts or sends a message. It’s like it’s the same you, only not quite as vibrant as normal – like something is missing.”

Louis ignored the tear that was making its way down his cheek and looked up at Jay. “Is it that obvious?” he asked.

She reached out and wiped the tear away, smiling softly at him. “Maybe not to everybody, but then I’ve known you longer than anyone else, haven’t I?” Louis nodded and she continued. “Wanna tell me about it?” she asked.

So Louis started speaking, and soon it had all spilled out – everything from the very start to right that moment and when he finished, his cheeks were tear-stained and his voice was thick with emotion.

“Oh Louis” his mother sighed. “What were you thinking? Don’t you realise that you’ll always be a part of the girl’s lives, no matter where you are? They won’t fall apart if you’re in Australia, I promise. It’ll be different and we’ll all need to adjust, but you can’t never leave home because you think they need you too much.”

“It’s not just that” Louis answered. “I need them too. I want to be here to see them grow up, I want to browbeat their boyfriends and help mend broken hearts. I want to be there when they need me.”

“And who says you won’t be?” Jay asked. “It’s not the dark ages Louis! We have Skype and social media and that wonderful invention, the telephone! Also, in case you haven’t noticed, we do alright financially and could afford to visit. In fact I wouldn’t mind a holiday to Australia and now I’d have an excuse. Look Lou, the girls will very soon have their own lives – Lottie and Fizzy are already barely home. Don’t sacrifice your own happiness my love. God knows love doesn’t come along every day – so when it does, you need to grasp it with both hands!”

Louis looked at his mum, face crumpling as he realised just what a mess he’d made of things. “Mum” he choked out. “I want to be with him!”

She reached across and squeezed his hand. “I think it’s time we paid a visit to the visa office, don’t you? We’ll go tomorrow after your classes. We may not be able to get you there before Christmas, but maybe we’ll be able to get you there in time for a New Year’s kiss.”

 

***  

 

Louis went to bed that night feeling more excited than he’d ever been, the blanket of unhappiness lifting and making him feel lighter than he had in weeks. He was buzzing, nervous but having no doubt he’d made the right decision. He’d tried skyping Harry back, but had got no answer. He figured Harry had gone to work, so he sent him a text telling him he needed to speak with him as soon as he got home. He hadn’t said anything except that it was important.

He tossed and turned, unable to sleep much and by four in the morning, he was too keyed up to wait any longer. He needed Harry to know he’d changed his mind.

He sat up and pulled his laptop over onto the bed, knowing Harry would be home from work by now. He quickly dialled his number and waited impatiently for Harry to answer.

It rang several times before Louis realised that Harry wasn’t there and he sagged, disappointed. He shot off another text, asking Harry again to skype him as soon as he could, then he settled back in bed to wait. He texted Niall and Liam as well, but neither answered – maybe they were somewhere together, he thought.

He made himself a cup of tea and then climbed back into his bed, drowsy but excited, and waited for Harry to call. When he heard nothing from Harry, he tried calling him several more times to no avail, and then he had to get ready and leave for work. He growled in frustration. Now he’d made his decision, he was desperate to tell Harry. _Where the hell was he?_

 

 


	18. I Won't let Go Of You, I Swear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK. So my deepest apologies for making you wait for this. As some of you already know, my beautiful cousin passed away after losing her battle with cancer, and I was so terribly sad that writing was impossible for a little bit. A huge thank you to those of you that messaged me condolences - you are so lovely!
> 
> Hopefully a nice long chapter with a mushy reunion (and some reunion smut) will make it worth the wait! As always, I owe all the love and admiration in the world to my beautiful beta, who is a fountain of knowledge and advice, as well as a true sweetheart - you rock Sassy_Boo_Bear!! <3
> 
>  
> 
> Love to everyone :) xx

 

_ _

 

_“As soon as I can hold you once again_

_I won’t let go of you I swear…”_

_James Bay_

 

Louis was preoccupied all day at work, barely able to concentrate with the nervous energy coursing through his veins. He had been trying, unsuccessfully, to go about his day as he normally would, and behave in the usual way. But there was nothing usual about this day for him – everything in his life was about to change and it felt like a monumental step that he was taking.

He was feeling such a mix of emotions – anxious, excited and madly, desperately in love – and he felt like his body was having trouble containing everything he was feeling, his skin threatening to tear open and spill all that emotion out. It was so overwhelming, and yet here he was, robotically going through the motions of teaching as if nothing had changed, outwardly appearing for all the world as if this was just another day.

On the inside, though, he was buzzing with the knowledge that this wasn’t just another day. He desperately wanted to blurt out to his students that he was moving to Australia, that he was in love with the most beautiful boy in the world. Instead, he asked them to turn to page 52 and outlined their work for the day.

All the while, the need to speak to Harry was gnawing at him, leaving him feeling twitchy and raw. By the time class broke for lunch, it was the middle of the night in Australia and Louis was reluctant to wake Harry, but he knew it couldn’t wait. He needed to speak to him and share the news before he burst. He also knew that there was a small insecure part of him that needed to know Harry wanted this as much as he did.

He pulled out his phone and dialed the number, his heart pounding in his ears as he waited for Harry to pick up. It went straight to voicemail, however, and Louis frowned as his shoulders slumped with disappointment. Harry’s phone must be off. _Damn_.

He tried Niall and Liam again, desperate now to get a message to Harry, but neither answered their phones. _Where was everyone when he had just made what felt like one of the most important decisions of his life?_

 

***  

 

“Niall?” Zayn answered his phone as he put the finishing touches on a new artwork. “Hey love! What are you doing awake? Isn’t it…“

“The middle of the night? Yes, but it’s urgent” Niall interrupted, his voice croaky with sleep. “Listen, we need to come up with a cover story to tell Louis! He keeps calling our phones – presumably because he can’t reach Harry. We haven’t picked up yet, but we can’t just ignore him or he’ll get suspicious!”

“Um, ok, sure. But, what should I tell him?” Zayn asked.

“Well, what about this? Tell him that Harry got called out on a rescue mission from work yesterday for some whales” Niall began. “And then, like, there was no reception on the boat? And he’s still out there, like… with the whales.”

“Whales?” Zayn repeated dumbly.

“Yeah” Niall replied. “What do you think?”

Zayn made a non-committal grunt. “I think it sounds a bit far-fetched, to be honest, but you’re the marine biologist” he answered shrugging. “So what will I tell him about you and Liam not answering your phones?”

“Well… I could have joined Harry after I told you what was happening, which would put me out of range too” Niall replied.

“So you’re on the boat now too?” Zayn asked skeptically.

“Mhm” Niall agreed.

“Saving whales?” Zayn added.

“Work with me here Zayn!” Niall answered, borderline hysterical. “It’s the best I got – unless you’ve got any better ideas?”

“I’ve got nothing” Zayn replied after a moment’s pause.

“Alright then, this is what we’re going with – so make sure you sell it!” Niall told him. “Besides, it won’t matter once Harry arrives, we just have to buy some time!”

Zayn grinned at his adorable, wonderful, beautiful boyfriend. “Leave it with me” he said softly. “I’ll take care of it.”

“Thanks Babe!” Niall answered affectionately. “Oh!” he added. “And tell him Liam and Sophia are away for a few days on a romantic getaway! That should make him leave Liam alone.”

“Are they saving Whales on this getaway?” Zayn asked, chuckling.

“Shut up!” Niall giggled. “Just go and make Louis believe the story, ok?”

“Don’t worry love” Zayn told him. “I got this.”

 

***    

 

“Whales?” Louis was frowning at Zayn later that afternoon as he, Zayn and Stan were sharing a pint at the pub after Louis had finished work. “Rescuing them from what?”

Zayn looked over Louis’ shoulder and could see Stan barely holding it together as he watched Zayn flounder. He glared at him before turning back to Louis.

“Um, not really sure” he replied vaguely, terrified Louis could see right through him. “Niall just called me quickly before he went out of range to join the boat, so I didn’t get the whole story. He just wanted me to tell you in case you were trying to contact Harry. He, um, he hadn’t expected to be out there for so long, but, um, it was taking longer than they thought… or something.” He quickly took a sip of his beer to hide the panic he was sure was written all over his face. He really hadn’t thought through the details of this story at all.

Thankfully, Louis didn’t seem to question whether it was true or not, simply taking a swig of his beer before groaning in frustration. “Worst possible timing” he whined. “I make the decision to move to Australia for him and I can’t even tell him! I feel like I’m gonna explode if I don’t speak to him soon!”

“I’m sure you’ll be speaking with him before you know it mate” Zayn answered more confidently, sharing a secret smile with Stan over Louis’ shoulders.

“Yeah, I guess” Louis sighed. “Bloody whales!” he added as an afterthought, and Stan snorted into his beer, almost choking on it, earning himself a glare from Zayn and a confused look from Louis.

“Sorry” he mumbled, biting back the laughter. “Went down the wrong way.”

“Listen” Zayn diverted Louis’ attention. “It’s Friday night, so instead of moping around because our boyfriends are otherwise engaged, why don’t we have a boys night at my place? We’ll order some beer and pizza and have a Marvel movie marathon. What do you say?”

Louis looked like he was going to decline, so Zayn shot a pleading look to Stan, who immediately stepped in. “I’m in! C’mon Lou, we haven’t had a real boys night in for a while – if you’re not careful I’ll think you’re neglecting our friendship.”

That seemed to convince Louis and he reluctantly agreed, so they finished their pints and headed for Zayn’s place, where Louis slipped into some of Zayn’s sweatpants and an old t-shirt, before snuggling between the two boys on the couch.

Three pizzas, four beers and two movies later, they called it a night, with Louis sleeping in Zayn’s bed with him and Stan taking the couch.

 

***  

 

Louis slept fitfully, tossing and turning. He was restless and unable to stop the million and one thoughts that were stampeding through his brain. He had run the gauntlet of emotions in the early hours after midnight, from niggling doubts about moving away from his family, to fear of the unknown, and finally to the realisation that despite the fear, this decision was the only one that could make him truly happy.

By the time three thirty came, he was wrung out and having trouble keeping his eyes open. He reached for his phone, unable to resist shooting off a quick text to Harry, before finally dropping off into a deep sleep.

When Zayn’s phone vibrated an hour and a half later, he quickly silenced it, checking to make sure Louis was asleep before he slid carefully out of the bed and threw on some sweatpants and a hoody. He crept out of the room and woke Stan quietly as he put on his shoes and coat.

“Mmhm, wha?” Stan mumbled, groggy and disoriented.

“I’m off to pick Harry up from the airport” Zayn whispered to him. “It’s your job to keep Louis here till we get back.”

“OK” Stan murmured, before rolling back over and promptly going back to sleep. Zayn shook him again.

“Stan!” he whispered loudly now. “Don’t go back to sleep, this is important!”

Stan sighed, rolling over and sitting up. “Fine” he moaned grumpily. “I’ll make some tea and guard the fucking door. Happy?”

“Yes” Zayn replied with a grin.

“Then get a fucking move on you twat!” Stan grinned back at him.

 

***  

 

Harry stood and stretched his back as he waited for his bag to come out at the baggage carousel at Manchester airport. The 26 hour flight had been brutal and he was dehydrated, stiff and sore.

He was also a little nervous, but mostly just vibrating with anticipation as he prepared to go and surprise Louis. He had made some fairly big decisions in the past thirty six hours, and while he knew without a doubt that he needed to be with Louis, he was still completely freaking out inside at the thought of giving up his job and his life in Australia. He felt like he was standing on a precipice, about to fall into the unknown and it was more than a little scary.

He could hardly believe he was here – home for the first time in more than two years. He hadn’t even told his family he was coming, too focused on getting to Louis to think about anything else. He would have to call them once he’d seen Louis.

His lips curved slightly upward in a secret smile as he thought about seeing Louis. His hands were itching to touch him, hold him, and he felt a wave of pure need wash over him as he imagined having Louis in his arms once again.

He could feel the impatience start to gnaw at him as he searched the carousel for his bag.

Of course, his was the last bag to come out – at least that’s what it felt like when he finally saw the familiar faded blue suitcase. He gave a little choked noise of relief, rushing over to drag it unceremoniously off the moving belt and make his way to the door at top speed.

He rushed outside into the early morning air, and _holy shit!_ Surely it was never this cold when he lived here? He absolutely would have remembered cold like this, he was positive. He felt like his veins were suddenly filled with ice water and the frigid wind went right through him, stealing his breath. He muttered out a few choice curse words, his breath a visible puff of fog, as he dived into his bag, pulling out extra layers of clothing and his coat and scarf, putting everything on in record time while huffing out freezing breaths as he danced on the spot.

He heard his name being called and looked up to see a smiling Zayn walking toward him.

“I see living in Australia has made you soft mate” Zayn teased. “Bit cold are we?” he asked as he grabbed Harry and pulled him into a hug. Harry laughed as he hugged him back.

“Just a bit, yeah” Harry chuckled. “Don’t remember it being this cold. I can’t feel my fingers!”

Zayn laughed and bent down to pick up Harry’s bag. “C’mon then, let’s get you to Louis and get you warmed up” he winked.

That sounded like a good idea to Harry, and he grinned, almost ready to self-combust with excitement.

They loaded Harry’s bags in the boot of Zayn’s car and then jumped in, the engine spluttering to life. When they were on the motorway into town, Harry looked around him, everything feeling foreign and yet somehow still familiar all at once. At some point in the five years he’d been in Australia, it had become his home and he suddenly realised it was going to take some time to get used to the UK again.

“I’m glad you’re here” Zayn’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “Lou’s gonna shit himself. He’s been a bit of a wreck since yesterday.”

“What?” Harry’s head whipped around. “Is he alright?”

“Yeah, yeah he’s fine” Zayn replied quickly. “He just um, really wanted to speak to you, so we had to make up a story so he’d stop texting you and wouldn’t get suspicious.”

Harry wasn’t even listening to Zayn as he pulled out his phone, switching it on for the first time since he’d left Australia and it let out a string of notification beeps. He ignored the many Facebook message notifications, instead pulling up his texts.

_**From Lewwwiissss 12.36pm** _

_Haz, where are you???????? U need to Skype me – it’s important!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_**From Lewwwiissss 3.45pm** _

_U are in big trouble Curly!!! – don’t think u can ignore me like this and not suffer the consequences._ _L_

_**From Lewwwiissss 4.45pm** _

_Seriously Haz – are we OK? I’m getting worried._

_**From Niall 6.30pm** _

_Have a great trip mate – go get your boy! Xx_

**_From Zayn 7.09pm_ **

_Hey mate, I’ll be at the airport to pick you up. I have your flight details. C U Soon!_

_**From Lewwwiissss 7.15pm** _

_Haz, u need to call me I have important news! Please?_

_**From Lewwwiissss 9.45pm** _

_Niall told us what happened – good luck with the whales and when you get back u need to call me!!!!_

_“Whales?” Harry asked with a confused frown._

_Zayn chuckled. “It’s a long story. We had to make up a marine emergency to account for you not being available for twenty four hours.”_

_Harry raised his eyebrows, laughing and shaking his head. “Do I even want to know?” he asked._

_“Probably not” Zayn giggled, and Harry looked back down to his phone with a smile still on his lips._

__

_**From Lewwwiissss 3.45am** _

_I love you x_

The last text was sent only three hours ago. Harry looked up at Zayn. “Can you go any faster Zayn?” he asked softly, the need to hold Louis in his arms almost overwhelming him.

 

***  

 

As Zayn pulled into his car space downstairs from his flat, Harry’s stomach was clenching and his nerve endings were tingling, his whole body screaming _LouisLouisLouis_. The butterflies in his stomach intensified as Zayn unloaded his bag and Harry followed him up the flight of stairs to his flat. Zayn barely had a key in the door, when it was opened from the inside and a smiling Stan greeted them cheerfully.

“Hello lads!” he smiled, stepping back to let them in. “Sleeping Beauty is still snoozing.” He put his hand out to Harry. “So we finally meet Harry! It’s good to see you mate!”

“You too Stan, great to finally meet you in person” Harry replied with a smile.

Zayn turned to Harry. “Alright Haz, we’re gonna leave now and give you some privacy, so you can surprise him. We’ll be back in a couple of hours. Feel free to use the shower or whatever – but don’t shag in my bed!”

“Fair enough” Harry smiled. “And thanks again mate – for everything.”

“No problem” Zayn replied, putting a hand on his shoulder. “We just want you two to be happy, yeah?”

Harry smiled back at him and nodded. “Me too.”

The boys exited the flat, wishing him luck with lots of winking and thumbs up signs, and Harry couldn’t help but grin and shake his head at the two loveable idiots.

When he’d shut the door, he dumped his bags in the lounge room and headed along the hallway to the bedroom, slowly and quietly opening the door. He approached the bed and stopped just short of the mattress, taking a moment to drink in the sight in front of him as his heart did a painful flip-flop and started hammering wildly.

Louis was curled up under the duvet, only his head sticking out and laying across the pillow with his eyes closed. His long eyelashes were sitting prettily on his cheeks and his mouth was open. He had a slight scruff on his jaw and chin and Harry could hear a soft snore every time he exhaled. His hair was sticking up in every direction and he was mesmerising. Harry could hardly believe he was finally here and that this beautiful creature was his and his chest tightened as he felt a rush of affection hit him.

He stared down at Louis, breathless and smiling stupidly, until his body was crying out with the need to touch. He took a steadying breath, trying to calm his pulse as he moved forward, gently picking up the side of the duvet and sliding underneath.

The movement stirred Louis, and with his eyes still closed, he growled at the intrusion. “Stop moving around Z” he grumbled, yanking at the duvet and snuggling further under the covers.

Harry grinned, leaning down to place his lips against Louis’ ear. “Not Zayn” he whispered against Louis’ ear, as he slid a hand over the warm skin of Louis’ chest.

The moment Harry’s words registered, Louis’ eyes sprang open and he let out a gasp as he looked at Harry with complete shock. “Harry?” he breathed out, almost afraid that he was dreaming. Harry grinned at him, hand still moving over his chest, and nodded.

“It’s me Lou” he murmured.

Louis’ mouth opened and closed as he registered the fact that Harry was really there, then he let out a whimper and reached for Harry, tears already welling as he pulled him into a fierce hug. “Oh God” he choked out. “I missed you so much Haz.”

“I missed you too babe” Harry replied, pulling back to wipe away the tears now spilling down Louis’ cheeks. “Missed you so much I just had to see you.” He leaned down and kissed Louis tenderly, with all the pent up emotion of the last few weeks, mixed with the joy of finally having Louis in his arms and Louis clutched at his shoulders, kissing him back until the exchange went from sweet and yearning to urgent and greedy and all rational thought was abandoned. There was so much they wanted to say to each other, needed to say, but words were lost in the heat of the moment, in the pure joy of touching again.

As Harry pressed his lips to Louis’ neck, Louis made a low growling sound in his throat and started clawing at Harry’s clothes, yanking and pulling at them until Harry was able to wriggle out of them, all the while keeping his mouth on Louis’. When they’d both shed their clothes, Harry pinned Louis to the bed, fitting himself to the dips and curves of Louis’ body before taking his mouth again, his tongue sliding inside to tangle with Louis’ and he felt Louis arch up into him, their bodies moving together and making Harry shudder. Louis let out a filthy moan, biting down on Harry’s bottom lip and they were both panting, hips rocking back together instinctively.

Harry moved then, sliding down Louis’ body, leaving a trail of fire as his mouth worked its way down the smooth skin, pausing to leave marks as he went, but not lingering long. When he sucked a mark into the dip where Louis’ hips met his thigh, Louis moaned loudly and rolled his hips up impatiently, panting heavily now and sliding his fingers into Harry’s curls, pulling hard enough to make Harry whine and thrust into the mattress beneath him. He wasted no time then, taking Louis into his mouth, sucking long and slow down the length of his shaft and drawing a low moan from his lips.

Louis gripped Harry’s hair tightly and felt his eyes roll back in his head as Harry’s warm, hot mouth enveloped him, humming around him as he sucked harder, dragging up and then plunging back down, all the while moaning like he loved it, like he couldn’t get enough.

“Fuck” Louis whimpered, his hips lifting of their own accord to meet Harry’s mouth, and Louis could feel himself hit the back of Louis’ throat before Harry was lifting off again, drawing hard as he withdrew. “Not gonna last Haz, God! Your mouth…” he panted out as Harry sank back down, sliding his hands underneath Louis’ arse cheeks and squeezing as he pushed up, encouraging Louis to thrust into his mouth.

“Jesus” Louis breathed as he tentatively thrust upward, Harry taking him all the way down his throat and still holding his bottom. Louis pulled back and thrust again, Harry pushing him from below and whining as he sucked him down. He could feel the heat building in his groin, the pressure in his body pulling everything to his core as he thrust in and out of Harry’s glorious mouth. His whole body felt tensed, like a taut rubber band waiting to snap, the delicious anticipation almost too much. He started making small keening sounds each time Harry swallowed him down and when Harry ran his tongue hard across the slit, Louis saw stars.

The pressure released suddenly in an explosion of color and light and he climaxed with a broken cry, shuddering as he came down, Harry’s mouth gently sucking him through the aftershocks, before he pulled off and knelt between Louis’ legs, wrapping a hand around himself and in just a few frantic strokes, was coming all over Louis’ stomach with a gasp. He then fell onto the bed beside Louis, gathering him up in his arms, ignoring the slick come covering him, and Louis lay his head on Harry’s chest, hand coming to rest above his heart.

They lay there, silent, Harry running his hand through Louis’ hair and simply relished the feeling of being wrapped around each other again. Louis listened to Harry’s rapidly beating heart beneath him and felt all the doubts, worries and agitation of the past few days retreat as everything fell into place. It was like Harry’s presence soothed his soul and calmed his mind and he sighed happily as he lay boneless and sated.

“So” Louis murmured sleepily. “I guess there was no whales then?”

Harry let out a croaky huff of laughter, his voice raspy. “No” he replied with a small smile, before hesitating, letting the silence lengthen before speaking again.

“I’m quitting my job, Lou” he then said quietly.

Louis lifted his head, gaping at Harry. “What? What are you talking about?” he asked.

Harry looked at him, tracing a finger down his cheek and smiling fondly. “I love my job, Lou, but I love you more than anything. I’m miserable without you, so I’m moving back to the UK. I want to be with you. I’m not losing you again.”

Louis simply stared at him. “But… but your job is… what would you even do here?”

Harry shrugged. “Haven’t actually worked that out yet. I didn’t exactly have it all figured out when I got on a plane – I just knew I needed to be with you.”

Louis frowned at him. “You’d really give up your job for me?” he asked.

Harry nodded. “Mhm” he reached down and cupped Louis’ cheek with his hand. “I love you Lou. I want a future with you” he shrugged. “It’s that simple.”

Louis’ eyes filled again with tears, but this time they were tears of happiness. “I love you too” he told Harry softly, leaning up to kiss him tenderly on the lips. He pulled back and looked into Harry’s eyes. “That’s why I could never let you give up your job for me.”

“But…” Harry was interrupted by Louis’ finger being placed over his lips.

“Shh” Louis told him, smiling. “Hear me out. You don’t need to give up your job Haz, because I’m moving to Australia.”

Harry gasped. “What? I thought…“

“That’s why I’ve been trying to reach you – because I suddenly realised with absolute clarity that home for me is wherever you are, and that I’ll never be truly happy without you. I was scared of changing my whole life to take a chance on another person, but the truth is, my life was already changed – nothing felt the same since I came home, everything felt wrong without you. So there really was no choice. I love you so much Harry. I can’t give you up either.”

Harry felt a tear trickle down his cheek and pulled Louis back into his arms. “I love you too Louis, so very much.” He pulled back.   “Are you sure about this?” he asked.

Louis smiled. “I’ve never been surer of anything in my life Curly” he replied, sliding a hand around Harry’s neck and pulling him in for another kiss.

They lay kissing lazily, exploring each other’s mouths and reveling in the feel of each other, before Harry pulled back, grimacing. “Oops! I forgot that Zayn said we weren’t allowed to shag in his bed.”

Louis chuckled. “Don’t worry about it – that’ll get him back for not telling me you were coming! In fact” he rolled them over, pushing Harry into the mattress and placing a kiss on his neck. “I think we need to mess these sheets up a little bit more before we’re even.”

Harry grinned, his dick already twitching in response. “I’m in favour of that plan!” he chuckled as Louis bit down on his neck, making him gasp.

However, after not being able to locate any lube in Zayn’s room or bathroom, they decided to take a shower together instead, standing in the bath tub under the steaming water from the shower overhead, and simply holding each other, before washing each other’s bodies with soapy hands.

When Louis turned Harry to face the tiles and slid a soapy finger between his cheeks, Harry moaned, arching backward to give Louis better access. Louis bit down on his shoulder before soothing it with his tongue and slowly thrust his finger in and out, his other hand reaching around to stroke his cock slowly in time with his fingers.

“Can hardly believe you’re here” Louis breathed into his ear. “Fuck Harry, you’re so fucking gorgeous like this.”

By the time he reached two fingers, Harry was moaning his name and when he added a third, brushing his prostate on every stroke, Harry started writhing back onto his hand. He quickened his pace, stroking Harry’s cock with more purpose as he thrust his fingers in and out, and Harry’s legs started trembling as he panted and moaned, mumbling incoherently. He started rocking his hips wildly, torn between rocking forward into Louis’ hand or back onto his fingers and Louis ran a finger over his slit as he brushed back past his prostate, sucking on his neck as he came apart beneath him, come streaking onto the tiles as he cried out. His hips continued to rock back and forth as he came down, and then he was turning in Louis’ arms, pulling him into an open-mouthed kiss.

Harry then dropped to his knees, pulling Louis down with him. “Turn around, lean over the edge of the bath” he commanded roughly, and Louis felt his cock grow impossibly hard as he complied, loving Harry taking control and knowing exactly what he was going to do. He bent over the bath tub, leaning forward and arching back, anticipation making him quiver as he waited for Harry to touch him.

“So beautiful” Harry murmured, as he parted Louis’ cheeks, before leaning forward and sliding his tongue over the puckered ring and making Louis groan. Harry’s mouth was relentless, working at Louis’ hole and sliding his tongue in and out as he reached between his legs and took hold of his throbbing length, stroking at a pace to match his tongue.

Louis was crying out over and over, the pleasure intense as Harry sucked and licked at him, his hand stroking him harder and harder, until he splintered, shards of sensation shooting through his body as he climaxed with a shout, his head spinning with the strength of it.

They collapsed into the bottom of the tub, a tangle of limbs that were too small for the space, but somehow they made it work, laying there until the water became lukewarm and they had to switch it off and get out. They dried off and slipped back into bed, exhausted. Harry’s jet lag well and truly had a hold of him and he drifted into a deep sleep almost immediately. Louis lay beside him, running a hand through his curls and simply watching him sleep as his lids got heavier. He was brimming with happiness, overflowing with it, as he finally curled up around Harry and followed him into a deep contented slumber.

They were woken a couple of hours later by an irate Zayn, who let out a loud “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me?” when he returned and found them curled up naked in his bed. Both boys groaned as they were dragged from their sleep, but immediately smiled at each other as they woke wrapped around each other.

“Hi” Harry smiled softly down at him.

“Hi” Louis replied, just as stupidly happy.

Zayn cleared his throat and crossed his arms, scowling down at them. “What was the one thing I asked you not to do?” he bellowed.

“Shag in your bed” Harry replied happily.

“That’s right!” Zayn replied. “And yet here you are in all your naked glory, sexing up my bed! Kindly get the fuck out!”

“Alright, alright” Louis answered, rolling out of bed and reaching for his clothes. “And just so you know – I’d clean the bath before you use it again yeah?”

Harry snorted as Zayn’s eyes widened. “What? Oh, ewwww! Fuck you! Now get out you two fuckers! I’m gonna have to bleach everything now you dirty bastards!”

Louis and Harry were giggling as they quickly dressed and Zayn shook his head, marching out to the kitchen to put the kettle on. When they came out and wrapped him in a three way hug, he wriggled about, trying to break free, but he was smiling.

“Crazy fucking idiots!” he teased fondly as they let him go. “So are we all sorted?” he drawled, his eyebrows raised. “Do we have our shit together yet? Hmm?”

“As a matter of fact we do” Louis answered softly, leaning into Harry, who immediately brought his arms up to envelop Louis. “Looks like I’m moving to Australia too Z.”

Zayn let out a whoop before throwing his arms around both of them. “I’m so happy Lou!” he said excitedly. “Now I won’t have to miss my best mate!” His smile dropped then. “Now go and change my sheets while I make the tea you shithead.”

 

***  

 

When Louis arrived home later in the morning, Harry in tow, it was Saturday breakfast chaos at its finest, with everyone talking at once as Jay made pancakes. The boys stood in the doorway to the kitchen and Harry swallowed audibly as he looked around him, eyes wide. Louis squeezed his hand, sensing he was a bit nervous.

“Don’t worry” he whispered. “I know they look daunting en masse, but they’re pretty harmless!”

Harry nodded and smiled back at him just as Daisy noticed their presence.

“Lou!” she called out, and the chatter ceased as everybody registered Harry’s presence. Lottie’s mouth had fallen open and Fizzy was watching curiously from her place at the table next to Dan, who raised his eyebrows as he realised who was standing next to Louis. Daisy and Phoebe were openly gaping at Harry, who they had recognised from Facebook and Skype.

“Everybody” Louis smiled smugly. “This is Harry, but I guess you already knew that.”

Jay’s eyes had widened as she had taken in the sight of Harry standing in her kitchen doorway with her son. “Harry?” she asked, not quite able to believe what she was seeing.

Harry chuckled. “Yes, hi Jay” he answered, moving toward her as she came out from behind the kitchen counter and enveloped him in a hug.

“Well” she replied, grinning as she hugged him tightly. “This is a bit of a shock!”

“Yeah, sorry for just showing up” he answered sheepishly. “I wanted to surprise Lou.”

She pulled back and put a hand to his cheek. “And what a lovely surprise it is” she said fondly. “Now come and sit and have some pancakes, you must be starving!”

Harry sat at the table and the twins immediately crowded him, causing Louis to roll his eyes. “Don’t sit all over him girls” he scolded. “Give him some room!”

Harry smiled at them, pulling a funny face, and they giggled, squeezing up even closer and unapologetically inspecting him.

“You look a bit different in person than on the computer” Phoebe commented as she looked him up and down.

“I do?” Harry grinned. “Well you look different too” he leaned closer to add “much prettier in person!” Phoebe preened under his praise, but Daisy didn’t speak, just watched Harry quietly, her eyes never leaving him as he spoke with Lottie and Fizzy, before answering some questions from Dan and Jay.

Harry took the attention in his stride, charming the whole family with his dimpled smile and sweet nature, chatting easily with them all. Louis couldn’t help beaming with pride as he sat beside Harry at the table and he knew he looked like the besotted fool he was, but he didn’t care. Harry was here. He’d come across the world for him, prepared to give up everything to be with him, and Louis was ridiculously in love with him.

Every last doubt he’d had over the past twenty four hours had disappeared, replaced with a bone deep certainty that he was making the right decision. He and Harry had a kind of inevitability about them, a feeling of forever that permeated every touch, every soft look. He linked his hand with Harry’s under the table and Harry turned to him with a soft smile, the one he saved just for Louis, and for a brief moment, everything else fell away and Louis’ breath hitched at the love radiating from Harry. When they heard a throat being cleared, they broke the look, both blushing, and Louis looked up to see his mother smiling at him fondly. He beamed back at her. He’d never been happier than in this moment.

When Harry yawned, Jay immediately shooed them upstairs so Harry could take a nap. By the time they reached the top of the stairs, Harry was nearly half asleep, clumsy and completely endearing as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

Louis tucked him into his bed, then settled beside him, spooning around him and sliding an arm over his waist. Harry made a contented sound and immediately lay his arms over Louis’, holding it in place.

“I really should leave you to rest” Louis murmured. “But I can’t. I’ve missed you so much H.”

Harry didn’t answer. He was already asleep, his breathing slow and even, and Louis grinned as he closed his eyes and drifted off beside him.

 

***

 

Over the following few days, the ease with which Harry fitted himself into Louis’ family didn’t exactly surprise him – he knew they’d like Harry, who didn’t? – but Louis still found himself watching with amusement as one by one, they all fell completely and utterly in love with Harry.

Jay had been easy – from the moment she had found out he’d been willing to give up his dream job to be with Louis, she’d shed a tear and, Louis suspected, started planning their wedding.

Louis had no leave left from work after taking three months off, so he reluctantly headed off to the school on Monday, as did the girls. Jay had worked night shift, so she and Harry were the only ones at home, with Dan at his surgery.

When Louis returned from work that afternoon, it was to find Harry and Jay in the kitchen, giggling as they drank a glass of wine and cooked dinner together. _I really shouldn’t be surprised_ , he thought, rolling his eyes, but secretly thrilled Harry and Jay had hit it off so well.

“I see how it is” he drawled as he entered the room, dropping his bag and wandering over to Harry’s side as Harry leaned in and kissed him sweetly. He tried, and failed, to keep the smitten look off his face. “Some of us are out there working hard while you lot are lazing around drinking wine!”

“Heeey” Harry pouted. “We baked as well.” He smiled a lop-sided grin and Louis couldn’t help but be completely endeared.

“Oh! Well as long as there was baking, I guess it’s OK” he teased, wrapping his arms around Harry’s waist, Harry’s arms coming up to pull him in close.

“Missed you” Harry mumbled quietly in his ear and Louis grinned like a schoolgirl with her first crush.

“Missed you too babe” he whispered back, leaning up to gently kiss Harry’s lips. “So what’s for dinner?” he asked, leaning over the pots on the stove.

“Beef Stew with dumplings” Harry said proudly. “And chocolate brownies for dessert because I know that’s your favourite – _Boo-Bear_ ” he added, grinning as Louis’ face went beetroot red and he glared at his mother.

“I cannot believe you shared that!” he told his mother, who was chuckling along with Harry.

“Awww, are you sad _Boo-Bear_?” Harry teased, squeezing Louis tightly as he fought to break free, protesting the whole time about traitorous mothers and boyfriends who should know their place.

“I’m going upstairs to change” he replied with as much dignity as he could when he broke free of Harry’s hold, grabbing his bag and walking to the door. “See if you can behave yourselves while I’m gone.”

As he exited the kitchen he heard Jay and Harry burst out laughing and he shook his head, groaning, and trudged up the stairs to his room. He would never admit to the tiny smile curving up the corners of his lips, but it was there nonetheless.

 

***  

 

Lottie and Fizzy were starry eyed whenever Harry was in the same room and Harry really took the time to get to know them, chatting for hours and even braiding Lottie’s hair, which caught Louis by surprise when he arrived home from work on Tuesday to find them sitting in the lounge room.

Daisy and Phoebe were sitting on the couch pretending to watch Frozen, but really watching Harry as he sat on a chair behind Lottie, who was sitting on the floor, and braided her long hair in a neat waterfall braid. Lottie was complaining to Harry about her disastrous ex-boyfriend and Harry was nodding as he braided, making all the right objectionable noises whenever Lottie told him another horrendous thing he’d done and commenting on what a loser he must have been not to see how amazing she was. Lottie was glowing at his praise and Louis raised his eyebrows.

Fizzy was sitting beside Lottie on the floor, smiling and gazing up at Harry like he hung the moon, while interjecting little side-notes into Lottie’s commentary. Louis smirked at Fizzy – he could certainly understand what it was like to be on the receiving end of Harry’s undivided attention. It was both thrilling and addictive.

“Since when do you know how to braid” he asked from the doorway, his heart skipping a beat at the delighted look on Harry’s face as he looked up and greeted him, jumping up from the couch to bound over and give him a chaste kiss on the lips. Louis would never get sick of that look on Harry’s face – the one just for him. _Thrilling and addictive_ , he thought. _That’s exactly what it is_.

“I have many hidden talents” Harry replied, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Louis grinned at him fondly. “You are completely ridiculous” he cooed, leaning back in for another quick kiss.

“And you two are completely sickening” Lottie teased as Louis started pulling Harry toward the stairs. “Oi!” she protested. “No sneaking off to snog each other - my hair isn’t finished!”

Louis poked his tongue out at her in a very grown-up display, before dragging Harry up to his room and locking the door before pushing him up against it.

“Lou” Harry warned. “We promised your mum no funny business when everyone is home. Someone will hear!”

Louis groaned, frustrated, as he crowded up into Harry and kissed him, hot and desperate. He felt Harry immediately give himself over to the kiss, taking Louis’ face in his hands as he tilted his head for a deeper angle, and he moaned, thrusting his already half-hard cock against him.

“Haven’t seen you all day Haz” Louis breathed into his mouth. “Missed you like crazy.”

Harry gasped as Louis’ mouth moved to his neck, biting and sucking. “Missed you too” he groaned. “But don’t start something we can’t finish Lou.” His hips betrayed his words by rolling up, and his hands were digging into Louis’ waist as he pulled him closer.

Louis whined softly. “Just let me suck you off” he begged. “Been thinking about getting my mouth on you all day.”

Harry let out a moan, his cock twitching at Louis’ desperate plea. “God, I can’t say no to you” he breathed. “Want you so much Lou.”

Louis made a little noise of approval in his throat, before dropping to his knees and unceremoniously yanking Harry’s jeans down, along with his pants. He licked his lips, looking up at Harry with blown pupils as he ran his tongue up his shaft and swallowed him down.

Harry was staring down at him, mouth open and looking wrecked as he watched himself disappear into the hot cavern of Louis’ mouth. He then closed his eyes, throwing his head back against the door as he battled to keep from making too much noise. Louis was going to be the death of him, making him tremble on weak legs as he struggled to stay upright. Louis moaned softly around him, sucking him hard and fast, giving no reprieve as he pushed him toward his release. He reached a hand up and fondled Harry’s balls, making him gasp, before his climax slammed through him and he spilled into Louis’ mouth with a muted cry.

Harry quickly slid his hands under Louis’ arms, intent on carrying him to the bed and fucking him senseless, but froze as a knock at Louis’ door sounded. They stood immobile, both panting as they stared wide eyed at the door.

Louis cleared his throat. “Um, yeah?” he called out.

“Mum said dinner’s ready!” Fizzy called out through the door.

“Oh” Louis replied, cringing. “We’ll be right there!” They listened as her footsteps retreated and Louis let out a soft groan. “Fuck!” he cursed. “They’re trying to kill me!”

Harry snorted, chuckling as he pulled Louis to him. “Poor baby!” he cooed. “I’ll take care of you later, I promise!”

Louis grumbled as he went to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face and will his erection away. They went down to dinner and Louis shifted uncomfortably in his seat throughout the meal, Harry smirking at him knowingly.

After dinner the family decided to play Trivial Pursuit and Louis thought he might expire from frustration as they spent the next two hours sat around the table. To make matters worse, Harry was looking at him with heat in his eyes, like he couldn’t wait to get his mouth on him later, and it was making Louis sweaty and tingly and impossibly hard under the table. At one point, Louis was reading out a question and Harry slid a hand under the table, brushing his aching cock. Louis stuttered over the words, a ripple of desire shaking him to his core and he looked up to see Harry looking innocently at him, smiling for all the world like he was completely engrossed in the game. Only Louis could see the teasing glint in his eye and he glared back at him, making him chuckle.

Harry teased him relentlessly until he thought he would explode and he had to sit at the table after everyone had left, unable to stand because of the raging hard on he was sporting. Harry had offered to read the twins some Harry Potter and followed them out of the room. Louis was wishing him all sorts of misfortune as he looked back over his shoulder, smirking as he walked out of the kitchen.

 

***

 

When Harry stepped into the darkened room a little later, he heard the door lock behind him and immediately found himself yanked down onto the bed and pinned to the mattress. Louis straddled him, completely naked and he let out a shaky breath as he ran a hand up Louis’ thighs, greedily taking in every inch of him as he worked on removing Harry’s sweatpants.

“In a bit of a hurry there Lou” he teased, but his voice was raspy with desire.

“Wanna ride you” Louis bit out. He pulled Harry’s pants over his ankles and tossed them across the room carelessly, moving back up Harry’s body and lifting himself up over Harry’s cock, which had hardened considerably at his words. He stroked Harry a couple of times, rolling on a condom and slicking him up as he murmured “already opened myself up while I was waiting for you.”

Harry gasped, eyes wide as he imagined Louis moments before, fingers inside himself as he waited for him to return. The image sent a rush of heat through Harry’s body and he whined as Louis lifted himself up and sank down on his cock slowly, letting out a sigh at finally having Harry inside him after the frustration of all Harry’s teasing.

Harry barely had time to get his bearings before Louis was riding him, lifting up and sinking down in a slow steady rhythm that made Harry’s toes curl.

“Jesus Lou” he panted as Louis wasted no time in picking up the pace, slamming down onto Harry as he desperately chased his release. Harry tilted his hips, hitting Louis’ prostate and drawing a moan from his lips.

“Shh, Lou you have to be quiet” he whispered.

“Oh Fuck Harry” Louis moaned, unable to keep quiet as he bounced on Harry’s cock. He let out breathy little noises on every thrust of Harry’s hips and his movements became disjointed and sloppy as he felt the spine tingling pressure building.

“Gonna come” he blurted out, and his head fell back, neck straining as he rocked up and down frantically. He was completely intoxicating and as Harry watched, his face contorted and he shuddered, a small whimper spilling from his lips as he clenched around Harry, who followed him over the edge, stiffening as he came and grunting as he held back a scream.

They both collapsed, breathing heavily as they lay recovering in each other’s arms. When Harry removed the condom, discarding it in the bin beside the bed, he pulled Louis onto his chest.

Just before they drifted off to sleep, he whispered “I love you” and Louis smiled sleepily, turning his head to kiss his chest. “Love you too H” he replied.

 

***

Phoebe was generally predisposed to like anyone, and Harry was so incredibly loveable, that they formed an easy bond, laughing and joking as they kicked a ball around the back yard the following afternoon. Daisy, on the other hand, was the one Louis was worried may not be as accepting, after he broke the news to the family that he was moving to Australia with Harry, and she definitely took her time making up her mind.

She sat back quietly at first, simply observing he and Harry and watching them carefully as they interacted. It wasn’t until Thursday evening that she cornered Harry by himself in the kitchen. She perched herself at the table as Harry made a cup of tea for he and Louis and proceeded to ask a lot of questions about Louis’ therapy and about Harry himself, and Harry patiently answered them all, giving serious thought to his answers, determined to win her approval.

When Louis became impatient to get started on the movie they were going to watch, he wandered downstairs to see what was taking so long and found Jay standing outside the kitchen, eavesdropping. She placed a finger over her lips, gesturing for him to be quiet as she beckoned him forward. Together, they peeked into the kitchen, listening as Daisy and Harry chatted.

“Did you help Louis get better?” Daisy asked.

“I did, yes” Harry replied. “But I could only help – Louis had to do a lot of hard work by himself to get better. I was there to support him and assist him, but he did the hard stuff. I’m very proud of him – and you should be too.”

Daisy nodded, considering Harry’s words. “Is he really all better now?” she asked. “Or can he go back to being like that?” Her anxiety was clear in her voice and Louis felt his heart clench at the thought of causing it.

Harry left his tea and wandered over, taking a seat next to Daisy at the table and squeezing her hand. “You don’t need to worry about Louis, Daisy. Your brother is one of the strongest people I have ever met and he is definitely not going to relapse. Besides, he has me – and I won’t let that happen, OK? I’ll look after him, always.”

Louis felt his heart give a stutter at Harry’s words, and as he watched, Daisy nodded, a smile spreading across her face as she threw her arms around Harry’s neck. “Make sure you do look after him Harry” she said as she pulled back. “I love him very much and I’ll miss him lots.” She considered Harry then, tilting her head sideways and narrowing her eyes. “But I guess you would miss him too, wouldn’t you? And he’d miss you and be unhappy. So I think he needs to go with you because I want him to be happy.”

“Thanks for sharing him Daisy” Harry replied with a fond smile. “I promise I’ll take really good care of him. Pinky promise” he said holding out his pinky.

Daisy linked her pinky with his and grinned. “Can I come and visit you in Australia?” she asked.

“You’d better!” he grinned. “I know Candy would love to meet you.”

“Candy, the dolphin?” she replied, wide-eyed.

“Yep” Harry answered. “You can have a ride on her back when you come to visit. Would you like that?”

“Oh my God!” she squealed. “I have to tell Phoebe!” She raced for the door, giving Louis and Jay barely enough time to scatter and pretend they were not listening.

“Louis!” Daisy exclaimed. “Harry said I could ride a dolphin when I come to visit!”

“That’s brilliant love!” he smiled. “It’s gonna be great.”

She ran up the stairs then, screaming out to Phoebe, and Louis and Jay chuckled, walking into the kitchen. Harry was just making fresh tea and he smiled softly at Louis as he entered the room.

“Sorry for the delay” he grimaced. “I was getting the third degree from Daisy and I think she may finally have decided I’m OK.”

“Are you kidding?” Jay laughed. “You completely won her over!”

“She just needed to know Lou was gonna be alright” he replied. “She really cares about you” he told Louis. “It’s nice.”

“It is” Louis agreed. “She’s my girl, always has been.”

Harry handed him his tea. “Speaking of sisters – I spoke to mine today. Spoke to all my family actually.”

“Great!” Louis replied. “How are they? Are you going to visit?”

“Nope” Harry answered, and Jay and Louis stared at him. He grinned as he replied with a hopeful look on his face. “ _We’re_ gonna visit them, Lou. They want to meet you, so I told them we’d go up and spend next weekend with them. What do you say?” He looked so happy that Louis couldn’t have said no, even if he wanted to. Truth was, he was a little nervous to meet Harry’s family, but he wanted to, so he smiled and nodded.

“Of course, love, that’d be great!” he replied enthusiastically, nerves still fluttering in his stomach.

“Great!” Harry beamed at him. You’ll love them Lou, I promise!”

“I’m sure I will if they’re anything like you” Louis replied, giving him a quick kiss to the lips. “Now go and put that movie on before it’s too late – some of us have to be up for work in the morning!”

Harry skipped out of the room and Louis felt his mother wrap her arms around him and kiss his cheek. “There’s no need to be nervous Louis” she soothed. “They will love you.”

“Not nervous” Louis scoffed, and Jay snorted.

“Oh please! I am your mother Louis Tomlinson. You may be able to lie to others, but you can’t lie to me.” She placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Once they see how happy you make him, they’ll have no choice but to love you!”

Louis nodded. “Yeah, it’ll be fine” he replied, ignoring the butterflies beating a rhythm in his stomach.


	19. I am Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phew! These chapters are so much longer than I'm used to writing! It's really kicking my arse! LOL Thanks for being patient everyone - and thank you for all your lovely comments and the always appreciated kudos!
> 
> A special shout out to letthemeatcake, whose real life long distance story has given so much inspiration for this story and made me go "Awww" more times than I can count!
> 
> Lastly - but always most important - a huge and heartfelt thank you to my beta Sassy_Boo_Bear, without whom I would be just a jumble of thoughts and scribbled words. Thanks for keeping me on the straight and narrow beautiful! :)

 

_ _

_“_ _Cause I feel like I’m ready for love_

_And I wanna be your everything and more_

_And I know every day I say it_

_But I just want you to be sure_

_That I am yours..”_

_Ella Henderson_

 

 

Harry woke slowly on Friday morning, stretching and rolling into the still warm space Louis had left beside him, his smell lingering in the sheets. He could hear Louis’ angelic voice singing softly in the shower only a few feet away and he smiled, sighing contentedly. He could happily wake like this every morning for the rest of his life, he thought.

He lay listening to the harmonies spilling out of the ensuite bathroom under the backdrop of the running water, picturing Louis naked under the stream, his smooth skin slippery and begging to be tasted. He immediately felt himself harden – which seemed to be his automatic response lately whenever Louis was close by really. He vaguely pondered if there was ever going to be a time when Louis didn’t have this effect on him, didn’t heat his blood so effortlessly, but he couldn’t ever imagine it. He had no control when it came to Louis, his body constantly craving him with an almost overwhelming need.

He wanted so much to slide into the shower and join Louis, but he knew the house was waking up around them, and that Louis had to get to work, so after shooting a glance at the locked bedroom door, he closed his eyes and wrapped his hand around himself, gripping tightly and stroking himself slowly, a heavy breath escaping his lips.

He quickened his pace, his pulse pounding in his ears and his eyes still clamped shut as he imagined Louis’ mouth on him. His hand slid over the leaking pre-come at his slit and collected it, slicking himself as he moved his hand up and down his shaft, his breath now coming in small pants. His nerve endings were tingling at the warmth spreading through his body. He didn’t hear the shower turn off, nor Louis shuffling back into the room, focused only on bringing himself off. Only when he heard a gasp, did he register Louis’ presence and he opened his eyes wide, freezing for a moment as he looked across at Louis, who was standing in the doorway to the bathroom.

Louis had stilled as soon as he entered the room, immobilised by the sight of Harry’s head thrown back, tendons straining, and his hand working furiously beneath the covers as he stroked himself. It was a sight that would be forever burned in his brain, he was sure. It was flawless, and Louis stared, transfixed. He felt his own body respond, his veins turning to fire and his dick twitching as he looked down at Harry’s bare torso, arched back against the mattress, his eyes closed. When Louis gasped, Harry registered his presence and halted, his eyes flying open, and he was staring back at Louis with his jaw hanging slackly and his pupils blown, panting. _Fuck_! He was so gorgeous, so incredibly perfect, that Louis lost the ability to breathe.

He absently let the towel drop from his waist and walked over to the bed, and he felt heat flood his body at the way Harry greedily looked over every inch of him as he moved. He came to a stop, to stand naked in front of Harry, his cock now rock hard and heavy. He reached down and pulled back the duvet, revealing Harry’s body and his hand on his own shaft, still gripping tightly.

“Don’t stop” he murmured shakily and the words hung between them for a moment, before Harry let out a soft moan and resumed what he was doing, his eyes never leaving Louis’. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, biting down on it as he whimpered, pleasure washing over him as the delicious anticipation built inside him. He increased his pace, running a hand over the head once again as he slid up and down his length. He was close already, and having Louis watching him so hungrily made his skin prickle and his pulse race. He was so turned on he could explode and his breath was coming in whiney little pants as he chased his release, the entire time his eyes on Louis’ still.

Louis watched Harry with heavy lids, breathing laboured. He would never get tired of seeing Harry like this – wrecked and responsive. Harry’s body was twitching as the pressure built in him and he was looking up at Louis, eyes scorching him and his lip pulled in between his teeth again. He was so stunning and Louis was aching to touch, to climb onto Harry and slam into him mindlessly, but he held back, unable to tear his gaze away from the sight of Harry pleasuring himself.

He instead reached down to palm his own aching erection and take himself in his hand, slowly mimicking Harry’s strokes. Harry’s eyes followed his hand and he moaned as he watched Louis start working his hand up and down his shaft.

“Oh God Lou” he panted softly. “Gonna come.” He moved faster and faster, the pressure building inside him like a coiled spring, before it released and he was coming over his own stomach and chest with a shudder, biting down on his lip to keep from crying out.

He immediately sprang up off the bed, clumsily but determinedly pushing Louis backward until he was backed against the wall next to the bathroom door. He quickly sank to his knees, and without a word, sucked Louis’ leaking cock into his mouth, humming appreciatively around it as he ran his tongue down along the length before dragging back up hard.

“Fuck” Louis bit out through gritted teeth as quietly as he could, exhaling a wobbly breath as he slumped back against the wall, surrendering to Harry’s mouth. He ran his hands into Harry’s curls and clutched tightly, drawing a moan from Harry that was probably too loud, but Louis couldn’t find it in himself to care with Harry’s hot, glorious mouth encasing him. He could already feel his body tensing up, the pressure building, and he knew he wouldn’t last long. When Harry reached up and gently squeezed his balls, he came apart, stifling his cry with a hand over his mouth and continuing to whimper as Harry sucked him through it, licking him clean.

When Harry pulled off, he looked up at Louis, who still had a hand tangled in his curls, and smiled a crooked smile. He looked thoroughly debauched and utterly gorgeous and Louis was so insanely in love with him it was difficult to breathe.

“Good morning” Harry croaked out huskily, and Louis couldn’t help the huff of laughter that escaped him as he looked down at this endearing, sexy boy.

“Good morning” he replied, still trying to catch his breath, as he slid down the wall and they sat side by side, just grinning stupidly at each other. They both jumped when a loud knock on their door sounded.

“Louis” Jay called out sternly from the other side of the door. “You’d better get a move on or you’ll be late.”

The boys looked at each other, grimacing at her tone, which indicated she had probably heard some of what just transpired in the form of muffled moans.

“Oops” Harry whispered, unable to help the grin that spread across his face.

Louis giggled and stood up, pulling Harry with him.

“Get in the shower you menace” he said fondly, and Harry grabbed his face, pulling him in for a quick kiss before he stumbled into the bathroom, leaving Louis shaking his head and smiling softly.

 

***

 

Harry was still in the shower when Louis entered the kitchen to make some breakfast and he smiled sheepishly at his mother’s frowning face as he walked over to put the kettle on.

“Good Morning Mum” he mumbled, not meeting her eyes.

“Lou” she replied in an exasperated tone. “We agreed no funny business while everyone was in the house. You really need to work with me here!”

He hung his head, blushing. “Yeah I know, I’m sorry, we are trying I promise” he looked up at her and despite his apology, his face was aglow with such happiness that Jay couldn’t help but grin back at him, shaking her head.

“Oh dear God, you are proper in love aren’t you?” she chuckled.

Louis strode over and took her in his arms, spinning her around as she let out a small yelp. “Yes I am!” he said loudly. “I’m so in love with him my chest hurts” he laughed as he came to a stop, putting her down.

A movement at the door drew their attention and Harry stood leaning on the door frame, his smile almost breaking his face and his dimples on full display. His eyes were sparkling as he stared at Louis with a besotted expression. He walked slowly over to Louis, wrapping his arms around him and nodding happily to Jay, who was grinning back at them fondly.

“Just so we’re all clear” Harry told them. “It’s mutual.”

As Louis’ face broke out in a smile that would put the sun to shame, Jay let out a small mewl. “You two are adorable” she cooed. “I’m so glad you found each other.”

“Me too” Louis replied softly, a hand on Harry’s cheek. He then pulled away, looking at the clock. “Oh shit!” he cursed. “I’d better run or I’ll be late for work.”

He kissed Harry again, then ran for the door. Harry watched him go, his face glowing as he called out a final goodbye. When he turned back to Jay, she was watching him with a grin.

“What?” he asked with a quizzical frown.

“You really do love him, don’t you?” she asked.

Harry beamed at her. “More than anything” he replied.

Jay moved forward and hugged him. “Then I can trust you to take care of him over there, can’t I?” she asked.

“Of course” he answered sincerely. “I want him to be happy.”

“And he is Harry” Jay smiled. “He’s happier than I’ve ever seen him. And I know you’re the reason, so look after his heart, yeah? He doesn’t give it easily.”

“Always” Harry replied. “I promise.”

 

***  

Louis spent ninety percent of the day watching the clock, his body thrumming as he counted down the minutes, barely able to sit still. God, he felt like he’d spent ninety percent of the time since he’d met Harry in a state of agitation or semi-upheaval. It was exhausting.

He and Harry were driving to Homes Chapel straight after school in Louis’ old blue Renault Clio hatchback. Harry was picking him up from the school at three thirty and he was nervous.

“Are you alright Mr Tomlinson?” asked one of his students, Katy, and he realised he’d been staring vacantly at the clock while his leg bounced nervously under his desk.

Louis turned to her _. No I am not alright. I’m fucking going out of my mind because I want Harry’s family to like me so desperately that it’s making me feel ill_. “Fine Katy. Just wool-gathering” he replied with a tight smile. “Now what can I do for you?”

 

***  

 

“I can tell he’s nervous” Harry told Zayn when they went for coffee that morning. “I don’t know why though. It’s just meeting my family for goodness sake!”

Zayn smiled at Harry across the table. “Yeah but that’s a big deal for him Harry.”

Harry frowned. “But why?”

Zayn sighed. “Because before you, I can’t actually remember anyone that was keen enough to take him home to meet their parents.”

Harry’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”

Zayn shrugged. “There wasn’t really anyone much he wanted to introduce to his own family either mind you, and the couple he did take home ended up being douchebags. But, yeah, nobody ever wanted him to meet their family before, so it’s a huge deal for him that you do. He’ll be so desperate to make a good impression he’s probably working himself up into a right state over it.”

Harry felt a mix of emotions at Zayn’s words. On one hand, his heart ached for Louis that nobody had cared enough before to want to show him off to their family. The other, more primitive, possessive part of him, on the other hand, couldn’t help but be pleased that he was the first.

“He needn’t worry” he told Zayn. “They already know how happy he makes me, so they’re already predisposed to love him as much as I do. Besides, they’re really nice people!”

Zayn chuckled at Harry’s earnest description of his family. “I bet they are Harry” he replied. “If they’re anything like you.” He reached out a hand squeezed Harry’s shoulder. “Just be patient with him OK? He’ll be fine once he meets them and sees how nice they are.”

Harry smiled. “I’ll be patient” he replied. “And they’ll love him as much as I do, I know it already.”

 

***  

 

_The bell tolls for thee_ , Louis thought to himself as the afternoon bell sounded, becoming over-dramatic as his nerves ramped up a notch.

His students filed out of the room, some wishing him a good weekend, and he smiled absently as he responded and gathered up his things. He followed the students through the halls toward the front of the building, where the carpark was situated, with his stomach already churning.

He needed Harry’s family to love him, alright? He needed it like he needed air. These were the important people in Harry’s life and if he wanted to be a part of that life, then it was important they get along. He was usually a confident person, but his desire for their approval, to prove to Harry he was worthy of his place in Harry’s life, was plaguing him with doubts. All of a sudden he was looking at himself through a microscope, his faults magnified, and he was no longer sure these people would think him good enough for their son and brother. And if they didn’t, then it wouldn’t be long before Harry agreed.

He pushed out through the doors and came to a stop, all thoughts and worries taking flight as he felt a slow smile spread across his face. There, in front of him in the car park, was his blue Renault Clio, with Harry leaning on the hood casually, looking so drop dead gorgeous Louis’ mouth went dry.

He was wearing the tightest black skinny jeans he owned, with a baby pink floral shirt that should have been ridiculous but was just so fucking sexy, and a matching scarf of pale pink in his long hair, sweeping it off his face. Over the shirt was his black wool coat and he wore some old suede boots on his feet. A pair of aviators completed the look, even though there was barely any sun, and he was sporting a cocky smile that completed the effortlessly cool look. He seemed completely oblivious to all the students who had stopped to stare, only having eyes for Louis.

The students had begun to notice that Louis and Harry were staring at each other and were looking back and forth between them curiously. Harry grinned and pushed himself slowly off the hood of the car as Louis approached, his legs finally remembering how to walk.

“Hi” Harry said softly, reaching down and taking Louis’ bag from him.

Louis smiled. “Hi yourself” he replied fondly, leaning up to plant a small chaste kiss on Harry’s cheek as a few wolf whistles sounded out.

Harry giggled, giving the students a cheeky wave, before walking around to toss Louis’ work bag into the back with their overnight bags. Louis jumped into the driver’s seat, studiously ignoring the looks he was getting from the students, and found the keys in the ignition. He started the car as Harry jumped into the passenger seat and they pulled out of the carpark and onto the road, heading for the motorway.

Louis kept glancing over at Harry, who was staring back at him with a goofy grin. “Jesus Harry!” he snorted. “I can’t believe you showed up to my place of work looking like that!”

“What do you mean” Harry pouted. “I like this shirt!”

“So do I – I love it!” Louis agreed. “And it looks amazing on you – that’s my point! You look like sex on legs. I think every girl and half the boys nearly wet their pants right there in the parking lot! You can’t just show up looking so fucking hot without warning Haz! It’s a health hazard.” He chuckled. “God my students will be in a state come Monday, wanting to know who you are.”

Harry gave him a smug grin. “You think I look hot?” he asked, his voice dipping lower and his eyes becoming darker.

“Of course I do” Louis replied impatiently. “You’re gorgeous and you know it. Fuck, I nearly popped a boner in the school carpark!” He looked over to find Harry staring back at him hungrily. “Oh no! Do not look at me like that! I am not arriving at your family home looking like I just had sex in my car!”

Harry pouted. “But Lou” he whined. “I know you’re nervous and a blow job from me could really help take the edge off!” He waggled his eyebrows playfully.

Louis let out an exasperated chuckle. “Be serious! I _am_ nervous Haz. This is important – I want your family to like me.”

“Lou, they’ll love you” Harry replied, smiling softly at him and reaching out a hand to link his fingers with Louis’ over the middle console. “All they want is for me to be happy, and you make me happy.”

Louis smiled, squeezing his hand. “I just… these are the people you’re closest to and if they don’t approve of me…“

“Stop!” Harry shuffled around in his seat to face Louis, lifting their linked hands up to place a kiss on Louis’. “There is nothing Louis – nothing! – that could ever make a difference to the way I feel about you. I love you so much.” He paused staring at Louis intensely for a moment. “You’re my forever person Lou” he added softly. “I truly believe that. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and I can’t imagine ever feeling this way about anyone ever again. So if the worst were to happen, and my family didn’t approve – _which they won’t because I already told them all about you and they’re gonna totally love you_ – then I would still choose you. I will always choose you.”

Louis pulled the car off the road then, veering onto the shoulder and putting the hand brake on as he turned to Harry, eyes glassy, and threw himself across the console to wrap his arms around Harry’s neck. “I love you so fucking much!” he replied fiercely.

Harry hugged him back tightly. “I love you too Lou” he murmured, burying his face in Louis’ neck and placing a small kiss there. He pulled back. “Alright, let’s get this over with then, so you can just relax.” He grinned. “Or would you like that blow job now?”

Louis giggled. “Settle down there big boy! I refuse to let you tempt me!” He pulled back onto the motorway and Harry pretended to pout beside him, but leaned over and linked their hands again anyway, turning to look out the window so Louis didn’t see his small smile.

 

***  

 

It was close to dinner time when they pulled up outside the large stately house that was Harry’s family home. It was pale brick, with ivy climbing the walls and a large circular driveway out front. It appeared to be on about an acre of land and Louis raised his eyebrows, a little intimidated by such a large property. _Harry’s family must not be short of a quid_ , he thought.

Before they were even out of the car, the door flew open and an attractive lady with dark hair and a lovely smile came rushing out, arms already extended toward Harry. The boys hopped out and Harry walked a few steps to meet her.

“Oh my boy!” she cried out excitedly. “It’s so good to see you.” She pulled him into a hug, and Louis could already see her eyes welling up as she was overcome with emotion.

“Hi Mum” Harry laughed, hugging her back and lifting her feet off the ground. “It’s good to be home.”

When they pulled back, she looked up into his face, her eyes roaming his features happily and her hand on his cheek. Louis stood back and watched their interaction, smiling softly as he saw how happy they were to see each other. Without warning, Anne turned her head sideways to look directly at him and pulled out of Harry’s arms to walk over toward him. He gulped and braced himself to be inspected. What he wasn’t prepared for was the way Anne pulled him into a fierce embrace, causing him to let out a muffled “oof” noise, before he recovered and hugged her back.

“You must be Louis” she said in his ear before pulling back and looking at him with a huge smile. “You’re the reason I get to see my boy for the first time in two years!”

“Um yes” Louis stuttered out. “I guess that would be me, yeah.”

“It’s lovely to meet you” she told him, just as movement behind her heralded the arrival of Harry’s stepdad and sister. She turned then and slid her arm through Louis’, watching indulgently as Robin embraced Harry. Louis’ eyes wandered to Harry’s sister Gemma, his nerves jumping as he saw she was staring at him already, her eyes narrowed. He wasn’t sure what to do, so he gave her a weak smile, but she turned away as Harry claimed her attention. “Hello Loser” she said to Harry, standing in front of him, arms crossed in her best imitation of indifference.

“Biatch” Harry replied with an equally bored expression, before laughing and pulling her into a hug. Gemma chuckled as she hugged him back and they immediately began chatting as Robin approached Louis and Anne.

“So I guess you’re Louis” Robin stated as he smiled and held out his hand. “It’s great to meet you mate.”

“You too Sir” Louis smiled politely, taking his hand and shaking it in what he hoped was a firm grip.

“Oh!” Robin grimaced. “Sir makes me sound so old! Please, call me Robin.”

“And you must call me Anne” said the beaming lady beside him, still with her arm linked through Louis’.

They were both so lovely and Louis grinned at them, relaxing slightly. “OK, I will, thank you.”

Gemma and Harry approached then, and Gemma was still staring at him with an intensity that was disconcerting. He tried not to cower under her gaze, but it was a very near thing. She was certainly intimidating.

“Sooo” she drawled. “You’re him. Eh?”

“Gemma” Harry warned. “Be nice.”

Louis nodded, holding out his hand and swallowing nervously. “Yeah, I’m him” he replied. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Gemma let him stand there with his hand sticking out like an idiot for just a beat too long and Louis’ face fell as he started to withdraw his hand. That’s when Gemma burst out laughing pulling him into a hug. “I’m just messing with you” she teased. When she pulled back, her eyes were twinkling in a way that was so familiar, that Louis couldn’t help but return her grin.

“Your face was priceless by the way” she added, chuckling. “Now, let’s get you inside so I can begin drilling you for all the gossip about my brother!” She dragged him inside by the arm, leaving Harry shaking his head fondly in the driveway.

 

***  

 

At first Harry was thrilled to see Gemma and Louis getting on so well. An hour later it stopped being cute.

Harry was pouting as he watched through the kitchen window at Louis and Gemma swaying back and forth on the swings in the backyard, bundled in coats, beanies and scarves. They were giggling and chatting animatedly. Gemma had claimed all of Louis’ attention since they’d arrived, leaving Harry a little jealous, if he was honest. This wasn’t how he’d pictured this going at all.

He was still staring sullenly out at the back yard, when his mother snorted from behind him as she prepared the dinner. “Oh stop scowling” she scolded, smiling at him. “You should be glad they’re hitting it off so well.”

“Yeah” he replied grumpily. “A little too well.”

As it got too cold to stay outside, Gemma and Louis came back in, shivering with the cold. Louis was smiling, his eyes crinkling at the corners the way it does when he’s truly happy, and his cheeks were flushed from the cold. Gemma was relaying an embarrassing story about the time a newly out of the closet Harry had tried to chat up the very straight football captain at their school when he was fifteen and got himself a black eye. Louis was giggling like he’d never heard anything so hilarious and Harry was wishing them both to Hades with a scowl on his face, all the while knowing he was being unreasonable.

“Harry” Anne interrupted, giving him a look. “Why don’t you pour some wine?”

Harry poured the wine into the glasses, passing them out and using the opportunity to crowd into Louis’ space and push himself between Louis and Gemma. He was less than subtle and Gemma raised her eyebrows knowingly and huffed out a small chuckle, amused by Harry’s possessiveness. Louis didn’t seem to notice, sliding a hand up to rest on Harry’s hip and smiling up at him happily.

Anne shared a smile with Gemma and then bent her head down as Harry shot them both a glare. Robin joined them soon after and they sat around the kitchen bench as Anne cooked, talking and getting to know each other. If Harry was a little clingy, remaining in Louis’ space for the duration, Louis didn’t mind at all. He was enjoying himself immensely and Harry’s family were so delightful he was already completely in love with them – especially Gemma, who had the same wicked sense of humour as he did.

When dinner was prepared, they sat at the dinner table and the meal proceeded with much chatter and banter, and a not insignificant amount of wine. Both Harry and Louis were tipsy by the time dessert was being dished up and Harry was grinning stupidly as he watched Louis interact with his family. He was radiant, glowing, and Harry couldn’t tear his eyes away from him, drawn like a moth to a flame. Louis was just as besotted, his eyes seeking out Harry’s every few minutes and smiling at him.

“Ugh, you two are revolting” Gemma complained after one of many shared glances. “C’mon Lou” she grabbed Louis’ arm, tugging him up. “It’s definitely Harry’s turn to do the dishes and I’ve got something to show you.”

“But...!“ Louis’ protests that he should help Harry died on his tongue as Gemma manhandled him out of the room mumbling about family initiation or some rubbish.

Harry’s face immediately turned stormy again as he watched them go, Louis shrugging and mouthing “sorry” at him as he was bundled out of the room. He stood up, mumbling under his breath as he gathered up the plates and started carting them to the kitchen. Anne and Robin were watching him with matching looks of fond amusement, and when he left the room, Anne burst out laughing as Robin raised his brows.

“God! I’ve never seen him so possessive!” Anne giggled.

“It’s certainly entertaining” Robin chortled, shaking his head and standing up. “C’mon then, we’d better get this clearing up done quickly before he bursts a blood vessel!”

Anne laughed, following him into the kitchen with the remaining plates.

Harry packed the dishwasher, distracted and brooding, while Anne started with the dishes and Robin wiped. Anne finally broke the silence.

“So Louis seems lovely sweetheart” she commented warmly, and Harry visibly brightened, Anne noting how just the mention of Louis could transform him, making him grin wildly.

“He is mum” Harry replied. “He’s so amazing! I knew you’d love him too.”

Anne smiled at him, running a hand down his cheek and squeezing his shoulder. “Anyone that can make you this happy has my stamp of approval love.”

Harry gave her a crooked smile, but his eyes were already darting to the door impatiently as they heard giggling coming from the lounge room. Anne rolled her eyes.

“I think we’ve got this” she told Harry. “Go on and see what those two are up to.”

Harry beamed at her, leaning forward to kiss her cheek before he ran out of the kitchen, shouting “thanks mum!”

 

***  

 

Harry followed the sound of the raucous laughter and found Gemma and Louis in the lounge room, squeezed together on the couch, watching old home movies. Harry frowned at them and then cringed as he recognised himself at twelve on the screen, belting out a Stevie Wonder song and looking less than cool in his high waisted pants and dorky cardigan. Gemma was obviously trying to make him look as ridiculous as possible.

“Glad you two are getting along” he spoke from where he stood in the doorway. “But if you don’t mind Gemma, I’d prefer you didn’t do your best to humiliate me the very first time I bring Lou home.” He couldn’t help the sulkiness that was evident in his voice.

Louis stood up and wandered over to stand in front of him. “I think you were adorable” he murmured, leaning up to kiss Harry sweetly on the lips before sliding his arms around his waist. “Twelve year old you is so cute!”

Harry was unable to prevent a goofy smile in response, pulling Louis tighter into his chest. He poked his tongue out at Gemma over Louis’ shoulder, knowing how immature he was being and not even caring. Gemma rolled her eyes, poking her own tongue out in an equally immature display before blowing him a kiss and grinning.

“C’mon, let’s get settled in for the night” Harry said as he grabbed Louis’ hand and pulled him toward the hallway, where their bags still sat from when they arrived. “We’re staying in the pool house. It’s bigger than my room and has a bathroom as well, so we’ll have more privacy.” He looked back over his shoulder and shot Louis a heated look that Louis felt to his bones. After a week of trying to be careful at Louis’ place, the thought of having that kind of privacy was so appealing.

They walked out through the back sliding doors and Louis looked around him at the gorgeous paved outdoor area, which flowed out to an amazing looking pool. The cover was on, due to the cold, but it was impressive nonetheless. There were beautiful gardens around the perimeter and a lush green lawn to the side. On the other side of the pool, was a pretty outbuilding that was the same style as the house, only smaller and Harry headed for that, lugging his bag over his shoulder.

 

***

 

Louis stood in the middle of the open plan area that made up the pool house and gazed around him. It was more a guest cottage than a pool house, with a large queen size bed to one side, bedside tables and lamps on either side of it, and a large plush rug underneath it and covering the surrounding floor.

There was a small two seater couch in front of a flat screen TV and a sink and benchtop which held a kettle and small fridge.

Louis wandered into the adjoining bathroom, which housed a large spa bath – _we’ll be putting that to use later,_ he thought with a smirk– and a shower, as well as a double sink vanity. He let out a low whistle before turning back to the bedroom, where he immediately found himself in Harry’s arms, crowded against the door frame.

He let out a startled breath. “Oh! You snuck up on me!” he giggled, gasping as Harry took his mouth hungrily. It was a possessive kiss, demanding and bossy – all tongue and heat. By the time he pulled back, Louis was breathless.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what’s got into you?” Louis panted, grinning up at him, his arms around Harry’s waist.

Harry shrugged. “I don’t know” he murmured moodily. “Just felt like it, I guess. I’ve hardly seen you since we arrived.” He wasn’t looking at Louis, but down at the ground instead, and Louis lifted a hand to his chin, tipping his head up so he could look him in the eye.

“Haz” he said softly, his face radiating fondness. “Are you jealous because Gemma and I hit it off?”

“You didn’t just hit it off!” Harry sulked. “You left me out and…“

Harry’s whining was interrupted as Louis laughingly grabbed his face, hauling him down for a kiss. As he pulled back, he grinned at Harry. “I adore your sister” he told him as he kept hold of his cheeks. “But I am madly, stupidly, head over heels in love with you – and only you.” He kissed him again. “And I’m sorry you felt left out, but I promise to make it up to you.”

“How?” Harry asked, pretending to still pout despite battling to contain a grin.

“Well” Louis replied, moving closer and tightening his arms around Harry. “First, I’m gonna run us a giant bubble bath in that spa and we’re gonna cuddle up in it.”

“Hmmm” Harry considered this. “And then?”

“And then” Louis’ voice dropped an octave and came out sultry and raspy as he leaned up to murmur in Harry’s ear. “I’m going to lay you down on that bed over there and worship every single inch of your body until you are begging for release, and then I’m gonna make you come so hard you see stars.”

Harry tried not to shiver at Louis’ words, but his body had a mind of its own and he felt his body give a little tremor in anticipation. His heart had already picked up speed and he felt himself growing hard at Louis’ words.

They looked at each other for a heated moment and then Louis gave his waist a squeeze before moving into the bathroom and turning on the taps of the tub. Harry went to the cupboard and pulled out some vanilla scented bath foam and handed it to Louis to add to the water while he lit a few candles.

It wasn’t long before the bath was full and Harry turned the lights off. The result was the perfect romantic, candlelit atmosphere and they both smiled as Louis turned off the taps and they shed their clothes.

Harry hopped in first, sighing with pleasure as he sank down into the steaming water. When he was settled, he held out a hand to Louis, who stepped between his legs and sat down, leaning back against his chest. Harry slid his arms around Louis’ waist and made a happy little sound in the back of his throat.

They lay in silence for a while, just content to bask in the warm water and candlelight. Eventually, Harry spoke.

“Thank you for coming up here with me” he said softly, running a finger back and forth across Louis’ chest. “I know you were nervous, but it really means a lot to me.”

“Thank you for bringing me” Louis replied just as softly. “It meant a lot to me that you wanted me to come Haz. I guess that’s why I was nervous – I wanted so much to make you proud, for them to like me, that I let it become this big thing in my head. I shouldn’t have worried, should I?” he chuckled. “They’re so wonderful and I guess that shouldn’t surprise me really, because they’re your family and you are so amazing that of course they are too.”

Harry felt a warmth wash over him at Louis’ words. “I’m glad you like them” he smiled. “And you _do_ make me proud Lou – not just here, but all the time. I’m so proud to be yours, and I know my family loves you already and that makes me so happy. Because they’re my family, yes, but so are you Louis. You’re my partner.”

Louis rolled his head so he was looking up at Harry from where he lay against his chest. “My forever person” he whispered, echoing Harry’s words from earlier in the day.

Harry beamed at him. “My forever person” he repeated. He sank back into a comfortable silence again before Harry broke it once more.

“I have to go back the day after New Year’s Day Lou” he said quietly. “I couldn’t get any more time off, so we’ll have to be apart for a little while until you get your Visa sorted.”

“Mmmm” Louis hummed non-committedly. He was pretty sure he would have his Visa by the time Harry had to leave, but he was waiting for confirmation. Besides, he wanted to surprise him.

“That means one and half weeks together and then some more time apart” Harry whined, squeezing him tightly from behind. “I hate the thought of being apart even one day now that we’re back together.”

Louis reached up to pat Harry’s hands where they were wrapped around him. “It’ll be fine love” he soothed. “At least this time we know it’s only temporary.”

_Or not at all!_ Louis smiled a secret smile to himself.

 

***  

 

When they finally dragged themselves from the cooling water of the tub and towelled off, Harry was shivering and dancing around on the spot, jumping in under the duvet as Louis dug in his bag for lube and condoms, which he put beside the bed.

“Still can’t get used to this bloody cold” Harry whined, pulling the duvet up.

“Man up princess” Louis teased, climbing in beside him. “The heating’s on, it’s not that cold.” He slid his around Harry’s neck. “But let’s see if we can get you warmed up then, eh?”

Harry’s skin was covered in goose bumps and he was still shivering, but he wasn’t sure it was from the cold anymore.

“Oh poor baby” Louis cooed, rolling over Harry to lay his body along the length of him. Harry sighed, slipping his arms up to encase Louis’ body.

“Better?” Louis asked as he leaned down to kiss Harry’s neck.

“Mmmmhm” Harry murmured, tipping his head back to give Louis better access. “Better, but still too cold.”

“Oh really?” Louis drawled.

“Yep!” Harry gasped as Louis sucked at the spot just below his left ear.

“Well what about if I did this?” Louis asked as he slid down and took one of Harry’s nipples into his mouth and sliding a thigh between Harry’s legs.

“Ohhh” Harry moaned, bucking his hips up and thrusting his now hard cock into Louis’ leg. “Bit warmer” he bit out between breaths. “But, ahhh, still… ooh!… still too cold.”

Louis pulled off, frowning at his chest, pretending to think as he rolled his hips down against Harry’s, drawing another moan from him.

“Well then” Louis murmured as he slid up Harry’s body and reached for the lube and a condom. “I think I know just what will warm you right up then.”

“Oh, yes please!” Harry panted as Louis rolled his hips again.

 

A spark of sensation shot through Harry as Louis’ cock rubbed against his, and he felt a tingle of electricity travel along his limbs. When Louis coated his fingers and pulled back, slipping one inside him slowly, Harry let out a low keening noise. Louis then leaned down, sucking a mark into Harry’s torso, just above the butterfly tattoo, as he rocked his finger in and out of Harry’s body, taking his time and driving Harry mad.

“More Lou” Harry whimpered, fidgeting underneath him. “I need more, please.”

Louis obliged, but still moved slowly, happy to take his time after a couple of days without anything but rushed blow jobs. By the time he was on the third finger, Harry was anything but cold. In fact he felt like he was on fire, writhing in the sheets, his hands holding fistfuls on either side of him as he arched and moaned under Louis’ mouth and hands, pushing back onto his fingers restlessly.

“Lou” he panted heavily, his body rocking onto Louis’ fingers now. “Need you inside me already.”

“I got you babe” Louis’ breathing was laboured as well and he pulled his fingers out and shakily rolled on a condom before lining himself up and pressing into Harry’s tight heat with a long moan.

“Oh Jesus Harry” he breathed. “So tight, feels so fucking good.”

Harry moaned again as he lifted his hips up to meet Louis’ gentle thrusts, impatiently wrapping his legs around Louis’ waist and drawing him in, pushing him to go faster, harder.

Louis’ control snapped then, and he pulled back, pushing into Harry and burying himself to the hilt with a loud groan. He repeated the action, rocking back and forth into Harry, both of them moaning and grunting as he plunged in and out of Harry’s body.

Harry’s hands were still clutching the sheets with a death grip, the only place he was touching Louis was where their bodies were joined. He was looking up at Louis with blown pupils and heavy eyes, his mouth hanging open as he let out loud “aahh’s” as Louis found his prostate and relentlessly hit it on every thrust.

Louis could feel the pressure building inside him, a heat spreading through his lower limbs as he struggled to maintain his rhythm. He was losing focus, his body desperate for release and looking down at Harry’s wrecked face was not helping him stay in control.

“Fuck Haz, gonna come already” he wheezed.

Harry moaned, reaching down to take himself in his hand, stroking in time with Louis’ sloppy thrusts. He was so close, his whole body coiled tight and his toes curling as he drew closer to his release. Every thrust of Louis’ wound him tighter and tighter and he finally came apart with a loud cry as he felt the tension release and a burst of pleasure shoot through him and leaving a trail of fire along his nerve endings.

“Yes! Oh God, yes, yes… Louis!”

When Harry cried out his name and clenched around him, it sent Louis tumbling over the edge and into the sweet oblivion, stars clouding his vision as he stiffened and gave a shattered cry, his body shuddering with the force of his orgasm. He then pulled out, discarding the condom and slumping onto Harry’s chest, Harry’s arms coming up immediately to encase him. They were both panting heavily.

“Not… cold… anymore” Harry struggled to catch his breath.

Louis huffed out a laugh, too exhausted to lift his head off Harry’s chest. He pressed a kiss to his skin. “Told you I’d warm you up” he slurred, his body heavy and sated.

They drifted off to sleep quickly.

When Louis woke the next morning, he was alone in the bed and he shivered as he reached out to find Harry’s side cold, like he’d been gone a while. He let out a small mewl of protest at waking up alone and at the loss of Harry’s warm body heat, before he dragged himself out of bed and into the shower to remove all traces of last night’s lovemaking before he went in search of Harry.

 

***  

 

It had snowed overnight. And there was still a week until Christmas!

It had been ages since Harry had even seen snow. He was beyond delighted and had left Louis sleeping peacefully as he shuffled across the icy courtyard and into the house. Luckily, the house was warm and he tip toed up to Gemma’s room, shaking her awake.

“Wha… Harry? What the fuck? Why are you here?” she mumbled sleepily.

Harry grinned. “It snowed Gem” he whispered. “You game?”

Her eyes sprang open and she grinned back at him. “Are you kidding?” she replied. “It’s been years! Of course I’m game!”

Harry felt his chest constrict as Gemma grinned up at him, and he realised just how much he’d missed her. This had always been their thing. When it snowed, they would grab the toboggan out of the garage and drag it to the top of the hill outside their house and ride it down, screaming the entire way. They hadn’t done it in years, obviously, and Harry was beside himself as Gemma jumped out of bed, pulling her ski pants and jacket out of her wardrobe. Harry slipped across to his room to do the same while she changed. His gear didn’t quite fit as well as it once did, but he squeezed into it and threw on a beanie and scarf, as well as his heavy wellies and wool socks before meeting Gemma in the hallway. She was similarly attired, with a bright purple beanie on her head, complete with a rainbow pom-pom.

“Nice beanie” Harry grinned and she beamed back at him.

“I rather like it – reminds me of you” she replied. “Now let’s get that toboggan out before the snow melts.”

 

***  

 

When Louis wandered over to the house, he was surprised to see snow on the ground. When he entered the house, it was to find Anne and Robin looking out the front windows attached to the lounge room, chuckling. He looked around but couldn’t see Harry anywhere.

He cleared his throat. “Um, good morning” he said and they turned and smiled, greeting him with a cheery “good morning!”

“Do you happen to know where Harry went?” he asked, frowning as he heard a loud scream that sounded awfully like Gemma.

Anne nodded toward the window. “Come and have a look” she told Louis, smiling. “They never could resist the snow!”

Louis looked at her in confusion as he made his way over to the window, and his eyes widened as he took in the sight of Harry and Gemma flying down the hill outside on a toboggan, arms flailing and shrieking loudly. They were laughing and Louis grinned as he watched them hurtle down the hill at top speed.

He watched, giggling, his eyes never leaving Harry, whose face was alight with glee. He had a big open-mouthed grin and the hair that wasn’t tucked inside his beanie was windswept and wild. His face was flushed from the cold and was so perfectly beautiful that Louis felt his heart do a flip flop. As he kept watching, they veered off course and crashed into a small mound of snow, screaming and laughing loudly. They lay in the snow for a moment, giggling, before helping each other up and dashing back up the hill as fast as they could. Louis could watch them all day, but after the next run, they appeared to have enough and headed for the house, giggling and chattering animatedly the whole way back. When they entered the house, they were still laughing and Louis couldn’t help but grin at the childlike happiness that was radiating from Harry. When they entered the room, Harry’s face lit up even more.

“Louis!” he cried, bouncing over to wrap his arms around him.

Louis pulled back, grimacing. “Ooh! You’re freezing!” he complained, and Harry whipped off his coat before hugging him again.

“Better?” he murmured as he placed a kiss to Louis’ temple.

“Much” Louis sighed into his arms. “Your body is still cold though.”

“I’ve put the kettle on” Anne said fondly from the doorway to the kitchen. “And I’ve got some French toast started.”

“Yum” Gemma proclaimed. “I’m bloody starving after all that physical exertion!”

Harry rolled his eyes, mock-whispering to Louis “I did all the hard work.” This earned him a clip over the back of the head from Gemma and he let out a less than manly squeal.

As they ate breakfast, Harry told his family he was going to show Louis around the village and Anne asked if they could call past the bakery and grab something for dessert that night.

“I was wondering if you were going to come back next week for Christmas – you haven’t been home for Christmas in so long. What were your plans?” Anne asked Harry. “Louis is most welcome to join us, of course” she added.

“Oh” Harry hesitated. “Well, it’s just that Lou’s birthday is Christmas Eve, so he’ll want to be with his family, you know?” At Anne’s disappointed look, he quickly added “maybe we could come up for boxing day?” He looked at Louis, who was busy looking down at his phone – _great help!_

“That’s fine darling” Anne replied with a soft smile. “I understand. Boxing Day will be fine – we’ll save our roast lunch till then and we can exchange presents then as well.” There was a bit of chatter around what they could do on Boxing Day and how long they could stay, before they were interrupted.

“Um” Louis interjected, looking up. “I actually just texted my mum and she wanted me to extend an invitation to you all to come and have Christmas at our house.”

Anne looked surprised, and seemed a little unsure. “Oh really? Well, that’s a lovely offer, of course…“ She trailed off as she looked over at Robin to get his reaction.

“You don’t have to answer right away” Louis assured her. “She said she’s going to call you later though. She thinks since Harry and I are moving in together, it makes sense for her to get to know you and vice versa.”

Anne relaxed then, smiling. “I think that’s a lovely idea. Are you sure it won’t be too much?”

“Don’t be silly!” Louis scoffed. “It’ll be great!”

“Sounds like fun” Gemma added. “We should totally go Mum – it’s always so quiet at Christmas with Harry gone, so it’ll make a nice change.”

Louis and Harry grinned at each other, both delighted at the prospect of their two families uniting for Christmas.

“Thank you” Harry mouthed at him and he winked back at him with a light heart. Christmas was going to be wonderful.

 

***  

 

They spent the day bundled up in coats and beanies and wandering around Holmes Chapel, with Harry providing a running commentary of everything from his school, to the tree he had his first kiss pressed up against.

“It was pretty steamy” he told Louis. “First male kiss, and it beat the hell out of the female ones I’d had. That’s when I knew I really was gay – the whole feeling was different.”

Louis smiled. “So what happened? How did this steamy hot romance end?” he teased.

Harry shook his head, trying to look sad. “Alas, the boy in question later decided he couldn’t possibly be gay, and proceeded to ignore me for three years. It was pretty tragic really.”

Louis slid am arm around his waist, burrowing into his side. “Awww, poor Haz – but I have to admit that I’m secretly happy it never worked out!”

Harry’s arm came around his shoulder and he smiled softly down at him. “Me too” he murmured happily.

They called past the bakery in the afternoon, which Louis found out Harry used to work at, and were fussed over by the owner, Barbara, and force fed tea and cakes until they could barely walk. Barbara wrapped them up a strudel to take home for dessert, and they headed back, too cold to stay outdoors any longer.

When they arrived home, Robin had the fire going and they curled up in front of it, playing cards with Gemma. They could hear Anne laughing and chatting animatedly in the kitchen, and Gemma smirked at them.

“She’s talking to Louis’ mum” she told them. “They’ve been on the phone for almost an hour now.”

Harry and Louis stared at each other, eyes wide.

“Wow” Louis said. “Should we be worried?” he asked Harry, but was smiling as he said it.

Harry grinned back at him. “Probably” he answered with a groan. “I bet they’re trading some pretty embarrassing stories about us!”

Louis moaned. “Oh no! We’ve created a monster – we never should have introduced them!”

They were both chuckling though, and Gemma joined in. “You definitely have – they hit it off straight away! I’m glad though” she added. “I’m looking forward to meeting your family Louis.”

“Yeah” Louis agreed happily. “Christmas is gonna be awesome this year!”

 

***  

 

The remainder of the evening flew by and the following morning, after a ridiculously huge breakfast Anne had insisted on cooking, the boys packed up the car to head back to Louis’. They said their goodbyes, Robin and Anne hugging them both tightly, and Anne wiping a stray tear away as she stepped back. Gemma punched them both in the arm before pulling them in for a group hug.

“Seeya on Christmas Eve Losers!” she laughed, as they both planted kisses on her cheeks.

Harry gave his mum one last hug and then they were pulling out of the driveway, waving frantically until they were driving up the road and out of sight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearly finished now! Just one chapter and the Epilogue to go...


	20. Our New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go folks - the official last chapter of this fic! The next chapter will be the Epilogue, where we find out what happens to the boys once the big move happens! This chapter was originally longer, but was too wordy, so I shortened it a bit to make it easier to read. I hope you like it :)  
> A huge thank you to everyone who has been reading this fic and commenting or hitting the highly valued kudos button, you make all the hours worth it!
> 
> I could never have written a fic of this size without the talented and amazing beta who not only gave me the prompt, but has supported me throughout. Shout out to you beautiful - you are a champion! #dreamteam <3 x
> 
> DISCLAIMER: We are aware that getting a working visa to Australia is a long and often laborious process - we have ignored this and taken creative license to make it a lot easier for Louis!

 

 

_ _

 

_“I love you more with every breath_

_Truly, madly, deeply do_

_I will be strong I will be faithful_

_'cause I'm counting on_

_A new beginning_

_A reason for living”_

_Savage Garden_

 

When Harry and Louis arrived back in Manchester on Sunday evening, they entered the house calling out a greeting and were met with a chorus of voices from the lounge room, and two small torpedos that launched themselves at them as they took off their coats.

Phoebe barrelled into Harry, who let out an “oof” before grinning and wrapping his arms around her, lifting her off the ground, much to her delight. Daisy, meanwhile, had thrown herself into Louis’ arms.

While Phoebe was squealing as Harry twirled her, Daisy leaned forward and kissed Louis’ cheek, her arms wrapped around his neck and legs wrapped around his torso like a monkey.

“We missed you Lou” she said quietly. “Both of you” she then added, including Harry, and Louis’ heart melted. He squeezed her tightly, grinning.

“We missed you too Princess” he murmured.

Phoebe had cajoled Harry into giving her a piggy back by then, and she waved at Louis from her perch on Harry’s back. “Hi Louis!” she beamed.

“Hi Pheebs” he answered. “Don’t break Harry’s back please.” He walked past them carrying Daisy, but turned to whisper out of Phoebe’s earshot. “Take Care there Haz, don’t want any injuries now – I’ve got plans for you later.”

“What plans?” asked Daisy, who was listening in.

Harry chuckled as Louis turned red, blushing adorably. “Yeah Lou, what plans?” he asked with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Who has plans?” Phoebe asked, confused, but not wanting to be left out of the conversation.

“Never mind what plans I have” he replied to them, shooting Harry a glare which told him he’d be paying for that later. “Now let’s go say hello to everybody, shall we?” He marched through to the lounge room, where Jay, Dan, Lottie and Fizzy were curled up watching TV. Lottie paused it and they all got up to hug the boys and welcome them back.

“Thank God!” Fizzy moaned. “Mum wouldn’t let us eat dinner until you got here and I’m starving!”

“It’s only six thirty” Lottie rolled her eyes. “And you polished of half a bag of Doritos while you waited, so I hardly think you’re starving!” She turned to the boys, still holding Daisy and Phoebe. “Welcome back – were your family pleased to see you Harry?”

Before he could answer, Fizzy butted in. “Did they like Louis?”

Harry chuckled. “They loved him, of course! And they were really happy to see me, yeah.”

“You can tell us all about it over dinner” Jay hustled them toward the kitchen. “I want to serve it up before it gets overcooked.”

When they arrived at the table, Phoebe and Daisy argued over who would get to sit next to Harry, with Harry happily offering to sit between them. Louis took a seat on the other side of Daisy, pretending to pout about not sitting next to Harry, but secretly delighted his sisters had taken to Harry so well.

They chatted over dinner, everyone asking about their weekend. Louis’ face was alight as he talked about how wonderful Harry’s family were, and how welcome they’d made him feel. He was describing Anne, Robin and Gemma fondly, and Harry felt his chest swell to twice the size as Louis praised his family.

“I can’t wait to meet Gemma” Lottie laughed. “She sounds awesome!”

“She is” Louis told her smiling. “She’s lovely” he looked across at Harry, who was looking softly back at him. “Not as lovely as Harry though” he added quietly.

Everyone at the table was cooing over that comment, except Fizzy, who made a vomiting sound, earning her a harsh look from Jay and a giggle from Harry.

“Well I can’t wait to meet Anne” Jay looked over at Harry and smiled. “She was just so lovely on the phone and I just know we’re going to be good friends.”

Harry and Louis both beamed at each other, delighted about the prospect of their mothers becoming friends.

As dinner progressed, the chatter flowed around them and Louis started to feel tired after the big weekend. He looked across at Harry to find him trying to stifle a yawn, and smiled fondly.

After dessert, he helped clear the plates and told Harry to go on up to bed. “You go and shower, love, I’ll help clear and be up in a few minutes.”

“Are you sure?” Harry asked, already yawning again. “It’s only eight o’clock – I feel like a senior citizen! “

Louis pushed him toward the door, giggling. “Go old man! I’ll be right up, I promise.”

Harry wished everyone a goodnight and headed straight upstairs. Louis was still smiling as he carried the last of the plates over to where Lottie was running hot water in the sink and Fizzy was rinsing the plates to go into the dishwasher.

“Oh God” Lottie rolled her eyes. “You’re so gooey over him, it really is quite sickening!” she teased.

Fizzy laughed. “He sure is” she agreed, contorting her face into an exaggerated imitation of Louis’ face. “Oh Haz, you’re so wonderful” she cooed, before they both burst out laughing.

“Oh, leave him alone you two” Jay scolded them, but she was grinning as well as she turned to Louis. “We’ve got this sweetheart, you go on up to bed, you must be tired and you’re back at school tomorrow.”

He thanked her, telling her he’d put the twins to bed and herding them up the stairs.

“Oh Louis!” Jay called after him, and he told the twins to go up and he’d join them in a minute, walking back down to where Jay was standing at the bottom of the stairs, an envelope in her hands. “I almost forgot! This came in Friday’s mail – I think it’s about your visa!”

Louis grabbed the envelope, tearing it open and reading he enclosed letter. A grin spread across his face and he looked up at his mother, his face almost split in two. “My visa came through!” he told her excitedly.

“Oh Lou that’s wonderful!” she replied, hugging him.

“Yeah, I just have to attend an interview this week and take my passport in to have it attached, but it’s all processed!” He let out a little squeak of elation. “That means I can go back with him the day after New Year’s!”

Jay smiled, a bittersweet smile that was tinged with a small amount of sadness at her son moving away. “I’m so happy for you my love” she told him, her face fond. “Harry will be so pleased!”

“Don’t tell him yet!” Louis replied. “I want to surprise him on Christmas Day.”

Jay grinned. “Ooooh! Great idea – it’ll be perfect!”

Louis hugged her again and slid the letter into his pocket, before heading up to read a story to the girls.

 

When he finally slipped into the bedroom later in the evening, he quietly closed the door and went over to stand at the edge of the bed. Harry was already asleep, snoring softly and sprawled across the left side of the bed, which he had claimed as his own. His arms were laying out into Louis’ side, as if he was reaching for him in his sleep. Louis watched him, standing there like a giant creepy stalker, watching every intake of breath, every exhale. He let his eyes roam Harry’s face, cataloguing every feature and he smiled down at the boy who had come to mean so much to him. His heart was threatening to burst as it tried to contain everything he felt for Harry. It threatened to consume him at times, and he wasn’t always sure how to deal with his own depth of feeling, but one thing was certain – it only grew stronger with each passing day.

It still left him completely amazed that this beautiful creature loved him back – and being the focus of that love was like nothing Louis had ever experienced. Harry loved with his whole heart and soul and it was exhilarating, if a little overwhelming sometimes. Harry had a way of leaving him breathless with just a look, just a small touch, and it was both heady and terrifying to place his heart in Harry’s hands. But as Harry let out a small snort, Louis realised he trusted Harry implicitly with his heart, and that he wouldn’t have it any other way. He gave Harry one last soft smile before jumping in the shower and then climbing in next to Harry, curling around him like they were two perfectly fitting pieces of a puzzle.

 

***  

 

Monday was a busy day for Louis, having to finalise his arrangements for the replacement teacher and for his final days in his job. Once all the official paperwork was completed, it was time to break it to his students, who were actually more upset than he had anticipated, some of the girls crying. He was very touched, but it made him a little teary as well.

“Does this have something to do with that gorgeous guy who was picking you up on Friday?” asked one of the girls. This was followed by a chorus of “oohs” and “aahs” and “he was so hot” from the girls, and Louis couldn’t help the proud grin that swept across his face at the mention of Harry.

“As a matter of fact, yes” Louis replied, blushing. “That gorgeous guy is my boyfriend Harry, and he is a marine biologist living in Australia. I’m moving there to be with him, and hopefully teach at an Australian school.”

After that, the rest of the lesson was lost in a sea of questions about Australia, Harry and the all-important question of whether Louis was going to marry him – to which Louis blushingly replied, “maybe – we’ll have to see how it goes, won’t we?”

Tuesday he spent two hours at lunch time in the visa office, finalising his visa. When the clerk behind the desk handed him back his passport complete with visa attached, his heart gave a little skip in his chest.

 _Oh My God! This is actually happening_ , he thought.

 

***  

 

Harry had kept busy hanging out with Zayn when Jay was at work, or helping her with the shopping and cooking when she was home. The two had become quite close and Louis loved watching them interact, laughing at all their little inside jokes and teasing each other.

In the afternoons, Harry spent time with Louis’ sisters, playing cards or just hanging out. On Tuesday afternoon Louis returned home to find Harry having a tea party with the twins, while having his hair braided by Fizzy – who he’d apparently taught to do a waterfall braid, and she’d wanted to practice. Louis grinned at him fondly.

“Having fun?” he asked with a smirk.

Harry lifted the plastic tea cup filled with water to his lips and let his pinky flick out. “Marvellous!” he said in his poshest voice, making Louis burst out laughing at the sight he made.

He shook his head. “You’re ridiculous!” he chuckled. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Love me?” Harry asked with a cheesy grin, fluttering his eyelashes. Phoebe and Daisy were giggling and Fizzy snorted.

Louis closed the gap between them and leaned down to kiss him. “You leave me no choice you big loveable idiot” he murmured.

 

On Wednesday morning, Dan surprised everyone by declaring he was taking a much needed day off from the surgery to take Harry to lunch at his golf club.

Harry’s eyes were wide as saucers and Louis sniggered. He knew Harry was a bit nervous around Dan, but he also knew that Harry had nothing to worry about.

Due to his busy practice, Dan worked long hours and on Saturdays as well, so he hadn’t been at home a lot during the time Harry had been there. As a result, Harry had been a bit more shy around Dan, and not quite sure how to take the serious, softly spoken man. Louis knew that Dan was a pussycat, but he was also aware that he had been concerned about him rushing in with Harry. He’d been observing Harry closely to see what kind of person he was before he warmed up to him. He’d obviously now decided that he liked him if he was taking him to lunch, so Louis wasn’t too concerned. He headed off to work, kissing Harry’s cheek and mouthing at Dan to be nice.

 

***

 

Harry’s palms were sweating, despite the fact that it felt like it was minus two degrees outside. He slid into the passenger seat of Dan’s car, feeling like he may throw up. Dan had been watching him closely over the past week – judging him, he knew that. Whenever he was actually home (which he wasn’t most of the time) he didn’t speak to Harry much, preferring to observe his interactions with the rest of the family.

Harry swallowed nervously. _This was going to be a long lunch_.

Dan spoke very little in the car and Harry could feel himself becoming agitated. “Um, thanks, for taking me to lunch” he stuttered out.

Dan simply nodded politely and parked the car in the carpark at the club.

 _Oh God_ , thought Harry as they walked inside. _This is where he warns me off and offers me a sum of money to leave Louis or something equally horrible!_

By the time they had been greeted by a staff member and seated at their table, Harry had convinced himself Dan despised him and was trying to scare him off.

He steeled himself as Dan looked him in the eye and began speaking.

“Harry, I brought you to lunch today, because I wanted to talk about Louis” he said quietly, his eyes never leaving Harry’s.

Harry took a deep breath, holding his eye contact as confidently as he could and hiding his shaking hands under the table. “Well Dan, I’m not really sure I’m comfortable discussing Louis behind his back, but I’m willing to hear you out.”

Dan’s eyes widened at that, obviously not expecting that answer, then he smiled a small smile, which Harry counted as a victory. “I appreciate that – and I respect it. But I want to know he’ll be happy.”

“Is there a reason you think he may not be?” Harry asked carefully.

Dan didn’t say anything for a moment and Harry started to squirm under his gaze. Eventually, he sighed and seemed to sag back in his seat.

“Nothing in particular” Dan answered. “But you have to understand, Louis is very close to his family and we love him very much. I realise he has to make his own life, but I am frankly concerned about him moving half way around the world for a boy he’s known for only thirteen odd weeks – even a boy who seems as nice as you do, Harry. Jay has always been a romantic” he smiled softly. “It’s one of the reasons I married her. She’s convinced you two are meant for each other and will live happily ever after. But I know that real life is rarely without hardship – and that can take its toll on even the most wonderful relationships. I wonder how you two will manage when it’s not all new and exciting, and the honeymoon phase is over. Living together is hard, and it takes compromise.”

Harry listened attentively, and found himself frowning. When Dan had finished, he let himself absorb Dan’s words before replying.

“With all due respect, Dan” he began quietly. “You aren’t the only person in this room that loves Louis very much. I completely understand your misgivings – our relationship happened incredibly fast. We were drawn to each other from the moment we met, really – and yes, we fell hard. I haven’t felt anything like that before, and frankly the thought of not having him in my life was so awful that I couldn’t bear it. When he told me he felt the same, we knew we had to see where we could take this. The distance unfortunately means we’ve had to make a fairly big commitment right away, but I’m more than OK with that. I’m not wearing any rose coloured glasses. I am fully aware there’ll be hardships, but that’s life isn’t it? The idea is to find a partner you can weather the storms with, and for me that’s Lou. I don’t know where this relationship will take us, but I can promise you one thing – I will always want what’s best for Lou. I will always try to put his needs above my own and I will _always_ want to make him happy. I was right by his side through his treatment and I intend to stay there through everything else – good and bad.” He knew his eyes were welling up with emotion and he blushed, embarrassed as he wiped at them with his sleeve.

Dan watched him silently, before reaching into his pocket and handing him a handkerchief with a smile. “Good answer” he said, and squeezed Harry’s shoulder before beckoning their waitress.

When Louis arrived home that evening, having worked back getting notes ready for his replacement, Harry and Dan were having a beer and Harry was telling Dan more about the program at SeaWorld. After greeting them both, Louis slipped into the kitchen, where Jay was cooking dinner.

“So they’re very cosy in there” he commented with raised eyebrows. “Lunch must have gone well.”

Jay grinned. “I think Harry’s won another heart” she giggled. “Dan came home from lunch talking non-stop about what a good lad Harry is – apparently whatever Harry said or did, it was just the right thing!”

Louis grinned, shaking his head fondly, his heart leaping, so proud of this extraordinary boy and his ability to win the heart of just about anyone.

 

***  

 

Harry and Jay had spent the week planning the perfect Christmas lunch for Sunday, which was Christmas Day, and on Friday they went and did the shopping after Jay finished work at eleven in the morning – her final shift until the 5th of January.

Afterward, Harry headed down to the school to collect Louis from his last day. He knew Louis was getting emotional this week and that this afternoon would be hard for him, and he wanted to be there to support him.

As he expected, he pulled into the carpark to find Louis surrounded by his students, many of the girls crying and each of the students taking turns to hug him. His arms were laden with farewell gifts and his eyes were red and puffy. Harry waited patiently in the car until he’d finished farewelling his students, hopping out when he approached, and holding out his arms to take the parcels from Louis.

As they loaded them in the car, students were still calling out final goodbyes, and Louis waved to them as he slid into the passenger seat. Harry jumped into the driver’s seat, but looked over at Louis before he turned the key to start the car.

“You OK babe?” he asked.

Louis nodded, taking a deep breath and exhaling. “Just a bit soppy” he shook his head. “Bit embarrassing really.”

“No it isn’t Lou” Harry told him. “Your whole life is about to change – I get how scary that must be.”

“It is a bit scary” Louis admitted. “It’s all just happening so fast, you know?”

Harry reached across the console, to squeeze Louis’ hand. “I get it Lou” he murmured. “I realise what a huge thing you’re doing so we can be together, so it’s OK to be upset.” He hesitated slightly. “Just… like, you’re not having second thoughts or anything are you?” he asked quietly, his eyes worried as he looked back at Louis.

Louis’ eyes flew wide. “No!” he replied firmly. “Of course not H – are you kidding? I can’t wait to start our life together! It’s just hard to say goodbye to this one, you know?”

Harry smiled, his shoulders sagging with relief. “I know babe” he said softly. “I wish there was something I could do to make it better.”

“Well there is” Louis grinned at him. “But I’m pretty sure that doing it in a school carpark would get us arrested, so… maybe later, yeah?”

Harry chuckled wickedly as he turned the key and the car hummed to life. “Definitely.”

 

***  

 

They were going out for birthday drinks with Zayn and Stan, celebrating Louis’ birthday a day early, because he preferred to spend Christmas Eve with his family. They spent the afternoon lazing around on the couch, cuddled up watching the afternoon BBC Kids shows with the twins, before heading upstairs to get ready.

Later, as they sat in the back of the cab, hands tangled together and grinning stupidly at each other, Louis felt the familiar breathlessness that always seemed to accompany Harry’s presence. When Harry had emerged from the bathroom in the tightest skinny jeans Louis had ever seen, along with a sheer black shirt, open to the navel despite the cold, Louis had nearly swallowed his tongue. He completed the look with a black blazer and a metallic scarf that on anyone else would look outrageous, but on Harry just worked to make him sexier. He was like an indie rocker fantasy come to life with his flowing locks, and Louis could hardly believe he was lucky enough to be the focus of his attention. Harry could literally have anyone he wanted, yet he was looking at Louis like he was the only guy on earth and it made Louis’ skin tingle.

They made it to the bar and were immediately greeted with a shout when they entered, Zayn and Stan having already claimed a table. The Crown was one of Manchester’s best pubs, with live music more often than not and a great vibe. It was a bit more upmarket than some of the other places in town and later in the night it turned into a nightclub upstairs.

They made their way through the already building crowd, noting that a guitarist was setting up on the small raised platform in the corner. They hugged Zayn and Stan, and Harry wandered over to the bar to get them all some drinks.

When he returned, it was with beers and shots, and they threw back the shots after toasting Louis’ birthday. They took a swig of their beers and as Louis swallowed, he smiled up at Harry, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

Harry grinned back at Louis, his heart stuttering in his chest. He was so beautiful tonight that Harry was having trouble not staring. He was wearing a simple grey v-neck jumper with black skinny jeans and a charcoal blazer and his hair, which had grown longer, was styled in a messy side sweep. He had a smattering of stubble on his face and looked like a movie star. Harry still wondered how he’d gotten so lucky that Louis was here and all his. It was a gift he would always cherish, having this boy in his life. Unable to contain himself, he leaned forward and kissed Louis’ lips, revelling in the fresh grin he received as he pulled back.

“Oh God” Stan moaned. “You’re not gonna be revolting all night are you?”

“Absolutely!” they both answered at the same time, giggling delightedly at their simultaneous response.

“Then I’m gonna need to be a lot more drunk than this!” Zayn responded, heading off to the bar to get the next round.

The guitarist started playing and he was great, playing soft acoustic background music while enabling them to still talk to each other. By the time they’d had a few more rounds, both Stan and Louis were rowdy and their group had been joined by some of Louis’ friends from school and other teachers he worked with. He introduced Harry proudly to everyone and Harry never got tired of hearing the words “my boyfriend” falling from his lips. He chatted to the different friends, enjoying the company of everybody there and feeling content to watch Louis hold court in the centre of the group with Stan. He loved seeing Louis so happy.

 

***  

 

“Louis Tomlinson” a voice beside him drawled, causing Louis to tense up before turning around. “Centre of attention as usual” the boy standing in front of him sneered. “Shocker. You always did love the limelight didn’t you?”

Louis felt himself stiffen, hatred radiating off him in waves. “Will” he replied icily. “I’d say it’s nice to see you, but…“ he let the sentence drift off and looked his ex-boyfriend up and down.

It almost made him chuckle that once upon a time he had fancied himself in love with the repugnant human being in front of him. There was no denying he was aesthetically beautiful. He was perfectly proportioned in an almost ken-doll type of way. He gave off that plastic vibe – straight, perfectly white teeth, clear skin and perfectly styled hair, and while he may look squeaky clean, he was anything but. The boy was toxic, which Louis had discovered the hard way. Looking at him now, Louis felt nothing but a stirring dislike for the boy who had once broken his heart. In comparison to what he felt for Harry, the feelings he’d had for Will were laughably pitiful.

He went to turn back to his friends and ignore Will, not even wanting to waste energy on exchanging cutting remarks, but Will placed a hand on his arm, stopping him. Louis looked down at the spot where Will’s hand was clutching his arm. He looked back up at Will, raising an eyebrow, his face an icy mask.

“Don’t look at me like I’m gum stuck to your shoe Louis” Will spat out, his voice filled with venom. “We both know there was a time you couldn’t wait to get on your knees for me.”

Louis was about to open his mouth and respond when out of nowhere a fist connected with Will’s jaw and his body fell backward, ending up sprawled across the carpet. Louis looked up to see Harry, his jaw clenched and his face a mask of fury. Louis’ jaw dropped open as Harry leaned over a cowering Will, and spoke in a controlled voice that gave Louis chills.

“I’m pretty sure my boyfriend made it clear that he has no interest in talking to you” Harry said quietly. “So I suggest you fucking walk away and never approach him again, or you’ll have me to deal with.”

Security then manhandled both Harry and Will and started marching them outside, until the group surrounding them objected that Will had instigated the fight. As a result, the security guards then escorted a shaken looking Will from the premises and Harry was allowed to stay.

As the group crowded around him, some patting him on the back, Harry could feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins and tried to calm himself down. He’d been overcome by a white hot jealousy seeing the good looking blonde lay a hand on Louis and when he’d approached and heard the way he spoke to him, that jealousy had turned to rage and he’d been unable to control himself and his protective instincts had kicked in.

The crowd around him parted and suddenly Louis was standing in front of him, his face a mix of awe and was that… desire?

“Lou” he began, but was cut off by the smaller boy grabbing his face and kissing him passionately as everyone around them cheered and cat-called.

When Louis pulled back, they were both breathing heavily and Louis grinned up at him. “My hero” he panted, before turning back to address someone who had called his name.

If Harry spent the remainder of the night stuck to his side and needed to touch him in an almost possessive manner more frequently than normal, well, Louis wasn’t about to complain.

Harry’s possessive behaviour continued when they arrived back home to a dark and quiet house, rounding on Louis as soon as they’d locked the bedroom door and lifting him up, carrying him to the bed. He lay him down and undressed him before shedding his own clothes, and then claimed every inch of his body, leaving marks all over it like a declaration of ownership.

Louis was squirming beneath him. “Jesus Harry” he breathed as Harry sucked a final mark into the inside of Louis’ thigh, his hands clenching in Harry’s hair and pulling hard.

When Harry looked up at him from where he was settled between Louis’ legs, his face was wrecked and his pupils blown. “Mine” he murmured as his eyes raked over the marks he’d left down Louis’ torso, then he looked up into Louis’ eyes.

“Always Haz” Louis panted. “Always yours.”

Harry moaned at his words, the words he hadn’t even realised he’d needed to hear, and crawled up Louis’ body to take his mouth in a fierce, heated kiss. It was demanding and forceful, Harry pushing his tongue into Louis’ mouth and leaving Louis breathless as he devoured him.

Louis moaned softly, kissing Harry back with everything he had. He rolled his hips up urgently, begging, pleading for Harry to finally touch him. Harry mouthed down his front, moving back down to take hold of the base of his cock, wrapping his long fingers around it and holding it up to slide it past his lips as he sank down his shaft.

“Ooooh Fuck” Louis moaned, his hips tilting upward, unable to stay still.

Harry hummed around him, sucking him down further and swallowing around him and Louis saw stars, pleasure shooting through him as Harry slid back up his length and immediately sank back down.

Harry maintained a relentless rhythm, drawing back up and sinking down until Louis was incoherent, hands gripping Harry’s hair tightly and guiding him down and tilting his hips up into Harry’s mouth each time. Harry took it all, moaning around him and sucking harder as his pace became faster and faster.

The delicious pressure built inside Louis till his whole body was coiled tight with it. He closed his eyes, letting the pleasure wash over him as he sank into the hot cavern of Harry’s mouth over and over again. He barely had time to warn Harry he was coming before he was shooting down his throat and trying to stifle the small cry falling from his lips by putting his hand over his mouth. Harry sucked him slowly through it, before pulling off and crawling up to kiss him again, and Louis could taste himself on Harry’s tongue.

Harry pulled back, looking down at him, barely able to catch his breath. “Lou” he moaned desperately.

“What do you want love?” Louis asked him soothingly.

Harry was worked up, he was rolling his hips against Louis’ sensitive dick, which despite its sensitivity was giving an interested twitch with every press of Harry’s hips.

“Need to be inside you Lou, please?” he asked, gasping as their bodies came together again.

“Of course love” Louis answered, reaching across to the bedside drawer to pull out the lube and a condom. “Want that too” he added, kissing Harry tenderly.

Harry opened Louis up slowly and thoroughly, his fingers working inside Louis till he was moaning and shifting backward, fully hard again as Harry stroked his prostate.

“Harry. Haz. Oh!” Louis stuttered out on each thrust as Harry’s fingers pumped into him. “Need you, fuck! I’m ready” he moaned on the next thrust, pushing back onto Harry’s fingers. “Hurry up or I’ll come again!”

Harry sat back, withdrawing his fingers and willing his hands to stop shaking as he tore open the condom and rolled it on. He was trembling with the need to claim Louis completely, to leave no doubt that Louis belonged to him. When he drove forward, pushing into Louis, the pleasure was almost too much and he groaned as he slid in, burying himself in Louis’ tight wet heat.

“Christ Lou” he bit out. “I love you so fucking much.”

Louis moaned quietly, wrapping his legs around Harry’s torso and pulling him in. As Harry pulled back and then slid into him again, he dug his nails into Harry’s skin, he let out another soft moan. “God Harry” he panted. “I love you too.”

Harry kept his rhythm, bringing Louis to the edge slowly before finally tipping him over it by making sure he hit his prostate every time he thrust in. As Louis finally came, blurting hot come up his stomach, eyes closed and his face contorted in ecstasy, Harry let go of the tight rein he had on himself and slammed into Louis hard for several more thrusts before he felt his orgasm tear through him, setting his body on fire and leaving him quaking and shuddering as he spilled into the condom. He collapsed on Louis, spent, as he waited for the aftershocks to subside. When his body finally stilled, he carefully pulled out and went to the bathroom, returning with a warm flannel to clean them both off, before climbing back into bed and folding himself into Louis’ arms, listening as his breathing became steady. He could just see the bedside table from where he lay with his head on Louis’ chest, and he realised it was now early hour of the morning.

“Happy Birthday Lou” he whispered into the darkness, before dropping off to sleep with a smile on his face.

 

***  

 

When they woke the next morning, they could hear the house alive with activity. Louis opened his eyes first and smiled down at the wild head of curls resting on his chest. Harry stirred soon after and his eyes immediately sought Louis’, smiling as he saw he was awake.

“Morning” Harry croaked out sleepily, moving up to place a soft kiss on Louis’ lips. “Happy Birthday baby” he murmured, and Louis felt a jolt of desire shoot through him. He’d always loved Harry’s husky morning voice.

He rolled them over so he was straddling Harry’s hips and leaned down to kiss him, letting Harry feel his half-hard state as he rubbed along his thigh. “Good Morning” he murmured in return, his own voice dropping an octave or two.

“Lou” Harry warned. “Everybody’s awake. We can’t.”

The sounds of the household moving about could be heard and Louis sighed, sitting back. “God I can’t wait till we’re back in Australia” he pouted.

“I have something that might make you feel better” Harry smiled. “A present.”

“Ooh! Gimme gimme” Louis replied gleefully, grinning and climbing off Harry so he could retrieve the present from his suitcase.

Harry chuckled, shaking his head as he rummaged through his bag for the small box he’d brought with him from home. He’d bought the gift over a month ago, intending to send it to Louis for his birthday. He never dreamed he’d be here giving it to Louis in person. So much had changed.

He walked back over to the bed and handed the small box to Louis. “Happy Birthday Lou” he smiled fondly.

Louis grinned as he reached for the box, leaning up to kiss Harry quickly on the lips, before lifting the lid off the box. Inside was a black leather necklace. The centrepiece was a small silver dolphin, and on either side of the dolphin was a small bead made out of blue Australian opal. It was truly beautiful and Louis let out a gasp, before lifting it out of the box.

“Do you like it?” Harry asked.

“Oh my God Haz!” Louis exclaimed. “It’s so perfect. Really, it’s beautiful!”

Harry grinned, pleased at Louis’ response. “It just reminded me of you – _of us_ – as soon as I saw it. I originally thought it could be something you could have to remember our time together, but now I guess it’s something to remind you how we came to meet each other.”

Louis’ eyes were glassy as he looked up at Harry, pulling him in for a hug. “I love it Harry, I love it so much. And I love _you_.”

The rest of the day was spent by the fire as it was bitterly cold. His family had all bought gifts to help with his move to Australia – new summer clothes, a new suitcase and a great book of “Australian Slang” that gave them all a giggle as they read them out loud.

Stan and Zayn dropped by for lunch and afterward the whole family played cards and board games until late. A birthday Skype call from Niall Liam and Sophia then completed what was a perfect day, and Louis felt so happy he could burst.

As they lay in bed that night, drowsy and warm under a mountain of blankets and a heavy duvet, they talked about the fact that their families would be sharing Christmas the following day.

“It’s gonna be the best Christmas ever Haz” Louis squeezed his hand.

Harry rolled over so he was hovering above Louis, looking down at him with fond eyes. “It already is Lou, because I get to spend it with you.” He smiled before leaning down to lay his head on Louis’ chest. “I just really wish we didn’t have to be apart while we wait for your visa to come through” he sighed. “I’m gonna miss you so much babe.”

“Me too” replied Louis, trying not to smile as he ran a hand through Harry’s hair. “But it’ll be through by the time Zayn’s ready to come, so we’ll come together.” Zayn already had his visa but wanted to spend some time with his family and stay for his sister’s birthday on January 10th, and then his own on the 12th, before he travelled to Australia. Louis had no intention of waiting that long to be with Harry and he couldn’t wait to surprise Harry the following day when he told him the truth.

 

***  

 

Louis slumped back in his chair, holding his stomach and sighing contentedly. He felt like he may explode if he so much as looked at another piece of food. His mum had cooked an amazing Christmas lunch, and Anne had arrived with so many extras (including an amazing looking trifle) that they had enough food to feed an army and he was sure he was now carrying a twenty pound food baby.

It had been a wonderful Christmas day so far. He’d woken up to find Harry curled around him and knew that was the best Christmas present he could ever have hoped for – not just Harry being here, but the fact that Harry was his, that they were about to embark on a life together. When Harry had opened his eyes and whispered “Merry Christmas Lou”, kissing him sweetly, he knew without a doubt that it was going to be his best Christmas ever.

As he contemplated whether or not he should undo the button on his pants to relieve some pressure, he looked around the table and smiled softly at the sight of his family and Harry’s seemingly merging into one cohesive group. From the moment Anne, Robin and Gemma had arrived, they had bonded with Louis’ family, fitting in like they’d been friends for years effortlessly.

Anne and Jay were like old friends reuniting than strangers just meeting. They were already sharing embarrassing stories of him and Harry from their childhood and giggling as they made their way through their second bottle of wine, chattering non-stop since they’d met in person.

Robin and Dan were also hitting it off, with a shared interest in golf and fishing and were deep in conversation over the best lure to use for trout.

Gemma had won the hearts of all the girls with her friendly manner, hitting it off especially well with Lottie as they both had the same sense of humour.

“Nice isn’t it?” Harry whispered into his ear, making him jump and bringing him out of his reverie. He looked up to see Harry smiling back at him with a crooked smile. “Seeing them all get along so well is like the best kind of Christmas gift Lou.”

Louis smiled fondly back at him, lifting a hand to cup his cheek. “It is isn’t it, love?” he answered. “It’s like we were all just meant to be one big happy family. I love that they all get along so well.”

“And I love you, Louis” Harry replied softly, leaning forward to kiss his forehead.

When they looked up, it was to find Jay and Anne grinning back at them before they looked at each other and cooed, giggling over when they should start planning the wedding. Harry and Louis both rolled their eyes fondly, but were grinning ear to ear anyway.

 

***  

 

When it was time for presents, the twins volunteered to hand them out from under the tree, buzzing excitedly as they sorted through them. They handed out presents to everyone, making the rule that the person receiving the present had to make their way to the person giving it, and hug them to say thank you. It resulted in lots of chaos and hugs and cheers as presents were opened and exclaimed over.

Harry had brought Louis several fun gifts, including some snorkelling gear, which he complained had been almost impossible to source in the UK in the middle of winter. It brought back memories of their visit to the Barrier Reef and Louis was excited at the thought of snorkelling with Harry again.

Louis gave Harry a new pair of skimpy swim shorts in bubble gum pink, and a sheer shirt with an oriental floral design which Harry instantly fell in love with, stripping off there and then to put it on. He also gave him a new scrapbook, which was empty. He told Harry it was to put all their new memories in, and Harry felt his chest constrict as he smiled back at his boy, his heart overflowing.

“And this last one is from Louis to Harry as well!” Phoebe announced as she handed another small box to Harry with a grin.

As Harry opened the ribbon on the small, flat box, Louis looked over and smiled at his mother. She grinned back at him, giving him a wink.

Harry took the lid off the box, his brow furrowing in confusion as he saw a folded piece of paper inside. He looked up at Louis, his gaze questioning.

“Open it” Louis encouraged him with a small smile.

He unfolded the paper, revealing a copy of Louis’ visa and airline ticket, reading the contents. He gasped and his eyes flew wide as he realised what the papers meant. “You… you’re coming back with me?” he asked, his eyes searching out Louis’. “We don’t have to be apart anymore?”

Louis chuckled. “We’re going home together babe” he replied quietly. “No more being apart, I promise!”

Harry looked back down at the paper in front of him as the realisation sank in, then he let out a cheer and threw himself at Louis, jumping into his lap and hugging him fiercely. “Best present ever” he whispered, as the tears welled in his eyes, spilling over and down his cheeks.

The rest of the day was spent sitting around the fire in a semi-comatose state and finishing off the leftovers from lunch.

Louis lay back on Harry’s chest where they were curled up on the bean bag. “Oh God” he moaned. “I never want to see another trifle as long as I live!”

“Maybe that third helping wasn’t a great idea” Harry teased.

“Probably not” Louis sighed. “But it was so good!”

Late in the afternoon, Harry’s family reluctantly headed home, hugging everyone with lots of promises to catch up soon. They were coming to the airport to see the boys off, so Jay invited them to stay on afterward for dinner.

After lots of hugs and a long goodbye with Harry, they headed off home, Robin driving as he hadn’t been drinking. The whole family waved until the car had turned out of their street.

 

***  

 

The days between Christmas and New Year were spent sorting through Louis’ room and deciding what to put in boxes to ship to Australia. Actually, it was Louis doing all the sorting, while Harry just lay on the bed, looking through all of Louis’ photo albums, cooing over how cute he was and doing his best to distract him from his task.

By the time New Year’s Eve came around, Louis had boxed up everything he wanted to take and had almost finished packing his suitcase for the plane.

Much to Zayn and Stan’s disgust, they opted to stay in on New Year’s Eve, Louis keen to spend as much time with his family as he could before he left. They offered for Jay and Dan to go out while they minded the kids, which was how they found themselves building a makeshift blanket fort in the lounge room, in front of the fire, where they set up mattresses and pillows so they could all sleep there together.

They used the fire to toast marshmallows and watched the live New Year’s variety show broadcast on the TV as they laughed and argued, finishing off the fort and then taking a picture to post on Instagram. They then played Uno for a while, before the twins got tired and flaked out on their mattresses. Jay and Dan came home not long after, and as it approached midnight, Jay, Dan, Louis, Harry, Lottie and Fizzy rugged up in coats and beanies and slipped into the back yard, where they could see the fireworks from a distance.

As the first burst of colour exploded in the sky, Louis turned to Harry and kissed him, pulling him into his arms. “Happy New Year Harry” he said quietly. “Here’s to our new beginning.”

“Happy New Year Lou. It’s gonna be a great year” Harry replied. “Can’t wait to see what we’re doing next New Year’s Eve.”


	21. Epilogue: I Will Never Stop Choosing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh Guys - I'm really sorry for making you wait - that doesn't happen often! In my defence, this chapter is almost 13k long! I wasn't able to finish it before my beta went on hols, so my apologies for the delay.
> 
> I can't believe we are finally finished this story - it's been such a labour of love and I would like to thank you for reading it and for sharing your lovely comments with me. It's been a thrill to hear from everyone, old and new :)
> 
> I hope this chapter finishes the story off nicely for you...I've left some parts to your imagination but on the whole it is a snapshot of their future.
> 
> Finally, I would like to dedicate this chapter especially to my beta, Sassy_Boo_Bear. Thank you, lovely lady, for trusting me to write your idea and for all the support and encouragement you have given through this process. It's been so awesome doing this with you! #dreamteam.

 

_"And as the mirror says we’r_ _e older_

_I will not look the other way_

_You are my life, my love, my only_

_And that’s the one thing that won’t change"_

_Safteysuit_

He couldn’t sleep. Again.

It was 2am and he was tossing and turning in the dark, edgy and restless in the heat of what had been a scorching summer – his second summer here. The humidity had left him clammy and there was no breeze to give relief as there usually was of an evening. He was sticky and aching, but it was a good ache – an echo of what had taken place the night before.

He looked across at the boy sprawled beside him, lying on his back with his legs apart and arms flung above his head, his curls wild and his mouth hanging open. A soft snuffle escaped his lips on every exhale and Louis’ mouth curved upward in a soft smile, his chest contracting and sending a familiar fluttering that felt like butterflies under his skin, rippling out toward his fingers and toes. He never would have believed he could love somebody so much that it was a physical, tangible thing he could feel inside him, but that’s what it felt like with Harry.

Harry had given him more joy in the last two years than he could ever have hoped for and his love for this boy seemed unlimited in its capacity to grow daily, becoming deeper with each passing day as they built their life together piece by piece.

They had moved out of the house Harry had shared with Niall and Liam – where those two now lived with Zayn and Sophia – and into their own place, quickly turning it into a real home. The walls that they had painted a bright yellow with white edges, were covered with photos of their friends, family, and of the life they’d made together over the last twenty four months. They’d chosen the furnishings together and their belongings had gone from “yours and mine” to “ours” in an astonishingly short space of time.

He had got a job at a local high school, teaching drama and, interestingly, health studies, about four weeks after arriving and he loved the students and his colleagues – some of whom had become firm friends that he regularly spent time with outside work.

He was happy here with Harry, content with their life together – which made this restless melancholy he was feeling even harder to deal with. It was almost like a betrayal to feel the way he was feeling when they were so lucky to have each other, to have the life they had. And yet, he couldn’t help it – all the happiness he felt was tinged with sadness right now, and he was trying desperately not to let it show. He didn’t want Harry to be worried. It’s not like he could do anything to help.

As he continued to gaze at his boy, eyes drinking in every inch of the body sprawled out in front of him, he felt a small shiver pass down his body as his thoughts drifted back to the night before – to the way Harry’s mouth had felt on his skin, claiming every inch of him before sliding inside him and making him forget everything else, lost to anything but the feel of their bodies moving together. In that moment, nothing else had mattered. In that moment, he had been blissfully happy.

He slipped out of bed, not wanting to disturb Harry who had to work the next day, and wandered up the hallway to the kitchen, the cool tiles feeling heavenly to his hot feet. He flicked the small light on that sat over the stove, giving the room a soft glow and just enough light so it didn’t hurt his eyes. He popped the kettle on as he yawned, weary beyond belief after several nights where sleep had eluded him. As he dunked the tea bag into his mug of boiling water, he stared off into space. He knew what the problem was of course, knew why he was feeling so glum.

His family had returned home five days ago after spending a month in Australia over Christmas and he was missing them. Being surrounded by his family for a whole month, had been so wonderful and he had loved every minute of sharing his new life with them. But the void left by their departure was palpable and he was struggling to re-adjust. He knew it would take time, and he knew he would return to normal – but right now he was feeling the loss keenly, and it was making him sad. He had also started thinking about what it may be like to have a family of his own, which was making him even more broody. He and Harry had talked about marriage and a family, but it had always been in an abstract “sometime in the future” sort of way – they hadn’t really make any definite plans because they had been happy to take their time, but Louis found himself dwelling on it more and more.

He finished making his tea and shuffled over to the kitchen table, pulling his laptop closer from where it sat in the centre of the table. He slipped the headphones over his ears and opened the collection of videos he’d taken while his family had been there, smiling as Daisy’s grinning face filled the screen. She was in the pool with Candy, Harry holding her as they prepared for her ride. When he pressed play, she was talking at the camera excitedly and Louis was talking back, Harry smiling up at him fondly with his arms wrapped around Daisy’s middle. Phoebe and Lux were sitting on the side of the pool, dangling their legs in the water and waiting for their turn.

He sat and watched each of the videos he had taken in turn, smiling down at the laughing faces of his parents and his sisters, his heart twisting tightly in his chest.

He had missed his family – and their visit had highlighted just how much.

 

****

 

Harry stood in the doorway of the kitchen, unseen, as he watched Louis. He knew Louis was missing his family – and he also knew that Louis was hiding his feelings from him, trying not to let on that he was hurting. He had broached the subject with him several times, but Louis always smiled and told him he was fine, before changing the subject.

He obviously didn’t want Harry to know, but Harry could read him like a book. He was always attuned to Louis’ moods – like some sort of internal emotional compass or something, and he hated that Louis was unhappy. He also hated that Louis wouldn’t share those feelings with him – they were supposed to be a team. He wanted to help but he didn’t know how, and he didn’t want to make a big deal about it in case he upset Louis further.

After a few moments, Louis reached out and touched the screen of his laptop, almost like he was attempting to embrace is family with his fingers, and Harry wanted so much to walk over and take him in his arms, but he felt like an intruder in that moment, an observer that shouldn’t be there – so he turned and went back to bed, lying awake in the dark as he waited for Louis to return.

When Louis returned some time later, the sky was already lightening with the pre-dawn. As he slid between the sheets, Harry reached for him and he responded immediately, letting Harry curl around him and pulling him close, despite the humidity.

“You okay babe?” Harry asked quietly.

“Fine love” Louis replied, slipping a hand up to pat him softly on the hand that was wrapped around his middle. “Just couldn’t sleep – the heat’s kicking my arse” he joked, and he let out a small chuckle, but it wasn’t overly convincing.

“Lou?” Harry asked, his voice barely a whisper.

“Hmmmm?” Louis replied, already drifting off to sleep.

“Are you happy here?” Harry held his breath, almost afraid of the answer.

Louis turned in his arms, lying on his side to face him. He reached up and placed a palm along Harry’s jaw. “You make me happier than I have ever been Harry, and here is where you are – so yes, I’m happy here.” He placed a tender kiss on Harry’s lips and rolled back over, pulling Harry’s arms around his torso and pushing his back up against Harry’s chest with a sigh. Harry placed a kiss on his shoulder, pulling him close.

They were both aware that Louis hadn’t really answered the question Harry was asking.

 

***  

 

Harry took a swig of his cold beer, tilting his head to the side and stretching his neck after a long day working in the sun. The cool liquid slid down his throat, giving him a small respite from the relentless heat.

“He’s really missing them – I can tell” he told Niall and Zayn as they waited for Louis to meet them after work. “And that’s only natural isn’t it? He’d feel better if he talked about it – but it’s like he doesn’t want me to stress that he’s not completely happy or something.”

“But, look at it from his point of view” replied Zayn. “I mean, if he did come out and tell you he was missing home – what could you do?” asked Zayn. “Sometimes there’s no point in talking about it when there is nothing to be done, so he’s just decided to get on with it, you know? Maybe he feels like it will be easier to get over it if he doesn’t make a big deal about it.”

“Yeah” Harry replied, unconvinced. “But I think sharing how you feel can make it feel better, even if the person can’t help. Sometimes just being able to tell someone who understands is enough to make it OK. What’s that saying – a problem shared is a problem halved or something like that?”

Niall was ignoring Harry and looking at Zayn, frowning. “Are you saying you wouldn’t tell me if you were homesick?” he asked, concerned.  Then his eyes widened and his face took on a mildly panicked look. “Shit! Are you? Are you homesick and I don’t even know?”

“No you idiot!” Zayn grinned at him, leaning forward to wrap a hand around his neck and pull him in for a kiss. “It’s all good, I promise” he chuckled. “I love it here babe!”

Niall grinned, relaxing. “Good, because I love you and I want you to be happy.”

“Are you kidding?” Zayn answered fondly. “You make me so happy! I’m also painting more than ever before – and I love my work at the therapy centre. My life here is amazing, love! I wouldn’t trade it for anything!”

Harry watched their interaction fondly. He was happy for Zayn and Niall – they’d really made a go of things and were doing well. As he grinned over at them, Zayn turned back to face him.

“I’m sure it’s just a case of missing them because they’ve only just gone home – he’ll get over it, I’m positive. But if you are really worried, try talking to him again.”

 

***

 

The next afternoon, when Louis arrived home from school, Harry was already home from work.

“You’re home early!” Louis grinned, dropping his bag on the chair and wandering over to where Harry was chopping vegetables at the counter, wrapping his arms around him from behind and squeezing, before reaching out to steal a piece of carrot.

“Hey!” Harry laughed, leaning around to kiss Louis’ cheek. “Hands off! I came home early to cook you a nice dinner, so no pilfering!”

“Ooh!” Louis grinned. “Any special occasion?”

“Doesn’t need to be a special occasion to cook my boy some dinner” Harry smiled softly, earning him another kiss from Louis.

“Well just so you know – this boy loves your cooking, so he’s very pleased to hear that” he grinned.

“I got some of the photos we took while your family were here developed to put in those new frames we bought” Harry said casually. “They’re on the table.”

Louis made a little excited noise, and walked over to the table, pulling open the envelope with the photos in it. He made no sound as he flipped through them and Harry snuck a look over his shoulder to see him smiling softly down at the pictures. When he finally spoke, he had to clear his throat and his voice was choked up.

“These are so beautiful Harry” he looked up and his eyes were glassy. “Thank you.”

Harry put down his knife and walked over, taking Louis in his arms just as the tears began to fall. “You know, it’s perfectly normal to miss your family Lou” he soothed. “You don’t need to pretend you don’t miss them – I miss them too, and my family. It’s one of the hard things about living so far away.” He pulled back, taking Louis’ face in his hands. “We’re a team Lou, so talk to me about these things, share them with me. You don’t need to hide your feelings from me, OK? It will help if we’re both able to talk about it when we’re missing home.”

Louis nodded. “I just didn’t want you to worry – didn’t want you to think I wasn’t happy with our life here – because I am. I just miss them so much, you know? I felt a bit silly getting so sad about them leaving, but it’s just that, well, they had grown and changed so much since I’d seen them last and it was a bit of a shock! I mean, I’ve seen them on Skype, but you don’t realise how much they’ve changed until you see them in person.”

Harry hummed in agreement and nodded, moving back to the bench and pouring them both a glass of wine, bringing them back to the table and sitting down as Louis continued speaking, also sitting down.

“I guess I just started thinking about everything I’m missing and it’s a little sad.” He quickly looked over at Harry, worried. “But I don’t want you to think I’m unhappy here with you – because I’m not! I could never be unhappy as long as I’m with you – you know that don’t you?”

Harry grinned at him. “Of course” he replied, reaching over to squeeze Louis’ hand.

“I just get homesick from time to time, and having them here just kind of magnified it a bit. I also just… it started me thinking...“ Louis paused, hesitating.

Harry raised his eyebrows, prompting him to continue. “What is it Lou?”

“Well, I guess I started thinking how nice it was to have the girls around and how much Lux is growing up, and that made me think about, you know… about starting a family of our own one day.” He blushed. “Like, obviously that’s a long way off, but it made me think about it. And then I couldn’t help but think that it would be sad if the girls or my parents weren’t around to be involved with our kids’ lives and…” He looked up into Harry’s blank face and grimaced. “I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to freak you out – I mean, like, it’s not like I want to rush out and adopt some kids tomorrow or anything, I just got to thinking and just… like maybe one day we will, and then…”

He was interrupted by Harry’s hand, grabbing his neck and pulling him into a kiss, a small noise escaping from the back of his throat. Everything he was saying was forgotten then, as he lost himself in Harry’s mouth. When they finally came up for air, Louis was struggling to focus and Harry was grinning at him, distracting him even further.

“There’s nothing I’d like more than to have a family with you Lou” Harry murmured softly. “And when the time is right, we’ll have to consider all of those things. So it’s OK to worry – just don’t shut me out. Agreed?”

Louis nodded dumbly, a slow smile spreading across his face at Harry’s confirmation that he wanted kids. It was something Louis had been thinking about a lot lately and he felt his stomach do a little flip at the thought of him and Harry having a family.

“OK” Harry grinned. “Now that we have established that it’s OK to talk about these things – can you please go and get changed into something less…“ He yanked at Louis’ tie. “Well just _less_ – and I’ll finish dinner. Then we’re going to sit down and look at all of these photos and decide which ones are the cutest, so we can get them up on the walls!” He pushed Louis out of the kitchen as he spoke and Louis headed up the stairs wondering how he managed to get so lucky.

Harry watched him go, his stomach doing little cartwheels. Louis mentioning kids had stirred some feelings he’d put aside, a yearning he’d been ignoring – mostly because he felt the same as Louis did about their families being involved in their children’s lives. He had always imagined his family and Louis’ both being a day to day part of their family life if they had kids, and their distance had not been something he’d wanted to address, so he’d put the idea of a family aside for the time being, figuring they had plenty of time to get married and have kids. He sighed. Now it looked like they’d have to give it some thought. He shook himself and went back to chopping the vegetables.

When Louis came back downstairs in just his underpants, he stood in the doorway, leaning on the doorjamb until Harry looked up and froze in his tracks, his mouth falling open and his eyes hungrily washing over Louis’ body.

“This better?” Louis asked softly, looking coyly up at Harry from under his eyelashes.

Harry swallowed audibly then stalked across the room, pinning Louis against the door frame with his body, his hands reaching up to run up along the bare skin at his sides and making him shiver.

“Fuck Lou” Harry breathed out shakily. “You make me crazy, you’re so fucking hot.”

Louis slipped a hand into the back of his hair, pulling him down into a filthy kiss as they both moaned loudly. Harry’s grip on Louis’ waist tightened as their mouths moved together, and he rolled his hips upward, drawing a whine from Louis as their hardening cocks rubbed against each other.

Harry slid his hand around and under Louis’ arse, lifting him up and Louis wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist, pulling himself up with the arms now wrapped around Harry’s neck. As Harry rolled his hips again, the change of angle made them both groan.

“What about dinner?” Louis gasped, grinding himself down onto Harry.

“It’ll be fine for a minute or two” Harry panted out, before letting out a throaty growl and thrusting against Louis again.

“Fuck Harry” Louis breathed, pulling at Harry’s clothes. “Get your clothes off before I tear them off with my teeth!”

“Gladly” Harry grinned, setting Louis down to shed his clothes before stripping Louis’ underpants off and sinking to his knees.

 

***  

 

Dinner was late… and overcooked.

And yet, Louis couldn’t find a single fuck to give as he spooned another mouthful of rubbery baked chicken into his mouth, grinning back at Harry as they sat in their underwear at the table, drinking wine and giggling as they ate.

After dinner, they sat on the couch, flicking through the photos and reliving the moments they had captured with the camera. They were busy cooing over a photo of Harry with the twins, when the front door opened and a voice called out to them.

“Yoo-hoo, anybody home?” Niall called out.

“In here!” Louis called out from the couch.

Niall and Zayn, followed closely by Liam and Sophia, walked into the lounge room.

“Jesus!” Zayn exclaimed, looking appalled. “You didn’t just finish shagging did you?”

Harry looked up at him, grinning as he replied “you don’t really want the answer to that, do you?”

Niall cackled gleefully and seemingly unconcerned about their state of undress, planted himself on the couch next to Harry.

Zayn rolled his eyes as Liam and Sophia chuckled, heading off in the direction of the kitchen. “You have any beer?” he called out as he went up the hallway.

“Yeah, in the fridge!” Louis shouted back. “And get Soph a wine, will you?” he added, blowing Sophia a kiss and a wink.

They all raised their eyebrows when Zayn let out a very unmanly shriek. A minute later he appeared in the lounge room carrying Harry’s discarded clothes.

“Please tell me you didn’t fuck on any kitchen surfaces?” he asked them. “I was going to make a sandwich!”

Harry and Louis giggled. “No Z” Louis assured him. “Just the floor and the doorway, so you’re safe.”

Everyone groaned and Zayn let out an exasperated sigh. “Too much information! A simple no would have sufficed!” He wandered back to the kitchen, muttering to himself about what horny bastards they were and Liam and Sophia piled onto the remaining chairs, making themselves at home.

As they all sat around over the next hour and assisted the boys in picking the best photos to go in the frames, Louis looked around and smiled at his group of friends who had become a surrogate family of sorts. He and Harry really were blessed to be surrounded by such great friends and he felt a rush of affection for all of them. If he couldn’t be with his family, this was the next best thing.

 

***  

 

“Well look here – my favourite pair of losers!” Gemma grinned out at them from the laptop screen a week later as they logged onto Skype.

“Hey Gems” Harry grinned, while Louis made a funny face, sticking his tongue out at her. “What’s been happening?”

“Quite a lot actually” Gemma answered slowly. “I’ve got a bit of news.”

The boys leaned forward in their chairs, crowding the screen. “What is it?” asked Harry.

“Well” Gemma replied. “I’m… um… getting married!”

Louis’ jaw fell open and Harry frowned. “But… like… you and Jeff have only been together for a year!” he told her sternly. “Don’t you think that’s a little fast?”

“Yeah” Louis agreed. “What is this, a shotgun wedding? Got a bun in the old oven or something Gem?” He chuckled, but quickly went still as Gemma blushed and looked a little coy.

“Oh my God!” Harry exclaimed, shocked. “You bloody are, aren’t you? You’re preggers!”

Gemma beamed at them, letting out a small chuckle. “Yes, as a matter of fact” she replied happily. “But I’d like to think it isn’t a shotgun wedding – Jeff and I were talking about it before we found out I’ll have you know!” She was grinning as she spoke, and it was obvious how delighted she was – she was radiant.

Harry was still frowning at the screen. “But… it’s so soon” he replied dumbly. “Too soon to be getting hitched and having babies.”

Gemma laughed. “Oh come off it H – don’t even try to tell me you weren’t imagining your wedding cake about three weeks in with Louis!”

Harry blushed a deep crimson. “Was not” he mumbled unconvincingly. The truth was he had been dreaming about their wedding since before they were even together. It was quite embarrassing how gone for Louis he’d been from the first day. He was happy for Gemma, of course, but a tiny part of him felt slightly put out that she was getting married before him. He thought he and Louis would be the first to get married.

“You of all people should understand that when it’s right, you just know” Gemma added. “I’m actually pretty surprised you haven’t done it already.”

Harry frowned, the little jab hitting a nerve. It wasn’t like he didn’t think about it, or that he didn’t want to – he just wanted to wait for that perfect moment. He wanted it to be a grand gesture that Louis would remember forever.

“Well maybe we…“ Harry began indignantly.

Louis reached over and squeezed his hand, taking over. “Congratulations Gem” he said fondly. “We couldn’t be happier for you love – could we Haz?” He looked pointedly across at Harry, who smiled softly back at Gemma.

“Yeah, of course we are” Harry agreed and then his eyes lit up. “Oh my God! I just realised I’m going to be an uncle!” he cried. He then fired question after excited question at Gemma until she begged him to stop.

“Jesus H” she laughed. “If you’re this bad already, how much worse will it get when I tell you that I’d like you and Lou to be the godparents?”

Both boys gaped at her before grinning stupidly and both talking at once about all of the things they were going to teach their godchild. When they got to snorkelling, Gemma held up an exasperated hand. “God stop!” she chuckled. “This baby will just eat, sleep and poop for a while before it can do anything interesting, so calm your farm, alright? Let’s just start with you ensuring you can make it to his or her christening – we’ll try and have the wedding in the same visit to save you making the trip twice.”

 

***  

 

This time it was Harry that couldn’t sleep.

Gemma’s call had come a week ago, and he’d been both excited and on edge ever since. He’d just naturally thought he and Louis would get married first and Gemma getting married and having babies had made him really give serious thought to their future. He was also wondering what type of godparent/uncle he’d make from the other side of the world. He wouldn’t be at any of the small events in the kid’s life – might not even make all of the important ones either, if he was honest. He was just so far away.

Was this how Louis felt? Did he feel like he was missing the important stuff with his little sisters? Gemma had always been older, so it was different for Harry, but maybe if he’d had younger siblings, he would feel it more.

And what about his kids? The family he made with Louis? Would they miss out by not having family close by?

All of these questions were swimming around his brain, making him crazy. He felt all at sea – similar to how he’d felt after Louis left and he was torn between moving back and staying here, only slightly different of course, because he and Louis had each other now.

He was so confused he didn’t really know what he was feeling – he just knew he was out of sorts. He tip toed out to the kitchen and made a tea, sitting at the kitchen table, deep in thought.

When Louis wandered into the kitchen an hour later, he found him still in the same position.

“What are you doing up love?” Louis asked him from the doorway, making him jump. “It’s three thirty in the morning.”

Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair and pushing his chair back from the table. “I know” he replied, yawning. “Couldn’t sleep.”

Louis walked toward him and Harry watched him come, eyes stalking him as he moved, watching him hungrily. It was so hot they had been sleeping naked, so all Louis had on were the underpants he’d slipped on to come looking for Harry. He could feel Harry’s gaze sliding over him and leaving a trail of fire on his skin. He deliberately took his time, swaying his hips a little and letting Harry look his fill.

“Anything I can do to help?” he asked in a soft, low voice as he came to a stop in front of Harry, putting his hands on Harry’s shoulders.

Harry slowly lifted his arms and danced his fingers lightly along Louis’ abdomen, sliding them out to grip his hips pulling him down onto his lap, straddling him.

He leaned forward and kissed Louis’ naked chest softly, barely even a touch, but he felt Louis shiver, as responsive as always.

“You can take me to bed” Harry rasped out.

“Gladly” Louis murmured, hopping up and pulling Harry by the hand behind him as they made their way back to the bedroom.

 

***

 

Laying in the darkness later on, Louis’ head on his chest, Harry broke the silence.

“I can’t stop thinking about Gemma having a baby” he said quietly.

“I know” Louis agreed, smiling. “It’s wonderful news H.”

Harry hummed in agreement. “Only now I’m not sure how to feel about it.”

Louis lifted his head to look at Harry. “What do you mean?” he asked.

Harry shrugged. “I’m not really sure what I mean” he replied. “I just know that it’s making me think a lot about what we’ll miss out on in this baby’s life when we’re so far away. And then that got me thinking about your family, and realising that that’s how you must feel with your sisters.” He was speaking quickly now, the words coming out in a rush. “And then I was like, thinking about our kids, and what you said about them missing out by not having our families around them – and then I thought bloody hell! I haven’t even asked you if you’ll marry me – not officially anyway, so maybe I should just take a fucking minute and get myself together before I freak out and…“

Louis smiled. “Whoah Haz!” he chuckled. “You’re going to explode if you get yourself worked up any more! Listen, we don’t have to have all the answers, alright? You’re right – I feel the same about my family, and about our future kids, but the truth is, that nobody has it all – life is complicated, and you just have to do your best to make it work. Your job is here Harry – we have to be here. So we need to make everything else work around that – and it will love, you’ll see. We’ve plenty of time, OK? Now let’s get some sleep or it’ll be me falling asleep in class rather than the students.”

Harry nodded, allowing Louis to snuggle back into his arms, but as he listened to Louis’ breathing even out, he still wrestled with the niggling idea that it wouldn’t work – that something needed to change.

 

***

 

Ian stopped speaking midway through his sentence and looked over at Harry, who was blatantly not listening, instead staring off into space.

“Alright Harry” he put their weekly schedule down, laying it aside. “You’ve been distracted for several weeks now. What’s going on with you?”

Harry sighed. “Is it that obvious?” he asked.

Ian smiled and nodded. “I’m afraid so” he replied. “I wasn’t going to pry, but whatever is wrong is clearly not going away, so spill.”

“I want to marry Louis” Harry began slowly, making Ian chuckle.

“Good God Harry” he answered. “That’s not news to anybody! Why is that such a problem? Just ask him!”

“No – that’s not what I mean” Harry replied. “It’s just that, well, Gemma’s pregnant, and she’s getting married. And I realised that I want to be involved in my niece or nephew’s life, you know? And then I started thinking about me and Louis, and I realised that I want our families to be involved in our kid’s lives as well – you know, when we actually have some, I mean” he smiled bashfully. “I guess I’m just really feeling the distance from home in a way I never did before and it’s making me revaluate my life.”

“I know it’s difficult being away from your family Harry” Ian told him. “It’s like I said before, when Louis left – life’s always a compromise, we never really get everything we want laid out perfectly for us. It’s about prioritising what’s most important to us. Marriage and having a family usually change everything, including your priorities. It’s only natural. I’m sure you’ll know what’s right for you and make your decision when the time is right.” He reached out and squeezed Harry’s shoulder. “Never be afraid of change Harry – life’s little twists and turns keep life interesting and usually ensure we end up exactly where we need to be.”

Harry nodded, deep in thought.

Ian seemed to hesitate for a moment. “If… if you really are considering moving back to the UK, I may have a job opportunity that could interest you. In fact, it would probably be an amazing opportunity, as well as a significant challenge.”

Harry raised his eyebrows. “Sounds intriguing” he answered slowly.

 

***  

 

“Alright, alright!” Louis called out over the whistling and cat calling, rolling his eyes. “Are we seventeen or are we twelve folks?” he asked. “I’m fairly sure most of you have seen both a condom and a banana before, so can we please just get on with this exercise without the carry-on?” _Fuck, why did he ever agree to teaching health classes?_

“You realise I will never be able to look at a banana the same way again, Sir?” asked one of the girls in the front row, a blush tinging her cheeks.

Louis had a brief flashback to a Saturday a few weeks ago, when Harry was deep-throating a banana as they sat opposite each other at lunch at Seaworld, Niall and Zayn between them, and blushed himself. “I can sympathise” he grimaced down at the girl. “But we have to do this as part of the curriculum, so let’s just get it over with alright?”

He held up his banana in one hand, and the condom in the other. “Now, place the ring the right way over the tip of the banana.” He spoke loudly and clearly as he demonstrated.

“You’d be an expert at this wouldn’t you sir?” one of the boys teased, garnering a few chuckles, and Louis bit back a smile as he pretended to glare at the boy. He then continued without comment. “When it is in place, you hold the top with one hand, while you roll it down the shaft of the banana with the other.” He rolled the condom down the banana, his gaze roaming the room and making sure everybody was participating. As his gaze skimmed the back of the room, he spied Harry standing stock still in the doorway to the room, his mouth gaping open as he watched Louis roll the condom down the banana. As Louis’ eyes met his, he grinned, dimples on full display and then he giggled, throwing a hand over his mouth as he snorted, drawing the attention of the entire class. Louis bit back his own giggle, shaking his head fondly.

“I’m sure you all remember Harry” he spoke over the immediate chatter that had accompanied Harry’s arrival. Even though the girls in the class were aware that Harry was gay, his arrival never ceased to cause a stir with them, half of them harbouring a crush on Harry regardless of his sexual preferences. Louis really couldn’t blame them.

He walked over to the door, smiling as he got closer. “Hi Haz, what are you doing here?”

Harry beamed at him, his body almost vibrating with pent up excitement. “I have some pretty big news – are you nearly finished?”

Louis looked at him quizzically. “Yeah – this is my last class. What’s going on?”

“I’ll tell you when you get out” Harry grinned. “By the way – can I have that banana when you’re done?”

Louis snorted, sliding the condom off and handing Harry the banana. “Only if you promise not to deep throat it” he murmured quietly. “This is a classroom. Now go sit up the back and I’ll be finished in a minute or two.”

Harry peeled the banana, sitting in a chair at the back of the room and happily munching away as he watched Louis finish the class.

Louis may or may not have blushed a nice bright shade of pink as he spoke about ejaculation, and Harry may or may not have thought it was completely adorable.

 

***  

 

“Soooo” Louis gaped at Harry, shocked as he sat cross-legged on his desk in the now empty classroom. “What is the job exactly?”

“It’s the Head Marine Biologist job at the London Aquarium.” Harry smiled widely, his legs bouncing where he was sat in a student desk, barely squeezing into it. “It’s a huge responsibility and really challenging. I’d be working under the General Manager, but I’d basically be my own boss. I’d be in charge of all the day to day running, as well as education programs and animal encounters – and I’d be able to introduce new programs, like water therapy! But best of all we’d be back in England Lou – we could see our families all the time!”

When Louis continued to stare at him, his face blank, Harry waved a hand in front of him. “Lou? Did you hear me? Are you happy? What do you think?”

A slow smile started to spread across Louis’ face and he uncrossed his legs, hopping down from the desk and walking over to Harry, taking his face in his hands and kissing him gently on the lips.

“What I think” he said in a low seductive voice. “Is that you’d better take me home right now, because I’m about ten seconds away from ripping your clothes off.”

Harry jumped up out of his chair. “On it!” he replied as he dragged Louis by the hand out to the carpark. Louis heard a few giggles and a couple of “awww’s” as they passed the school steps, but he didn’t look back, just let Harry lead him to the car and open his door for him, before climbing in beside him.

“So you’re really happy?” Harry asked, smiling as he looked from the road ahead to Louis and then back to the road. “I mean – I don’t have the job yet, but if I do get it, is this what you want?”

“I am happy” Louis grinned back at him. “And if you hurry up and get going, I’m about to show you just how happy I am.”

Harry may have broken the speed limit and accidently run a red light in his haste to get home, but Louis didn’t seem to mind.

 

***  

 

The day of Harry’s first Skype interview, which was late at night due to the time difference, Louis waited outside the study, pacing the floor as he listened to the sound of the voices through the door, his stomach in knots. He had told Harry not to worry – that if he didn’t get the job, it wasn’t a big deal. They both knew it was a lie.

He and Harry had been talking non-stop about moving back, and now that the idea had taken root, Louis realised just how much he wanted it to happen. He would have to work hard not to show his disappointment if Harry didn’t get the job.

When Harry finally emerged from the room, he looked completely drained, but was smiling. He let out a long exhale as Louis stared at him, eyebrows raised, almost too scared to ask how it went.

“That was a bit nerve wracking” Harry grinned.

“So?” Louis asked, the suspense almost killing him.

Harry shrugged. “I won’t know anything until the next round of interviews I guess” he replied. “I mean, it felt good, and Toby, the General Manager seemed to like me, but…” he shrugged again.

Louis sighed. “So now we wait” he said softly.

“Now we wait” Harry answered.

 

It took three rounds of interviews to complete the application process and Louis was freaking out more with every round. Harry, on the other hand, seemed to get more relaxed, so Louis took that as a good sign.

It was about a month after the day Harry had arrived at Louis’ classroom when they finally got an answer.

Louis knew Harry had got the job when he walked out of work one afternoon to find Harry leaning on his car, wearing a grin. Louis lost his breath and his heart started hammering in his chest as he walked toward Harry.

As he approached, he raised his eyebrows. “Does this mean…?” he asked.

Harry beamed at him. “Looks like we’re moving to London baby” he replied.

Louis let out a squeal of delight, throwing himself into Harry’s arms, tears of joy streaming down his face.

When they got home they called their parents – waking them in the early morning to share the news. They hadn’t told them about the job at all, as they wanted to wait until they knew for sure that Harry had it. So there was a mixture of confusion and delight as they explained to each set of parents what was happening. Both Anne and Jay cried, and Louis may have shed a few more tears as he spoke with his mother. Harry stood behind him, arms clasped around his middle and squeezed him tightly, feeling the rightness of this decision settle on him. They were doing the right thing, he just knew it. He wanted Louis to be happy.

That evening, they held a celebratory dinner with Niall, Zayn, Liam and Sophia at home, everybody gathering around their table to share a meal Harry cooked especially.

“Congratulations guys!” Niall told them. “Gonna miss you so much though.”

“Yeah, we’ll miss you too” Louis replied. “We’ll miss all of this – all of _you_ , our little Australian family. But we’ll come visit whenever we can.”

“Definitely” Harry agreed.

“Make sure you do!” Liam told them. “And while we’ll miss you, we’re really excited for you.”

“Yeah” Niall agreed, nodding. “We want you to be happy, and I think this was the right decision.”

“I think so too” Zayn added. “But it’s gonna be weird not having you close by – we’ve never lived apart before.” He looked sadly at Louis, who pulled him in for a hug.

“I know mate” Louis replied thickly, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “But we’ll visit each other, and we’ll make sure we’re in touch often. It’ll be fine Z.”

Zayn pulled back and smiled at him. “I know it will – we each have our own lives to live now, but we’ll always be best friends” he agreed, before making a stunned face. “Is this us becoming adults now?” he asked.

Louis made a face, looking appalled. “God I hope not! What a dreadful thought!” He laughed then, the rest of the group joining in.

 

***  

 

“I’m a fat cow” Gemma whined over Skype six months later. “It’s only August and I’m literally a heifer. You do not want to know how many kilos I’ve put on!”

“Stop, you look gorgeous!” Louis told her, chuckling. “You’re really glowing Gem.”

“That’s just the fucking heartburn making my cheeks red” she replied, but she smiled at him.

“It’ll all be worth it when she arrives” he soothed. They’d found out it was a girl at the last scan and Harry had immediately started buying everything pink he could get his hands on. He was going to be outrageously over the top, Louis could tell already. What would he be like when they had their own kids?

“So how are the preparations going?” Gemma asked.

“Yeah, great!” Louis grinned. “Everything is set up to start in November, so we’ll move back in a few weeks and then we’ll have a couple of months to sort out our living arrangements and we’ll be there for the birth, which will be super exciting!”

“Sounds perfect Lou” Gemma smiled back at him. “I know your family are excited – Jay was up here on the weekend with Lottie and she was over the moon about having you home! Mum’s pretty excited too – I think they both shed a few tears of joy.”

Louis laughed. “We’re really excited to see more of them too – and I can’t wait to meet my godchild!”

 

***  

The last couple of weeks leading up to their move were a blur of activity. Louis had to organise a handover to the teacher taking over his classes, and Harry had to finish up at work. It was hectic and stressful, but they were both on a high.

The hardest part for Harry had been saying goodbye to Candy and Ian, as well as Lux, who cried when Harry told her they were leaving. But he knew he was making the right decision.

On the final weekend, they had spent the Saturday packing up the last of their things in the removalist boxes, ready to be shipped.

Harry finished taping up his last box and carried it to join the stack in the front hall. When he returned to the lounge room he stopped in the doorway, watching Louis wrestle with one of their suitcases.

Louis was sitting on the bag, muttering and cursing under his breath as he struggled to get the zipper closed. When he finally manoeuvred the zipper all the way around, he let out a triumphant little noise and hopped up with a grin, looking up at Harry and running a hand through his hair. He was beautiful, grinning at Harry so joyfully and in that one single moment, Harry couldn’t breathe. His feelings for Louis literally overwhelmed him and he felt like his heart stopped beating.

“Marry me” he said breathlessly, and as Louis’ face blanked.

“What?” Louis replied, a small smile appearing slowly at the corners of his mouth.

Harry huffed out a self-conscious laugh, shaking his head at himself. “Fuck, I’ve been waiting to do this, trying to find the perfect time, wanting it to be this grand gesture, and now I just… it’s not perfect, I know – and it’s not very romantic, but I just need to know right now. Will you marry me Lou?” He looked at Louis earnestly, eyes wide and hopeful.

Louis felt the joy blossom in his core and spread out through his body. He smiled back at Harry.

“Yeah I will” he chuckled, walking over to kiss Harry gently. “I will marry you baby – was there ever any doubt? And just for the record” he added. “It is perfect and romantic because it’s you and it’s me and I just fucking love you so much it hurts. I can’t wait to be your husband.”

 

***  

 

“What did you expect?” Niall asked Harry, chuckling. “Did you think we’d be surprised?”

“Well I thought you’d be a _little_ surprised” Harry grumbled.

Zayn laughed. “C’mon Harry, we’ve been waiting for this since you two got together. We even had a betting pool last year – I’m still shocked you took this long!”

Liam and Sophia nodded in agreement, and Sophia giggled. “If ever there was a couple destined for the altar, it’s you two” she teased.

“Now _that_ ” Louis said as he pulled a pouting Harry into his side, an arm around his waist, “is the most accurate thing I’ve heard all night.” He smiled up at Harry, who leaned down to kiss him.

“Well here’s to the two of you” Zayn held up his glass. “Congratulations to you both.” He leaned forward to hug Louis. “I’m so happy for you man” he murmured.

“To Harry and Lou!” Niall toasted loudly.

“To Harry and Lou!” the others echoed.

“So only four days till you leave – are you getting excited?” Sophia asked, sipping her wine and sitting back on the boy’s lounge, surrounded by boxes.

Louis beamed. “Pretty excited. I’ve been applying to schools in London, so hopefully I’ll have work sorted soon. We’re moving into Harry’s parents’ pool house while we house hunt, but we’ll be settled soon enough. And then we’ll have about a month before Harry starts work, so it’ll be great to just relax and spend time with family. Gemma’s baby is due in about two weeks. I can’t wait!”

“Me too” Harry chimed in. “I can’t wait to get a whiff of that new baby smell.”

Sophia huffed out a laugh. “Oh Jesus – you two need to get a move on and get some kids of your own or you’ll drive poor Gemma mad!”

Harry and Louis shared a soft smile. “That’s the plan” Louis murmured, his eyes never leaving Harry’s.

 

***  

 

The final moments before they walked through the departure gate felt too short, too rushed, and somehow not enough, even though they’d said their goodbyes the night before when they’d gathered for their farewell dinner at the local pub. There was a flurry of “goodbyes” and Louis ordering Niall to look after Zayn, before hugging them both tightly and turning to Liam and Sophia. Before they knew it, they had shuffled through security and were heading to their gate to board their plane.

They handed over their boarding passes, made their way onto the plane and stowed their luggage into the overhead lockers, almost on autopilot.

It wasn’t until they’d taken their seats that it hit Louis, and he turned to find Harry already looking at him. He took a deep breath and exhaled shakily.

“We’re really doing this, aren’t we?” he asked.

Harry reached over and took his hand in his, squeezing. “Yeah, we’re really doing this” he replied, grinning. “And I couldn’t be happier.”

“Me either” Louis replied, grinning back at him.

 

***  

 

“Holy Fuuuuuuck!” Gemma screamed at the top of her lungs, making Louis and Harry cringe as another contraction hit her. Jeff was on his way from work and so was Anne, but neither were here yet and they were waiting for an ambulance.

They each held one of her hands, but neither really had a clue what to do.

“Um, just breathe” Louis told her, repeating something he’d heard his mother speak about before. “It’ll help with the pain.”

“Aaaaaaaggghhhh! Fuck!” she screamed. “The only thing that will help with this pain is a bucket of narcotics!” She was bordering on hysterical now.

“It’ll be OK Gems” Harry tried to soothe her, but she turned on him too.

“Oh will it now? Will it really? Well why don’t you fucking have it then!” she shouted at him.

He shrank back from her, like he was expecting her to lunge at his throat.

“I don’t wanna do this!” Gemma screamed suddenly as yet another contraction hit. “I’ve changed my mind!” She let out a long whine, her face screwed up in pain as she tried to breathe her way through it.

The ambulance arrived then, and they breathed a collective sigh of relief as she was taken away on the gurney. Jeff pulled into the driveway just as they were wheeling her out, the car screaming onto the lawn and left there, forgotten, as he dashed from the car.

“Gems!” he yelled, running over to the gurney.

“Jeff” Gemma was crying by now and she reached for him as he approached. He climbed into the ambulance behind her without even a glance at the boys, and the doors closed before the ambulance drove off down the street.

They watched it go, shell shocked, before looking at each other and letting out a long slow exhale.

“Holy shit!” Harry breathed out. “That was intense!”

“Yeah” was all Louis could manage.

Anne pulled up then, and they all piled into her car to drive to the hospital.

Seven hours and a whole bunch of nail biting later, they found themselves sitting in Gemma’s ward room, taking turns at cooing over their new goddaughter Katie.

Harry reached down and ran a finger along her cheek, before taking hold of her little hand and looking up at Louis, who was standing behind him.

“She’s beautiful” he said softly, his eyes glassy, and Louis reached out to cup Harry’s cheek with his hand.

“She sure is love – she’s gorgeous” he murmured.

 

***  

 

As they lay in bed later that night, Harry curled into Louis’ side and ran a hand up and down his chest.

“Katie’s adorable” he said quietly.

“Mhm” Louis agreed sleepily.

“Makes me think how amazing it will be to have our own kids” Harry added.

Louis ran a hand through his hair. “I know – I haven’t stopped thinking about it all day. Now it’s taken hold, the idea just won’t leave me alone.” He chuckled. “So I guess you’d better hurry up and marry me then, so we can get started on a family!”

Harry grinned, rolling over onto Louis and pinning him down. “Let’s do it right away” he said, leaning down to kiss Louis quickly. “Just something small – like we talked about. We could have it at my parents’ place before it gets too cold. What do you say?”

Louis grinned. “I say yes!” he laughed, giving Harry a quick kiss. “I love it! And I think our mothers are going to go nuts!” Louis smiled, pulling Harry in and taking his mouth.

 

***  

 

Jay and Anne squealed when they were told the boys wanted a small wedding as soon as it could be arranged, and immediately started babbling to each other and comparing notes.

“Nothing big” Louis warned. “Don’t go crazy or anything – we just want a small family gathering alright?”

“Yeah” Harry agreed. “Something casual and informal.”

“Leave it to us!” Jay told them, Anne nodding along beside her, both of them grinning ear to ear.

“Oh God” Louis groaned, looking at them sceptically. “What have we done?” He turned to Harry, who grimaced.

“I think we may live to regret this” Harry agreed.

 

***

 

Six weeks later, Louis was just sliding into bed in the pool house on Harry’s family property when there was a knock at the door. He smiled, knowing exactly who it was on the other side of the door. He wandered over and opened it just a crack, to see Harry dancing around in the frigid night air.

“I know what you’re going to say” Harry immediately began speaking and holding up a hand. “And I know we agreed to be all traditional and spend the night before our wedding apart, but it felt weird not sleeping with you when you’re right here. Felt wrong somehow. And I know…“ He was interrupted by Louis grabbing the front of his hoodie and tugging him inside.

He closed the door behind him and then crowded Harry up against the wall, taking his lips in an urgent kiss. Harry melted into it, smiling against Louis’ lips as he brought his arms up around Louis’ waist. When they finally pulled apart, both breathless, Louis spoke.

“Thank God – I was hoping you’d cave because frankly, I hated everything about that idea! Your place is here baby, right by my side.”

“Always will be” Harry agreed, smiling, as he walked Louis toward the bed. “I prefer my future husband in less clothes than this though” he added, pawing at Louis’ pyjamas.

“Future husband” Louis repeated with a soft smile. “I like the sound of that.”

“Me too” Harry answered as he mouthed at Louis’ neck. “Tomorrow can’t come soon enough for me.”

“Well I’m sure we can find something to fill the time until then” Louis gasped as Harry sucked hard on his neck, biting softly with his teeth then soothing with his tongue. He then lowered Louis to the bed, crawling up over him on all fours.

Louis’ body shuddered involuntarily as Harry trailed his mouth down his torso leaving a tingling sensation skittering across Louis’ skin as he went. He would never get tired of Harry’s mouth, never stop wanting to feel it on his skin. Harry was like a drug to him and he would never have enough.

He lifted his hips as Harry tugged at his pants, sliding them off, his breath hitching as Harry followed them down, nosing along his length as his long fingers wrapped around him.

“Haz please” Louis begged, the anticipation causing his chest to contract. “Need your mouth.”

He heard Harry chuckle before he slipped his mouth over the head and suckled, then everything faded away.

“Jesus” he moaned, throwing his head back on the pillow and arching his back as Harry’s tongue swiped across his slit.

When Harry opened wider, swallowing him down slowly, Louis saw stars. He moaned loudly, his hips rolling up as Harry took him in. Harry made a soft growl of approval in the back of his throat, reaching a hand under Louis’ arse to squeeze, pushing him upward into his throat and hungrily sucking on his shaft. Louis cried out, writhing beneath him, unable to keep still as Harry pulled back and sank down in a maddening rhythm, driving him insane.

Louis was on fire, every nerve ending thrumming with sensation. It was almost too much to bear and yet he never wanted it to end. He felt like he might explode at any moment, the coil of heat inside him pulling tight and making him feel weak with the need to release. Harry quickened his pace, rutting into the sheets beneath him as he took Louis down again and again, sucking hard and moaning hungrily, his hand working the base furiously in time with his mouth. The hand under Louis’ arse kept squeezing and Louis was panting and whining on every suck.

“Aaaahhhhh” He let out a high keening noise. “Gonna come H” he panted. “Oh Jesus, don’t stop… don’t stop… fuuuuuuck!” His body stiffened as he came, pouring into Harry’s mouth and trembling through the aftershocks.

Harry sucked him clean, popping off and breathing heavily, his painfully hard cock hanging between his legs, purple and leaking. He reached down, squeezing it and whimpering at the relief the contact gave him. Louis reached down and batted his hand away.

“Get the lube out of the drawer” he panted, leaning up to kiss Harry quickly. “Want you to fuck me.”

Harry moaned softly. “Yes please” he exhaled, leaning across to pull a bottle of lube out of the bedside drawer. They had stopped using rubbers when they got engaged and just the thought of sinking into Louis’ tight heat made him shiver.

He looked down at Louis, laying on his back, arms splayed out to the side, half hard cock laying against his flushed, glistening skin, and he took a moment just to appreciate the sight of him, the dips and curves of his body, the slightly tan colour of skin and the sleepy, fucked out look on his face.

“You’re so beautiful” he murmured, leaning down to kiss Louis tenderly, before coating his fingers and sliding the first inside. He took his time, opening Louis up slowly and making sure he was fully hard again before he withdrew his fingers and pushed inside, another whimper escaping his lips as he sank into the hot, tight cocoon.

“You feel so good” he mumbled. “So tight Lou, fuck! Not gonna last long.”

Louis was laying back, eyes closed and mouth wide open as he pulled Harry in with his legs, wrapping them around him tightly. “Love having you inside me” he said, his eyes still closed.

Harry moaned, pulling back and pushing back in. He didn’t waste any time, quickly working up to a fast pace, pounding into Louis over and over, Louis urging him on. He was lifting his hips to meet every thrust of Harry’s, babbling incoherently.

“Yes baby!” Louis cried. “Fuck me hard… so good!”

Harry tilted his hips, searching for just the right angle, and found it a few thrusts later, Louis letting out a guttural cry as he hit his prostate head on. He kept that angle, slamming into Louis relentlessly until he began to shake, his release building.

“Lou, are you close baby?” he panted as his hips moved and Louis let out small little sounds of pleasure every time they came together.

“I… I… Oh God! I’m close H” he cried.

Harry closed his eyes, willing himself to hold on as his body begged for release. He was just about to reach a hand down between them to touch Louis, when Louis let out a shattered cry, spurting hot come over his stomach as his whole body shook.

When Harry felt Louis clench around him, he felt his vision white out and his world narrowed, and blurred. A ripple of something wonderful spread out over his body, followed a second later by an explosion of sensation that made him shake as his climax tore through him, making him feel like he was being torn in two. He cried out Louis’ name as he spilled inside him, collapsing afterward, spent and exhausted.

After a few minutes, he carefully pulled out, Louis wincing a little, and fell down beside Louis, pulling him into his side.

“Are you OK?” Harry asked him, already boneless.

“More than OK” Louis murmured sleepily. “That’s a much better way to spend the night before our wedding than sleeping apart.”

Harry giggled as Louis curled around him, and they fell asleep happy and sated.

 

***  

Gemma woke early on the day of the wedding, slipping out of her old room in her parent’s house, leaving her husband and baby sleeping, to tip toe down the hall to her brother’s room. Harry and Louis had decided to follow tradition and spend the night before the wedding apart, so Harry had slept in here and Louis in the pool house.

She knocked softly, pushing open the door and stood in the doorway, snorting as she surveyed the empty bed.

“Hopeless” she whispered fondly, shaking her head.

 

***

 

“You ready?” Harry smiled as he smoothed Louis’ fringe with his fingers.

Louis grinned back at him. “More than ready” he said fondly. “Been waiting for you to make an honest man of me for too long already!”

Harry chuckled, just as the door opened and Niall walked in, closely followed by Zayn. “Alright lads” he began, rubbing his hands together. “Liam and Stan have been seating everyone and it looks like we’re ready for you. Do you need anything?”

Harry grinned, looking at Louis. “Nope, let’s do this!”

Louis grinned back. “Yeah, let’s get hitched shall we?”

“Alright, well just give us a minute to get back out there to our positions, and then when you hear the music start, just come on down!” Niall told them.

The boys hugged them and disappeared, and they stood for a moment in the silence that was left behind.

They grinned goofily at each other, beyond excited to be on the cusp of married life. They heard the music start, and gave each other one last tender look and smiled.

“This is it” Louis took a deep breath, as Harry turned the door handle, opening the door.

“Yes it is” Harry smiled softly. “And I can’t wait to be married to you Lou.”

Louis stepped in to give him a peck on the lips as he replied softly “I can’t wait to be married to you either Haz.”

They stepped out into the crisp October air, the sun doing its best to provide some warmth, and walked toward the gathered crowd, hand in hand.

The atmosphere was joyful and relaxed as the boys approached the gathered crowd. Niall cheered loudly from his place near the celebrant when he saw them, which triggered the rest of their family and friends to start clapping and cheering as they walked their way down the centre walkway that had been left between two groups of chairs. They walked hand in hand, giggling and waving at their friends and family.

As they got closer to the front of the group, where the celebrant stood with their four best friends as their groomsmen, Daisy and Phoebe jumped out of the front row on seats and began throwing rose petals at them, squealing and laughing as the boys were showered with red and pink.

They finally came to stand in front of the celebrant, Zayn and Stan standing to his right, and Liam and Niall standing to his left. The crowd settled and the celebrant welcomed everyone.

“I am especially delighted” he began “to be celebrating this marriage today, as I have known Harry since he was a young man at school, and it gives me such joy to see how in love he is with Louis, and how happy they are together. Some people search their whole lives for what you two have found and we are all gathered here today to show our support for your union.”

He looked out at the crowd. “The boys have written some vows, and I invite them to speak these now.”

Louis and Harry turned to face each other, each pulling out small prompt cards. Harry smiled down at Louis.

_“Louis”_ he began _. “When we met I felt instantly that you were special, that meeting you was somehow important – and I was right. Meeting you changed my life forever, bringing so much joy and fulfilment to it that I still have to pinch myself to confirm this is real. In you I have found a best friend, lover and partner for life._

_I promise here and now to spend every day of our life together showing you how much you mean to me and how grateful I am to have you in my life. I promise to be here, right by your side, through good times and bad, sharing your joy and your pain equally._

_I promise to pick you up when you fall, support you always, and encourage you to chase your dreams._

_Loving someone means seeing all of their magic, and reminding them when they forget. I promise to always remind you, should you forget how amazing you are._

_Most importantly, I promise to love you. Always.”_

 

Louis’ battle to keep from crying was a lost cause, the tears trickling down his face as Harry spoke. When Harry was finished, he wiped his eyes and took a deep breath to compose himself.

_“Harry”_ he replied shakily, voice thick with emotion _. “Everybody deserves someone who makes them look forward to tomorrow – and you are that someone for me. Each new day brings possibility and the promise of something extraordinary, when you are by my side. I promise to always strive to be that person for you too._

_When I tell you I love you, it isn’t out of habit, or because I think that’s what you want to hear. I say it because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. It is richer and more colourful because that is what happens to everything you touch._

_We cannot choose who we fall in love with – I firmly believe this. So I am especially grateful that some higher power decided you were meant for me, because you are everything I could ever want. I will, however, never stop choosing you every day from this one forward, while ever I draw breath._

_I cannot imagine mornings without waking next to you, and I cannot imagine living each day without seeing your smile or feeling your touch. These small things have become essential to my happiness, because you are essential to my happiness._

_I promise to always cherish you and appreciate you. I promise to be your partner in life – in every sense of the word. To be your true companion and best friend through both good times and bad, and most importantly, to love you. Always.”_

 

By the time the celebrant pronounced them husbands, there was barely a dry eye in the crowd and Niall and Zayn were openly weeping.

The reception was in a large marquee set out on the grass, with heaters installed to take the chill off the night air and it was a perfect mix of formal ceremony and relaxed partying. When they cut the cake, Louis mashed a piece into Harry’s mouth, then kissed him, both of them laughing as they made a complete mess of their faces.

The dancing went till the early hours of the morning before everybody called it a night, staggering to the pool house after they’d farewelled all their guests.

As they lay in bed, listening to the snoring of all their friends scattered around the room on mattresses, Harry giggled.

“This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I envisaged how our wedding night was supposed to go” he snorted. “I thought we’d have a little more privacy!”

Louis snuggled into his side, chuckling. “Never mind love – we’ve got the rest of our lives to make up for it.”

“Sounds good to me” Harry replied, kissing his forehead.

“Besides” Louis added. “I’m so glad all our favourite people could make it to the wedding.”

Niall snored loudly, a gurgling sound escaping as he exhaled, and they laughed. “Yeah” Harry chortled. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 

***  

 

“Oh my God!” Harry exclaimed, snickering at Louis. “You have paint in your hair!”

Louis grinned, running a hand through it, spreading it even more and making Harry giggle. “Oh well” he shrugged. “I always wanted a blue stripe in my hair!”

“Maybe an electric blue stripe” Harry replied. “Not sure the pastel baby blue is very bad ass!”

“Maybe not” Louis smiled. “But I still don’t care. I just want this room to be perfect.”

Harry’s face turned soft and fond as he walked over kissing Louis gently and dabbing a spot of blue paint on his nose. “Me too” he murmured. “I can’t believe we’re finally going to be parents.”

“Me either” Louis grinned. “I’m so fucking excited Haz! I hope he likes his room.”

“He’s a baby” Harry grinned. “So he won’t actually have an opinion.”

“I guess not” Louis chuckled. “Oh my God!” he exclaimed suddenly, looking worried. “What will we do if the ultrasound operator made a mistake and Grace actually has a girl?”

Harry shrugged. “Hope to God she likes blue?” he joked.

Louis looked worried, so Harry pulled him into a hug. “I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have told us it was a boy unless they were sure – and anyway, all that matters is that it is healthy. If it’s a girl, we’ll just redecorate – anyway, who’s to say a girl can’t have a blue room?”

Their surrogate, Grace, was due the following week, and they were just putting the finishing touches on the baby’s room so it was ready. They had been in their house for a year now and loved the neighbourhood. Harry’s job was going incredibly well and he was loving it. Louis had decided to take some time out so they could have a family and they were both so excited. Grace had been the fifth surrogate they’d met with at the agency, and they had instantly known she was the one they wanted. They were overjoyed when she accepted.

“I can’t believe it’s finally happening Haz” Louis said softly, sinking into Harry’s arms. “I’m getting nervous now. I want this so badly, you know? What if something goes wrong with the birth? I mean, complications happen all the time and…”

“Shhh, Lou” Harry took Louis’ face in his hands. “Everything is going to be fine, you’ll see. This time next week we’ll be a family.”

 

It was not a week later – it was three days later, and they were madly making a dash to St Paul’s hospital to be by Grace’s side for the birth of their son.

They just made it in time to see him delivered and when they placed him in Louis’ arms, he wept, looking up to see tears streaming down Harry’s face as well.

“Have you decided on a name yet?” Grace asked. “I know you were still deciding last week!”

“Yeah we have” Louis smiled. “We’d like to call him Jackson. Jack for short.”

Grace smiled back at him. “It’s a wonderful name Louis” she said softly. “Congratulations, you’re parents now.”

Harry leaned down to hug her. “We could never thank you enough for what you’ve done for us Grace.”

She hugged him back. “Seeing how much you love him, how much he’s wanted – that’s thanks enough” she replied.

By the time they got back to the ward, where Jack would stay with Grace for the next few days, Anne and Jay were waiting for them, and they fussed over them all, taking turns to hold Jack.

“He’s beautiful” Jay told Louis. “Just perfect.”

“He is isn’t he?” Louis replied with a smile. “I still can’t believe we have a son!”

 

***  

 

“Daddy!” Jack called out, running unsteadily toward Louis as he kicked a ball back and forth with Zayn. Harry was walking beside him as he toddled along on the grass, a besotted smile on his lips.

“Papa found a beetle!” Jack told him excitedly, holding out his hands, which were cupped together.

Louis grinned and bent down to inspect the bug. “Give us a look then love” he chuckled fondly.

Jack held up his hands and opened them to proudly display a tiny black beetle.

“Wow!” Louis exclaimed. “That’s a beautiful beetle – did you name it?”

Jack nodded. “Uh huh” he replied. “I called it Bertie.”

“Bertie beetle eh?” Louis smiled at him. “That’s a perfect name mate.”

He wandered over to show Zayn then, who was equally excited at the discovery made by his godson.

This year’s annual summer camping trip was the largest gathering they’d ever had, with Harry’s family added to the group, Zayn and Niall returning from Australia for it, and two new toddlers in the mix as well. It was at a different camping spot, with a calm lake for swimming, and day one had already been busy and eventful, the setting up being a mammoth task with so many people.

“Lunch!” Jay called, Anne beside her, smiling as Jack ran toward them on his unsteady little legs. She scooped him up and swang him around as everybody wandered over to the communal area to dig into the sandwiches laid out on large trays.

When they’d eaten their fill, they were laying back in the sun on a blanket, Jack laying between them, a hand on each of theirs. In the distance, they heard a splash as Lottie and Fizzie jumped into the lake, squealing as they hit the water. Daisy and Phoebe were already changed into their swimmers and on their way toward the water.

Jack jumped up, clapping excitedly as he watched, before turning back to Louis. “Daddy! Can me go swimming too?” he asked.

Louis and Harry sat up and Louis could feel Harry’s eyes on him. He looked over at the lake, the water glistening in the sunshine and then looked back at Jack.

“A swim?” he asked with a smile. “A swim with my two favourite boys?”

“Yes!” Jack replied, eyes wide and hopeful.

“I can’t think of anything I’d like more” he replied, grinning. He could see the tension dissolve from Harry’s shoulders and reached out to squeeze his hand. He knew Harry still worried about him in water, even though he was in control of his anxiety now.

They changed into their swimmers and put armbands on Jack, then headed down to the water’s edge. As they approached, Harry took hold of Louis’ hand.

“OK Babe?” he murmured quietly.

Louis turned to him, his heart swelling as he smiling at the man who owned his heart.

“Of course” he replied. “With you right by my side, how can I be afraid?” And as the words left his mouth, he felt the truth of them to his bones. With Harry by his side, he felt like he could do anything.

They stood on the edge of the small wharf, the three of them holding hands as a family and counted down from three before jumping into the cool water. As they emerged, laughing and still holding hands, Louis knew this was one of those moments he’d remember forever. Like a joyful snapshot filed away in his memory.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback is always appreciated! :) x


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